L.Z. Marie's Blog, page 19
May 28, 2013
Swimsuit Sorrows
She bounds down the stairs and swipes it from my hands. “Oh! It’s my new bikini!”
Bikini? I’m holding a small flat envelope in my hands.
She rips open the paper and pulls out…..
2 dots and a dash.
“Adorable, right?” she says holding up the pink body floss.
I owned such a swimsuit like that once. I remember it clearly. It was a red and white tiger striped bandeau style with teeny tiny bottoms.
Damn, I looked good in that swimsuit.
“You look sad.” Sweet daughter says.
“I’m just having swimsuit flashbacks–remembering when I could wear bikinis like that.”
She looks skeptical.
“I need a new swimsuit–go shopping with me.”
“No way, mom. You’re gonna get in the dressing room and start ranting and raving about swimsuit designers. Then you’re gonna complain that you can’t work, write, blog, cook, blah blah and still spend 3 hours at the gym.”
“I’ll buy you Starbucks.”
“OK.”
Hubby walks by. “I’ll come bikini shopping with you.”
“Don’t let him come, mom. He thinks you look good in everything!”
Here’s a sampling of my daughter’s remarks at the department store.
“The flower print is too big.”
“The stripes are going the wrong way.”
“Hideous.”
“That’s too pink.”
“You really need a tan.”
“Not in public.”
“Too old lady.”
“You’re joking, right?”
“That’s really retro. You need red lips–you don’t look good with red lips.”
“Too Vegas.”
“It doesn’t look good from this angle.” ( she’s looking straight at me)
“Maybe if you did some stomach crunches.”
“Maybe we should just find a great sarong–so you can cover it all up.”
We finally find a figure-enhancing swimsuit that doesn’t look half bad.
“I’m sorry, mom,” daughter says as we sip our coffees. “When you get rich, you can hire a personal trainer and chef, and just focus on you.”
I give her hug. “OK.”
Mmmm…focus on me. Sounds good, but instead of going to the gym, I would much rather take a painting class…
COMING IN JUNE
The Merkabah Deception
click here for sample chapter
The 2nd in the 5-part Merkabah Series
Related links :Multi-tasking Flunky; Gracious Living; Junk Mail; Closet Craziness; Surviving My Purse; Ode to Stilettos; Girlie to-do list #1; Girlie to-do list #2; Sequestration at my house; Mom’s Smoke Signals
May 23, 2013
5th Amendment–Family Style
Taking the 5th!
Pleading the 5th amendment is useful if you’re a politico or scapegoat or tipster sitting in the Hot Seat!
While driving to work, I listened as the radio broadcast a government employee invoking the 5th and I thought, “Well, that came in handy.”
In case you were absent the day they taught the 5th amendment in school:
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation
Too bad we can’t invoke the right in work situations or in our personal lives.
Imagine how much we could get away with!
Mom: Who broke the vase? Kiddo: I take the 5th.
Dad: Who filled the vodka bottle with water? Teen: My government teacher says I can plead the 5th so I don’t incriminate myself.
Wife: Why didn’t you remember our anniversary? Hubby: Taking the 5th and calling to make dinner reservations right now.
Boss: Why did the client go to our competitor? Employee: I invoke the protective rights of the 5th amendment while I call the HR department
Teacher: Why didn’t you turn in the assignment on time? Student: Not only do I take the 5th, I’m telling my mom you’re prying into my personal life.
Mom: Why did you pee in the house? Dog: Woof.
Of course, the moment someone pleads the 5th, we know or assume the person might just as well have shouted:
But wait, you say. It’s wrong to assume guilt–that’s not what the amendment was written for at all! One thing is certain: Something funky is going on!
I stay far away from all political discussions (on my blog at least);
however, as any parent can attest, a child who doggedly remains silent–and is NOT the guilty party–is really covering for someone else! Usually a sibling or friend! Which in Parentland requires a long lecture and cajoling to tell “the truth.”
We still don’t know which kiddo filled the vodka bottle with water. *sigh* Maybe one day.
Good thing the home is not a court room!
What do you think? If someone pleads the 5th, nolo contendre ( I refuse to agree or deny), or remains silent on an issue what is your instinctive response?
