Alexandra Bogdanovic's Blog: That's life... - Posts Tagged "truth"

So here I am.
As I start to write this, it's 6 p.m.(give or take a few minutes) on a Wednesday night and I should be home having dinner before racing off to my next assignment as a reporter for a community newspaper. Instead, my boss insisted that we all stick around until the final edits of this week's papers are completed for reasons that are best not publicly disclosed.
One of my colleagues is killing time by doing some "creative" writing and another is trying to finish a last-minute assignment. As I glare at the blinking cursor on my own computer screen and try to focus on writing my very first blog, the frantic tapping on the computer keyboard in a nearby cubicle slows and then stops.
Apparently one of my co-workers has succumbed to writer's block. I'm somewhat annoyed because it's contagious,but at least I know the cure. Write something. Anything. And don't stop until you've run out of things to say.
The process is called block writing and it's a technique I learned while working at a daily newspaper in high school. It's also one that I've relied upon as an award-winning journalist for more than 20 years -- and one I often used while writing "Truth be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey."
The memoir that's now available through my official author page (sbpra.com/alexandrabogdanovic/) and major online book sellers sums up more than 20 years of my life in approximately 50,000 words and took more than two years to write.
In it, I share the story of how I met, fell in love with and married the man of my dreams, only to find out that he self-identified as and wanted to "become" a woman. I also share what happened after I learned the truth.
Part comedy, part love story imbued with just a hint of tragic irony, "Truth" was written to help those who find themselves in similar situations and to share another side of an oft told story.
I hope that those of you who are generous enough to read it enjoy it -- but if not, that's okay, too.
Until next time, "that's life..."

To paraphrase a famous comedian, this was the kind of day that makes you say hmmm...
First, I finally finished reading London Bridges by James Patterson. It was typical Patterson fare pitting the good guy -- FBI Agent Alex Cross -- against a particularly vicious villain called the Wolf. In this particular story, the Wolf and his crew are causing worldwide mayhem by blowing things up.
I know, I know. What's so strange about that? Well, give me a second and I'll put it in context for you so it makes sense. I just happened to finish reading the damned book the day after a lethal explosion leveled an apartment building (or two) in New York City. Without giving too much away, the Big Apple was one of the cities the Wolf targeted in Patterson's book.
To top things off, I decided that the perfect way to decompress after handling a month's worth of home renovations on my own was to go and see Non-Stop, the (relatively) new Liam Neeson action flick. I'm sure by now most of you have seen the trailer, even if you haven't seen the movie. I won't include any spoilers in case anyone still wants to see it. Let's just say there's some drama on a trans-Atlantic flight.
In my humble opinion, the movie was formulaic but entertaining. Even so, I couldn't really concentrate on the action unfolding on the screen. I was too busy thinking about the real life mystery and drama surrounding the Malaysian airliner that recently vanished into thin air.
When you think about it, there are times when truth definitely is stranger than fiction.
Until next time, "That's life..."

In case you've missed it, there's a debate swirling across America. The Washington Redskins football team is once again being pressured to change its name.
Some people find it offensive because of its racial connotations. Others aren't bothered at all.
My personal feelings about the issue are irrelevant. Even if I cared to share them -- which I don't -- this blog would hardly be the proper forum in which to do so.
Speaking in general, I will say this. People today are way too easily offended. And there is way too much pressure to be politically correct.
As an author and as someone who values freedom above all else, I believe that can be a very dangerous thing.
On meriam-webster.com, the term politically correct is defined as "conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated."
I agree that we should all be held accountable for what we say. Hate speech, in particular is intolerable. The consequences of making hateful comments -- maliciously or out of ignorance -- are justifiably harsh.
But when has societal pressure to be politically correct gone too far? When our fear of offending someone effectively stifles our freedom of speech? When it precludes open and honest debate? When it prevents us, as authors, from sharing our stories?
While I tried to share my own story as honestly and responsibly as possible, I knew many people -- including some in the transgender community -- would find my memoir offensive. I weighed the pros and cons of publishing it at all. But in the end, I didn't let fear of what people might think dissuade me from speaking my truth.
In print and in person, I will always speak my truth -- but I will never, ever be "PC."
Until next time, "That's life..."

