August McLaughlin's Blog, page 65

#GirlBoner Quickie: 5 Fab Facts About the Big ‘O’

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. ” — Betty Friedan

I suppose that depends on how we go about it…

Orgasm, derived from the Greek word orgasmos, is the sudden release of sexual tension during arousal. Arguably the world’s most enticing domino effect, it sets off all kinds of awesomeness, from pleasurable pelvic contractions to an overall sense of euphoria.

Hopefully you already knew that. Regardless, there’s so much more to learn about the female pleasure explosion. For today’s “quickie” (gotta love those!), I’ve chosen five facts I find fascinating. I hope they tickle your GB, too.

5 Facts About Female Orgasm

1. Orgasms help minimize pain, due to the release of the brain chemical oxytocin. (Move over ibuprofen!) “Oxytocin facilitates bonding, relaxation and other positive emotional states,” says Lisa Stern, a nurse practitioner with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles. The relief may not last long, she says, but even contemplating sex can have a similar effect.

2. Women hold the record for having the most orgasms, according to the Guinness Book of World Records. The current leading lady had 134 orgasms in one hour. The longest known time spent masturbating to orgasm for a woman is 6 hours and 30 minutes. (Sheesh. That’s some serious sex-ercise.)

3. Most women, 70 to 80 percent based on various studies, require direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. Vaginal orgasms involving the G-spot are considered the most powerful, particularly when the clitoris is simultaneously stimulated. For these reasons, lying belly down during sex—clit to surface—increases orgasm likelihood.

4. Variety brings SPICE. Changing things up in the bedroom can lead to more frequent and pleasurable orgasms, according to Dr. Debbie Herbenick, a researcher at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. Having vaginal plus oral sex, for example, is more likely to stimulate orgasm than one alone.

5. Girl-gasms improve with age! “Orgasm becomes easier with age,” Herbenick recently told Woman’s Day. “As an example, while 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did.” These increases are believed to derive from increased sexual experience, confidence, trust and intimacy.

Were you surprised by any of these tidbits? Which excites you most? Any related topics you’d like Girl Boner to investigate further? As always, I welcome respectful thoughts! ♥

Singing Naked: Honesty on Stage

My mom swears I was born singing. I’m pretty sure it was colic. Regardless, music has always been an important part of my life. My early “naps” consisted of cooing on a swing. To shut me up soothe me, my parents drove me around, making song-like noises. (Though my parents have nice voices, neither is demonstrative about it. So my dream of The Johnson 7 never quite happened.) And each summer as we drove “up north,” I’d start a made-up song with the rev of the car engine and, to my brother’s dismay, continue until we pulled into the cabin driveway 4.5 hours later. If nothing else, I’ve got lungs.

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“Nap” time

For years, I didn’t care whether I was good; I simply loved singing. Around adolescence, everything changed. I started feeling insecure about most everything—my lack of smarts, my “ugliness,” my general un-coolness and my inability to sing or write good songs. I have loads of theories as to why this was the case; I’ll skip those for now. What’s important for this post is when and why that changed.

I was living and working as a model in Paris and, though I didn’t realize it, was pretty sick with anorexia. Before arriving to the illustrious city, I’d sold my guitar. Gone were the days of performing in the folk-rock trio I was in during high school. With no plans of performing solo or teaching, why would I play? During a photo shoot in which I played a winged, leafy-haired nymph, I spotted a guitar in the room’s corner. Though I continued to move for the cameras for several more hours, my mind stayed fixed on that guitar. The more I fixated, the tighter my throat felt—the prelude to tears. What was wrong with me?

Then it hit me. I was longing for music. Longing to sing, to play with all of my heart, whether anyone heard, saw or enjoyed it. Looking back, I’m pretty sure that that inclination was my desire to reconnect with my authentic self—the one then squelched by disease.

After the shoot, I yanked my copper fairy nails off and grabbed that guitar, strummed a few chords and shed a few tears, not caring if the crew deemed me odd or crazy. (They spoke only French, so I’ve no clue.) During the following weeks, that guitar frequented my thoughts, which was remarkable, considering that 110% of my thoughts prior to that involved food, weight and calories. Even after I passed out by the Seine—the Does Dirt Have Calories? experience—and flew home to Minnesota for treatment, I thought of that guitar. So I bought one. And the day I had my biggest turning point, deciding for real that I’d no longer live my life by E.D.’s rules, I stood before a mirror and out came Mirror Song.

A few of the lyrics:

Who are you, looking back at me?

In the mirror I see, everything but me.

Who are you, in all your beauty?

You’re black and blue. The pictures tell your story.

