Alan Fadling's Blog, page 71

Intentional Soul Care

Recently, we read a study on stress statistics published by the American Psychological Association back in 2014. The numbers from even five years ago are sobering.

77% of people regularly experience physical symptoms caused by stress. 
73% regularly experience psychological symptoms caused by stress. 
48% feel their stress has increased over the past five years. 
And 48% reported lying awake at night due to stress. 

My guess is that things haven’t gotten better in these last five years. Suicide ideation and attempt is on the rise, especially among college students. 

Why am I sharing these depressing stats with you in this email that we always describe as: “inspiration in the middle of the week, right when you need it?”

Because intentional soul care is not about floating around on a puffy cloud in a meditative state. And it’s more than “growing spiritually.” 

Intentional soul care is necessary for the health of the whole person. For your entire self.

According to Dallas Willard, “The soul encompasses and organizes the whole person, interrelating all the other dimensions of the self so that they form one person functioning in a flow of life.”

Intentional soul care, therefore, is central to our being, which makes it central to our doing. 

This is why the word “unhurried” is so important to us. It is not about doing less or moving slower. It is about the inner pace of our lives. That place where stress wants to move in and take root. We are sharing the great news that you don’t have to be a slave to anxiety, stress and overwhelm. You have a choice, and there is actually a way to live an unhurried life while thriving in your relationships and work.

If you listen to our podcast you hear the same six words every single time: rest deeper, live fuller, lead better. Intentional soul care is the dynamic between rest deeper and live fuller. I encourage you to listen to Episode 95, where we unpack the idea of intentional soul care more fully.

But, for now, I’d love to share with you a bit of Amy’s story. She works in the corporate world and is learning to try on an unhurried way of life. Here’s what she has to say:

“Recently, I was starting to emerge from a very dark period of my life, when God seemed very far away. I was angry and bitter about the losses I had experienced, and resistant to relationships in general. Enrolling in An Unhurried Collective seemed like a definite risk on my part -- putting myself and my baggage out there with people I didn't know. But God met me in the dark time, in my deepest hurt, and he brought people into my life that would help me heal and grow. Through An Unhurried Collective I am learning what it means to slow down -- to stop, linger, observe, and wonder; what replenishing myself and restoring my soul looks like -- to rest and abide in God. This experience will bring lasting relationships, and from my perspective, peace.” (Amy, Corporate Communications Manager, Current participant in An Unhurried Collective )

Doesn’t it sound like she is experiencing the fruits of resting deeper, resulting in a fuller life? But notice that resting deeper isn’t just a walk through a daisy field. Yes, she is learning to spend time alone with God and to discern God’s voice in her life in new ways. AND she is bringing what she calls “her baggage” into the light with God and some new trusted friends. 

Soul care isn’t always easy. But even the hard parts are worth it in the long run because you can become more free, more whole and more healed. Soul care can look like walking with others in a safe community who will listen and not fix, who will hold and not judge. And you’d better believe this will lead to a fuller life.

Reflection

How do you resonate with the stress stats we shared here? Are you feeling an increased amount of stress?
What do you think of Dallas Willard’s definition of the soul?
How does this add to your view of soul care?
What are some ways you can begin to build intentional soul care into your life?

Photo by Francisco Moreno on Unsplash

Podcast: Welcomed Into God’s Presence (Inhaling Grace Audiobook, pt. 10)

Welcome to an Inhaling Grace audiobook episode of the Unhurried Living Podcast. Here are the next three devotionals from Inhaling Grace. May you sense the real presence of God shepherding you as you listen.

Intentional Soul Care: How Does My Soul Find Rest?

When we get busy, it’s easy to neglect the care of our own soul. And when this happens, everything in our lives—our relationships, our perspective, our attitude, our work—is affected. On this week’s Unhurried Living podcast (episode 95), we talk about the Unhurried Living dynamic of Intentional Soul Care. Intentional is key. Leaders too easily assume the well-being of their own souls and, in our experience, it is a fatal assumption. Soul care requires intention.

