David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 181

Do You Know Who This Little Boy Is?

Do you know who this little boy is?

My Last Review At [PANK]

Well, my last book review at [PANK] went live, Washing the Dead by Michelle Brafman. I’ve done a lot of book reviews over the years, and many of those were for [PANK]. Twenty four total, going back as far as 2011. Man, four years. That’s a while, and it’s been a lot of fun. It’s wrapped up now, since the mag is closing (though they might sell it). Either way, it looks like my book review time for them is done.

Here’s a full list of my [PANK] reviews (warning, some of the older ones have some odd characters and things due to subsequent website migration issues):

My review of Washing the Dead by Michelle Brafman, published October 22, 2015.

My review of The Devils That Have Come to Stay by Pamela DiFrancesco, published June 18, 2015.

My review of American Past Time by Len Joy, published December 29, 2014.

My review of What Happened Here by Bonnie ZoBell, published June 25, 2014.

My review of You Are Sloth by Steve Lowe, published April 15, 2014.

My review of Tollbooth by Bud Smith, published March 11, 2014.

My review of The Aversive Clause by B.C. Edwards, published October 22, 2013.

My review of jimmy lagowski saves the world by Pat Pujolas, published February 28, 2013.

My review of Jeff Gardiner’s A Glimpse of the Numinous, published December 18, 2012.

My review of Last Call in the City of Bridges by Salvatore Pane, published November 8, 2012.

My review of I Am a Magical Teenage Princess by Luke Geddes, published October 11, 2012.

My review of Good Intentions by Jeff Lacey, published August 30, 2012.

My review of Three Ways of the Saw by Matt Mullins, published June 22, 2012.

My review of A Hollow Cube is a Lonely Space by S.D. Foster, published May 8, 2012.

My review of God’s Autobio by Rolli, published April 12, 2012.

My review of Shenanigans! by Joseph Michael Owens, published March 23, 2012.

My review of The Mimic’s Own Voice by Tom Williams, published March 6, 2012.

My review of Gathered Here Together by Garrett Socol, published February 3, 2012.

My review of Bearded Women by Teresa Milbrodt, published December 7, 2011.

My review of A Shiny, Unused Heart by J.A. Tyler, published November 8, 2011.

My review of Boundaries by Elizabeth Nunez, published October 18, 2011.

My review of The Gambler’s Nephew by Jack Matthews, published October 4, 2011.

My review of The Mutation of Fortune by Erica Adams, published August 23, 2011.

My review of Chris Boucher’s How to Keep Your Volkswagen Alive, published July 19, 2011.

Could You Imagine How Boring “Back to the Future Part II” Would Have Been If Accurate?

We’ve all had a good laugh recently as the day for Back to the Future II came and went and things weren’t quite like what was predicted. However, I started thinking about it. How boring would those future scenes have been if the movie had been totally accurate?

I mean, funny outfits, common hover boards and self-lacing shoes, hyper speed microwaving pizza, that was all an interesting hypothetical future that provided an engaging backdrop for what was going on in those scenes of the movie. What would it have been like if people were just walking around in slightly different clothes, driving slightly different cars, and messing with smart phones?

That would have been pretty boring.

Granted, there are myriad cool things in 2015 that weren’t around in 1989. I’m not denying that. I’m just thinking that the stuff we’ve got now might not have made for very cool film back in 1989. The differences, though major, might not have shown that well on film.

Maybe it’s better that they overshot a little bit.

Dear Bank Clerk: That Wasn’t What I Asked

Dear bank clerk: I was not attempting to enter your daily trivia question. I do appreciate you handing me a roll of Smarties. However, that wasn’t what I asked for. Technically, I asked you: “Please tell me that the answer to ‘Where does Emperor Palpatine shop’ is not ‘the Darth Maul.'” This was not an attempt to answer. It was a desperate plea for you to tell me that the joke was not that bad.