It’s not fair that you cry yourself to sleep each night;

And it’s not right that you hide your body and your mind.

If I give you my light, will you see that you’re all right?

Just don’t give up, not tonight.

From then on my voice came out louder, literally and figuratively. Feelings I couldn’t recognize or express in words poured out easily through song. Music undoubtedly played a crucial role in my recovery.

I’ve written songs off and on since, and while I’m still somewhat timid about my music, I’ve come to believe that the little girl I was was right: It doesn’t matter if we’re “good” or if people like what we create—not if we feel it in our hearts.

Toward that end, I’m doing a couple of slightly nerve-wrecking things: performing at Los Globos next Tuesday as part of my book release party, and sharing a rough, live performance of one of my songs here with you today.

I wrote the following song, Solitude (or Mr. Ground), for the patch of grass I fell in in Paris, but it’s really about learning as we go and growing comfortable with ourselves. It’s far from perfect performance-wise, but it’s honest, and I felt, as per usual, a whole heck of a lot when I sang it.

Sharing our work leaves many artists feeling naked, and rightfully. Little makes one more vulnerable to criticism, and when we put our honesty and hearts into our work, it’s particularly personal. But you know what? It’s so worth it. It may not inspire Girl Boners (though we never know!). It can, however, give people’s hearts a lift. I feel that often when I experience others’ work—including many of yours. I’m going to remind myself of this on stage Tuesday night, and do my best to stay true to the stories. I think I owe that to my heart. ♥ If you’re in the LA area, I hope you’ll consider joining me.

Do you get nervous sharing your work? Have a creative outlet besides writing? Have you ever written a song for a dirt patch? I always love hearing your thoughts.

Firsts, Feelings and Female Orgasms

“First love is a little foolish and a lot of curiosity.” — George Bernard Shaw

My high school boyfriend and I had been dating for two years before we had sex, becoming each other’s firsts. We’d just returned from a romantic walk under the stars when he pulled me close—young Juliet in Romeo’s gallant arms. With the lights in his bedroom turned low and Vivaldi sounding in the background, we gazed into each other’s eyes and simply knew: It was time. He carried me to the satiny sheet-topped bed and undressed me, kissing every bit of skin he revealed with gentle lips. After several songs worth of hungry kissing and fondling, he slipped himself inside of me, sending a shock of pleasure through my body. “I’ll love you forever,” he said. I kissed him then said, “Me too.”

That’s so totally not how it happened… Yes, we’d been dating for a while, but it was after a band concert that left me bored and sweaty in my none-too-cute blouse and slacks. He smelled like the fast food he’d just eaten, and the music was Def Leopard, not Vivaldi. We were making out on his bed in complete darkness, upon my request—anything to hide my body. Our clothes came off and the next thing I knew, his hardness was against my groin. We’d done this sort of thing before, sans penis entry. This time, he accidentally (or not) inserted the very tip, then stopped moving. “Uh, you know what we’re doing, right?”

“I think so,” I mumbled.

“Is it…okay?”

I thought about it for a half-second then offered a casual, “Sure.”

“You know this means I’m going to marry you, right?” he asked moments in.

Um…

He donned the “just in case we decide to” condom we’d purchased weeks prior and inserted himself. I recall feeling an odd sensation, and thinking that it didn’t feel anything like I’d imagined it would. There were no firework-like pleasure explosions, no unwithholdable moans. It was more like getting fitted for shoes, only naked.

Quickly, sex became pleasurable, though I don’t recall when my orgasms entered the equation. I do know that once I really embraced my sexuality years later, everything about it strengthened. Rather than awkward yet enticing, sex became a crucial and glorious part of my life and self. Had I not taken a sexuality of women course, taught by my college mentor Olga Rockenstein, or overcome deeply engrained body image and self-worth problems, I may never have gotten there—or here, to GB Central.

If we aren’t taught to value and seek sexual pleasure, to view ourselves as beautifully sexual and deserving creatures, how can we have healthy, happy sex lives? Those of us who find that kind of empowerment, probably did not obtain it through sex ed.

“Boys’ sexuality is generally overtly linked with pleasure, for example, the insistence of the male sex drive, wet dreams and orgasm in the context of reproduction,” says Lisa Wade, Ph.d. “Sex education for girls tends to ignore any pleasurable aspects of sex, and instead focuses on the of pregnancy, abandonment, STDs, ruined reputations and rape.”

Celebrating female orgasm is a viable answer to these problems, Wade asserts. In doing so, we might also help rectify complications of an unhealthy sex life, from poor self-esteem and body image to clinical depression and obesity.

