Simon Hugh Wheeler's Blog, page 7

Full Moon Lunacy

With the full moon at its perigee, (closest point to the Earth) my twin baby girls have been carrying on like lunatics. It is difficult, however, to distinguish it from their normal behavior.
The word lunacy is appropriate - in Spanish, "luna" means moon, hence moon madness.
"Lunar" in Spanish also translates as a mole - one that you would find on your skin. This is where many of the online translators fall down as they don't always understand context. I would hate for it to convert "un lunar en mi cara" to "moon on my face", which could have a disturbing and rather smelly ambiguity...
For a story about language and culture clash, check out my romcom set in Spain, Loosely Translated. Maria, a frustrated writer, is so disgusted with an appalling detective novel that she very loosely translates it. The problems begin when the Spanish version becomes a bestseller and she meets her enemy, the English author, who might not be as bad as she thought. But how long will it be before Mike, the author, begins to wonder why the Spanish book is a huge success while his English editor is on the verge of scrapping the series?

If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

Loosely Translated at Amazon

#@€[{%& MEN!

Until I become rich and famous with my books I have to continue teaching English in Spain. I do take advantage of my captive audience to practice reading out aloud my book, Loosely Translated, which is mostly set in Spain, so it keeps them happy. I am, however, shocked at the reactions from nearly all my female students to one of the lines:
"Maybe because all men are bastards."
What did we ever do to deserve, at times, quite vehement outbursts???????

Loosely Translated is a romantic comedy, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved". If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

Loosely Translated at Amazon.com

What is the connection between food & photos?

When we get our photo taken, we say "Cheese". The Spanish have another food related word for photos - "Patatas", (potatoes). Presumably, the formation of the word cheese puts our mouth in a smiley shape and shows our teeth. So what were they thinking with patatas?

For more creative translations, check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved". If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

Loosely Translated at Amazon.com

The Real Meaning of Tapas, Uncovered

“Tapas” really means lids. Many years ago, someone had the bright idea to cover their beer, or glass of wine, with a slice of bread, to keep the flies out. Later, someone decided to put some topping on the bread, to make it more interesting. Or to hide the taste of fly poop.

For more creative translations, check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved". If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

Loosely Translated at Amazon.com

Who Really Loves McDonalds?

It's preoccupying that McDonalds markets itself towards illiterate people. "I'm Lovin' It" is not only bad grammar, it might show the true attitude of people.

Love is a stative verb, in that it implies something permanent. The verb, "to be" in "I am a man", is stative because unless I have some drastic surgery and hormone replacement, I'm stuck with my condition for quite a while.

If I say to my wife, "I love you", she's happy that it's a stative verb, that I do so on a day-to-day, permanent basis.

Aside from the fact that love is a stative verb, using the gerund form would imply something that we are doing only in this moment, not on a permanent, regular basis. So... if I'm "Lovin'" McDonalds, it would mean that normally I hate them, but just in this moment I've had a change of heart.

Maybe people only like McDonalds for brief moments.

GRACE

I’m not a religious person, but today I thought I’d say grace:

I give thanks that my house is still standing – that it has not been destroyed by earthquakes, tsunamis, or bombs. In fact, I give thanks that I’ve got a house.

I give thanks that my government, although not perfect, (we can’t expect the impossible!), tries to do the best for me. I won’t be dragged off to a cell, tortured or shot for my political or religious beliefs.

I give thanks that I do not have to worry about my food being contaminated by radiation, and whether the water is suitable for drinking. In fact, I have more than enough food.

I give thanks that I am healthy and if I get sick or injured, I have a doctor that will treat me. For free.

I give thanks that even in the middle of an economic crisis, I still have money. Maybe not as much, but enough for my needs.

These are things that I take for granted. Far too many people in the world don’t know what they are. Every time I feel like complaining, I’ll remember that I’m actually not too badly off.

Thank you.

You might be interested in the book, Happy Juice, which invites the reader to discover for themselves what is really important in life.
Happy Juice at Amazon

Kangaroos are misunderstood.

“Kangaroo” is an Aboriginal word, but for them it doesn’t mean kangaroo.
When Captain Cook discovered Australia, he drew pictures of the plants and animals. When he asked a native what the name of the kangaroos was, the aborigine, strangely enough not knowing how to speak English, replied “kangaroo”, which means, “I don’t understand you”.

For more creative translations, check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved". If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

Loosely Translated at Amazon.com

WARNING: FACEBOOK IS AFFECTING OUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS!

Conversation overheard in the supermarket:
"Hi. What are you doing here?"
"Shopping."

Getting Around to Time Management

I wanted to do a review of the book, Better Time Management, but I don't have the hours in the day to get around to it...

Life is a battle? As long as you're OK.

When somebody asks you, “how’s things?” you could say, “nobody’s been killed”.
Supposedly, during the American Civil War, a general sent a messenger to ask another general how a battle went. The reply was, “Zero Killed” – OK.

For more creative translations, check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved". If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

Loosely Translated at Amazon.com