You just handed me the roll of Smarties instead, the prize for a correct answer.

I understand that you are not responsible for the quality of the joke. I get this. I also appreciate that you just hand out Smarties for the correct answer, that you were just doing your job and perhaps thought I was being clever in how I phrased my answer.

I was not.

Couldn’t you have lied? If not, couldn’t you have just shrugged and said: “I wish I could?” Merely handing over the Smarties made you complicit in this terrible joke, ignoring how terrible it was and my protests against such. Perhaps there was nothing you could do, but what I really wanted was some admission that the joke was really bad.

We both know it was.

Flying Spaghetti Monster Cosplay Is A Thing

A few people were commenting on my recent Flying Spaghetti Monster post over at Goodreads. A person named Rand joined in by posting a couple links (here’s the second one), showing me something I had never learned before.  Flying Spaghetti Monster cosplay is a thing.

I’m trying to figure out whether this is the best thing ever or terribly frightening. I’m leaning toward this being absolutely awesome. Yup, awesome.

I’m Not Buying A Movie For My Cable Box

My wife wanted to watch a movie recently. We’ve finally got a DVR for Comcast and can get some decent stuff on demand. She went looking on there for The Wolf of Wall Street. It was available, but only as a purchase. I’m not buying movies for my cable box.

Seriously? Buy only? I don’t even buy DVDs anymore. I don’t even really watch television. I watch an occasional movie now and again, but there are so many free ones on demand through that I’m not even really very willing to pay to rent one unless it’s something I really want to watch. If it’s not something like Breakfast Club or The Princess Bride I’m not going to watch it more than once. Why the heck would I pay to buy it? Rent maybe, but buy only? I’m willing to watch The Wolf of Wall Street, but I’m hesitant to pay for it. There’s no way I’m willing to buy it without having seen it to determine if I want to watch it more than once. Nothing I’ve seen intrigues me quite that much about it.

And for my cable box? If I was going to buy something, perhaps it’d be DVD. I kind of doubt that any more, given that I haven’t bought DVDs in years. Maybe for a computer system where I’ve got some kind of backup. Maybe iTunes. But my cable box? No. No, I’m not doing that.

Does it just download to my DVR? Do I only get that without any kind of backup? What happens if I run out of room or the DVR dies? Maybe I get some kind of server deal where I can redownload it from Comcast anytime, just in case I need DVR room or switch DVRs. However, what if I ever switch from Comcast? I could move to an area they don’t even service.

Yeah, no. Not buying a movie from Comcast.

Why do they even do buy only? I’m sure it’s got something to do with the rights they could obtain or trying to force people to buy. I’m not doing that though. Not through my cable box, not for that movie.

I’d rather watch something else. There’s too much other crap to choose from for that.

Jim Webb May Need To Work On Name Recognition

Jim Webb may need to work on his name recognition. He dropped out of the Democratic presidential race, favoring a run as an independent candidate as opposed to dropping out of the race entirely. This prompted everyone I saw commenting on this to say: “Who?”

Seriously, I vaguely remember hearing about this guy. I haven’t taken the time I usually do to familiarize myself with candidates as of yet because there are still a bajillion of them right now and I usually wait until the field narrows just a tiny bit. Still, I only vaguely remember who this guy is. He was in the recent debate, which is probably the only reason I’d heard of him at all. Most people I saw commenting didn’t even remember that.

So how’s that independent run going to go?

I mean, an independent presidential run is extremely difficult in this country. I’m not sure one has ever won the presidency. Regardless of your opinion on the two parties, you have to recognize what a battle independents have for president. Getting on the ballot in all the states is a tremendous battle, but getting enough attention to be even mildly significant is even harder. Ross Perot? Ralph Nader? They fell way, way short and they had immense amounts more recognition than Jim Webb.

He had little enough hope as it stands now of getting the presidency through one of the party tickets. An independent run seems downright impossible.

