Steven Colborne's Blog, page 24

In Hospital – Life Update

Dear friends, it’s been a long while since I posted an update. I have had a very interesting few weeks and I find myself in psychiatrist hospital once again.

The staff here are generally very efficient and I’ve had some good chats with doctors about my philosophical perspective and the whole “brain machine” myth that I write about in my books.

I describe medication as a kind of indicator – tablets in themselves do not alter body and mind states, but instead God uses them to bring about certain experiences in humans in relation to which He is in total control.

It’s possible for me to feel happy for a few hours, then stressed or whatever – I don’t think doctors really understand how emotions work and the fact that they are not caused by the brain – God controls our thoughts and emotions.

I don’t believe I have a mental illness, I’m not sure there is such a thing from a certain perspective – God controls our mental states and our highs and lows are part of experiencing God’s Grand Game more fully.

I think the main reason why people suffer from mental health issues is because God uses inpatient admissions to refine our character and education in certain ways. All of my admissions to hospital have been very spiritually significant. This will make more sense if you’ve read my books.

I had to sell my computer when I was made homeless, this is probably the main reason why I haven’t posted in a long time. I did get my phone back two days ago and so can hopefully post more often, God willing.

Final note. I need to get myself a new computer. I sold my MacBook due to financial hardship, but it’s easier to write blog posts and potentially new books on a computer. I need about £500 for a second hand MacBook. If you’re in a position to donate one, that would help me enormously, otherwise a donation towards the cost of me buying one would be wonderful? Please Click here if you’re able to help.

Two types of coughing

I’ve noticed there are two types of coughing. One is when you need to clear your throat, because you smoke, or because you have a tickle in your throat or something. Fair enough.

The second type is aggressive, it’s like an attack, directed to harm your energy. About 3 years ago loads of people started coughing aggressively in this way, I think it’s because they are angry (envious, perhaps? Or afraid?) and want to give you a psychological punch.

I was surprised that people do this second type of coughing in Glasgow as I thought it was maybe a London thing. Do people not realise that God keeps a record of absolutely everything they do and will be judged for it?

Around two years ago I made a conscious decision not to cough aggressively at people, even if they do so to me. I think it’s the wrong thing to do – human beings should be brothers and sisters encouraging one another.

I think part of it is that everyone feels they are in competition with everyone else. So people think they have to cough at you to show they are stronger than you and not afraid of you. It’s insane. Just be kind to people.

This Week is Interfaith Week 2022

Greetings, friends! In the West we live in multicultural societies, but there’s no doubt that there are huge misunderstandings between people of faith in relation to individuals who adhere to religions other than their own. 13th-20th November 2022 is interfaith week, so I have a challenge for you!

Christian readers, have you read the Qur’an? If not, this week presents the perfect opportunity to do so. If reading the Qur’an feels frightening or daunting, I would like to mention my short book Discovering the Qur’an which presents a concise introduction to the Muslim sacred Scriptures.

And of course, to my Muslim friends: Have you read the Bible? Do you fully understand why Christians have such a life-changing love of Jesus, and why they devote their lives wholeheartedly to serving him? If not, my book Thanks Be To God presents a concise overview of the Christian sacred Scriptures.

By purchasing one of my books, you are helping me to afford food and shelter, as I am currently homeless. But there is no substitute for reading the Bible or the Qur’an in their entirety. To my Christian friends, I recommend Abdel Haleem’s English transliteration of the Qur’an, and to my Muslim friends, I recommend the English Standard Version of the Bible.

Happy Interfaith Week Everyone!

Life Update: November 2022 🍁

Friends, I hope you are all well. I thought it was about time I posted a life update as I know I’ve been relatively quiet in this regard over the last few weeks.

Some big news is that a few days ago I gave notice to my landlord (which is a housing association) that I am ending my tenancy. This is a big decision. This is the property where I have lived for the last nine years, but in all honesty the last few years it hasn’t really been a proper home, because as many of you know I’ve been forced to sleep elsewhere most nights due to a particularly troublesome neighbour.

I pursued many courses of action attempting to stay in the property because I love everything about it. Great location, amply spacious, my own kitchen and bathroom, nice area. If it wasn’t for my neighbour I would have been perfectly happy there. But feeling continually in danger, and harassed, meant that I haven’t been able to enjoy the place as a home. Things have been so bad at times that I’ve been suicidal. So it’s time to move on.