Roughly two-thirds of women aren’t sure if they’ve achieved orgasm, according to a recent Cosmo study. If you don’t know if you’ve had an orgasm, trust me, you haven’t.

Here’s how numerous Cosmo readers described orgasm:

“It’s like an overwhelming feeling of tingles throughout your body. You’re light-headed, your vision goes blurry, and all you can feel is an instant lightness of your body and amazing sensation in your clitoris.” —Chelsea

“I experienced one orgasm that almost made me feel like I blacked out. It started with that pulsating feeling, then my head was spinning, my body shaking uncontrollably. It was like a volcanic eruption…but down there. Then I collapse beside him, unable to move, think, or speak.” —Haley

“I know when it starts because every muscle begins to tighten and my upper thighs begin to quiver. I break out in a light sweat and it feels as if a faucet is being turned on inside me. I know the big O is complete when I feel like I need a snack and a nap.” —Nina

“It’s like melting and exploding at the same time. You don’t have any control and it’s maybe the only time in your life when you’re not worried about anything but that very moment.” —Jaimesa

Over the next few weeks, we’ll delve further into female orgasm—the how-tos, physiology and more. For now, I’d love to hear from you. If you readily orgasm, do you you recall your first? Was your first intercourse experience as anti-climatic as mine? Any stories to share? Questions about orgasms you’d like addressed in future posts? As always, I welcome respectful thoughts. ♥

Soul-Speak and Sundaes: Saying YES to Writing Dreams

“A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”  — Oscar Wilde

Last spring I shared a post called Saying No — A Successful Writer’s Must. We can’t fulfill our creative goals if we say yes to everything/everyone 100% of the time, I asserted. If we do, we’re essentially saying no to our dreams. Today I want to talk about the flip-side: the importance of saying yes to not only our goals, but our hearts and instincts.

As some of you know, I provide nutritional therapy and mentorship to individuals with psychiatric conditions, namely eating disorders. I can often predict whether an individual is going to recover successfully by the way she talks about her goals and dreams outside of her illness. Consider the following examples:

Alexa: “I can’t think about anything else, and I don’t want to. Controlling my weight is all I know. It makes me happy, or at least the happiest I could be. I don’t have other interests. This is it.”

Jen: “All I know is I don’t want to feel like this. I can’t fucking take it anymore! Sure, I had dreams once. I used to paint and make jewelry. I was going to start my own line someday. [sarcastic laugh] I don’t even have friends anymore…”

Sandy: “I miss the piano. I’ve been playing a little again… [smile] I’m good at my job, but it doesn’t make me happy. Maybe it’s silly, but I feel like I could write songs. And maybe teach.”

You can probably guess that Sandy has the greatest odds of recovery. She has something beyond her illness to say yes to, and a genuine desire to do so. Jen can get there too. If she continues to explore her frustration, it can be the launchpad for positive change. Alexa has the toughest cards in her deck. Until she starts questioning her disease and believing in, or at least hoping for something brighter, she’ll likely remain stuck or worsen.

As artists, denying our hopes and dreams is like a disease. On the milder end, we suffer artistic “colds,” mere sniffles and congestion from too little artistic nurturing. In the worst cases, we stifle our dreams completely. I’m pretty sure this can land me in the hospital. (Arguably, it has.)

We are blessed to have passions and dreams. Saying no to influences that draw us away from them won’t do much good if we then fail to say YES! to our hearts’ desires.

I’ve been reminded of this recently. Since my book release, even amidst the euphoria, I sensed a sort of void—a nagging feeling in my gut. I thought I merely missed writing fuller-time, having taken on marketing and promotions, but there was something more. A book project has been knocking on my heart’s door, and though it wasn’t my intended next step, I have to pursue it. Sure, it makes my workload heftier, but at the risk of seeming melodramatic, it makes my soul lighter. I bounced out of bed at five this morning, eager to dive in. Upon making the decision, my mood turned sunnier, and the body aches I barely recognized have vanished. It’s a lot like falling in love.

When our soul speaks, we best listen. I’ve learned this repeatedly. I see it in my own life, and in the lives of inspiring individuals facing seemingly unbeatable odds. I’m giddy each time I meet a “Sandy,” for I already sense the wonder she’s going to experience and carry out into the world. Authentic, passionate people make the world a better place. As artists we have significant opportunities to be them.

Yes, I’m an ooey-gooey pile o’ mush today—totally fine by me. As author and activist Geneen Roth wrote in Women, Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Just About Anything, “We don’t want to EAT hot fudge sundaes as much as we want our lives to BE hot fudge sundaes.” There’s nothing wrong with savoring decadent treats, but sometimes our longings run much deeper. The real sweets derive from being true to ourselves.