Jim better improve the number of Americans who know who the heck he is to even have the slimmest of chances. It’s either that or go back to Dragnet. I bet Joe Friday could use his help.

I Was Excused From Jury Duty!!!!!

I was excused form jury duty! Yaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You’ll excuse the celebration. I’m not actually opposed to fulfilling this civic duty. It’s simply a huge hassle.

I know I likely wouldn’t be chosen to actually serve anyway (based on my occupation if nothing else).  Worse, I would have to go further to get from my house to the courthouse in my current county than to get to the courthouse in my old county (20 miles versus 17). Worse still, a bus goes straight from my house to the old county courthouse but not the one in the new county.  It’s a huge effort to go through only to be told my help isn’t needed anyway.

I’m simply glad I don’t have to suffer through that hassle.

Thrilled Someone Makes A Meme Out Of My Comment

I get way too happy when someone decides something I say is funny enough to be included in a meme. I don’t know if it means I’m too old, younger than I think, or something entirely different. Regardless, I really get a kick out of it (thanks, Christie Love).

This comes about because of a post by Jon Konrath. He posts extremely odd pictures from time to time. I think he spends a great deal of time scanning the Internet for these, pictures that really make humanity look completely insane. Pictures you have no idea why anyone would take pictures of, much less post anywhere for Jon to find. They can either entertain, or make you lose your faith in humanity. Often both. These pictures almost seem like still shot examples of the insane individuals described in Jon‘s newest book He (one I highly recommend).

I sometimes try to come up with something even odder to comment when Jon posts these pics. I sometimes do this a lot because I’m trying to be clever. I have to say a whole lot of things in order to say a few things clever, and I never know what’s clever until I see what other people think of it.

Anyway, Jon posted a pic of some dork using a crappy fantasy sword to get peanut butter out of a jar. Seriously, this kid had on a black button-up shirt with flames on it unbuttoned halfway so you could see his pasty chest. The sword had a plastic handle. Plastic! He clearly bought it at a crap shop at some mall. It may be steel, but it’s definitely a toy. Further, he had his tongue stuck out to the side as if getting peanut butter out of a jar with a sword was some highly complex operation. Dude’s a dork.

Still, I wanted to say something even more ridiculous. I commented: “What a neanderthal. That’s the jelly sword.” That’s when someone decided to meme the pic, and decided to use my comment as the caption. There is no way of describing (or explaining, justifying, or whatever) how proud this makes me.

Clearly I’m just as much of a dork as the peanut butter sword kid.

How Many People Are Rooting For The Cubs Just Because Of “Back To The Future Part II?”

I know there are a lot of Cubs fans. I know there are a lot of people who become fans of any team that starts getting close to the World Series. However, what I’m really wondering is how many people right now are hoping the Cubs win the World Series this year because of Back to the Future Part II.

Seriously. I’m sure Cubs fans are rooting, as always. Bandwagon people too, those who always start to care when any team gets close. But what about people who don’t even care about baseball? Those who just think this would be funny?

I’m betting a lot…me among them.

I mean, it was a great joke in the movie. It was supposed to be surprising, considering by now that the Cubs haven’t won a World Series in about 107 years, haven’t even been there (unless I’m mistaken) since 1945. The idea tickles me, making me care at least a little bit about something I wouldn’t care at all about otherwise.

(The extent of my baseball interest is pretty much a fun day at a ballpark and heavily focuses on ballpark snacks.)

I bet fans of other teams still in the running, heck even those other teams, might be kind of hoping for the Cubs. Sure, I’m certain they still want to win…but some part of them must be tickled by the idea of this joke coming true. It’d be so funny if it really ended up happening.

(No pressure, Cubs.)

Maybe then we’d get our hover boards. Real ones, not the half baked attempts people keep announcing that don’t do have what the ones in the film did. Still waiting on those. (Of course, let us not forget that according to the films time machines existed in 1985. I think the idea of holding anyone to promises made by the film is long since caput.)