L.Z. Marie's Blog, page 23
March 21, 2013
Ice Cream Verse
Ice cream, ice cream, creamy and sweet nothin’ better to beat the heat. Chocolate, strawberry, mocha, and praline no way to eat a bowl and still stay lean.
Whipped cream, cherry, hot fudge, and some nuts
all those calories go straight to the butt.
Frozen yogurt just ain’t the same
no matter what the fancy pants name.
Frozen banana, oh please, too healthy
and it doesn’t have that same smooth melty.
One scoop, two scoops, three scoops– of bliss!
A day without ice cream is sorely missed!
A la mode or atop a slice of cake
fried, melted, or Alaskan Baked
adding a scoop is never wrong.
cuz it has calcium, so you’ll grow up strong!
Coldstone, Haagen dazs, Ben & Jerry’s, and more
with all those flavors you’ll never get bored!
Ice cream sandwiches, cones, bars, and cakes
Always chose ice cream over a steak.
So bring on the carton when you’re feeling blue or need to celebrate, or haven’t a clue. Feed it to the children, grandparents, and teens because everyone everyone loves ice cream.
Note: My sincere condolences to the lactose intolerant!
Related Posts: Don’t Buy me Candy; Diet Diatribe;
March 20, 2013
Job Skills vs. Personality traits
While perusing the web the other day, I found a FOX news article that listed the 10 job skills every employer wants. The list was sort of a no-brainer. But the list got me to thinking…
The skills deemed important are not exclusive to employees. These personalty traits are equally valuable for healthy relationships, as well! EVERY ONE wants their significant other to possess these excellent characteristics.
Here’s the Employer Wish List and my ( slightly slanted) comments:
1. Shows commitment
I think it’s called a vow or something; rings and weddings are involved.
2. Wears many hats
Our significant others must be willing to perform many different duties. Hubby can cook and do laundry. Wife can pay someone to mow the lawn and buy new clothes.
3. Go the extra mile
We expect our loves to swim through shark-infested waters for us or, at least, make a Starbucks run.
4. Be decision-makers
Nobody–repeat–nobody can deal with chronic fence sitters. Of course, the flip side, are the horrors of marrying a tyrannical dictator.
5. Have passion or a sense of purpose
Passion is good, and, in general, people are more interesting to talk to when when they have a passion about something. For example, I’m passionate about novels: Hubby is passionate about sports. So we both nod our heads encouragingly when the other speaks, but don’t really pay much attention. ( joking)
6. Organized
This skill comes in handy during tax time and makes life easier on everyone–unless your significant other has OCD tendencies.
7. Dependable
Do NOT mistake un-dependability with spontaneity. The two traits are vastly different! And do not mistake dependability with boring!
8. Possesses effective communication skills
Because slamming doors, foul language, and baleful looks are sooooo sexy.
9. Conscientiousness
A tricky trait. Niceties done by rote or habit are not near as endearing as a considerate gesture.
10. Positive attitude
Except when the positive attitude is a substitute for reality.
What trait do you think is missing? I think it’s creativity!
We need creativity at work to be innovative problems and we need creativity in relationships to….ummm… this is a PG blog…be innovative problem solvers!
Related Posts :On-line job applications; Wanted: Food Fairy; Are schools killing creativity
March 18, 2013
Prom Dress Poem
It’s the last prom dress I’ll ever buy. sniff sniff. And I’ve bought quite a few.
Teen:
Shopping for a prom dress with mom is such a drag
nothin’ but hours of nag nag nag,
I need her to finance this wispy little dress
so I just smile real big and give her my best.
She stares at the beading, pulls, and yanks
claims this dress will break the bank.
She says it’s too loose and this one’s too tight
the gown never seems to fit just right.
I love it! I want it! Just buy it for me.
Instead I hug her and don’t disagree.
Mom:
Shopping for a prom dress with my daughter is fun
from store to store we happily run.
Not one is perfect, not one meets my demands
cause doesn’t she know, I’m her biggest fan?
I show her the dress cleavage test
and help find the one that makes her look the best.
I pull on the straps, tug at the seams
she’s so beautiful–she looks like a dream.
My little girl–all grown up
she doesn’t suspect I’m about to choke up.
And when she says she needs matching heels
she’s got no idea how sweet her appeal!