We want to give you a renewed vision of what soul care means for your life right here and right now. Intentional soul care is not an emergency measure. It is an intentional and ongoing life with and in God. We are refilling and re-energizing the part of us that animates the whole.

Soul care is an ongoing invitation. It’s more like an engine than a spare tire. An engine needs to be maintained to keep in good running order—regular oil changes, tune-ups, checking the fluids and more. It’s more like a daily meal than emergency rations. We make it a priority to eat several times throughout the day to keep our strength up. Just like drinking enough water, it’s best not to let yourself get to the point of feeling the effects of dehydration.

Ask yourself:

How long can you go without food?
How long can you go without water?
How long can you go without air?
How long can you go without being mindful of God’s presence?

As rhetorical as these questions are, it’s good to check in to be sure we are not living on emergency rations in any area of our lives.

Every week, we close our podcast with six key words: rest deeper, live fuller, lead better. They aren’t just a catchy slogan for us. We continually lean into these words as our core values. Gem and I both are often asking ourselves whether we are working from rest and fullness. When we are, the quality of our work shows it. When we begin to work from restlessness and emptiness, this also shows.

So, the dynamic of Intentional Soul Care is actually the interplay between rest deeper and live fuller. Within each of these values lies a relational reality. At our best we are awake to the relational nature of every encounter. Not just us and God, but others as well. And not just us and others, but God as well.

 If you aren’t already subscribed to the Unhurried Living Podcast, now would be a great time to go do that. You can also listen to this week’s episode #95 on the Unhurried Living website.

 Questions for Reflection

What is “resting deeper” looking like for you these days? In what ways are you experiencing this reality? In what ways are you struggling to enter into the gift of God’s rest in the midst of your busy life?
Would you describe your life more like “live fuller” or more like “living on empty”? How might the presence of Jesus with you right now enable you to enter into the fullness He has for you here and now?

Podcast: Intentional Soul Care (Unhurried Living Dynamic One)

The statistics on anxiety, depression and stress are becoming more disturbing. According to a recent Gallup poll about 1/3 of the world’s population are feeling stressed and worried. In the U.S. that statistic climbs to about 1⁄2 of the population. Our instant access to world news combined with the pace of our lives and all the vacation time we leave on the table each year—it’s all coming to a detrimental head. We don’t pretend to have all the answers to this global issue, but we do want to do our part to speak into the situation. So over the course of these next few episodes, we’ll be sharing with you some dynamics that we feel are critical to this discussion.

Just this year the New York Times reported on the Gallup 2019 Global Emotions Report. Of 150,000 people surveyed from around the world, America came up among the most stressed people in the world.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/25/us/americans-stressful.html

This is why the word “unhurried” is so important to us. It is not about doing less or moving slower. It is about the inner pace of our lives. That place where stress wants to move in and take root. We are sharing the great news that you don’t have to be a slave to anxiety, stress and overwhelm. You have a choice, and there is actually a way to live an unhurried life while maintaining and thriving in your relationships and work.

We aren’t the only ones talking about this. From the Huffington Post to Forbes Magazine to Psychology Today, you can find articles that discuss how meditation, rest, silence and solitude can all play an important role in our mental, emotional, relational and workplace health.

To interact with this podcast on a personal level, download our FREE worksheet resource. 

Podcast: Intentional Soul Care

The statistics on anxiety, depression and stress are becoming more disturbing. According to a recent Gallup poll about 1/3 of the world’s population are feeling stressed and worried. In the U.S. that statistic climbs to about 1⁄2 of the population. Our instant access to world news combined with the pace of our lives and all the vacation time we leave on the table each year—it’s all coming to a detrimental head. We don’t pretend to have all the answers to this global issue, but we do want to do our part to speak into the situation. So over the course of these next few episodes, we’ll be sharing with you some dynamics that we feel are critical to this discussion.