Here in the UK we have a council for each area (or ‘borough’) who deal with matters related to housing and accommodation. I submitted a homelessness application to them when it felt things were too unsafe at the flat, but unfortunately after initially indicating that they did believe I was homeless, they conducted a further telephone interview with me, and came to the conclusion that because I haven’t been assaulted or threatened directly with assault, it’s safe for me to live at the property.

The rejection from the council was deeply saddening. I spoke to the manager of the person who carried out the review, and said I might like to appeal. She said that I would be sent their assessment by email or post imminently, but then never sent it. So I was just left hanging. The fact that my homelessness application wasn’t successful means they are not willing to provide me with alternative accommodation, so I am essentially now homeless.

I haven’t been back to the flat in a few weeks (other than a couple of middle-of-the-night quick visits to pick up a few essentials). It appears my neighbour has been having parties involving drugs while I’ve been away — on one occasion when I returned there were three bicycles in the communal hallway, the house stank of marijuana, and there was extremely loud music playing. It’s difficult to convey this to some people (some of you may understand) but there was a very dark and evil atmosphere in the property which was really quite suffocating, so I left almost immediately. Always best to flee from evil, if possible.

My neighbour has had plenty of opportunities to change his behaviour, but any time he is rebuked, whether it be by me, the landlord, or the police, it makes no difference. He doesn’t seem to care about the effect he is having on the other tenants, and he doesn’t seem to mind breaking the conditions of his tenancy. He has been getting away with it because the landlord (to whom I have reported everything over the last few years) simply make terrible excuses like “you have no evidence” and “he doesn’t realise he’s doing it”.

I feel relieved to have handed in my four week’s notice, but I have no new home lined up. It’s difficult for me to find private rented accommodation because of my mental health condition — I always try to be open with landlords about this, but it almost always leads to an instant rejection, as they fear people who have mental health problems are going to cause them trouble.

Over the last few days, I’ve been sleeping on the floor of a friend’s living room. She has been amazing and cooked lovely meals for us on three occasions, and I stayed there three nights in total. The streets of London are dangerous so my friend’s generosity in letting me stay with her was a huge blessing, though I don’t want to stay with her too many nights and become a burden to her and her son who lives with her.

There is some hope in the fact that I have a new social worker who works for the council, who I had a meeting with last week, and we discussed a wide range of matters related to mental health and accommodation. I later got an email from him saying he is aways for five days, three of those days have passed so it’s likely I’ll speak with him again on Tuesday (in two days time) when he’s back in the office.

Tonight, I am booked into a cheap hotel — my finances are very stretched (I am deep into my overdraft) but starting tomorrow I will be going through the process of organising matters related to the end of my tenancy (such as canceling bills, notifying the energy and water suppliers that I am leaving, etc). I will also need to inform the government’s department for work and pensions that I am intending to leave the flat, which will likely mean they withdraw some or all of the financial support they have been giving me.

On a positive note, I have been listening to the Qur’an nearly every day which I find to be incredibly reassuring and grounding. I have also been reading the Psalms, which are very comforting. I find great reassurance in scriptures such as, “Better is the little that the righteous has than the abundance of many wicked”. Living with very little money is hard, but wealth is not something to be prized in God’s eyes (according to Scripture), unless it’s used for positive purposes, of course.

I’m very blessed to have written sixteen books exploring all of the big problems and questions of philosophy and theology, and I see these books as a significant part of my calling. I am therefore focusing my attention on trying to make some money from book sales. Part of the way I intend to do this is by giving flyers to people on the street (I have some being printed at the moment), and I’m also going to explore the possibility of speaking in some venues like churches, mosques, community centres, libraries, etc.

I made all of my books free as eBooks for a long time, but have now returned them to their list price at all retailers. I’m hoping some money from books sales will help me to be able to afford food and emergency shelter if I am not able to find a permanent place to live.

If you enjoy my writing and have found value in reading my articles and the books I have given away for free, I’d be very grateful if you would consider buying one or more of my books. You can find details about them all on the Books page. Alternatively, I am accepting donations, and any amount large or small would be very helpful and much appreciated. I have also set up a Speaking page, to let people know I am available to give talks in venues or at events.

You can buy my books directly from me via my Shopify store (this gives me the biggest slice of the monetary pie), but they are also available from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple Books, Rakuten Kobo, and plenty of other retailers and libraries. Ebook, paperback, and some hardcover versions are available. Again, see the Books page for full details.