I hope that whatever dreams your heart holds, you’re going for them. I’d love to hear the ooey-gooey details. What goals are you stoked about? Have you ever felt slightly lost, then found? Do your instincts speak louder than words? I ♥ hearing from you.

Empowering Facts About Beauty: A #BOAW Wrap-Up

If I had any doubt in Dior’s assertion before, the Beauty of A Woman Blog-Festers wiped it full out. I can’t express how grateful I am to everyone who participated. Your stories, remarks, interaction and exponential, far-reaching support lit up the blogosphere, inspiring thousands. If you haven’t yet done so, please give yourself a huge hug, tell yourself how freaking beautiful you are and know that you done GOOD! I hope you enjoyed it at least a tenth as much as I did.

Before the fest, I shared thoughts on Miss Representation, a powerful documentary that explores the media’s portrayal of women. The starting statistics I posted struck me as sad, eye-opening and motivating. We can’t make positive changes if we fail to recognize the problems, or take pride in the differences we’re making (by for example, telling stories) if we’re unaware of their significance.

Fueled up with gratitude, I’ve decided to highlight positive facts regarding beauty today. Rather than see the glass as half full or empty, I prefer to consider it no longer empty, and rich with potential. Focusing on uplifting facts and positive changes underway instills hope. Without hope, there’s no glass at all.

5 Empowering Facts About Inner/Outer Beauty

1. Happiness breeds beauty. Happiness makes us vibrant inside and out. “When you’re happy your skin will appear healthier, and your hair and nails can actually grow faster,” says dermatologist Richard Fried, M.D., Ph.D. Positive folks also tend to stand taller, he says, and take greater measures of self-care. Studies have also shown that emotional fulfillment and confidence make us more attractive to ourselves and others. So happy people are not only more kind, energetic and grateful, but hot!

2. R&R beautifies. Spa days, vacations and therapy  arguably go further than makeup or chic clothes in terms of beautifying. Stress contributes to everything from low-moods and relationship turmoil to skin problems and unhealthy weight shifts (gains and losses). Real beauty, as so many blog-festers pointed out, relates to personal spirit, gratitude and inviduality. Don’t let stress taint those.

3. Self-acceptance increases sexual satisfaction, making way for increased attractiveness.  Multiple studies indicate that embracing our bodies as they are enhances sexual desire, ability and pleasure. A happy sex life facilitates inner and outer beauty in various ways, by reducing stress, increasing that healthy post-sex “glow,” boosting energy and improving hormone levels.

4. Smiling helps us feel and appear lovelier. “When you smile, even if you’re upset, it feeds the brain signals that make you feel more positive,” explains Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., a happiness researcher at the University of California, Riverside. People who appear happy are more likely to be perceived as beautiful by others, according to her research, and exhibit happiness physically, which cultivates more of both.

5. People are standing up for real beauty and speaking out against demeaning media. And there’s tremendous power in numbers. Over 87,500 people have signed the Miss Representation pledge, supporting fair, empowering media. All over the world, people are tweeting harmful media, using the hashtag #NOTBUYINGIT—and you can, too. Our voices can be heard. What’s yours saying?

We teach and attract what we believe and reflect.

Last but not least, the winner of a Kindle Fire or Amazon equivalent gift card is…. *drum roll* Jess Witkins! If you missed her uplifting post on what makes a woman “REDHOT,” be sure to check it out. Congratulations, Jess!

How do you celebrate or perpetuate inner beauty? What makes you feel beautiful inside and out? Any highlights or thoughts to share on the fest? I love hearing from you, and am crazy grateful for your support. ♥

The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II!

“The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart.” —  Audrey Hepburn (poem by Sam Levenson)

My trusty thesaurus lists 35 synonyms for beauty: blessing, fairness, loveliness, allure… If you bundled them all together, the result wouldn’t come close to describing the beauty in this fest. I can’t thank you all enough for participating in the second annual BOAW BlogFest. ♥  Whether you’re here as a reader, a contributing writer or both, get ready to laugh, ponder, glean inspiration and possibly shed a few tears.

How to fest (and potentially win a Kindle):

Click on the links below to read bloggers’ posts. For a chance to win a Kindle Fire (or Amazon gift card equivalent), post a comment using the prompts below. For an additional chance, share this post on Twitter tagging me @AugstMcLaughlin and/or #BOAW. For 10 more chances, visit all of the links between now and 5pm PST Monday, February 25th. Post a comment and/or “like” each one, then come back here and let me know you’ve done so. I’ll keep tabs on entries and share the drawing-based winner next week. The best news? As corny as it may sound, we all win by simply participating. (Once you start read contributors’ stories, you’ll understand what I mean…)

Contributors: If you do not see your post, it’s because I wasn’t able to locate it or it wasn’t posted by the cut-off time. Don’t worry—I can still include it! Please post your link in a comment on the registration page and I’ll jump on it promptly.