Just this year the New York Times reported on the Gallup 2019 Global Emotions Report. Of 150,000 people surveyed from around the world, America came up among the most stressed people in the world.
https://www.nytimes.com/2019/04/25/us/americans-stressful.html

This is why the word “unhurried” is so important to us. It is not about doing less or moving slower. It is about the inner pace of our lives. That place where stress wants to move in and take root. We are sharing the great news that you don’t have to be a slave to anxiety, stress and overwhelm. You have a choice, and there is actually a way to live an unhurried life while maintaining and thriving in your relationships and work.

We aren’t the only ones talking about this. From the Huffington Post to Forbes Magazine to Psychology Today, you can find articles that discuss how meditation, rest, silence and solitude can all play an important role in our mental, emotional, relational and workplace health.

To interact with this podcast on a personal level, download our FREE worksheet resource. 

The Burden of Control

Picture this...you are at the gym and you’re getting ready to lift some weights. It’s been a while, but you’ve decided to go for it. The barbell is in your hands and you are prepared to lift it up over your head.

But before you do so, a guy walks over to you and says, “I bet you can lift more than that. Here, let me help you.” You protest, but he insists and then he proceeds to add 20 more pounds to each side. And then he just walks away, no cheering you on, and no coaching.
You try to lift the barbell but it won’t budge. What you thought was going to be a profitable time of exercise just turned into a dead-weight hit and run that stalls your workout.

The issue of control is like those extra 40 pounds--extra, unnecessary weight. Control can take an otherwise regular situation and turn it into an un-liftable challenge.

And the irony is that we are that guy who added the extra weight. We do it to ourselves.
Bearing up under the weight of control takes its toll. We find we are unable to keep going while carrying the world on our shoulders. Much of the stress in our lives is caused by expectations, as well as trying to control situations so they turn out the way we think they should.

What would it look like to give up control? To not need to manage people or circumstances? Or, as Dallas Willard has said, “to practice the habit of not having to have the last word.”

Learning to let go is a freeing step along the path of transformation. Let me leave you with these three little words. Adding these words to your vocabulary can help ease the felt need to control and to make your way to letting go.

Small. Simple. Gracious.

Small – If you are trying to make a change in your life, make the first step as small as possible. There is no need to be heroic. No earthshaking moves. Keep it small. Habits matter first. Get the habit going and then increase as you are able.

Simple – Whatever this change is, it doesn’t need to be complicated or dramatic. Make it so simple that a 3rd grader would understand it. This keeps it real which means there is a change for lasting change. Simplicity is the yonder side of complexity and is born out of life wisdom.

Gracious – Go ahead and take a breath. There is no need for judgment or perfectionism. Be gracious with yourself as you move forward. Let’s admit it, this one is difficult. But do your best to move slow and to be patient with yourself. These are gracious moves and will create more lasting results.
Don’t be the one who adds extra weight that stalls your progress...or the progress of others.

Let me know how using these words affects your thoughts, feelings and actions. I’d love to know how they work out in your own life.

By the way, Podcast #93 is the second episode in a two-part series on our new book, What Does Your Soul Love? In it we unpack the final four themes of pain, fear, control and joy. We even more about control than I did here.

We invite you to listen on your next commute, while you do dishes or during your next walk.

Together, we are learning to rest deeper, live fuller and lead better.

 

Photo by Victor Freitas on Unsplash

Podcast: The Surprising Grace of Insecurity (Inhaling Grace Audiobook, Part 9)

 Welcome to an Inhaling Grace audiobook episode of the Unhurried Living Podcast. Here are the next three devotionals from Inhaling Grace. May you sense the real presence of God shepherding you as you listen.

Waking Up to the Illusion of Control

In our new book, What Does Your Soul Love?, one of the eight questions we ask is, “What Are You Clinging To?” It’s the question of control. Many of us struggle with control issues. We want to feel safe, so we seek to take control of things and even people around us. This doesn’t generally turn out so well, for us or for others.

What we’ve discovered in our journey with God is that our souls actually love to be abandoned to the loving and good purposes of God for us. The reality is that when and where it comes to control, there is actually only one Sovereign—and it isn’t me.