Related Links: Multi-tasking Flunky; Junk Mail; Closet Craziness; Sequestration at my house; Mom’s Smoke Signals; Gracious Living
May 20, 2013
Empty Nest
The last child is graduating from high school. A mile stone! Not for my daughter–we expected her to graduate–but for mom.
“Are you sad?” asks Hubby. “Your baby is moving out and going to college.”
Sad? Um…
My life has been consumed with children for many years. Children that I had to:
cook for
nag at
scold
drive around
be exasperated by
worry about
give money to
catch in lies
make emergency runs to wherever ( school, game, hospital, work friend)
Sad? Not so much.. I do feel some relief.
Hubby gives me a worried look. “Most moms are sad when the last one leaves home.”
Why aren’t I sad? His statement gives me a fair amount of angst!
And then it hits me! The children have worn me out! After 27 years of kiddos, Mom is just plum tuckered out! Wiped out! Run-down!
27 years of mom…mom…mom…mom…mom ( young parents, that summons never ends).
Mom needs a few years to recuperate before grandchildren start arriving.
And it’s not like they’re really gone! Like the Terminator who says, “I’ll be back,” this is only the end of Season 1 of Life with Children.
Maybe years ago, before the advent to social media and techno-everything, parents probably felt the nest-leaving more profoundly.
Texting, Instagram, Facebook mean the umbilical cord is still attached–a cyber-umbilical cord! Of course, if they de-friend me that’s a different story!
Quick true story:
Mom: Why did you defriend me on Facebook?
Son: I don’t want you to see what I’m doing!
Mom; Oh, but you have no problem letting a future employer see your shenanigans?
Son: Oh! Hadn’t thought of that! OK, look, I’m re-friending you right now. **mutters under breath, damn**
And I’m 100% certain that the above bulleted points NEVER end for a mom–I mean, that’s what mom’s do, right?
So, what’s really changed?
I still receive their parking tickets, mail, jury summons, W2′s, and junk mail. They still come in, head straight for the fridge, and forage for snack food.
“I think we should turn the front bedroom into my office or maybe an exercise room.” I say to Hubby after graduation.
“I can see you’re all choke up!” Hubby says, scratching his chin in wonder.
The nest may be empty, my little birdies flown the coop, but the time has come for this old chick to spread her wings and fly.
And it’s time for them to be catching their own worms!
Related Posts:Multi-tasking Flunky; Gracious Living; Junk Mail; Closet Craziness; Surviving My Purse; Ode to Stilettos; Girlie to-do list #1; Girlie to-do list #2; Sequestration at my house; Mom’s Smoke Signals
May 14, 2013
Gracious Living
Living simply. Gracious living. Pinterest Perfect! Many a magazine and website are devoted to making your home environment a joy to behold.
A good idea. In theory!
I can do that, I think while drooling over the Pinterest Pretties and magazine spreads.
Ha! My attempts never hit the mark.
Glass pitchers of sparkling water filled with strawberries and cucumber–not so pretty with old fruit
Cupcakes with a fluffy swirl of icing and beautiful garnishment at the top–require a steady decorating hand and the perfect consistancy of frosting
Sumptuous beds with mounds of luxurious ( and perfectly placed ) pillows–looks like a crazy lady threw the pillows on mine
A plate of artfully presented food–wasted on hungry hubby
A whimsical and verdant garden–too much time to maintain
a vase of colorful tulips–mined droop (unattractively) after a day
All that eye candy!
It’s a sickness, gazing upon a snapshot of some artfully-enhanced item. Someone should stop me!
Why? Because coveting all that Pretty just makes me realize how plain my everyday life is . I know…whine whine…1st World Problem.
Maybe it’s just me, but in today’s world when many of us race through life at rocket speed, juggle jobs, kiddos, and home—who has time for that? I just end up feeling pressured to make everything look whimsical and stunning! I know I would enjoy it–although the hubby could care less.
Many women, especially if they tend to be empathic, tend to need those little niceties in their life. Sight, sound, touch, scent–the beauty is a joy in which we revel.
The aroma of our lotions must make us smile, coffee smells divine in a pretty mug, and a cake tastes better if its wondrously decorated.