Without further ado, I’m thrilled to present the The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II!

Amber West: A Beautiful Stream of Consciousness – Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
Liz: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
Bill Parker: On the Multitudinous Beauties of Women
Coleen Patrick: Service Chic vs. Soul Deep: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
Barbara McDowell: Beautiful Things Blossom From Coccoons
Kourtney Heintz: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Lessons From Grandma H
Kassandra Lamb (Misterio Press): You Are Beautiful and Strong, Sweet Child of Abuse
Marcy Kennedy: What Would You Trade to Look Young Forever?
Rebekah Loper: 2013 Beauty of a Woman Blogfest – Comfortable in My Own Skin
Lissa Clouser: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Part 2—An Unlikely Role Model
Jennette Marie Powell: Beauty of a Woman: Don’t judge us by our covers!
Amaryllis Turman: Beauty BlogFest 2012 – What is REAL BEAUTY?
Kathryn Chastain Treat: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II
Donna Galanti: Beauty is the Place Where Love Resides
Linda Adams: My Relationship With My Glasses
Ellen M. Gregg: The Beauty of a Woman: Inside Out
Audrey Kalman: I want to be like Carol Winfield even when I’m dead
Catherine Johnson: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest and Giveaway!
Tameri Etherton: Shakespeare Totally Knew the Beauty of a Woman
Catherine Krummey: Beauty (tumbler)
Jenny Hansen: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Do Breasts Define a Female?
Lindsay: Chronically beautiful…
Inion N. Mathair: Beauty of a Woman’s BlogFest
Jennifer M. Zeiger: The Eye
Michel King: BOAW Fest – Eye of the Beholder
K.M. OSullivan: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2013: The Beauty Box
Kate Wood: The Beauty in Me
Sabrina Garie: Owning Your Own Beauty
Kerry Ann: Beauty of a Woman: Beyond Skin Deep
Kim Jorgensen Gane: The Beauty of Women Friends
FactoryMaid: Lying in the Mirror
Renee A. Schuls-Jacobson: The Beauty of a Grandmother
Jess Witkins: What Makes a Woman REDHOT?
Sue: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest: Skin Deep
Misty Dietz: The Paradox and Beauty of a Woman
J. Keller Ford: The Beauty of a Woman
David N. Walker: Beauty of a Woman
Erin/Lux: One sees clearly with the heart
Reese Ryan: Phenomenal Woman – That’s Me
Maggie Amanda: 30 Years of Learning About Beauty
Lena Corazon: Beauty of a Woman Blogfest: The Power of Natural
Subtextreadalwaysnew: Moments of Beauty
Nicole Basaraba: Beauty of a Woman – Body Culture
Ingrid Schaffenburg: The Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
Clearly Kristal: Mirror, Mirror
Kristine Erickson Parker: Woman, love thyself!
Patricia Sands: She Walks in Beauty ~ Beauty of a Woman BlogFest
Vivian Kirkfield: Martha Washington: America’s First First Lady
Debra Eve: Beauty of a Woman: An Ode to Erma Bombeck
Julie Glover: Don’t Hate the Skinny Girl: Beauty of a Woman BlogFest

What has struck you most about this fest? How do you define beauty? Who do you feel most embodies it?

To join our discussion on Twitter, use the hashtag #BOAW.

Women in the Media: Why Our Stories Count

I wasn’t sure if I would post twice this week, given President’s Day and the soon-coming Beauty of a Woman BlogFest. Then I saw Miss Representation, Jennifer Siebel Newsom’s poignant documentary on the media’s portrayal of women. The 2011 release left me heartbroken and hope-filled, and my teary eyes more fully open. It heightened my determination to keep writing and supporting artists and creative works that uplift women, rather than hold us back or beat us down.

While I was somewhat familiar with its information, Miss Representation gave me perspective regarding facts and notions I’ve wondered about and believed—not simply about media or society, but my personal journey. I also appreciated the fact that the film depicted the misrepresentation of females not as a men versus women or conservatives versus liberals issue, but a human one; we all benefit from balanced, empowering media. If you haven’t seen it, I hope you will.

Startling facts and quotes from Miss Representation:

Women account for 51% of the population, yet hold only 3% of clout positions in telecommunications, entertainment, publishing and advertising. (This doesn’t necessarily make the content “wrong,” but imbalanced.)

