Alan Fadling's Blog, page 75

Kindness: An Engine for Change

We enter a new year full of new opportunities. Perhaps there are changes you are hopeful to begin making with this fresh space in front of you. It’s a blank canvas on which perhaps you can create something new. 

When it comes to change, there have been too many times when I opted to be hard on myself, expecting that this would drive me to change. But being critical of myself has never led to lasting change (even if it caused some change for a season). 

One of the wise lines of scripture that often speaks to me in my bad habit of condemning myself or being harsh with myself is in Paul’s letter to the Romans: “Do you not realize that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance (Ro. 2:4)?”

Harshness doesn’t lead to change. Kindness does. God loves us so that we can and will change. We do not change so that God will finally love us. Many new year’s resolutions operate on the basis of achieving favor and acceptance. But we will never change in a lasting way until we begin that change process rooted in confidence that we are already beloved. 

That line about kindness leading to repentance comes in a wider context in which Paul is warning us that self-righteous judgment of others is essentially casting judgment on ourselves. 

You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. Now we know that God’s judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. So when you, a mere human being, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God’s judgment? Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

When I find myself reacting to someone else’s need for change, the source of that potential anger is nearly always my own wrongs. Whatever I judge in another is a condemnation of myself because of my own guilt in the same sorts of things. I may not specifically be guilty of exactly the ways or acts of the one I judge, but what empowers my judgmental attitude is the very sort of shortcoming or disobedience I am judging in myself. 

I am in no position to stand in judgment because God has not appointed me as judge over others. So if I find myself looking down my nose at another, it helps to ask what it is about their shortcomings that echo my own. I’ll be able to treat others with kindness if I learn to begin treating myself with the kindness with which God is treating me. 

I must not make light of the riches of God’s kindness, forbearing mercy and patience by being unkind, harsh, and impatient with another. 

And wherever I am feeling the need for change in my life, it will help if I begin with acknowledging that God loves me right now in my unchanged state. God looks at my need for change with eyes of mercy, kindness and grace. He wants good and holy change for me, and his kindness is what will inspire, energize and sustain that change. 

For Reflection: 

Where are you feeling a need or a desire to make a change in your life in this new year? 


In what way have you been tempted to view yourself unkindly in this area of your life? 


How might you hear the voice of the Lord saying, “I want to help you change. You can change. I love you now so you can begin to change.” 

Resource: We developed a tool to help you reflect back on your year with eyes open for the grace and kindness of God. You can access that “Annual Examen” here.

The post Kindness: An Engine for Change appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Looking Ahead – Navy SEAL Tactics for Creating New Year’s Intentions

“Slow is smooth and smooth is fast.”  Understanding this Navy SEAL tactic helps us set our intentions and walk with Jesus as we enter the new year.

Research revealed this concept of “slow is smooth and smooth is fast” is, at Unhurried Living, a similar way for ourselves and our work. Spiritual practices are the slow of “slow is smooth” that we practice so that when we work, we have access to a deep reserve from within.

In our spiritual practices our souls are learning to become present…present to God, present to ourselves, present to others. Our souls practice remembering that God is with us. And we will have quicker

access to this reality in times of need.

Our work becomes the “smooth is fast” part. This is what we mean when we talk about Jesus being relaxed. When we are relaxed instead of anxious, we are more creative, more insightful, less constricted, less distracted.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

The post Podcast: Looking Ahead – Navy SEAL Tactics for Creating New Year’s Intentions appeared first on Unhurried Living.

The Advent of Love: A Living Gift

Merry Christmas to you!

We know that some of you enjoyed Christmas with family and friends, creating new memories and deepening relationships.

And we acknowledge that, for some of you, Christmas is a more painful time. Loss of loved ones, distressed relationships and dashed expectations can make holidays difficult.

So, together, let’s turn our eyes toward Reality for a moment: No matter who you are, or what your circumstance is, you are loved. Emmanuel, God with us, never looks away.

This is the Advent week of LOVE. So let’s remind ourselves and each other that there is one gift that can never be taken away…

GOD LOVES YOU.

Hope of all hopes, dream of our dreams,

a child is born, sweet-breathed; a son is given to us: a living gift.

And even now, with tiny features and dewy hair, He is great.

The power of leadership, and the weight of authority, will rest on His shoulders.

His name? His name we’ll know in many ways—

He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,

Dear Father everlasting, ever-present never-failing,

Master of Wholeness, Prince of Peace. (Isaiah 9:6, The Voice)

May the Master of Wholeness keep you in everlasting love.  Enjoy our video Christmas Greeting HERE.

