Simon Hugh Wheeler's Blog
March 23, 2018
Interesting Alternatives to Four-letter Words
In my romcom, Loosely Translated, Maria encourages Mike to try alternatives to four-letter words, with surprisingly eloquent results.
‘ – Dad thought that books were for pussies. Which is also why I haven’t kept any of my old books: the miserable fucker burnt them all.’
Maria laid a calming hand on his shoulder. ‘Your Dad must be a very mean-spirited man. And I wouldn’t have said you were a… a…’
‘Hmm?’
Maria got a little flustered. ‘A testosterone-challenged person.’
‘A what?’
‘A testosterone-challenged person. A… you know…’
‘Oh, right!’ Mike brightened up. ‘You mean a pussy! That’s what I had meant to say before, but it just kinda slipped out. I had also meant to call my father a forlorn fornicator. A pusillanimous procreator; a spiritually-constipated copulater; a morally-corrupt, sexual congress-man.’
‘That sounds redundant to me. How about a belligerent begetter?’
‘Very biblical. Here you go: a manure-based fertiliser. The double meaning is a bit crap.’
‘Your puns stink.’
They had a good laugh, which helped to ease the tension.
‘You see,’ said Maria, ‘you can get beyond the four-letter words.’
‘That’s me: Mike Grey, two four-letter words.’
If that sounds like your f...* cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
* flaming hot!!! ;)
Loosely Translated at Amazon.com
‘ – Dad thought that books were for pussies. Which is also why I haven’t kept any of my old books: the miserable fucker burnt them all.’
Maria laid a calming hand on his shoulder. ‘Your Dad must be a very mean-spirited man. And I wouldn’t have said you were a… a…’
‘Hmm?’
Maria got a little flustered. ‘A testosterone-challenged person.’
‘A what?’
‘A testosterone-challenged person. A… you know…’
‘Oh, right!’ Mike brightened up. ‘You mean a pussy! That’s what I had meant to say before, but it just kinda slipped out. I had also meant to call my father a forlorn fornicator. A pusillanimous procreator; a spiritually-constipated copulater; a morally-corrupt, sexual congress-man.’
‘That sounds redundant to me. How about a belligerent begetter?’
‘Very biblical. Here you go: a manure-based fertiliser. The double meaning is a bit crap.’
‘Your puns stink.’
They had a good laugh, which helped to ease the tension.
‘You see,’ said Maria, ‘you can get beyond the four-letter words.’
‘That’s me: Mike Grey, two four-letter words.’
If that sounds like your f...* cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
* flaming hot!!! ;)
Loosely Translated at Amazon.com
March 1, 2018
Mama Mia - Crazy Spanish Mothers
Bless all mothers. Even if sometimes they drive you nuts.
This is an excerpt from "Loosely Translated". Hands up if you have ever experienced this before.
‘Mama, I’m not interested.’
‘That is typical, Maria. You just want to do whatever you want. You don’t listen to anybody else.’
‘Mama, if you’re just going to lecture me, then I’m off.’
‘I’m not lecturing you. I’m only telling you what you should do. I’m your mother. I’ve got the right to tell you what to do. And if I reprimand you, it’s because I love you.’
‘That’s ok, then. I feel so much better.’
‘I don’t understand why you get so upset. I’m only saying that you should stop dreaming about this silly writing nonsense, and get a proper job. Look at your sister. She’s worked hard and now she’s got a good job in the bank.’
Maria hid her face in her hands. ‘Oh, God, Mama. I would die in a bank. The next time you walk into a bank, take a careful look. Just inside the door is a big machine that sucks out all rational thought, personality and soul.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen any big machines in the bank.’
‘Whatever. Mama you have to understand that writing is very important to me. It’s the one thing that I really want to do in my life. And I need to have that hope that one day I’ll get that chance to be a writer.’
Maria’s mother started to say something.
‘Wait!’ Maria held up a hand for her to stop. ‘I’m trying to get some work translating books, which might eventually lead to the chance to get published. I’ve sent letters to every publisher in Spain, and I’m hoping in the next few weeks, someone might give me a call.’
Her mother made to interrupt again, so she quickly held her hand up. ‘Un momento! You’ve always said that all you wanted was for us to be happy. Well writing makes me happy. I don’t particularly care about having lots of money, or a big house with a pool and two cars in the garage. Even if I spend the rest of my life in my tiny flat, living on bread and water, if I can write, I’ll be jumping happily about like a little lamb in the springtime.’ Maria, having got everything off her chest, finally lowered her hand.