I found myself recently in conversation with a young man with whom I meet regularly. We were talking about how hard his job was and how many personal and relational challenges he was facing in his season of life. Things felt out of his control and he didn’t like it. It was clear that he felt life would be better if he had a different set of circumstances or had a better sense of control over his current ones.

The sentence I felt rising up in me, and it felt like a gift from God, was this: “The ideal situation in which to grow spiritually is your life now, exactly as you find it.” Cooperating with God’s transforming intentions for our lives would not happen better somewhere else or at some more ideal time. Clinging to some ideal situation that is other than where we find ourselves isn’t a fruitful posture. It makes our lives smaller.

I’ve come to love the wisdom of an early eighteenth-century spiritual writer by the name of Jean-Pierre de Caussade. This is what he had to say about this place of trusting the good purposes of God in his transforming work in our lives:

“God’s designs, God’s good pleasure, the will of God, the action of God and his grace are all one and the same thing in this life. They are God working in the soul to make it like himself. Perfection is nothing else than the faithful co-operation of the soul with the work of God, and it begins, grows and is consummated in our souls secretly and without our being aware of it.”

Transformation is the fruit of God’s pleasure, God’s intentions, God’s purposes, and God’s work, which are not different things but facets of a single rich divine reality. Entrusting ourselves to God’s care rather than trying to take control of our situations and relationships is freeing. Bearing up under the weight of control takes its toll. We find we are unable to keep going while carrying the world on our shoulders. You just might find that your soul loves trust more than it craves control.

 For Reflection:

In what situations or relationships do you find yourself trying to take control?
What would it look like to open your hands, release your white-knuckled grip, and find the freedom of trusting God’s capability and care?
What next step do you feel God inviting you to take?

 (Adapted from What Does Your Soul Love?)

Photo by Yann Allegre on Unsplash

Podcast: What Does Your Soul Love? (Pt. 2)

We are diving into part two of our discussion on our new book, What Does Your Soul Love? 

When it comes to our life in Christ, change is part of the invitation. Transformation is essential to the journey. But we get stuck when we let what we perceive to be negative emotions and issues stop us from moving forward. Today we are going to address pain, fear, control and, finally, joy.

What Does Your Soul Love?

When asked to choose between one or the other, would you prefer to ask questions…or to have answers? Most of us would readily admit that we like answers. And as soon as possible, thank you very much.

However, as spiritual directors, Alan and I are accustomed to asking questions and then not striving for answers right away. Sometimes a good work is actually accomplished inside of us as we hold the questions—to linger with them and let them be answered in layers. 

If you’ve been following us on social media, you know that September 17 was a momentous day! In addition to being our oldest son’s birthday, What Does Your Soul Love? released into the world and we could not be more thrilled!

Our sincere desire is that, as you read this book, you will gain a new appreciation for entering into and cooperating with your own transformational process. 

Our desires and resistances as well as our ability to engage truth and our own vulnerability can make the process its own kind of wild ride.

This week on our podcast, we began a two part series on What Does Your Soul Love? We discussed the four themes mentioned above in Part 1. Next week, in Part 2, we’ll take on pain, fear, control and joy. We hope you’ll listen in on both!

Here’s a teaser for the first four questions:

DESIRE: What Do You Really Want?
My soul loves when my desires are rooted in the Spirit’s good for me. The search for desire begins in the ocean of God’s love and is maintained with the simplicity of a “one thing” focus.

RESISTANCE: What Is Getting in Your Way? 
My soul loves to respond fully to the Spirit rather than resisting the Spirit by my own shallow preferences. Don’t pass up an opportunity for growth. Lean into your resistance and make your way through with God.

VULNERABILITY: Where Are You Hiding?
My soul loves to walk in the forgiving, healing and restoring light of God’s presence. Remember you are safe in God’s loving presence. Notice how you self-protect and remain open as you are able.

TRUTH: What Is Most Real to You?
My soul loves to live in harmony with kingdom reality. Don’t be afraid to dig a deeply as you can. Don’t settle for relief…go for healing.

You will definitely want to engage as we unpack these four themes. Together, let’s learn to love the questions, and even live the questions. Let them take us to new depths of transformation.