On occasion, I remind myself to take life a little slower, take joy in simple pleasures…take time to admire a single bloom in a vase, enjoy a cup of tea in an antique porcelain tea cup, delight in the lingering scent of an aromatic candle.
I have the best intentions—I do—but Time flies!
Working moms are lucky to inhale a cup of morning coffee—let alone bask in its aroma and enjoy the froth in a picturesque mug. Stay at home moms fare no better—toddlers and babies need constant attention.
“Mom, stop and smell the roses,” my daughter says.
Oh sure—she didn’t drive to the nursery, buy the plant, nag husband to plant the bush, dig the hole, fertilizer and water the plant, and—well, you get the picture.
After a particularly shiny-pretty-fanciful Pinterest photo I vow–yet again– to indulge in some gracious living.
I promise to:
have a bouquet of flowers for my desk (at work)
drink my morning coffee from a beautiful mug
take time to make the dinner look Pinterest Perfect
sit in the backyard, sip fresh mint tea, and watch the clouds
fill my home with fresh flowers
throw out all the ugly freebie mugs
drink wine from my best wine glass
One day, I tell myself, one day when I have nothing pressing to do. Ironically enough, now that I have a few of the resources and spare cash for some lifestyle upgrades, I don’t have the time!
My solution? I stick a sprig of rosemary in my lemonade. Delicious!
Related Links: Multi-tasking Flunky; Junk Mail; Closet Craziness; Surviving My Purse; Ode to Stilettos; Girlie to-do list #1; Girlie to-do list #2; Sequestration at my house; Mom’s Smoke Signals
May 10, 2013
Mom Power
Experienced Mom lesson #2
By the time the children are teenagers and older, most moms feel fairly confident in their mom skills. They should. After 20 years or so, moms have heard it all, seen it all, and “been there, done that.”
If I hear a new mom complaining or wondering about some small child woe, I pipe right in with all the wisdom of my 20+ years of mothering.
New moms might not like hearing the truth, but hey! I’m just trying to help!
Here’s what I’ve learned so far ( and I know I have a whole lot more learning ahead when my children have children of their own.)
Every stain can be removed! The question is how long are you willing to work at it?
You must learn to multi-task or nothing will ever get done
If there’s a sharp corner in your home a toddler will fall into it.
Don’t buy white-upholstered furniture.
Always have enough gas in the car to drive to the emergency room.
Don’t tell siblings to “love each other.” They’ll just rebel. Allow that feeling to grow on its own. ( It may take many years)
Work on perfecting “The Look” while they are very young. It serves a mother well when children need to be reprimanded/warned quietly in public.
You cannot treat your children equally–because they are different. The exception: When they are younger you MUST buy each the exact same number of Christmas gifts. When they are older–beware! They will add up $$$ amounts in their head.
If children are permitted to get away with sassing, disobedience, & disrespect when they are young ( 2-yrs old)–it will be virtually impossible to change the learned behavior when they hit their teens. (What’s “cute” when they’re little will prove disastrous when older)
Children lie. Teenagers lie. Young adults lie.
Moms need to lie to their children sometimes.
Learn the body language indicators each child has when they lie. NEVER tell them how you know. NEVER.
Children learn from what you DO and how you ACT. Every day. Every hour. Every second. That means you have to be a role model.
Being the “mean mom” takes courage and will break your heart but you have to do it.
Be prepared to be hated.
Your child shouldn’t be your friend until they are an adult.
Don’t think that boys are “this way” and girls are “that way.” Personality determines traits more than gender.
Teach children to do things for themselves.
Make them do a chore/task over until they get it right! Not completing the task or doing it poorly is just their way of getting out of it in the future.
Don’t do their homework for them. As a teacher, I can assure you that your child was taught the skill in class before it was assigned as homework. Maybe next time they’ll pay attention.
Let your child experience failure. Failure is necessary in life–without it we would never learn anything.
Use humor when possible.
Pick your battles carefully.
Teenagers will go to great lengths to get a rise out of you. Don’t fall for it. Green hair? Whatever.
Don’t argue with them. A broken rule has consequences. End of discussion.
Give lots of hugs.
Use humor. Frequently.