Prom gowns, dance dresses, the short and the long in a blink of an eye, those days are soon gone!Maxi’s, chiffon, rhinestone, and mini’s
Was I ever that tiny, so young,and so skinny?
Related Links: Twas the Night Before Christmas; Closet Craziness; Ode to Stilettos
March 16, 2013
Lie Detector
Did you hear about the Lynchburg, Virginia teacher who used a Smart Phone lie detector app to find out which of her 3rd graders stole some Valentine’s Day candy?
A lie detector app for your phone is only for F-U-N. Fun, people! Real lie detectors are administered by trained professionals and, even then, the machine isn’t 100% accurate.
But what if there was an authentic app that really, really validated your suspicions that someone was lying to you? When might you use it? Any special people you might need to use it on?
I know precisely when I would pull out the Smart Phone and say, “Put your thumb on the screen!”
I would use the lie detector app after someone made the following statement:
1. “You look great!”
2. “I don’t have any homework.”
3.”That shirt will go with everything.”
4. “This is the lowest price we can give you.”
5. “Oh, I’m sorry, we’re busy that day.”
6. “Mom, if there were drugs and alcohol at the party, I would have left.”
7. “It wasn’t my fault.”
8. “We would have been on time but traffic was a nightmare.”
9. “It’s very easy to assemble.”
10. “The doctor will be with you shortly.”
11. “I’ll have that paperwork for you tomorrow.”
12. “I thought I paid that bill.”
13. “I forgot.”
14. “The green was really crowded today.”
15. “No honey, these are not new shoes, you just never noticed them before.” ( oh,wait–I’m not going to use the app on myself!)
Of course, maybe you don’t have to use a lie detector. Maybe your own powers of observation and intuition reveal when the kiddos or spouse are trying to pull one over on you.
I can tell when my children are lying–each have certain mannerisms, intonations etc that clue me in…but since they all read my blog I will not reveal my methods!!! ( Sorry, kids)
If you don’t have a lie detector handy, here are the real signs that someone is lying (works best if you know the person):
Higher pitched voice
Clearing throat, umms, hesitations
A pronounced lilt at the end of the sentence
Shorter replies
Changing tenses, repeating oneself
Using words like everyone, everybody, always, never ( used by teens everywhere!)
Increased swallowing
Perspiration on upper lip
Colloidal artery throbbing (in the neck)
Blinking more than usual
Putting hands/fingers to one’s mouth
Touching one’s nose
Either an increase or decrease in body movements
Saying yes but shaking head no, and visa a versa (words don’t match gestures)
Either increased or decreased eye contact ( some people think if they stare you will mistake this for honesty—it’s usually a ploy or an intimidation tactic)
Doing something distracting to buy more time while they think of a response ( cough, look at phone, pet the dog)
For a laugh, check out Jimmy Kimmel: Lie Detector video.
Related Posts: Body language: 20 signs you’re an Adult
March 14, 2013
Prom Etiquette for Guys
Prom time! My seniors have been chattering about the event for weeks. Their date. The music. The venue. The tux. The dress….and so on.
Corsages. Limos. Party Buses. Rented tuxes. Matching bow ties. Elaborate hairstyles. Good times!
A few of my International Baccalaureate seniors composed a list of Prom Do’s and Don’ts for guys! (Evidently, guys need help in this area.)
With a few R-rated moderations ( and yes, I had their permission to post ) here’s the list:
Section 1: The Don’ts
Do not make a comment after a joke.
Make no mention of guns, knives, weapons, or other redneck shit stuff.
Do not make analogies or use metaphors
Do not over explain.
Let people talk! Don’t interrupt!
Curb the loud obnoxious laughter.
Refrain from foul language, dirty words, or racial/gay slurs.
Don’t talk about your mom.
Don’t comment on your date’s body.
Do not put yourself down.
Section 2: The Don’ts
Do not dry hump when you dance.
Walk with a sway.
Do not do stupid stuff.
Do not make weird faces.
Do not eat garlic or a heavy meal for dinner.
Do not step on her feet or elbow anybody on the dance floor.
Do not force her to dance.
Do not zone out– because it will look like you’re bored.
Do not go on a tangent.
Do not become irritated or upset when yuor freinds tease you.
Do not ask her to kiss you or anything of the sort.
Do not let your hands fall below her hips.
Don’t stare at or comment on her boobs!
Do not put your arm around her shoulders for pictures–place arm around her waist.