‘Maria, dear, Uncle Rafael said he can speak to the boss about getting you a job in the bank.’
***
I live in Spain and love the culture, the sometimes quirky traditions... and even my completely mad mother-in-law. I've written a romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, which gives a bit of an insight into this country, without a bull or flamenco dancer in sight.
When Maria has to translate a detective series into Spanish, she is so disgusted that someone could publish such trash while she is struggling to get published herself, that she decides to very loosely translate the book. The trouble begins when her version is a bestseller and she gets to meet her enemy, the English author, who might not be as bad as she thought. How long will it be before he finds out what she has done? The only thing worse would be to fall for the charms of that pig. But that's never going to happen...
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon
This is an excerpt from "Loosely Translated". Hands up if you have ever experienced this before.
‘Mama, I’m not interested.’
‘That is typical, Maria. You just want to do whatever you want. You don’t listen to anybody else.’
‘Mama, if you’re just going to lecture me, then I’m off.’
‘I’m not lecturing you. I’m only telling you what you should do. I’m your mother. I’ve got the right to tell you what to do. And if I reprimand you, it’s because I love you.’
‘That’s ok, then. I feel so much better.’
‘I don’t understand why you get so upset. I’m only saying that you should stop dreaming about this silly writing nonsense, and get a proper job. Look at your sister. She’s worked hard and now she’s got a good job in the bank.’
Maria hid her face in her hands. ‘Oh, God, Mama. I would die in a bank. The next time you walk into a bank, take a careful look. Just inside the door is a big machine that sucks out all rational thought, personality and soul.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ve never seen any big machines in the bank.’
‘Whatever. Mama you have to understand that writing is very important to me. It’s the one thing that I really want to do in my life. And I need to have that hope that one day I’ll get that chance to be a writer.’
Maria’s mother started to say something.
‘Wait!’ Maria held up a hand for her to stop. ‘I’m trying to get some work translating books, which might eventually lead to the chance to get published. I’ve sent letters to every publisher in Spain, and I’m hoping in the next few weeks, someone might give me a call.’
Her mother made to interrupt again, so she quickly held her hand up. ‘Un momento! You’ve always said that all you wanted was for us to be happy. Well writing makes me happy. I don’t particularly care about having lots of money, or a big house with a pool and two cars in the garage. Even if I spend the rest of my life in my tiny flat, living on bread and water, if I can write, I’ll be jumping happily about like a little lamb in the springtime.’ Maria, having got everything off her chest, finally lowered her hand.
‘Maria, dear, Uncle Rafael said he can speak to the boss about getting you a job in the bank.’
***
I live in Spain and love the culture, the sometimes quirky traditions... and even my completely mad mother-in-law. I've written a romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, which gives a bit of an insight into this country, without a bull or flamenco dancer in sight.
When Maria has to translate a detective series into Spanish, she is so disgusted that someone could publish such trash while she is struggling to get published herself, that she decides to very loosely translate the book. The trouble begins when her version is a bestseller and she gets to meet her enemy, the English author, who might not be as bad as she thought. How long will it be before he finds out what she has done? The only thing worse would be to fall for the charms of that pig. But that's never going to happen...
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon
February 8, 2018
KEEP CALM. AND SAY MOO.
My wife was having a difficult day with our baby girls, so she decided to put their favourite kids' program on the TV to keep them entertained for a while. Holding onto one girl with her right hand and trying to juggle the remote control in the left, she inadvertently hit the wrong channel. Instead of wholesome, enriching fun, games and sing-a-longs, there was a news report, complete with disconcertingly graphic video, of a man getting flattened in one of Spain's ridiculous, (and predominantly male) pastimes, the running of the bulls.
Needless to say, the sight of a half a ton's worth of beef vigorously using this guy as trampoline, put my wife into an increasingly hysterical state and try as she might, she couldn't get the remote to change the channel. At which point, my daughter happily pointed to the grisly scene and said, "Cow, Moooo!"
For a fun look at Spanish, (without any cliched bulls!), check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved".
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon.com
To read more on the "joys" of fatherhood, here's the link:
Mean, Horrible Daddy
Needless to say, the sight of a half a ton's worth of beef vigorously using this guy as trampoline, put my wife into an increasingly hysterical state and try as she might, she couldn't get the remote to change the channel. At which point, my daughter happily pointed to the grisly scene and said, "Cow, Moooo!"