Remember, you may not see the rewards for being the best mom you can be for many years.
Any experienced mom wisdom of your own?
Related Posts: Experienced Mom lesson #1; Teenagers are useful; What a mom wants;
May 8, 2013
What a Mom Wants
“Hey, mom! What do you want for Mother’s Day?”
Well, that’s a loaded question!
I want lots of stuff–none of which my children can buy.
I want ( and this may not be representative of mothers everywhere):
world peace
my children to be happy adults with fulfilling jobs and to find love with a special someone
my pre-baby body back ( this would take a lot of $$$$$)
a life time supply of shoulder massages
my children to remain healthy
the return of my once calm and stress free personality ( they refuse to believe that I was once easy-going )
When I had 4 little ones running around ( now I have 4 driving around– I don’t know which is more frightening), all I really wanted for Mother’s Day was peace and quiet! I wanted to be alone. I can’t be the only one, right? Right?
As the years passed, the kiddos wanted to DO SOMETHING on Mothers’s Day. Translation: Take us somewhere fun where you can pretend to have fun with us.
Now, however, the children are grown and honor me by putting in an appearance. They bring cards, flowers, Starbucks, gift certificates, and sometimes make a meal. We might watch an old movie together or play Scrabble.
“Really mom! I can’t buy you a new body for Mother’s Day. Be serious. How about a gift certificate?”
“Yeah! And I can’t afford the basketball player’s salary !”
Huh?
What they don’t understand is that I don’t need a gift nor do I need them to show up on that particular day. Why? Because they give me gifts all year long. True Gifts. Gifts that make mom proud!
What’s a True Mom Gift?
A True Mom Gift is when one of them…
takes time out of their busy schedule to help me with something that will require many hours
washes my car without asking
calls to tell me “You were right about _________.”
says “I miss you”
lands a job/is admitted to college/gets an A/graduates/buys a house
does the right thing
is a considerate, thoughtful adult
is respectful and kind (even if I’m throwing a hissy fit about something)
does something nice for one of their siblings
says something nice about one of their siblings
gives me a hug for no reason
brings Starbucks without asking
laughs at my jokes
tells me my blog cracked them up
reveals that they admire me
shares a secret
offers to make dinner
makes a surprise visit
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to nor would I ever turn down a gift card or gift.
And just in case…
Related Posts: Teenage Daughters; London Calling; Snack Happy Son Goes to Costco; Sequestration at my house; First House, Prom poem; Teenagers are useful;
May 6, 2013
Teenage Daughters
Daughters are special–any mother will agree. There is a feminine bond that develops–eventually. A kinship of womanly wiles and woes that are shared over the decades–hopefully.
Most of us are familiar with the saying: A son is your son until he takes a wife, a daughter is your daughter for the rest of your life.
This unique bond takes many years to develop, growing and thriving if nurtured.
When our daughters are toddlers, we put them in ruffles and bows–our little real-live dress-up dolls. They don’t complain too much at that age.
Elementary age daughters make us remember our own childhoods. Soccer practice, softball, riding lessons, dance lessons–my daughters had a wide variety– I was a modern mom! And modern moms understand the many ways that sports teaches a girl important skills and life lessons.
Next comes the pre-teen gawky years. Our daughters feel the need to be different than mom, to establish their own identity. This is where the trouble begins.
The early teen years are the most challenging–at least, that seems to be the general consensus.
Our daughters experiment with make up ( heavy black eyeliner, green eye shadow) and hair color.
Expect:
temper tantrums
moodiness
door slammming
glaring
and that’s just from mom!
The teenage years are when a mom shows her daughter the ‘art of pimple concealment’ and commiserates when she complains that her hair sticks to lip gloss. We sympathize when ‘that time of the month’ comes at the worst possible time. We agree whole heartedly that “boys are stupid” and explain the tragic consequences of washing jeans with lipstick still in the pocket.
We may demonstrate age-old flirting techniques, like the classic hair flip, but more than likely we’ll send them back to their room for an outfit change. “You are not going to school in that!”
True story: My 15-yr old and I were walking through Macy’s one afternoon when an older woman stopped us to say how much we resembled one another.
I turned to my daughter. “I look beautiful!”