One final thing I wanted to mention is that I’m selling my MacBook Air, simply because I’m in dire need of the money. If you are based in the UK and are in need of a new laptop, you can view the listing on eBay here (or email me and we can come to some kind of arrangement). It’s an M1 2020 MacBook Air in pretty much perfect condition, I have really looked after it.

If you have read to the end of this article, please leave a comment! It makes me feel loved to know that people care enough about me to read my articles. You are also welcome to leave a link in your comment to the latest article on your blog and write a sentence explaining what it’s about if you would like to — I, and maybe some others, will take a look!

Wishing you all well and thank you for reading!

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

You Cannot see the Change, but the Change is Coming

We often talk about being in a particular frame of mind. Sometimes a happy frame of mind, sometimes a sad one. We are sometimes joyful, sometimes depressed. And the interesting thing about the way God controls our moods is that they are almost always totally consuming. What I mean by this is that the frame of mind we’re experiencing at any point in time becomes our reality — it is impossible to see things in any other way.

Fortunately, it also seems to be the case that God changes our frame of mind very regularly. So we have the saying, ‘there is good and bad in every day’. Perhaps these changes in our frame of mind happen in a quite extreme way to people who have bipolar tendencies (such as myself), but in a less drastic way they happen to all of us. I sometimes feel a profound despair and my entire reality is consumed by bleak thoughts. I sometimes feel so elated that everything seems perfectly wonderful. When I am immersed in one of these states, the other vanishes entirely.

I don’t mind the elated moods so much (for obvious reasons), but it’s important to note that when things feel utterly bleak and desperate, my frame of mind is going to change. When I cannot see a way out of a particular frame of mind, this doesn’t mean there isn’t a way out. I can almost guarantee that before long I will experience a shift in mood that changes my reality. It will probably happen in a surprising way and when I’m least expecting it, but the darkness will give way to a renewed sense of joy and peace.

Sometimes, during depressive episodes, we cannot see that change is possible. But by the grace and mercy of God, a change in our frame of mind is going to come — indeed, it’s likely just around the corner.

Does God Really Subject People to Everlasting Punishment?

I know I’m not alone in feeling intense horror at the idea that God would punish people eternally. Christian Universalists, who believe all will ultimately be saved, are motivated by the intuition that everlasting torment cannot ever reflect the truly merciful character of God.

My own philosophical understanding is that God is in control of the unfolding of all events, including all human activity, meaning that when He punishes, He is really punishing actions which have been brought about by His own will. In light of this, how could God punish with torment for billions upon billions of years?

There is at least one surah in the Qur’an in which the torment of hell is described as everlasting. There is also the book of Revelation in the Bible, in which the torment of some is described as ‘forever and ever’. Of course, Scriptures all have different versions, and different interpretations of those versions, so that should be noted.

I can imagine that if God is just, hell can be real, even without free will. God can punish people for the sins that He has caused them to commit in a fair way (further discussion of this in my book Christianity, Islam, and the One True God). But can everlasting torment ever be considered just and fair? And yet the idea is countenanced in the sacred Scriptures of the major Abrahamic religions.

A related question is whether God is really angry about sin. Again, from my perspective, God has caused all sin. So why would He truly be angry about it? Much more logical in my view is the idea that the whole of creation, including religion, is part of God’s cosmic playground, created for His enjoyment. If God is a self-sufficient, perfect being, who does not suffer Himself, it seems untenable to defend the idea that He has cause to punish human beings for eternity.

Of course, God does whatever He will. He is sovereign and so if He chooses eternal punishment for some, He has the power to choose to do this. But I am skeptical about whether this is truly His plan, for the reasons given above.

For full and through discussion of my arguments in favour of God’s sovereign control over all activity in creation, and our lack of free will, I recommend my book ‘Puppets’ (which is actually a four-book compilation). Visit the Books page for further information.

God Forgives All Sins

Greetings, friends. If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll know that I was going through something of a spiritual crisis as regards my relationship with the religion of Islam. The crisis was caused as I read Surah 4:116, which says the following:

God does not forgive the worship of others beside Him — though He does forgive whoever He will for lesser sins — for whoever does this has gone far, far astray.

Surah 4:116

I was terrified that because I used to worship Jesus as God, I had committed an unforgivable sin. However, I am encouraged today, largely thanks to reader of this blog Andrew Blair, who pointed out another scripture from the Qur’an to me:

Say, [‘God says], my servants who have harmed yourselves by your own excess, do not despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.