I can hardly believe it. It's been a little over two years since I gave birth to my first child -- or more accurately, the 174-page, 9.6-ounce bundle of joy known to millions (okay, maybe a few hundred thousand) as my memoir, Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey.
Like all new "parents" I've read a lot and gotten quite a bit of advice about how to raise a child (or in my case, how to market a book). Some of it has been good, some of it has been bad and most of it has been worthless.
Suffice it to say I've learned a lot the hard way and discovered that, well, I've still got a lot to learn.
In hindsight, one of the biggest mistakes I made was heeding my publisher's advice not to engage in any marketing activities prior to publication. Truthfully I don't know why they insisted that I wait, and although I could probably hazard a few guesses, this is neither the time nor the place for pointless speculation. After all, what's done is done.
I made another big mistake by deciding not to have an e-book created at the same time the paperback was published. I had my reasons at the time. Although I made my book available to the general public, I initially targeted educators and gender and women's study groups as my primary audience. While appealing to such a specific niche, I did not see a pressing need to make my memoir available in an electronic format.
I also feared that by making the book available in two formats (one of which would theoretically be less expensive) I would be competing against myself. To be honest, cost was also a factor.
The good news is, I can now remedy all of that. Or at least I can try. Back in August, I finally bit the bullet and spent the money to have Truth turned into an e-book. It was released in various formats earlier this month and is now available for your Kindle, Nook and other tablets and e-readers. I also hope to make it available here on goodreads as well.
No matter which format the book is in, however, one thing hasn't changed. I have an unusual, compelling and important story to share. I hope you'll be generous enough to read it, and that if you do, that you enjoy it. More importantly, I hope you'll learn a thing or two.
I have.
Until next time, "That's life..."

For this week's illustration, I created a "word cloud" based on one of my all-time favorite quotations. It is, as Virginia Woolf so eloquently said, "If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people."
Given recent news about authors who allegedly fabricated material in well-known books chronicling personal experiences, I couldn't think of a better quotation or subject for discussion.
In order to properly frame said discussion however, I must first review the differences between memoir, autobiography and fact-based novels.
While memoir and autobiography are both non-fiction, there is a significant difference between the genres. Generally speaking, a memoir chronicles a certain period or aspect of the author's life. An autobiography is devoted to the author's entire life.
On the other hand, fact-based novels, or novels "based on true experiences" are exactly that. Consequently, authors of such novels can take certain liberties with character and plot development.
Those of us who have written memoirs and autobiographies don't have the same leeway. For memoirists, it is especially important to remain faithful to the truth no matter what. We must be brutally honest not only with our readers, but with ourselves. Trust me, I speak from experience.
In my memoir, I was incredibly honest not only about my experience with my ex, but about myself. Because I chose to be truthful about my life, some critics have said my memoir lacks conflict, a "story arc" and "character development." Others have said I included too much mundane detail.
Well, let's be honest. For most of us, life is boring and mundane. Daily drudgery is just that. Frankly there was nothing extraordinary about my life whatsoever until my former-husband's revelation turned it upside down. And although I endured a tremendous betrayal at his hands, there wasn't a lot of conflict between us even after he shared his secret.
I suppose some readers would expect me to invent these details to satisfy their expectations. But the bottom line is that an award-winning journalist, I never manipulated the facts to sensationalize an issue and as an author I refused to manipulate the facts of my own life just to make my book more "marketable" or "entertaining." After all, I wrote a memoir, not a novel based on true experiences.
Neither I nor my ex-husband, nor anyone else in my memoir are "characters" that had to be developed. I made a conscious decision not to cheapen my life experience by writing "true fiction" that could be bent and twisted to appeal to the masses.
Apparently a North Korean prison camp survivor who recently confessed to lying about some details in a best-selling book about his life wasn't inclined to hold himself to the same standards.
Neither, apparently, was a teenager who recently admitted that the events in his memoir, The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven, never occurred. In published reports, the teen, who co-wrote the book with his father, said he fabricated the story in order to get attention.
In one case, the publisher announced that it will stop selling the book. In the other, the North Korean prison camp survivor said he is now considering ending his human rights campaign. In any case I hope their stories serve as stark reminders that every action has consequences.
As for me, I have no regrets and I make no apologies. As the great William Shakespeare put it, "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
Until next time, "That's life..."