“All of Hollywood is run on one assumption: That women will watch stories about men, but men won’t watch stories about women. It is a horrible indictment of our society of we assume that one half of our population is just not interested in the other half.” – Geena Davis

“Women and girls are the subject of less than 20% of news stories. “When a group is not featured in the media… it is called symbolic annhilation.” – Martha Lauzen, Center for the Study of Women in TV and Film

The number of cosmetic surgical procedures performed on youth 18 or younger more than tripled from 1997 to 2007.

Among youth 18 and younger, liposuction nearly quadrupled between 1997 and 2007 and breast augmentations increased nearly six-fold in the same 10-year period.

65% of American girls and women have reported disordered eating behaviors. (As a side note, a similar percentage of American adults are obese—a direct consequence of media’s portrayal of “beauty,” and the $45 billion diet industry, in my opinion—which is supported by vast amounts of research. )

If you’re as heated up as I am over these matters, good. As Gloria Steinem famously said, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.” A little fire can go a long way…

Miss Representation illustrates ways in which media can be both powerfully destructive and constructive. I don’t know about you, but Couric’s insight makes me want to join with like-minded others and put my pilot cap.

More than a film, Miss Representation is a campaign. Visit MissRepresentation.org, where you can take a valuable pledge and order the documentary. Miss Representation is also available via Amazon Instant Video.

For more on women in film, check out Karina Wilson’s Lit Reactor article, Screenwriting: Insert Woman Here – Sidestepping the Sausage Fest. It’s an insightful must-read.

If I was excited for the Beauty of A WomanBlogFest II before, I’m excited-on-steroids now. I can’t wait to read participant’s posts as we explore and celebrate real beauty and the women who possess it. If you’d like to sign up, please do so by the end of the day Wednesday, February 20th by visiting BOAW. To participate as a reader, join us here this Friday.

Have you seen Miss Representation? Which of the facts most struck you? What are you willing to do to make media a more balanced, women-supportive place?

MN and LA Book Events + BlogFest Reminders

Happy weekend, all! It’s not often I chat with you here on Saturdays. Are you in your PJs? Enjoying a lazy or lively morning with loved ones? Or is it another “typical” work-from-home/artist’s day? (Weekend? What’s that?!?) Regardless, I hope you’re well.

It’s been two months since my e-release, and one since we partied virtually here and on Facebook. While I’m a huge fan of e-books and social media, and had a ball e-festing with you all, I deeply value tangible books and in-person connections. So here’s what I’ve got cooking for March, in my childhood and current stomping grounds:

Tuesday, March 12th (Los Angeles)

Paperback Book Release Party – August & The Torn Out Pages (or maybe 1)

9 – 11pm @ Molly Malones: 575 South Fairfax Ave Los Angeles, CA 90036 – $10 cover charge

I’ll be dusting off my gee-tar to sing from 9:20 – 9:50pm.

Thursday, March 21st (Minneapolis)

Book Reading/Signing – Free admission

7 – 9pm @ The Coffee Shop NE: 2852 Johnson St. NE, Minneapolis, MN 55418

Saturday, March 23rd (Bloomington, MN)

Bloomington Writers’ Festival and Book Fair

9:30am – 5pm @ The Blooming Theater and Art Center: 1800 W Old Shakopee Rd, Bloomington, MN 55431

Saturday, April 20th (Los Angeles)

Los Angeles Times Festival of Books

10am – 4pm @ USC Campus

If you happen to be in the Los Angeles or Minneapolis area next month, I hope you’ll join me.

What events are you anticipating? Do you prefer events online, in-person or both? Will I see you in March?

Speaking of online functions, don’t forget to pop by next Friday, February 22nd, for the 2nd annual Beauty of a Woman BlogFest! Whether you join as a blogger, reader or both, you are in for a treat. You may even win a Kindle.

To sign up or for more details, visit the BOAW blog-fest page. If you’ve already signed up, remember to post your installment on your blog this coming Thursday, by 7pm PST, along with this year’s badge and a link to my blog so your readers can check out everyone’s beauty-full links. I can’t wait to fest with you! ♥

“The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.” — Sam Levinson (quoted by Audrey Hepburn)

Criminal Cupid: A Thriller Threesome

There’s nothing quite like a threesome to turn the mundane, plain or pleasant into pure excitement, making the stress and monotony of everyday life irrelevant, if even for a few adrenaline-soaked hours.

Forget roses, greeting cards and candy hearts this Valentine’s Day. You deserve a threesome!

