David S. Atkinson's Blog, page 167

Beware The Ides Of Malt!

Since it’s the Ides of March, I decided to share something. One time, back when I still drank alcohol, I was drinking a bottle of St. Ides (one of the flavored ones, as it happens). I looked at the bottle, and an idea suddenly struck me as very funny. “BEWARE THE IDES OF MALT!” I muttered sinisterly.

It seemed very funny. It wasn’t, but it seemed very funny. Just thought I’d share that to mark the occasion.

Another Post Just So I Can Keep Certain Things Handy

There are times when I need quick access to certain media without having to go extensively looking. To help with that, sometimes I do a post just so I can collect them together for my own later ease of access. Today is another day like that. Today? Ronnie James Dio animated gifs. These come in particularly handy for discussions involving metal, or “\m/.”

So much metal!

This Never Goes Away

This never goes away:

It just waits. Remember this when you check out “Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey! Monkey!” in Not Quite so Stories.

I’ll Be Part of the Clearview Library District Local Author Showcase Saturday April 16th

Hi, everybody. I’ll be part of the Clearview Library District Local Author Showcase in Windsor, Colorado Saturday April 16th to talk about Not Quite so Stories. 2-3:30 PM. There will be 6 authors: me, Kelli Hughett, Linda Joffe-Hull, Jonathan Stahnke & Naomi Jewel, Tomas Macy, and Raymond Peirson.  Each will have about five minutes to talk about their book and then everyone can meet, chat, and sell books. You should come on out if you’re in the area.

 

Why The Heck Did I Have This Worthless Toy?

Remember the water rockets back in the 80s? I had one…and for the life of me I’m trying to figure out why. This toy was basically worthless. Still, I had it.

I mean, you put a bit of water in the rocket, attached it to the pump, pumped some air inside, and released. It flew, splashing water about. Wheeeeeee!

Yeah, it flew about a foot or two. The splash wasn’t much either. Filling it with water was so much work that you doubtless, like me, stopped doing so and just launched it with air. It wasn’t much worse that way. Even still, each launch was like 95% prep time.

That was way too much work for way too little reward.

Why the heck did I have this thing? Who convinced me this was cool? In retrospect, the work/reward ratio seems way too much like adulthood. I can’t believe I fell for this con. It just seems worthless as crap now.

And now I wish I still had one to mess with again. Stupid brain.

I Can’t Tell Who Is Trolling And Who Is Falling For This

The Cher-themed Daylight Saving Time meme is making its way around Facebook right now, and I’m honestly having trouble figuring out who is trolling and who is falling for it. You know the one:

I see this and a voice in my head immediately screams: Spring forward! Spring forward! Of course, I want to correct the poster. However, did they fall for it…or were they just trying to troll people.

Honestly, I’ve seen both.

I’m really having trouble telling which is which when someone posts. I’ve tried to correct a few people only to find out they were trolling. I’ve restrained myself from correcting others only to find out they fell for it. I just don’t know what to do.

It’s so hard to tell anymore.

A Quick Video Remembrance Spurred By Recent Discussions

A friend was recently asking people to name the various R rated comic-based movies that have been popular over the years in response to the recent discussions about Deadpool. I was going to chime in, but someone had already mentioned Heavy Metal. Still, it got me remembering my favorite bit from that movie, the clip that still occasionally plays in my head in response to various equivocal statements I hear in the course of my day. I thought we should all watch that so it can run through your head regularly too:

You’re welcome.

Beware The Ides of March F-Bomb!!!!!

Beware the Ides of March F-Bomb!!!!! Okay, well, “beware” may be the wrong word. Perhaps “don’t forget” might be better, or “be sure to attend.” Neither of those roll off the tongue the same way though.

It’s going to be cool though. 7:30 pm Tuesday March 15 at The Mercury Cafe, 2199 California Street. The amazing Nicholas B. Morris will be hosting and the illustrious Jeff Becker will be featured. I’m hoping to read at the open mic portion. Don’t miss it.

Next week!

Of Course They Were Wearing Monkey Masks

You knew this was going to happen when you legalized marijuana. Two burglars broke into a dispensary in Wheat Ridge while wearing monkey masks. Of course they were wearing monkey masks. Why not?

I realize this is a crime. I realize that this kind of thing is going to happen to businesses that have to do large amounts of cash business because federal issues prevent them from using banks and any form of electronic payment. I know this. I know that large stocks of marijuana on hand are going to tempt burglars the same way that large stocks of liquor do, perhaps more because of how much more compact large values of the commodity are (particularly oils, though I’m guessing since I haven’t been in a dispensary). Still, I’m so glad this can be hilarious.

I mean, I feel sorry for the business that got burglarized. I’m sorry for the employee who was inside when the rock was thrown through the window and burglars came inside. I am, but I’m also glad the suspects were wearing monkey masks.

I gotta love the monkey masks.

Woman Gets An “A” For Effort

A New York woman got an “A” for effort recently. Unfortunately, that “A” stood for “arrested.” She actually made a license plate out of cardboard and drove around with it. Though she didn’t do a bad job, surprisingly enough, this still seems like something I thought I could get away with when I was three.

I’m not sure why this struck me as so funny, but it did. Thus, I had to share. She even drew the little New York blob.