 

Photo by  Annie Spratt  on  Unsplash

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Advent: Joy in Here

Note: The application window for An Unhurried Collective is still open. We already have a vibrant group of leaders and influencers. And we would love you to join us too!

  Watch this very brief video as our friend, Nathan LaGrange, shares why he and his wife, Tricia, have joined An Unhurried Collective.

As we move closer to our celebration of the birth of Jesus, we enter the third week of Advent and encounter the theme of joy. Who doesn’t want to be joyful? I mean, it’s the “hap-happiest season of all,” right?

Too often we’re tempted to believe that joy is something out there to be achieved or acquired. We’re tempted to think that joy is elsewhere and we need to go find it. It will come through some purchase, or some experience, or some interaction with another.

That’s not the wisdom of scripture. Think of Paul the apostle. From prison, he writes a letter to a little church in the town of Philippi. Of all his letters, it’s the one that has the most to say about joy. But his situation in prison would not make any of our “Top Ten Most Joyful Experiences” list. No one would call it “hap-happy.”

But Paul lets us in on his secret when, on two different occasions, he urges his friends to “rejoice in the Lord.” It’s a phrase that’s been used a lot, but I wonder if we’ve understood it.

Paul doesn’t suggest being excited about the Lord. He encourages us to rejoice in the Lord. There’s a difference. We find joy and give voice to joy because of our communion with God. The fruit of the Spirit is joy. Joy is a relationship more than it is a pleasant situation.

No one is more joyful than God is. When I am in God, I am in the most joyful relationship imaginable. It is this vision of God as profoundly joyful that sparks joy in my heart. I can then give voice to that joy I’m encountering in God.

A lot of people I talk to mention how stressful the holiday season feels. Many of us can probably resonate with that feeling. Might it help us to remember whose coming we are celebrating? Can we imagine a Jesus who is utterly full of joy coming to us? Jesus smiles with a smile that has roots in the kingdom of heaven. And he smiles that smile at you.

For reflection:

When you think about God, is God smiling, joyful, glad you’re close? Or does God feel distant or somehow disappointed?
How would it help you to remember that God really is joyful?

Resource: You might also enjoy listening to one of our early podcasts with Jeff Spadafora in which he unpacks his book, The Joy Model.

Resource: You might also appreciate a post from a couple of years ago, “Finding Joy in Situations That Suck.”

 

Photo by  Nicole Honeywill  on  Unsplash

The post Advent: Joy in Here appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Discernment-The Benefits of Looking Back

This week we “examen” our lives this past year.  This practice of looking back is discernment and can offer great insight into what might be next.

Alan and I take walks a few times a week. And most of the time we have these amazing conversations that lead to me saying, “We should have been recording this! This could have been a podcast!” We’ve never recorded a walk talk, but in this episode we are sharing from a couple of those conversations about contentment and anxiety. And we frame all this in the practice of a year-end-examen.

Also, make sure you download the free resource on Isaiah 61 that we discuss in this podcast.  You can download it here.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

The post Podcast: Discernment-The Benefits of Looking Back appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Advent: Peace in the Midst

Note: The application window for An Unhurried Collective is still open. We already have a vibrant group of leaders and influencers. And we would love you to join us too!

  Watch this very brief video as our friend, Nathan LaGrange, shares why he and his wife, Tricia, have joined An Unhurried Collective.

When we sent the first draft for our current book project to our editor, I felt many moments of pause. “What would she like? What would she edit out? What would need more work?” Allowing someone else to take your creation and edit felt scary to me, even though I trust that the writing will improve with her masterful suggestions and corrections.

Last week we turned in our second draft in which we responded to her suggested edits. Again, I experienced some anxiety. But this time it wasn’t about the edits, it was about the content. “What if I left something out? What if could have said something more eloquently? What if that story doesn’t make sense?”

Rearranging is good. Pruning is good. Refining is good. However, we can often find ourselves resisting this necessary work in our lives. But think about it: isn’t God the best editor? He takes our very selves and, over time, guides and transforms us into the best version of ourselves. He sees the big picture. He is the one who knows well how to craft a compelling tale–the story of our lives.

But we become attached to certain aspects of ourselves. We come to think that we may miss them if they are cut out of our stories. “How can I live without that?” Or if something comes up that feels like a major shift in direction, will I have another chance to write that up? Letting go is hard.

It is not an accident that I bring up my writing and life anxieties in this Advent week of Peace. My anxieties stand in stark contrast to the peace into which I am invited.

Over the course of this year, I’ve been making my way to peace little by little through one simple act: letting go.

Most recently, I took a leap of faith by letting go and releasing the book manuscript back to the editor a second time. Acts of faith like that have been working well in other circumstances in my life, especially when my peace is at risk because I am holding onto something unnecessarily.

