Alexandra Bogdanovic's Blog: That's life... - Posts Tagged "choices"

I've been thinking about my family a lot lately.
I thought about it while I was watching the fantastic film Nebraska the other day. I thought about it while I was old episodes of Deadliest Catch over the weekend, and it was definitely on my mind during a long-distance phone call on Saturday night.
And who could blame me? As I shared in last week's blog my grandfather, our family patriarch, will (God willing) celebrate his 100th birthday in May. I haven't seen him since 2009, but I will definitely be there to help him celebrate this momentous occasion. So will all of his adult children, the rest of his grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Of course, a full family reunion never happens without a little bit of drama -- and sadly the lead-up to this one is no exception to the rule. Much of it has to do with past issues and some of it has to do with ongoing differences of opinion. Beyond that I won't go into detail, nor will I call anyone out by name. This is neither the time nor the forum for that -- and I don't believe in airing private issues publicly.
That's not to say I won't speak my mind. I will choose my words carefully -- because because once they are written or uttered words can't be taken back -- but I will let everyone know where I stand.
So to those of you causing all of the drama (and you damn well know who you are) I say this:
1. Life is way too short for petty nonsense.
2. This isn't about you, or me, or anyone else for that matter. It is just about Grandpa. It is about celebrating his life, his achievements, his contributions to his community and his love for his family.
Grandpa doesn't have -- and has never had -- a selfish bone in his body. He isn't interested in materialistic things. So have you ever even for a nanosecond stopped to consider that in his waning years, perhaps all he would like is to be able to think that past hurts can be forgiven; that egos can be put aside; that his family can come together happily -- for his sake if for nothing else?
Never mind. That was clearly a rhetorical question. Actions speak louder than words, and judging by your behavior, the answer is a resounding no. The fact that to date, you have been unable or unwilling to put your own issues and agendas aside long enough to participate in group activities to honor Grandpa is, quite frankly, reprehensible. The fact that some of you think that just showing up is a gift in and of itself disgusts me. The fact that some of you are put out because you have to travel a few extra miles and spend a few extra dollars to come to the party blows my mind.
To reiterate in case you didn't get it the first time -- this isn't about you. It isn't about what you want. It isn't about what is easiest or most convenient for you. So stop thinking about yourselves for once. I promise you the world won't stop revolving.
Having said that, I will now issue a challenge. Look at the photo accompanying this blog. The tree in the center represents Grandpa. Around it are different paths. On one hand, they seem to start at the same point -- and then branch off. This could represent division and separation.
But look again. Look closely. Now do you see? From another perspective, the paths seem to begin in different places and come together in front of the tree. To me this represents unity.
Let me know which path you'll take.
Until next time, "That's life..."

As a wise man once told me, we all have choices. And as I continue to write a book based on my father's life, I can't help but wonder about his choices.
He wasn't the only one who was forced to flee his country as a political refugee. Why did he hang on to the past when his friends decided to move on? Why did he fail when they succeeded? Why did he blame others for his misfortune instead of taking control of his own life? Why did he choose to be a victim instead of a survivor?
On one hand, these are questions only he can answer. On the other hand, they are universal questions. After all, we all have challenges in life.
Some of us will face catastrophic illness or injury. Some will face the loss of a loved one. Some will be brutalized or violated by criminals.
It is an unpleasant truth -- one that is easier to avoid. Or deny.
But the bottom line is that how we meet these challenges is what ultimately shapes and defines us. Each of us can choose to be a victim -- or a survivor.
Personally, I am a survivor. Are you?
Until next time, "That's life..."