I've never been the type of person who just goes along with the crowd. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'll conform -- but only on my terms.
So it shouldn't come as surprise that my life -- and my book -- defy the politically correct narrative.
For those of you who don't know what that is, consider the following: The general public and mass media have embraced Caitlyn Jenner, who is is reportedly making a reality TV show chronicling her experience. The Learning Channel (TLC) is airing a program about a young transgender girl and her family. In the promos, the girl and her family cheerfully discusses their experience.
So there you have it: instant acceptance... and the politically correct narrative.
Well, I hate to break it to everybody, but there is reality TV and there is real life.
Real life is complicated. Real life is ugly. Real life is tedious. Real life is boring. Real life can't be edited or chopped up into neat, tidy little segments for the sake of entertainment.
In the real world, acceptance, tolerance and understanding aren't always easy to come by. Forgiveness doesn't always happen overnight. Sometimes letting go of the past takes time. Sometimes finding peace does, too.
In my book, I share my story... or more accurately my journey. I tell how I met the man of my dreams; how we fell in love and got married. I share how I learned the painful truth he struggled with and hid from the world for years. I share what happened after I learned the truth.
I told Audrey (who was still Adam at the time) that I would never hate her because she is transgender. I didn't then. I never have and I never will.
Still, my journey wasn't easy. It wasn't pleasant. In my book I was brutally honest about all of that -- and with good reason. After all, the book is called, Truth be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey.
That being stated, I am not sharing a universal truth. I am simply sharing my own.
Until next time, "That's life..."

Judging from the lack of views last week's post got, a lot of you don't care about my view of presidential politics or the media attention it generates.
Here's a news flash for you: that's your loss.
My purpose in writing these blogs isn't to solicit support or agreement. I honestly couldn't care less whether or not you agree with what I think, I just want you to THINK! As I've said on many occasions, the paucity of critical, independent thought in the United States of America these days is staggering.
That being stated, if I can get even one person to stop and consider another point of view, or to question their own point of view, I have done my job. That was my philosophy as a journalist and as an author. It will be my philosophy until I take my last breath.
Now that I've gotten that off my chest, let's move on to this week's topic. It's something I've been thinking a lot about in light of the book based on my father's life I am now writing and in the wake of the Pope's visit. Yes, I've been thinking about the biggest lie ever told: that all men are created equal.
While it is fundamentally true that all of us have certain needs -- the need for food, shelter, love and companionship -- any similarity or "equality" begins and ends right there.
We are born into different cultures, and different socioeconomic strata. From the beginning we learn different languages. We learn to follow different religious and political ideologies. We are raised with different aspirations. We excel in different academic, creative and athletic pursuits. As a result, we celebrate different achievements.
And yet, from the time we first come together as children, we are encouraged, if not forced, to believe that we are all the same. We are taught to behave accordingly. As we grow up, were are told that our similarities should unite us, and if we would just embrace them, everyone would get along and the world would be a much better place.
The problem is that -- for the reasons I mentioned above -- this idea is fundamentally and fatally flawed. If there is any hope for humanity, it will rest in our ability to change that line of thinking. Instead of celebrating our "similarity" and "equality" we must learn to recognize, understand and respect each other's differences. We must celebrate individuality and individualism.
I, for one, am a truly unique human being. And I am damn proud of it.
Until next time, "That's life..."