Interesting Alternatives to Four-letter Words

In my romcom, Loosely Translated, Maria encourages Mike to try alternatives to four-letter words, with surprisingly eloquent results.

‘ – Dad thought that books were for pussies. Which is also why I haven’t kept any of my old books: the miserable fucker burnt them all.’

Maria laid a calming hand on his shoulder. ‘Your Dad must be a very mean-spirited man. And I wouldn’t have said you were a… a…’

‘Hmm?’

Maria got a little flustered. ‘A testosterone-challenged person.’

‘A what?’

‘A testosterone-challenged person. A… you know…’

‘Oh, right!’ Mike brightened up. ‘You mean a pussy! That’s what I had meant to say before, but it just kinda slipped out. I had also meant to call my father a forlorn fornicator. A pusillanimous procreator; a spiritually-constipated copulater; a morally-corrupt, sexual congress-man.’

‘That sounds redundant to me. How about a belligerent begetter?’

‘Very biblical. Here you go: a manure-based fertiliser. The double meaning is a bit crap.’

‘Your puns stink.’

They had a good laugh, which helped to ease the tension.

‘You see,’ said Maria, ‘you can get beyond the four-letter words.’

‘That’s me: Mike Grey, two four-letter words.’


If that sounds like your f...* cup of tea, buy me a couple of beers - that's about how much the book costs, and you'll get that warm, fuzzy feeling of helping out an indie author. Cheers!

* flaming hot!!! ;)

Loosely Translated at Amazon.com