David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 187

I Can’t Wait For Phone Navigation To Have Time Specific Suggestions

I can’t wait for phone navigation to have time specific suggestions.  Right now, many phone navigation apps can calculate the time at which you are expected to arrive. However, one thing they don’t do is realize that you are due to arrive at the White Castle within two blocks or so of the stadium in Indianapolis ten minutes after the Colts game gets out. Trust me, I know they don’t do this.

This was a problem.

We were driving in on the interstate. We saw the flood of crowds approaching right as we were about to turn left onto the street where the White Castle was. Just before we could turn, the police blocked the street. We were stuck. Then the crowds enveloped us.

We clearly had to go to another White Castle. We obviously couldn’t drive to the one we’d been navigating to, and even if we could the stadium traffic would have completely swamped it. We never would have gotten food. Imagine the line at a White Castle 2 blocks from a pro football arena just after a game has gotten out. We eventually navigated to another, but even that took quite a bit of time. It was quite a thing to get out of the downtown at that point. The mob was huge.

Just imagine though if the phone had realized what was going to happen. There are something like 14 other White Castles in Indianapolis. It could have remarked that we’d arrive just after the game let out. This is predictable, and likely causes problems getting to that particular White Castle whenever it happens. Couldn’t it have recommended many miles before that we choose another location?

I would have liked it if it could have.

It didn’t.

Pizza Place Portions Me Out

My wife and I were in NYC recently and we stopped at a pizza place for lunch. It was rated highly, but I didn’t end up being able to try any. They actually portioned me out.

Pizzas were only $23. That felt really fair, particularly for something that could be split between two people. That seemed the intention, given that most of their tables were set up for two. However, the pizza was sized for four or five.

Seriously, this thing was an entire baking pan. Full sized. Home as opposed to restaurant grade baking pan, but still. It was huge. That was the smallest pizza you could get.

I had a soda.

The pizza was so immense, I just couldn’t order. This was lunch, and I wouldn’t be where I could refrigerate any leftovers for at least 10 hours. What was I supposed to do? My wife and I could have eaten a fifth, maybe a fourth of it. That amount would have still felt fair for $23, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of wasting that much food. Since I couldn’t order less, I passed. My wife ordered a sandwich instead, the only other offering they had. It was still at least a two person sandwich. Their prices were reasonable, but their portions were way over huge.

Why do that? Sure, some people may be impressed by portion size, but some people like me would actually end up getting driven off by it. This was lunch, I didn’t see anyone managing to eat the whole thing. Is that perceived as value for them? I seriously think they could have served a pizza the fraction of the size at the same price and still have been perceived to be offering the same value.

It was just too much. So much that they actually lost a sale over it.

Is Uber Such A Great Name?

I’m always hearing something about Uber. I certainly recognize the name, but is it a good one? I know the word “uber” is supposed to have certain connotations (denoting an outstanding or supreme example of a particular kind of person or thing), which  is hoping to associate with itself. However, this is what I always think of whenever I hear them mentioned:

Yeah, I know his name is Üter Zörker (from The Simpsons), not Uber, but still. It’s what I think of. I always think: “Don’t make me run. I’m full of chocolate.”

Only You Can Stop Violence Against Chocolate Bunnies

Only you can stop violence against chocolate bunnies. Please, won’t you do something?

A Great Day For American Democracy: Ballot Selfies

It’s surely a great day for American democracy! The ban on ballot selfies in New Hampshire has been struck down!

Could we imagine a world where we could not take selfies of ourselves at the ballot box? How would democracy be able to function in such an environment? If we cannot take selfies of ourselves voting, how can we meaningfully take part in the democratic process?

This is such a great thing for American democracy, surely the biggest issue facing us today. Thankfully, this important right is being preserved.

Peep Fight!

Peeps fence!

Or is that more jousting?

This is so utterly pointless and strange that I had to share it. Can you imagine how much time this took to put together? Could you imagine spending that much time to make it?

I’m Actually Going To Read James Franco

It’s been fun to bash James Franco, but I’m not really serious about it. Plenty of people have scoffed when he decided to be a writer. Not that he shouldn’t be able to be a writer, but more that his fame got his writing attention long before people felt that his writing was ready for it. People feel plenty of other writers deserve that attention more. Still, fun aside, I don’t think I should have played around with this without at least checking something out.

That’s right, I’m going to read James Franco.

I just picked up Palo Alto, his story collection. I don’t know if I’ll dig it or not, but if I’m going to make the occasional little jab at him then it’s only fair that I at least read something.

Badgers!

Badgers!

This is much better than anything else running through my head today.

You Should Pick Up “He” By Jon Konrath

Jon Konrath has a new book out! He. I’m pretty excited about this one, it looks like it’s in the vein of some of his wilder, free-form stuff. I picked up a copy, and suggest other people do the same.

Here’s the description:

Jon Konrath is back with He, a collection of 100 intertwined micro-fictions. The flash fragments of raw emotion each begin with the titular word “he,” and descend in every possible direction, with great absurdity and hilarity.

In an apocalyptic world filled with sex, violence, the macabre, UFOs, Mariah Carey belly-button-fetish videos, NyQuil jello shots, and beer-battered, deep-fried Lunchables, Jon Konrath’s fiction stands out for its complete lack of restraint, taste, and human decency. Drifting through a nonlinear journey of torment, confusion, and laugh-out-loud lunacy, each story’s narrator presents a capsule of their deranged life, filled with darkness, humor, emotion, and pain.

I haven’t read it yet, but I’m going to. I can be sure it’s going to be a wild ride.

Please Tell Me The People Who Think They Won’t Be Able To Find Stuff At Target Are Kidding

Please, please tell me that the people who think they won’t be able to find stuff at Target aren’t serious. I’m talking about the announcement that Target plans to phase out the gender signs for things like toys. No more signs indicating boys toys or girls toys. There are some people upset about this, as I imagined there would be, but from the little I’ve looked some actually seem to think it will be harder to find stuff.

I can understand people who want to defend gender stereotypes. I don’t agree with them, but I understand. They want boys to have trucks and soldiers and girls to have dolls. I think it’s crap, but I understand. These are the people who I imagined being upset at this, this being a recognition that these distinctions were arbitrary in the first place and we don’t have to live our lives by them.

But the people who seem to think they won’t be able to navigate the toy aisle without a boys or a girls sign? Even if you think Transformers are only for boys, could you not find them without a boys toys sign? They’re getting rid of signs, not throwing all the toys into a big pot you have to sift through. If you have a stereotype you want to maintain, it won’t be any harder. You just won’t have a sign. I bet all the Gi-Joe’s will still be together.

This just isn’t that hard.

This is really baffling me. I knew people were going to be upset and all the power in the world to them. It’s just that some of the reasons they’re getting upset make my head hurt. Seriously, my medulla oblongata is trying to chew off my spinal cord to get the sensory input to stop.