Wait. Put your clothes back on! You knew we were talking about books…right? Okay, good. Because Kristine Cayne, CJ West and I have a sweeter-than-chocolate treat for you. For two days only, February 13th and 14th, we’re offering three thrillers for 99 cents each. Purchase three books for a chance to win an I Survived A Thriller Threesome t-shirt (a $20 value). Purchase one of our books for $10 off of a t-shirt (payable to me via PayPal).

How to play:

Purchase the following for yourself and/or others via Amazon. You must purchase three e-books for a chance to win a threesome tee. Though it’d tickle our frisky fancies if you purchased all three, any combination works. In other words, if you’ve read CJ’s book and loved it, you’re welcome to gift it to three friends. Or you could gift two of Kristine’s book to friends and nab mine for yourself. You get the idea. Then in the comments below, let me know that you’ve made three purchases. (How often do you get to say things like, “I ordered my thriller threesome!” ???) If your name is drawn, I’ll request proof of purchase. We’re giving away six shirts, so your chances are good!

The playmates:

Addicted to Love, by CJ West:

Wes Holiday sells his landscaping business and retreats to a quaint mountain town to heal after ending a ten year relationship with a woman he couldn’t bring himself to marry. In three weeks he is so captivated by a hair stylist that he deprives himself of food and sleep to be near her. When the local sheriff is murdered, Wes is recruited to keep the peace in the town his parents built, but he knows nothing about law enforcement and he’s struggling to understand how a woman he just met can dominate his every waking thought. Soon the idyllic town with a penchant for romance is rocked by a bizarre series of murders that defy explanation and it is up to Wes to stop a raging epidemic of violence. Purchase via Amazon

Deadly Addiction, by Kristine Cayne:

When beautiful police sergeant Alyssa Morgan enters his life, Rémi Whitedeer never expects her to upend it. Not only does she have his hormones in an uproar, she’s also threatening to take the position he wants–Chief of Police for the Iroquois Blackriver Reservation. But Alyssa is more than a Barbie cop. Her ends-justifies-the-means philosophy, so different from his own, challenges Rémi on every level. With her sharp investigative skills and her fearlessness, she leads Rémi to confront bitter truths about his family and his standing as a man of mixed race within his tribe.

Tall hunky Rémi Whitedeer, of the panty-melting grin and the smoldering green eyes, flips Alyssa’s world ass over teakettle. She’s always had a laser-like focus on the job, but Rémi proves a constant distraction. His inner strength and sense of purpose strip away the winner-take-all attitude Alyssa wears like armor. Soon she’s longing for more–a more that terrifies and intrigues her. If he finds out the fine line she’d walked while undercover, will he still want her? And will she ever find the courage to let him–or anyone–that far in?

When Alyssa and Rémi uncover a drug-fueled scheme involving a biker gang from Alyssa’s past and a militant sovereigntist group led by Rémi’s cousin, they are forced to choose between their growing love for each other and the lives they’ve worked so hard to build. Will Rémi and Alyssa have to leave everything behind–even their identities–for the chance of a future together? Purchase via Amazon

In Her Shadow, by August McLaughlin:

One woman locked in a basement, nearing death and longing for escape. Another baffled by the inexplicable symptoms wreaking havoc on her life. Both are lost and alone, yet somehow connected. And time is running out…

Near the tenth anniversary of her parents’ unexpected death, Claire Fiksen, a lovely young Harvard-grad and gifted psychologist in Minnesota, develops bizarre symptoms of an eating disorder that threaten her fledgling career, her relationship with a handsome young medical student, her grasp on reality and, soon, her life.

When her beloved grandfather reveals that there may be more to her parents’ death than she’s realized, Claire’s pursuit of healing becomes a desperate search for answers as she delves into her family’s sordid past. Meanwhile, someone is watching her every move, plotting to draw her into her own twisted web of misery. Claire has something he needs, and he’ll stop at nothing to obtain it. Every step Claire takes brings her closer to the truth and danger. And her life, she discovers, isn’t the only one at stake. Purchase via Amazon

For more more writerly, book and threesome fun, pop by my fellow playmates’ blogs:

Blogging with Kristine Cayne  ♥  C.J. West: Suspense. Creativity. Action

Wishing you a happy Valentine’s Day and, if you choose to play, a very thrilling threesome.

August, Kristine and C.J.

Have you ordered your Thriller Threesome? Do tell! Spicy details and creativity welcome!

Va-va-va-GINA! 10 Fab Facts Worth Celebrating

Lieutenant Professor Olga Rockenstein (name changed, but barely) stood before the Sexuality of Women class like a bulldog personified. “Here we are going to talk about SEX!” she said. “Vaginas. Clitorises. Ovaries. STDs. Bisexualism. Lesbianism. Female sexual pleasure. Gender bias. Sexism. Sexual violence. Rape. And we are going to talk respectfully. If you can’t handle it, there’s the door.”