For a fun look at Spanish, (without any cliched bulls!), check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved".
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon.com
To read more on the "joys" of fatherhood, here's the link:
Mean, Horrible Daddy
October 31, 2017
My Gurl is Lerning to Spel
"I love you" is easy to say.
Spelling it is much harder.
My twin, 5-year-old daughters are bilingual in English and Spanish. In speaking. Writing is another story.
Spanish is very easy to write because it sounds the same as it is written. But in English, when there are seven possible ways of writing the sound "ay", they are going to have difficulties learning to read and write. I believe it takes an English-speaking child, on average, a year and a half longer to come to grips with all the rules... and the mountain of exceptions. Much as I love the English language, it is only when you teach it that you discover how nonsensical it can be.
Anyway, one of my daughters had her first attempt at writing a phrase. She came up to me and showed me what she had carefully scrawled.
I LAB U
I had no idea what it was, so she translated for me. "I love you."
One half of me got all emotional, but the other half was puzzled. "I" is fine, and "u" is understandable, but it was only when I realised that she had used Spanish spelling logic that it made sense.
"B" and "V" sound the same in Spanish and they pronounce the letter "A" like "U". It makes no sense at all that we would write "love" with an "O" and a silent "E".
Girls, wait until you discover "-ough".
bough
cough
dough
tough
borough
For a fun look at the Spanish/English culture clash, check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved".
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon.com
Spelling it is much harder.
My twin, 5-year-old daughters are bilingual in English and Spanish. In speaking. Writing is another story.
Spanish is very easy to write because it sounds the same as it is written. But in English, when there are seven possible ways of writing the sound "ay", they are going to have difficulties learning to read and write. I believe it takes an English-speaking child, on average, a year and a half longer to come to grips with all the rules... and the mountain of exceptions. Much as I love the English language, it is only when you teach it that you discover how nonsensical it can be.
Anyway, one of my daughters had her first attempt at writing a phrase. She came up to me and showed me what she had carefully scrawled.
I LAB U
I had no idea what it was, so she translated for me. "I love you."
One half of me got all emotional, but the other half was puzzled. "I" is fine, and "u" is understandable, but it was only when I realised that she had used Spanish spelling logic that it made sense.
"B" and "V" sound the same in Spanish and they pronounce the letter "A" like "U". It makes no sense at all that we would write "love" with an "O" and a silent "E".
Girls, wait until you discover "-ough".
bough
cough
dough
tough
borough
For a fun look at the Spanish/English culture clash, check out my romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, where a Spanish translator meets the author of the awful detective series that she has "improved".
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon.com
July 18, 2017
Make Love, Not War. But if You Insist…
Why not have a battle of flowers like they do in Cordoba, Spain? They decorate floats with flowers and have a procession, throwing Weapons of Mass Delight - carnations - instead of bombs. Maybe Donald Trump could take note.
This festival is held in May, when Cordoba comes alive with many different events.
I have written a romcom set in England and Spain, in particular Cordoba. It gives an insight into the country and its culture that goes beyond the usual flamenco and bullfighting.
Loosely Translated is a story of hate at first sight. When Maria, a frustrated writer, tries her hand at translating books, she is so disgusted at Mike's second-rate detective novel that she decides to make some changes. BIG changes. The Spanish version becomes a bestseller, but the problems start when she meets her enemy, the author. And yet, maybe she shouldn't judge a book by its rather rough cover. How long is it going to be though, before he finds out what she has done?
If that appeals to you, support an Indie author by buying me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs on Amazon. Cheers!
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
May 12, 2017
To Die(t) For!
After breaking your New Year's resolution to go on a diet to get back into that little, black dress, (as we do every year), you can console yourself with some Spanish torrijas.
Torrijas are traditionally made during Lent and Semana Santa - Easter Holy Week. Covering the three major food groups - fat, carbohydrates and sugar - they are basically French toast with plenty of cinnamon and sometimes a dash of sweet, Moscatel wine.
For an insight into Spain that goes beyond flamenco and bullfighting, check out the romantic comedy, Loosely Translated. When Maria, a struggling writer, is offered the job of translating a B-grade detective series, she is so disgusted that someone with such little talent can get published, she decides to make some "changes". The difficulties start when the improved Spanish version becomes a huge hit. She eventually meets the author, and although it's hate at first sight, maybe she shouldn't judge a book by its cover...