“I’m hideous!” she cried, ending her good mood for the day.
By the time our daughters are 17, and if we are really, really lucky, they have outgrown the “I hate mom” stage… I don’t know , maybe it has something to do with their needing vast sums of money for all those senior activities!
Finally, we can:
have fun at the make up counter and give one another honest opinions about a new product
laugh in the dressing room without anyone taking offense ( “That outfit is awful,mom”)
dish about “boys” and how their minds think ( or don’t )
discuss the importance of finding fabulous shoes we can still walk in
promise to share a darling evening bag
convince each other of the need for yet another new fangled curling iron
both agree that Johnny Dep is hot!
Oh sure, my daughters don’t always listen to me! (Although my oldest noted the other day that everything I ever told her was 100% correct.)
All that female bonding aside, there are a few serious consequences of having a teen daughter in the house.Things go missing!
Important female things!
expensive hair treatments
hair bands or barrettes
teasing comb
nail polish and anything related to nail care
cotton balls ( Hubby still has no idea why a woman uses so many)
razors ( I buy a pack of 100 at Costco–the pack is good for about 2 months!)
bronzer
perfume
make-up brushes (“Buy some for me or I’ll keep using yours!”)
clothes ( if you’re both about the same size)
Truth be told, daughters make us appreciate our own mothers!
Daughters do wonderful things. Not the wonderful things you expected them to do. Different things. Astonishing things. Better than you ever dreamed.–Marion C. Garrett
There’s nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won’t aggravate.–Author Unknown
A daughter is a new beginning
A daughter is your excuse for making a doll’s house,
A daughter is an awful reminder of the way you behaved at fourteen.
A daughter is the person to whom all that dusty stuff in the attic belongs.
A daughter is the person you thought you would stop worrying about when she hit twenty-one.
But who is still worrying you silly at forty-five.–Pam Brown
An end note: Both daughters will ask why I selected “that” photo!
Related Posts: London Calling; Snack Happy Son Goes to Costco; Sequestration at my house; First House, Prom poem; Teenagers are useful;
May 3, 2013
Angel Lore 3
Angel week: Day 5
Angel: from the Greek angelos, which means messanger
Fun facts:
The Book of Enoch says angels were men, since they fell in-love with the “daughters of men.” (Together they produced angel half breeds, known as nephilim)
When Mohammed was transported to Heaven, he saw an angel with 70,000 heads, each head having 70,000 faces, each face having 70,000 mouths, each mouth having 70,000 tongues, each tongue speaking 70,000 languages. And they were all praising God. OK–let’s do the math, that’s 31,000 trillion languages and 5 billion mouths!
Some believe angels are ageless and gender
There are angels for just about every occasion. The following is a small sampling.
Angels of Dreams
Angel over Birds
Angel of the Bottomless Pit
Angel of creation
Angels of Cold
Angel of Chaos
Angel of calculations
Angel of Deserts
Angel of dust
Angel of Forgetfulness
Angel of Food
Angel of earthquakes
Angel of Herbs
Angel of Fruit
Angel of Patience
Angel of Poetry
Angel of Song
Angel of sleep
well…you get the picture…
Hope you had fun discovering the world of angels!
Related Posts: The Archangels; The Archangels 2; Angel Hierarchy; Angel Lore; Angel Lore 2
May 1, 2013
Angel Lore 2
Angel week: Day 4
We are all familiar with the big-name angels like Gabriel and Michael, but there’s a whole angelic host with some pretty impressive creds to their name.
But first, a fun fact: God assigns some angels to Hell, just as there are fallen angels hanging out in Heaven ( the Grigori, for example).
A few angelic heavy hitters!
Abaddon:
aka “The Destroyer” or “angel of the bottomless pit”. In Revelation, this is the angel who will bind Satan in Hell for 1,000 years.
Some believe Abaddon is a place, rather than a being.