Some of our situations may be more complicated and will take more time to release. But many situations in our lives are just the right size for us to practice letting go. Our struggles with perfectionism. Our worries about what other people think. Our fear that there isn’t enough or that we are not enough.

Just for a moment, bring to mind one of these areas and imagine yourself letting go. See yourself as separate from it. See yourself as separate enough that you can make a decision about whether you will let it bother you anymore.

And remember this: peace is not overwhelmed by a difficult circumstance. Things don’t have to be “all better” for you to experience the kind of peace that Jesus gives. He is Emmanuel—God with us. The Prince of Peace. It is his presence that is our peace.

I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught. (John 14:27, The Message)

Our pastor often reminds us, “You are always safe in the Kingdom of God.” This truth washes over me and bears the fruit of peace in my mind and heart. Why not try it on this week and see if it changes your perspective a bit.

  Reflection

Are there any ways in which you find yourself anxious?
Are you holding onto something that God might want to edit?
How might you make your way into the peace of the season?

 

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

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Advent: Hope Flourishes in an Unhurried Soul

So here we are in week one of Advent. Over these four weeks, Gem and I will touch the traditional themes of hope, peace, joy and love. Here’s one thing I know about all four, but especially this week about hope: Hope does not flourish when my soul is hurried.

That said, I want to emphasize again that busy and hurried are not the same, any more than hope and wishful thinking are the same. A hopeful heart is an unhurried heart, an attentive heart, a heart present to reality.

One of Dallas Willard’s insights along these lines that has served me over, and over, and over again is simply this: “There’s a world of difference between being busy and being hurried. Being busy is an outward condition, a condition of the body. It occurs when we have many things to do. Busy-ness is inevitable in modern culture…. Being hurried is an inner condition, a condition of the soul. It means to be so preoccupied with myself and my life that I am unable to be fully present with God, with myself, and with other people. I am unable to occupy this present moment.” (John Ortberg, Soul Keeping, p. 134)

The way we’ve been putting it is that busy is a matter of calendar, while hurry is a matter of soul. I’ve mentioned more than once just how full my Fall was. It was a continual opportunity to put to the test the idea that we can be busy and unhurried concurrently. This is a way of soul and life that we can actually learn.

Jesus was often busy, even without a smartphone, but he wasn’t ever hurried in soul. He had time for what mattered. He kept his vision fixed in hope rooted in the presence of his faithful Father.

Here’s how John Ortberg differentiates busy and hurried. Isn’t it helpful?

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So even as we enter into what, for many of us, might be a very busy season, we can find hope in the unhurried presence of God with us—Emmanuel. We can rest in soul because rest is relational before it is situational or circumstantial.

Dallas once said that “hope is joyous anticipation of good that is not yet here or is ‘unseen.’” I send this post with the added prayer that the Spirit of God will enable you to fix your soul’s attention on his real presence no matter how full your December schedule becomes. I pray that peace will displace anxiety, that love will cast our fear, that the big presence of God will overcome the presence of anything that tempts you to be overwhelmed.

 

Reflection

When you think about the future, whether the near future of this holiday season, or the longer future of coming months and years, do you envision good things or do you imagine bad things?
How might a focus on God with you help you trust that the good God here will bring good on your journey ahead?

You might also enjoy a past post, “Hope: The Lasting Fruit of Resurrection.”

 

Photo by Renáta-Adrienn on Unsplash

The post Advent: Hope Flourishes in an Unhurried Soul appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Invitation: Jesus’ Question That Changes Everything

The nature of Jesus and his grace is in His invitation to us; it is how He approaches us. But what invitation question does He ask to draw us to Him?

A common approach to living the Christian life is to focus on our own faith, our own practices, our own faithfulness. The emphasis in the story of scripture always begins with God—God’s great faithfulness, God’s mighty works, God’s generous grace. Today, we’ll talk about a key question Jesus asks in the gospels

that captures this inviting dynamic.

One of my favorite words lately has been the word “invitation.” It feels good to be invited to a meal or a gathering by someone you like. Or, even better, by someone you admire! There is something very full of grace when someone else takes the first step towards us.

In today’s episode, we are talking about the story of Jesus and Bartimaeus in Mark 10, and how the question Jesus asks that is sheer invitation and changes how we look at grace.

 

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

The post Podcast: Invitation: Jesus’ Question That Changes Everything appeared first on Unhurried Living.

The Formidable Work of Presence

As we prepare for the season of Advent, we’ll hear the word Emmanuel quite often. God with us. So I thought it might be good to look together at the formidable work of presence.