If that appeals to you, support an Indie author by buying me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs on Amazon. Cheers!
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
Torrijas are traditionally made during Lent and Semana Santa - Easter Holy Week. Covering the three major food groups - fat, carbohydrates and sugar - they are basically French toast with plenty of cinnamon and sometimes a dash of sweet, Moscatel wine.
For an insight into Spain that goes beyond flamenco and bullfighting, check out the romantic comedy, Loosely Translated. When Maria, a struggling writer, is offered the job of translating a B-grade detective series, she is so disgusted that someone with such little talent can get published, she decides to make some "changes". The difficulties start when the improved Spanish version becomes a huge hit. She eventually meets the author, and although it's hate at first sight, maybe she shouldn't judge a book by its cover...
If that appeals to you, support an Indie author by buying me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs on Amazon. Cheers!
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
February 13, 2017
HELP... THAT ROBBER!!!
There was a robbery in a church, yesterday, in Ronda, the Spanish country town where I live. It sounds terrible, but the real tragedy is that you just can't get people to do a job right.
The priest, at that early hour of the morning, was still in the rectory. Wondering what all the noise was, he stuck his head out the window and told one of the robbers to stop the racket. The robber apologised and said that he was looking for his drunk friend. The priest left it at that, closed the window and went on with his business.
Some passersby noticed a guy loitering near the side door of the church. When they went closer to see what was going on, he asked them for a light and they happily obliged.
Things started to go wrong when one of the robbers cut himself badly while breaking into a glass cabinet. After grabbing a laptop, a few trinkets and a couple of Euros in coins from the donations box for the votive candles, they made a hasty exit.
A little too hasty, it would seem. The robbers had lost their car keys in the church. A passing neighbour noticed them break the window of the car and enquired what they were up to. The robbers replied that it was their car and that it wasn't like they were trying to steal it. Unaware of the irony, the neighbour was worried about the bleeding robber. They told him it was urgent that he get to hospital so the good-hearted chap helped them push the car down a hill to try to start it.
It was only when someone noticed the damaged door of the church that they started to get suspicious and call the police, who were able to quickly and easily apprehend the unprofessional thieves.
This is actually a true story! It warms the cockles of your heart to think that country people will help out absolutely anyone!
I have lived in southern Spain for about twelve years now and I've grown to love the people here. I've written a romantic comedy set in Spain, which gives a glimpse into their quirky culture.
Follow the link to my book, Loosely Translated, where you can read the first three chapters for free, online. Be like the country folk and help out an indie author - it's only a few bucks to buy it. Thanks in advance. Simon.
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
The priest, at that early hour of the morning, was still in the rectory. Wondering what all the noise was, he stuck his head out the window and told one of the robbers to stop the racket. The robber apologised and said that he was looking for his drunk friend. The priest left it at that, closed the window and went on with his business.
Some passersby noticed a guy loitering near the side door of the church. When they went closer to see what was going on, he asked them for a light and they happily obliged.
Things started to go wrong when one of the robbers cut himself badly while breaking into a glass cabinet. After grabbing a laptop, a few trinkets and a couple of Euros in coins from the donations box for the votive candles, they made a hasty exit.
A little too hasty, it would seem. The robbers had lost their car keys in the church. A passing neighbour noticed them break the window of the car and enquired what they were up to. The robbers replied that it was their car and that it wasn't like they were trying to steal it. Unaware of the irony, the neighbour was worried about the bleeding robber. They told him it was urgent that he get to hospital so the good-hearted chap helped them push the car down a hill to try to start it.
It was only when someone noticed the damaged door of the church that they started to get suspicious and call the police, who were able to quickly and easily apprehend the unprofessional thieves.
This is actually a true story! It warms the cockles of your heart to think that country people will help out absolutely anyone!
I have lived in southern Spain for about twelve years now and I've grown to love the people here. I've written a romantic comedy set in Spain, which gives a glimpse into their quirky culture.
Follow the link to my book, Loosely Translated, where you can read the first three chapters for free, online. Be like the country folk and help out an indie author - it's only a few bucks to buy it. Thanks in advance. Simon.
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
February 10, 2017
Weird Shops? Spain is Numero Uno.