The small-town college classroom fell silent, including the formerly snickering male I’d heard reference the “easiest A” and “best class ratio” ever. Of the forty-plus students, females outnumbered males three to one the first day. By the second class, two guys remained. (The professor later admitted that she plays her “militant lesbian card” on day one to intimidate weed out the non-serious.)

Before that class, I’d never spoken openly about sexuality or heard another speak so candidly about issues I quickly deemed vital. Unlike my grade school sex ed. classes, which emphasized erections, menstrual cramps, intercourse and abstinence, Rockenstein taught us to respect, understand and celebrate our bodies. It was about dang time.

Early in the semester, she assigned Eve Ensler’s The Vagina Monologues. After paging through the poignant true story collection, I went home and decided to check out my own vagina—as in look at it, for real.

I sat before my bedroom wall mirror, legs open wide, dumbfounded; I nearly had to force my gaze “down there.” Once I did, tears filled my eyes; I wasn’t horrified or awestruck, but sad. Had I really gone nearly two decades of life without so much as a glance? My gyno and boyfriend knew more about what laid beneath me than I did…

Thankfully, I’ve learned a lot since then.

Vagina derives from the Latin word for sheath, or the case for a sword. Some women are understandably offended by the term, taking vagina to mean a case for a penis or harmful object. (There’s nothing wrong with housing a penis, obviously—but our lady parts are so much more than that!) I personally feel that vaginas encase our female sexual pleasure centers, and there’s a lot of power there.

Whether we call them vaginas, va-jay-jays, pussies, coots, twats, boxes, girly bits, lady parts or nether regions, our vaginas are beautiful components of our bodies, sexuality, relationships and health. With Valentine’s day approaching, I thought it was an ideal time for Girl Boner to pay tribute.

10 Fabulous Facts About Vaginas

1. Vaginas facilitate pleasure. The clitoris, a tiny organ just inside the vaginal lips, has over 8000 nerve endings exclusively dedicated to female pleasure. (We gals luck out in this regard; the penis only contains 4000.)

2. Va-jay-jays are resilient… “The vagina has an incredibly rich blood supply which promotes rapid healing, even after injury or childbirth,” Dr. Alyssa Dweck told Shape magazine. The same goes for the insertion of large penises and sex toys.

3. …capable and strong. Vaginal muscles are our reproductive system’s quads, supporting everything from the ability to tighten during sex to urinary control. While they gradually weaken with age and childbirth, we can keep and regain strength using kegel exercises and sex-ercise (routine sexual play).

4. Excited vaginas grow. Vaginas average 3 to 4 inches in length but can balloon out to up to twice the size when sexually aroused, according to Dr. Lissa Rankin.

5. Vaginas love healthy food! A diet that emphasizes fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins and healthy fats helps keep the vagina healthy, while preventing dryness. (The same foods make way for a healthy libido.) Dr. Laura Berman recommends drinking plenty of water and limiting alcohol, soft drinks and coffee for added perks.

6. Pussies appreciate play. Sexual play solo or with a partner helps minimize stress, vaginal dryness and libido lulls. Masturbation is particularly important for managing menopause symptoms, says Berman, as well as for learning what we most enjoy.

7. Vaginas self-clean. Consequently, physicians discourage douching, which can disrupt the balance of healthy microorganisms that protect against harmful bacteria and infections.

8. Each vagina has its own unique smell, based on a variety of factors. For the most pleasant aroma, practice positive hygiene and eat namely healthy foods, including sweet fruits. Cranberry juice and probiotic sources, such as yogurt and kefir, may be particularly helpful.

9. Vaginas house the G-spot, the area known for the producing the most powerful orgasms. “The G-spot can be found by inserting your index finger into the vagina with palm facing upward and making a ‘come here’ motion with it,” says Dweck. “It may take some practice to connect with your G-spot, but it’s so worth it.”

10. Routine coot stimulation helps us think sharper, according to Dr. Patricia Bloom. It’s also linked with boosted longevity. (Long live Girl Boners and all who embrace them.)

Girl Boner Challenge:

Whether you’ve done so before or not, take time to observe your vagina in a mirror or camera image. Journal about your thoughts, or write it a love letter. V-day is near, after all. ♥

Have you observed your vagina lately? What terminology do you prefer? Which fact strikes you most?

If you haven’t yet signed up for the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest II, which takes place next week, you still can. I’m also happy to announce the brand spankin’ new Girl Boner Facebook page! Pop by and “like” it to stay fully in the GB loop. The vagina party’s already begun…