Presence isn’t simply for our own sake. It’s not merely for a sense of stillness or inner peace. We become present because that’s where all the good stuff is…where all the real stuff is. And by real stuff I mean our connection to God, ourselves and others–all the key players in the Great Commandment.

By becoming present I remember what already is. God is here. God is with me. I am with God. I am in God. God is in me. (John 17:22-23).

When you pause for even a moment, you can remember what is. Right now, where you sit, close your eyes and take a really deep breath. Then slowly exhale and relax your shoulders as you breathe out.

Now, take this in: We live in a kingdom reality with a loving God who is always toward us. You are always safe in God’s presence. Yes, exactly as you are now, without any changes, you are safe and welcome in God’s presence. That’s love. That’s unconditional welcome.

The reason we learn to become present is so we can be aware of what is happening in our life of transformation. By becoming present we can begin to notice and acknowledge what is going on inside us. We are being invited, guided, nurtured, and transformed. How will you know what your next invitation is unless you have trained yourself to listen? Listening takes time…and it takes presence.

This is why I believe presence is a formidable word. Presence is not sitting around in perfect peace at all times doing half as much as we normally would with no cares in the world. That is not an unhurried life.

An unhurried life is present, awake, aware, and patiently ready. An unhurried life is responsive, prepared, and on the path of healing. An unhurried life actually takes courage because you are saying that you want the deep dive. You are willing to be changed from the inside out. You are willing to engage your relationships and work from a place of whole love and lived grace.

Our lives have many ups and downs, emotions and struggles. Development can be uncomfortable. However, we can learn to take it all in stride. Over time our fears can decrease and our stamina can increase. Our anxieties can reduce and our wisdom can grow.

We are not doing this for our own enjoyment or benefit, although growth like this is wonderful. It is “for the sake of others.” Love your neighbor as yourself. Jesus came to inhabit a human body, to share in our sufferings, and to show us what true love really is.

And, following the model of Jesus, an unhurried life is a rich and full life of heartfelt engagement. Both in rest and in work. God with us at all times and in all places.

So remember, you aren’t becoming present just for a sense of inner peace. You are becoming present because it is one of the first steps toward lived hope, peace, joy and love.

Let every heart prepare him room!

Reflection

What is one next, simple thing you can do today to become more present?
As you become a little more present, what invitation arises out of that moment?
When will you respond?

 

Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

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Silent Retreat: A Reason to be Thankful

You’re likely reading this just before Thanksgiving day (since these come out on Wednesdays). I send along my prayer that God’s Spirit will open your eyes to the countless graces that fill your life. We are certainly thankful for you!

I’m writing this post on a Friday midday on my way home from what has been a very intensive season of ministry. It has been a wonderful opportunity to experiment with being very busy but remaining unhurried. Remember, busy is just about your calendar. Hurried is about your soul. I’m happy to say that there have been a number of fruitfully unhurried moments.

This morning, I was supposed to have caught a very early flight out of Philadelphia and get home about now. Instead, Winter Storm Avery changed those plans. Flights were cancelled, and so I’m happily still on my way home, but it’ll be later today before I finally finish the journey.

Yesterday, I had the treat of leading a luncheon for pastors and Christian leaders a bit north of Philadelphia. One of the things I felt deeply as I shared was that the world around us needs followers of Jesus who embody the peace and the rest of Jesus. This just might be the most important gift of the gospel we can give to a hurried, frantic, frenetic culture. This is a critical priority for Christian leaders.

From November 6-14, I was at the Eastern Point Retreat Center in Gloucester, Massachusetts for an eight-day silent retreat. I only spoke during my every-morning 20-minute spiritual direction appointment and during the daily Eucharist service. It was a very pregnant silence for me.

One of the passages God brought me to was in Isaiah 27:2b-4a:

“Sing about a fruitful vineyard:

   I, the Lord, watch over it;

   I water it continually.

I guard it day and night

   so that no one may harm it.

   I am not angry.”

It was the last line that surprised me. I’ve thought often about God being very slow to anger. This has been a meaningful description of God for me. But for God to say it even more personally to me, “I am not angry [with you].” It’s not that I think God is furious with me, but I realize I sometimes think he’s at least frustrated or irritated by my shortcomings.

But God’s basic orientation towards us is not anger. It is love. It is grace. It is mercy. He longs to be gracious. He delights to show mercy. God is working for our good with a heart full of reliable care.

Reflection

Do you ever respond to God as though he were a bit angry with you?
What difference might it make if you trusted that, instead, God is not angry?
How can God’s grace and mercy inform this season of thanksgiving?
Take a few moments to rest in God’s presence.

 

Photo by Kenny Luo on Unsplash

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