David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 182

Jessica Latham Is A Bot

I got a friend request on Facebook from Jessica Latham. I wasn’t sure who she was, but we had four or five mutual writer friends. Then I started getting these odd messages.

I started suspecting she might be a bot.

I certainly wasn’t going to go beyond the conversation to anything like Skype, click links she sent, or anything else if I thought that. Then I decided to test her.

I’m still waiting for a response.

Laughing At My Own Joke

I went to wish a writer friend of mine a happy birthday on Facebook recently. He had posted that it was a tradition to comment on one of his birthday posts with the most vulgar, disgusting, and gross things we could find in order to drive him off the Internet. He indicated this was that post and was eager to see what we came up with. I was so narcissistically proud of mine that I’m going to share it here.

I can’t help laughing at my own joke. I know it’s sad.

Now, most people were taking this completely seriously. All of the offerings were pretty bad, some completely horrifying. However, I decided to go with a little more of a cerebral response to “vulgar, disgusting, and gross things” that would “drive him off the Internet.” This is what I commented:

I Need This Apocalypse Card

With all the apocalypses we’ve had lately, I really need to get one of these cards:

What are we up to now? 200? 300? Rapture, apocalypse, armageddon, whatever. I could be saving a ton of money.

An Animated Gif For All My “Big Trouble In Little China” Friends

And now an animated gif for all my friends big into Big Trouble in Little China:

Egg Shen was cool as crap. Heck, so was

Surprise That Columbus Day Is Even Around Anymore To Discuss Abolishing

I’ve been seeing a lot of discussion recently about abolishing Columbus Day. I definitely understand the arguments; Columbus was a monster. I’m just kind of surprised that there is even a Columbus Day to argue against. I didn’t know there was any observances related to this, but there apparently are at least bank or government closings or something. I remember the day being a thing when I was a kid, but I didn’t even know anyone was observing it anymore. I thought it had just faded away.

I wouldn’t even know how to observe Columbus Day if I wanted to, which I don’t. The only thing it makes me think of is the Flip Wilson sketch:

I just can’t believe Columbus Day is still a thing. I didn’t think there was anything left to abolish. Heck, if it hadn’t been for all the arguments I was seeing for abolishing the day, I wouldn’t have even known it was Columbus Day at all.

Flying Spaghetti Monster Animated GIF!!!!

There are Flying Spaghetti Monster animated GIFs!!!!

Granted, this one isn’t that animated. Just the eyes, to look like Hypnotoad. Still…who doesn’t love a Flying Spaghetti Monster/Hypnotoad mash up?

My Wife Drags Me To Endless Shrimp Again

Well, my wife dragged me to Endless Shrimp at Red Lobster again. She really likes that promotion, so I generally indulge her. It’s about the only time we go to Red Lobster anymore. Generally, I prefer going somewhere else (even Joe’s Crab Shack if I’m feeling like chain seafood).

Really, it isn’t that bad. It isn’t wonderful, but it isn’t bad. I’m just never that big on their little shrimp dishes. I’d just prefer all you can eat shrimp cocktail. That would be the healthiest (no cooking in a vat of butter, unnecessary breading or pasta, corn syrup filled glazes, or alfredo sauce) as well as more enjoyable for me.

I know why they don’t do that though. Shrimp cocktail requires a higher quality of shrimp than most of the shrimp dishes. Heck, with breading you don’t even have to go through the expense of removing the digestive tract from the shrimp. All you can eat shrimp cocktail would be expensive.

Though, I still think there’s only so much I could eat. Harvey’s in Council Bluffs (now Harrah’s) used to have a really good seafood buffet. It’s gone downhill quite a bit, but years ago they had immense vats of really good cocktail shrimp. I’d load up a whole plate of the stuff…but would get sick of it after a while. There was definitely a limit.

Course, I’m not everybody. Maybe Red Lobster did the research and figured people could eat enough to bankrupt them. I’m not sure, but I’d just be more enthused about the shrimp event if they did.

Is It Really Necessary To Specify The Length Of The Pier Or The Walk?

I was just thinking about that old phrase “take a long walk off a short pier.” I get the gist, “go away.” The idea is that you’ll walk off the pier and drown (metaphorically) or something. However, is it really necessary to specify that the walk is long or that the pier is short? Doesn’t the “off” part convey everything?

I think the other words are redundant.

After all, if you walk “off” the pier, you’ve already gone into the water. The walk was clearly long enough and the pier clearly short enough, since the word “off” is involved. Lengthening the walk or shortening the pier beyond that would just change how far out into the water the person got.

Does that even matter?

Why not just “take a walk off a pier?”

Perhaps a boat is at the end of the pier. Perhaps a big cruise ship and the person is supposed to keep walking once on board, get as far away as possible. That somehow doesn’t seem as insulting as telling them to walk off into the water though, potentially drowning or some such thing.

“Take a long walk on a short pier” would at least make a little more sense to have length modifiers. After all, without “off” one might actually have to specify that the walk goes off the pier. “Long” for the walk and “short” for the pier would function to take care of that when the walk is just “on” the pier.

I’m betting at least someone is wishing I’d walk off a pier myself right about now.

Did You Know Christopher Columbus Predicted The Apocalypse?

Did you know that Christopher Columbus predicted the apocalypse? The most recent failed apocalypse prediction got me interested in other predictions and I found a list on Wikipedia detailing well over a hundred different major failed predictions (as well as some still yet to come). I expected to see people on that list such as Harold Camping, Jeane L. Dixon, Edgar Cayce, Ruth Montgomery, and so on. However, a few, such as Christopher Columbus, came as a bit of a surprise.

It’s true though. Apparently Christopher Columbus  wrote a book called Book of Prophecies that incorrectly predicted the end of the world (according to the list) in both 1656 and 1658. I never knew that.

Martin Luther? Him too. 1600. I was raised a Lutheran and I never knew that.

Sir Isaac Newton?!!!! A famous physicist and mathematician making rapture predictions? At least his isn’t until 2060, but I’m still thinking he’s wrong.

There’s a number of surprises on the list, even beyond the sheer number or the fact that the first mentioned was as far back as 66-70 CE (or AD for those of us more used to that convention). I know people have long been obsessed with the apocalypse, but this was surprising even to me.

JUST STOP IT!!!!!

Another one! Every time I turn around there’s another apocalypse prediction! Just stop it already! We’ve already had one a month ago! JUST STOP IT!!!!

“Christian group predicts the world will be ‘annihilated’ on Wednesday”

I’m frickin’ sick of this!!!!