In the Christian allegorical story Pilgrim’s Progress, he is a demon or a devil
One text claims it was the name God invoked to reign terror upon Egypt in the time of Moses
Anafiel:
“branch of God”
One of the 8 Merkabah angels
Keeps the keys to the heavenly hall
Cheif seal bearer
Told to whip God’s favorite angel 60 times with fire
Took Enoch to heaven
Azzael: (fallen angel)Leader of the 200 fallen angels
Taught men how to forge a sword
Introduced women to make-up (nice)
Lord of Hell, Seducer of Mankind (not so nice)
Depicted as having 7 serpent-like heads, 14 faces, and 12 wings.
His refusal to worship Adam got him kicked out of heaven
Israel
“striver with God”
Belongs to a prestigious class of angels who surround God’s throne, and may compare with that of seraphim and cherubim
Israfel
aka Sarafiel
Supposedly has 4 wings and is so tall his head touches the pillars of the Divine Throne
Often overcome with tears of grief when he peers down at hell
Islamic folklore contends that he, along with 3 other angels, gathered dust from around the world to create Adam
Nathanael:
“gift of God”
One of the 12 angels of vengeance
Lord over fire
Saved 7 men from fire during the infamous God vs Baal contest
Nuriel:
“of fire”
Lord of hailstorms
Can morph into an eagle
Has spellbinding power
Governs over Virgo
Leader of many legions of angels
Super tall, but not as tall as the Watchers (fallen angels)
Will blow the horn on Judgement Day
Uriel:
“fire of god”
Interprets Ezra’s visions
Watches over thunder and terror
Stands at the gate,fiery sword in hand, to guard the entrance to Eden
One of the angels who helped destroy the army at Sennacherib
Angel of the month of September
Gave the Kabbalah to man
Religious art is one of my “things.” Can’t get enough of it! Which means I’m always perusing the museum shops for art books. Along with all the wonderful photos, this little book contains a wealth of information about religious lore.
Related Posts: The Archangels; The Archangels 2; Angel Hierarchy; Angel Lore
Angel Lore
Day 3 of Angel week!
Specific angels exist for each: day of the week, month, phase of the moon, season, planet, zodiac, 4 directions, and hour of the day! In fact, there’s an angel for just about any occasion!
Our history is rife with lore about angels’ victories, meetings, tasks, and fall from Heaven. Oddly enough, and except for few, their actual names are NOT found in the Bible.
Where do all those angel names come from?
Most of what we know about angels comes from texts other than scripture. Oh sure, there’s the occasion mention of angels in the Bible, but they are described very ambiguously.
So from where does angel lore derive? Many of the names, classifications, rankings, and legends come from apocryphal texts.
(Apocryphal = a text which has been determined to be unauthentic, and/or has dubious origins and/or an unreliable author.)
Here’s a list of texts–authentic and not–that discuss angels. Disclaimer: Any inaccuracies are my own, and it is not my intent to marginalize or promote the authenticity of any ancient text. In other words, I’m 100% certain many people know a whole lot more about the texts listed below than I.
1. The Koran: specifies 7 angels by name
2. The Bible: specifies 3 angels by name
3. The Book of Tobit: Considered apocrypha, although a few fragments were found in the Dead Sea Scrolls
4. The Talmud names a few angels, like Uriel, Reziel,and Metatron,
5. The Zohar: The go-to guide for Jewish mystical Kabalistic philosophy and teachings
6.The Book of Jubilees: Considered pseudepigraphia ( a false work ) by most Christian religions. Early Christians were familiar with this text. ( Interesting reading! One of the characters discusses this dubious text in the 2nd novel of the Merkabah series)
7. The Book of Enoch: Also considered pseudepigraphia. Written by–guess who–Enoch, great great great grandson of Noah. (Also used in research for the 2nd novel)
8. the grimoires: Super spooky incantations and black magic stuff
In later years:
Paradise Lost by Milton: An epic poem about the fall of man ( in case you were sleeping in class the day the teacher read an excerpt ).
Lucifer by Vondal: A 17th century playwright who wrote about the battle between Lucifer and Michael–and both their armies.
The Hierarchy of Blessed Angels by Heywood: A long poem by a British playwright in the 17th century.
State of Innocence by Dryden: An operetic adaptation of Paradise Lost
The Messiah by Klopstock: A German poet whose subject matter of his epic lyrical poems rattled more than a few Christian leaders.
Related Links: The Archangels; The Archangels 2; Angel Hierarchy;