Section 3: The Do’s
Ask her to dance.
Tell her she looks beautiful.
Let her dance with others is she wants.
Open the doors for her.
Pull out the chair for her and make sure she is seated before you.
Hold her hand.
Place your hand on her lower back when walking downstairs.
Ask if she would like for you get anything (snack, drink etc)
If she leaves anything at coat check, get it for her.
On the ride home just let stuff happen.
Kiss her on the cheek.
This Prom Etiquette for Guys is courtesy of Corey Lee, Willow Stowe, and Kenly Gaynor.
Honest Abe, I did not make this up.
OK readers, would you care to add anything to the list? Any prom memories? I would love to post your comments!
Remember the dance scene from Hitch?
Related Posts: Teen Talk; Teen Talk 2; Teen Slang 3; School Answering Message
March 13, 2013
Paranormal Lounge Blog
Paranormal Lounge has featured The Merkabah Recruit!
Creepy excerpt is included!!!
Click Paranormal Lounge to go to this cool website!!!
A zillion thanks to Paranormal Lounge and Kayla Curry!
March 12, 2013
Mom’s Smoke Signals
Conclave! Catholic Cardinals from around the globe are sequestered in a room until they decide on the next pope. And how do they communicate their decision to the world? Everyone knows the answer! Black smoke means no pope chosen. White means “we have a pope.”
An effective method, yes? Antiquated, but efficient. Evident to everyone watching! Well, that got me to thinking…
Moms are responsible for many, many decisions; our minds a tangle of stuff to worry and obsess over. What if moms used smoke signals to communicate to the outside world what was going on inside the house or inside their head? It might prevent a whole heap of trouble. Children would instantly know the mental state of mom. Hubby would understand what was in-store for him before he walked through the door.
Here’s my list of smoke colors and their indications.
Black: Mom’s in a bad mood. Enter at your own risk. Do not–repeat–do not ask “What’s for dinner?”
White: Mom is feeling benevolent and at peace with the world. Maybe, she even baked cookies!
Blue: Mom is sad and needs a hug. A cup of tea might be nice, too.
Red: Enter at your own risk! Somebody did something or something happened to incur mom’s wrath.
Burgundy: Mom needs wine! Hubby should turn around and drive to store immediately! Chocolate makes a tasty accompaniment.
Pink: Mom feels pretty ( perhaps a visit to the salon or a new purchase is involved). Notice and compliment mom’s new hair/clothes/make-up.
Yellow: Like the biblical Judas Iscariot who is described as wearing a yellow cloak, someone is in deep doo-doo. If you suspect it might be you, confess immediately!
Brown: Dinner is burnt to a crispy crunch because mom was too busy writing her novel to notice the smell.
Green: Mom needs house or yard work done ASAP (lawn maintenance, rooms cleaned, trash out). Be prepared for chores!
What if you don’t have a chimney or the chimney has never been used? No problem! Either send a text message or a picture of the color!
Smoke signals…good for mom…beneficial for the whole family!
Do you have any suggetions for colored smoke signals??
Related Posts: Sequestration at my house; Queen of T.P; Wanted: Food Fairy; Impatient Me: Life in the Fast Lane
March 10, 2013
Teenagers are Useful
It’s the best of times–it’s the worst of times!
Teenagers are fun! Teens keep you on your toes!
Parents of teens enjoy complaining about their teens–and rightly so. Few of us are blessed with perfect children ( and please, if you have perfect children you’re either lying or grossly deceived).
But teens are useful and good for lots of stuff! Here’s a list to help us remember why we love and appreciate our teens.
Teens:
drive to Starbucks to pick up your over-priced coffee.
shop for groceries and never forget the salt-sugar-carb snacks.
announce how your new dress really looks.
point out new wrinkles or grey roots.
confess that your style is looking “old lady.”
pump gas and wash your car.
invoke memories of when you could eat anything and still look fab in a bikini.
demonstrate the latest grinding dance moves.
answer most of your technology questions.
inspire you too keep your car insurance paid up.
embolden you to ask for a raise and climb the corporate ladder.
lighten the load in your wallet
teach you to laugh and cry at the exact same time.
require you to develop a sense of humor.
give you a reason to play the iconic “I Will Survive” song to banish their dating blues.
enliven any dinner discussion.
help determine the G forces on any door.
provide proof of the need to have unlimited texting/wifi service.
assist with emptying the cookie jar.
hone your sleeping skills so that you can hear the sound of a footfall on carpet
improve your sense of smell–alcohol breath can be detected from 5 feet away.
communicate colorful new words for body parts or actions.
motivate you to get out of bed early Saturday morning to watch their games/performances.
make late night ice cream runs
Without teenagers, parents would never develop the compassion, fortitude, grace, courage, and stamina to enter Middle Age with wisdom and forbearance.