I've been mourning the passing of an old shop recently. Business has obviously died off. Yes, you guessed it - a tombstone shop. Keep in mind, however, that it was in the town centre, on the main street, between a clothes shop and a bar. What better way to enjoy Spanish culture than to sit at a table in the sun, having a tapa and a beer, next to a block of marble engraved with DEP, (the Spanish version of RIP)?
Another one that has bitten the dust, was an old shop that I wasn't quite sure what they were supposed to be. They had baby ware, like prams and bottle sterilizers, rubbing shoulders with radio-controlled cars and train sets, beneath a collection of light fittings. Probably hard to create a brand image. But I feel a bit sad that this quirky place has been gutted and replaced with a bland, modern, bright and shiny, handbag and shoe shop.
Diversifying and covering one too many bases was probably a bad idea. So how about super-specialising? In Cordoba there was an egg shop. Their only concession to customers who wanted something a bit different were quail eggs. The most difficult choice was small, medium, large or eggstra large, (sorry!).
Finally, I remember a taxidermy business, unashamedly located on a normal city street, which although it didn't have glassy-eyed, stuffed bears peering out of the shop window, did have a rather strange form of advertising. A large sign on the front offered to stuff "cualquier", (any) animal or pet. I often wondered if I should test them out and take along a recently departed goldfish to see what they could do with it. (To be fair, in Australia you could buy cane toads that had been stuffed and converted into fridge magnets. Presumably they help people stick to their diets.) The taxidermist also converts animals into rugs. I'm sure they have tigers or bears in mind, not hamsters.
I mentioned the taxidermist to a friend once, and just my luck, it was their uncle. He had a Great Dane, that when it died, he stuffed it and put it in the hallway of his house. Scared the hell out of visitors, but he assured them saying it wouldn't bite and was very obedient. "Stay!" he would command, and it wouldn't move.
Spain is a funny place. I've fallen in love with it and made it my home. I've written a romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, which offers an insight into the country which goes beyond the standard image of bullfighting and flamenco.
When Maria, a struggling writer, is offered the job of translating a B-grade detective series, she is so disgusted that someone with such little talent can get published, she decides to make some "changes". The difficulties start when the improved Spanish version becomes a huge hit.
If that appeals to you, support an Indie author by buying me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs on Amazon. Cheers!
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
Another one that has bitten the dust, was an old shop that I wasn't quite sure what they were supposed to be. They had baby ware, like prams and bottle sterilizers, rubbing shoulders with radio-controlled cars and train sets, beneath a collection of light fittings. Probably hard to create a brand image. But I feel a bit sad that this quirky place has been gutted and replaced with a bland, modern, bright and shiny, handbag and shoe shop.
Diversifying and covering one too many bases was probably a bad idea. So how about super-specialising? In Cordoba there was an egg shop. Their only concession to customers who wanted something a bit different were quail eggs. The most difficult choice was small, medium, large or eggstra large, (sorry!).
Finally, I remember a taxidermy business, unashamedly located on a normal city street, which although it didn't have glassy-eyed, stuffed bears peering out of the shop window, did have a rather strange form of advertising. A large sign on the front offered to stuff "cualquier", (any) animal or pet. I often wondered if I should test them out and take along a recently departed goldfish to see what they could do with it. (To be fair, in Australia you could buy cane toads that had been stuffed and converted into fridge magnets. Presumably they help people stick to their diets.) The taxidermist also converts animals into rugs. I'm sure they have tigers or bears in mind, not hamsters.
I mentioned the taxidermist to a friend once, and just my luck, it was their uncle. He had a Great Dane, that when it died, he stuffed it and put it in the hallway of his house. Scared the hell out of visitors, but he assured them saying it wouldn't bite and was very obedient. "Stay!" he would command, and it wouldn't move.
Spain is a funny place. I've fallen in love with it and made it my home. I've written a romantic comedy, Loosely Translated, which offers an insight into the country which goes beyond the standard image of bullfighting and flamenco.
When Maria, a struggling writer, is offered the job of translating a B-grade detective series, she is so disgusted that someone with such little talent can get published, she decides to make some "changes". The difficulties start when the improved Spanish version becomes a huge hit.
If that appeals to you, support an Indie author by buying me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs on Amazon. Cheers!
Click to go to Loosely Translated on Amazon
January 24, 2017
FESTIVAL of SEA URCHINS, or SLAUGHTER, ANYONE?
I love Spanish food. It's delicious and the traditional diet is very healthy.
