David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 87

I Should Have Gotten The Hot Dog

My wife and I were in Sequoia recently. We were going to get lunch in the park and then dinner in town along the river. By the time we got done with our hike, the lodge with the formal sit down food was in the gap between lunch and dinner. We had to go to the quick grill instead, which was a more quick, kind of sketchy menu. I had a couple choices, and came down to either the cheeseburger or the hot dog. The burger wasn’t bad, but I should have gone for the hot dog.

I’m still thinking about that hot dog.

Monthly Book Plug Post!

Monthly book plug post!

Apocalypse All the Time is post-post-apocalypticism. The apocalypse happens on a weekly (if not daily) basis and Marshall is sick of it. Life is constantly in peril, constantly disrupted, but nothing significant every really happens as a result. It’s always handled. Marshall wants out; he wants it all to end. In short, the book explores what about the end times holds such fascination for humanity and what impact such a fascination has on the way we live our lives.

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Life is absurd, ultimately beyond our comprehension, in [some awesome accomplishment] David Atkinson’s latest short story collection Not Quite So Stories. Themes of adolescence, marriage, work, and death intersect in stories that will leave the reader at times amused, sorrowful, pensive, hopeful, and marveling at the bizarre things that make people tick.

Don’t you hate it when you may (or may not) be trapped endlessly in a Village Inn with your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend, coincidentally your ex-best friend? That’s the kind of day Cassandra is having. In a homogenized world that is left mostly empty so everyone can feel comfortable, The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes explores the fictions we tell ourselves and the fictions we tell ourselves about the fictions we tell ourselves. See the trailer on EAB Publishing’s YouTube page.

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Bones Buried in the Dirt features a young boy named Peter. Ranging from ages four to twelve, Peter’s stories focus on the sort of moments in childhood that get buried in the mind but never fully get absorbed, the moments that constantly come to the surface later in life and shape identity. The result is a sonar picture of the individual Peter will become.

I’m Surprised More Lyft Drivers Don’t Do That

My wife and I took a Lyft to the airport recently and the driver actually had cell phone charger cords available for use. Both iPhone and Android. It was actually pretty helpful and thoughtful. I’m surprised more drivers don’t do that.

Seriously, that little touch put me in a good mood and we ended up tipping a little more than usual. We tip 20% on average anyway, but I guarantee it put is in a better mood, that little bit of help.

We actually took a bunch of Lyfts recently. That was the only one we saw that provided charger cords. Guess in hindsight, having seen it offered, I’m surprised more don’t do it. It’s such an easy thing, and so many riding in Lyfts might need it, particularly on the way to the airport.

Just a thought.

Let’s Address The Ice Scam If We’re Going To Address The Straw Problem

I am fine getting rid of plastic straws if we address the ice scam. I use straws, I prefer them, but the ice scam is at the heart of the issue.

You know how it is, restaurants and such in the US very frequently jam drinks full of ice so they don’t have to give you as much. You have to ask for no ice, which is too much bother for most people. The only reason I really need a straw? Being able to get liquid out without that ice dumping everywhere.

Get rid of the ice and I don’t need the straw. Probably won’t even want it.

Seriously, the drink should be cold anyway if it’s one that gets served that way. Drinks from a soda fountain are typically cold enough. Iced tea is usually sitting in a room temperature bin, but you can add enough ice to cool without overdoing it to skip on the drink itself. Make this the default, then let people ask if they want extra ice. It isn’t too much to ask restaurants to give up this scam in exchange for us giving up disposable straws. They’ll save money on that anyway, and drinks are usually extremely cheap for them anyway.

Meet us halfway.

Remember That Thing About Having Two Years Salary Saved By The Time You Are 35?

Remember that thing about having two years salary saved by the time you are 35? Well, here’s more of what me looking into my retirement savings was like at that point:

Yup, that about covers it.