Yep, teens are useful!
How are YOUR teenagers useful???
Related Posts: Smokin’ Good Times; Experienced Mom lesson #1; Wanted: Food Fairy
March 9, 2013
Pesto Cucumber Salad
I use the pesto sauce from Costco, but most markets make excellent pesto these days.
And what should you do with the extra pesto sauce? Mix it with rice! Delicious!
For more recipes click Recipes on the navigation bar.
March 8, 2013
Inventions by Women
It’s Fab Female Friday!
Women are amazing inventors! Unfortunately just how many inventions we really are responsible for is lost in history. Why? Because men took the credit. Even in the USA! In fact, women were not permitted to get a patent in their own name until the late 1800′s.
Here are just a few women inventors.
1.Alphabet Blocks>>> Adeline Whitney: Poet and author of 20 children’s books.
2.Brassiere>>>Mary Phelps Jacob: Although bra-like garments go way back in history ( as far back as ancient Rome), 19-yr old Mary invented the 1st modern version from 2 silk handkerchiefs and a ribbon when the boning of her corset showed through her fancy ball gown.
3. Disposable Diapers>>>After WW2, Marion Donovan sewed up a plastic shower curtain to keep the bed sheets dry from the leaky kiddo. She had no takers for for waterproof diaper cover, until Saks Fifth Avenue debuted it in 1949. Her next project, designing a totally disposable diaper made from super absorbent paper. Ten years went by before a company saw the genius of her invention. Female power triumphs because Marion went on to obtained 20 patents in her lifetime!
4. Circular Saw>>> Tabitha Babbitt invented the prototype for the circular saw used in saw mills. She never applied for a patent.
5. Medical Syringe>>>Letitia Geer ( Couldn’t find any information about her.)
6. Life raft>>>Maria Beasley received over 15 patents and earned quite a bit of money from them. The biggest money-maker was her barrel making machine; however, it’s the life raft invention for which she is most famous.
7. Fire escape>>>Anna Connelly was the first to design and patent the fire escape.
8. Windshield Wiper>>>Mary Anderson developed this after a trip to snowy New York City. Wipers became standard equipment by 1916.
9. Dishwasher>>>Josephine Cochrane, bless her heart, decided her servants were breaking too many heirloom china pieces, so she designed an automatic dishwasher with wire compartments and water sprays. Before long she was manufacturing and selling to hotels and restaurants, and finally homeowners.
10. Square-bottomed paper bag>>> Inventor Margaret Knight was perfecting the machine that would fold and glue a paper bag together when a man who saw the prototype stole her idea.
11. Liquid Paper/White out>>> Bette Nesmith Graham was prone to typing mistakes, and in those pre-word processor days that mean typing a whole new paper. An artist used to painting over mistakes, she applied the same idea to her typist job.
12. Chocolate Chip cookies>>>Ruth Wakefield stumbled upon this recipe when she added chopped chocolate to cookie dough in the hopes it it would melt to make chocolate cookies. Best cooking mistake ever made. Ever!
13. Home diabetes test:>>>Although Helen Free is known for her invention of this important diagnostic test, the distinguished chemist invented many other home tests and lab procedures. During her 50-year career, she also managed to author several books, earn an MA in Management, be an adjunct professor, and become an advocate for science outreach programs.
14. Portable hair dryer>>> Harriet Stern
15. Leukemia drug>>>15-yr old Gertrude Belle Elion was inspired to find a cure when her grandfather passed from cancer. Even though she graduated with highest honors from college at only 19 years of age, 15 graduate schools rejected her application because of her gender! She volunteered as a lab assistant until a pharmaceutical company hired her. During the 39 years she worked for that company, she developed the chemotherapy to treat children’s leukemia—it also earned her the Noble Prize.
Related Posts: Amazing Amazons; Julia Domna; Marie Laveau; Boudicca; Cheng I Sao