But there are some things that I just can't bring myself to try: snails, tripe... and sea urchins. "Unfortunately", I missed the Erizada - the Sea Urchin Festival - held in Cadiz on the weekend. Apparently they are served and eaten much like oysters. Ok, so you don't eat the spines, but I'm still not going to rush out and try some.
This weekend, another festival in Salamanca is being held: la Fiesta de la Matanza - the Slaughter Festival. Plenty of blood, but don't worry, it's traditional this time of the year to turn the pigs into ham, pork chops and chorizos - spicy Spanish sausages. Not for those with weak stomachs - the chorizo picante contains pretty hot paprika. Oh, and yes, they slaughter the pigs, so don't go if you're a vegetarian.
I live in Spain and love the culture and sometimes quirky traditions. I've written a romantic comedy which gives a bit of an insight into this country.
When Maria has to translate a detective series into Spanish, she is so disgusted that someone could publish such trash while she is struggling to get published herself, that she decides to very loosely translate the book. The trouble begins when her version is a bestseller and she gets to meet her enemy, the English author, who might not be as bad as she thought. How long will it be before he finds out what she has done? The only thing worse would be to fall for the charms of that pig. But that's never going to happen...
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon
But there are some things that I just can't bring myself to try: snails, tripe... and sea urchins. "Unfortunately", I missed the Erizada - the Sea Urchin Festival - held in Cadiz on the weekend. Apparently they are served and eaten much like oysters. Ok, so you don't eat the spines, but I'm still not going to rush out and try some.
This weekend, another festival in Salamanca is being held: la Fiesta de la Matanza - the Slaughter Festival. Plenty of blood, but don't worry, it's traditional this time of the year to turn the pigs into ham, pork chops and chorizos - spicy Spanish sausages. Not for those with weak stomachs - the chorizo picante contains pretty hot paprika. Oh, and yes, they slaughter the pigs, so don't go if you're a vegetarian.
I live in Spain and love the culture and sometimes quirky traditions. I've written a romantic comedy which gives a bit of an insight into this country.
When Maria has to translate a detective series into Spanish, she is so disgusted that someone could publish such trash while she is struggling to get published herself, that she decides to very loosely translate the book. The trouble begins when her version is a bestseller and she gets to meet her enemy, the English author, who might not be as bad as she thought. How long will it be before he finds out what she has done? The only thing worse would be to fall for the charms of that pig. But that's never going to happen...
If that sounds like your cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!
Loosely Translated at Amazon
December 6, 2015
THE SILLY SEASON JUST GOT SILLIER
I've just auditioned for the talent contest, (the word "talent" being used very loosely), Hillbilly to Hollywood.
I give a startling rendition, (the viewer is startled like a rabbit caught in the glare of oncoming headlights), of Old MacDonald, Rub-a-Dub-Dub and an unforgettable, or rather, forgetful version of Jingle Bells.
My wife would probably think I have too much free time on my hands.
Hillbilly to Hollywood on Youtube
For more silly season silliness, check out my story, suitable for all the family, Santa's Night Off, ***FREE*** 6th - 10th December (Wed-Sun) on Amazon.
It's Christmas Eve.
Santa is sick.
How is Santa going to deliver the presents if he is feeling sick on the one night of the year he has to work? Could Mother Christmas save the day? She will have to deal with a charging bull, a savage chihuahua, the Three Wise (and angry) Men, American Air force fighters, police and singing aliens.
A Merry, but mad, Christmas.
Santa's Night Off on Amazon
I give a startling rendition, (the viewer is startled like a rabbit caught in the glare of oncoming headlights), of Old MacDonald, Rub-a-Dub-Dub and an unforgettable, or rather, forgetful version of Jingle Bells.
My wife would probably think I have too much free time on my hands.
Hillbilly to Hollywood on Youtube
For more silly season silliness, check out my story, suitable for all the family, Santa's Night Off, ***FREE*** 6th - 10th December (Wed-Sun) on Amazon.
It's Christmas Eve.
Santa is sick.
How is Santa going to deliver the presents if he is feeling sick on the one night of the year he has to work? Could Mother Christmas save the day? She will have to deal with a charging bull, a savage chihuahua, the Three Wise (and angry) Men, American Air force fighters, police and singing aliens.
A Merry, but mad, Christmas.
Santa's Night Off on Amazon
Simon Hugh Wheeler's Blog
The Mental Meanderings of a Struggling Writer
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