The Thing That Worries Me About Tiny Living

I know the tiny living concept has been around for a while, yurts and Futuro Homes and such in the 60s and all that. I get the idea behind them too, trying to drop out of some of the rat race by doing with less. I get that, and I get the fascination with watching all that on TV.

Sometimes I think this will all just be a small subculture and won’t go too far. Other times I worry it will really catch on, for one particular reason. Here’s how it goes:

People go for tiny living because they don’t want to spend the money it takes to get a house.
Tiny living becomes normal.
Since tiny living is the norm, actual houses only are affordable to the rich.
Tiny living becomes expensive because everyone is doing it.
Tiny living start costs rise to above $500,000.

See my concern? Tiny living could become the only real option, and it could end up just as expensive as normal housing is now.

I would not look forward to that.

Third Blurb For “Roses are Red, Violets are Stealing Loose Change from my Pockets While I Sleep” – Danger Slater!

Time to reveal the third blurb for Roses are Red, Violets are Stealing Loose Change from my Pockets While I Sleep! This one is from Danger Slater, Wonderland Award winning author of I Will Rot Without You and He Digs A Hole:

 

Brace yourselves, fair readers, because [Roses are Red, Violets are Stealing Loose Change from my Pockets While I Sleep] is one weird ride. David S. Atkinson’s stories don’t just walk the fine line between satire and surrealism, they dance on top of it while juggling knives. From the hilarious titles, to their far-out premises, to the noodle-like leaps of logic that dictates how each of these micro-universes function: this collection of flash fiction is a cannonade of well-crafted absurdity.

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The Bus Is Running Away From Me

I think my bus is running away from me.

Seriously, when I first started taking the bus from my current job, I had a two and half block walk to my stop to go home. Then they split the route in two and it didn’t stop there anymore. I had to walk four and a half blocks to the new stop.

This was annoying, but I dealt with it. The worst part was that the old stop was by a building alcove so I had shelter from the wind, rain, and snow. The new stop was completely exposed. You can imagine, RTD doesn’t really have many shelters. Still, I dealt with it.

Now I’ve heard that my stop is going to be closed due to construction. From May 29 of this year until December 2019. A year and a half. The stop I’m told to use? It’s six and a half blocks from my job. I have a choice of the stop before mine…which is also a six and a half block walk from my work.

The bus is running away from me. Soon my stop coming home will be outside my house and I’ll just have to walk or start driving. I really try to commit to using mass transit, but they like to make it as challenging as possible.

Let’s Have A Special Book Plug Post for Apocalypse All the Time Since It Was A Finalist for Humor in the 12th Annual National Indie Excellence Awards.

Let’s have a special book plug post for Apocalypse All the Time since it was a Finalist for Humor in the 12th Annual National Indie Excellence Awards.  Yup, this feels right.

Apocalypse All the Time is post-post-apocalypticism. The apocalypse happens on a weekly (if not daily) basis and Marshall is sick of it. Life is constantly in peril, constantly disrupted, but nothing significant every really happens as a result. It’s always handled. Marshall wants out; he wants it all to end. In short, the book explores what about the end times holds such fascination for humanity and what impact such a fascination has on the way we live our lives.

 

 

I Cast A Curse On All The Guys On The Bus Who Take Up Two Seats

I cast a curse on all the guys on the bus who take up two seats.

I don’t mean guys who actually need two seats. I mean the guys who sit on the outer seat so no one will come and sit on the inner one and they get both to themselves or who keep their bag on the outer seat for the same reason even though they know someone is looking for a seat. I can understand when some women do this, given the harassment some women can get on the bus. People who endure constant harassment have a justifiable reason to do this. Not the guys I’m complaining about though. The guys I’m complaining about are the ones clearly doing this because they feel justified to demand the space for two seats at the expense of someone else getting none despite everyone having paid the same. These guys are the ones I curse, and I run into them often.

Curse, curse, curse, curse, curse.

As a side note, I have no idea what the above animated gif is from. I just hope it works.