Surah 39:53

Andrew rightly emphasised that God says He forgives ALL sins, and he also shared another scripture which is relevant:

Those people who say God is the third of three are defying [the truth]: there is only One God. If they do not stop what they are saying, a painful punishment will afflict those of them who persist. Why do they not turn to God and ask for His forgiveness, when God is most forgiving, most merciful?

Surah 5:73-74

Soon after I read the Qur’an properly for the first time, I repented of my worship of Jesus. I had always struggled to understand the concept of the Trinity, but I went along with it, because that’s what the majority of Christians do. But I did repent. And again, today, I repented. So because of the two surahs I have quoted directly above, I have a renewed hope that I am accepted by God.

In yesterday’s post, I said “God is not a monster” and I do believe this. The Qur’an is a stern Scripture, but strongly emphasises that God is most forgiving and merciful to those who repent, do good deeds, and worship Him alone.

As a closing note, I wanted to highlight that my short book Discovering the Qur’an is available for free today only (it will be returned to full price tomorrow). The book is based on the notes I made as I read Abdel Haleem’s translation of the Qur’an for the first time having come from a Christian background. The book is available as an eBook or a paperback (though only the eBook edition is free). If you’d like to read the book, you can click here to view a retailer choice page and download the book to read on any device.

Better still, read Abdel Haleem’s translation of the Qur’an. It is truly wonderful.

Does Worshiping Jesus Lead to Hell?

The Qur’an is a very stern and strict Scripture with an emphasis on justice. It offers guidance concerning how to live in a way that pleases God. Every word of the Qur’an is believed by Muslims to be divine revelation, written on a preserved tablet (in the original Arabic). The fact that so many of the surahs in the Qur’an mention paradise and hell (both are described in some detail) makes the text feel urgent and serious.

Over the last few months I prayed very often to God about whether I should convert to Islam. While prostrating myself in prayer, I said to God that I am willing to join a Muslim community and commit to Muslim rituals, if this would please Him. Much to my surprise, God always said to me that joining in with the rituals and requirements of Islam was not part of my calling. I was confused by this because of the power of the revelation and how it seemed to offer true divine guidance on every page.

This morning, I was listening to Surah 4 (titled ‘Women’) and was struck very powerfully by the following statement:

God does not forgive the worship of others beside Him — though He does forgive whoever He will for lesser sins — for whoever does this has gone far, far astray.

Surah 4:116

It’s difficult to overstate how profoundly reading this verse this morning affected me. When I was a practicing evangelical Christian, I would pray to Jesus all the time, and dedicate a large portion of my Sundays to worshiping Jesus. The verse quoted above suggests that God will not forgive this.

The reason why I took this verse very seriously is because in the Qur’an it is emphasised that the Scripture is a perfect revelation from God:

Those who reject the Qur’an when it comes to them—though it is an unassailable Scripture which falsehood cannot touch from any angle, a Revelation sent down from one decisive, worthy of all praise— [should remember that] you [Prophet] are not told anything that the previous messengers were not told: your Lord is a Lord of forgiveness, but also of painful punishment.

Surah 41:41-43

If the Qur’an is a perfect revelation from God, and God does not forgive the worship of others besides Him, this would seem to mean that God will not forgive the worship of Jesus. Remember, in Islam Jesus is a prophet — a mortal and not divine. If God will not forgive the worship of Jesus, this means He will not forgive me, my father (who is a Christian) or any of my Christian friends, or indeed Christian followers of this blog, or the millions of Christians who have died after worshiping Jesus. Does Surah 4:116 infer that all Christians who have ever worshiped Jesus will be sentenced to hell?

My reaction, when I was considering all of this today, was one of resignation. It would seem that according to Islam, I am lost. The Qur’an repeatedly emphasises that God is forgiving and merciful, and I have repented for worshiping Jesus, but the words of Surah 4:116 seem to make me guilty of a sin that God will not forgive. In other places in the Qur’an it says that God is always ready to accept repentance and is the ever-relenting, most merciful. But is it possible to reconcile these aspects of God’s character with Surah 4:116?

Because I believe that God is in control of everything that happens, it saddens me deeply that God would make me praise and worship Jesus at one stage in my life and then potentially send me to hell for doing so after embracing the Qur’an later in life, even though I try to live in sincere dedication to Him.

Reading that one verse from Surah 116 this morning completely transformed the way I personally relate to Islam. Of course, God does whatever He will, and if He chooses to send me to hell based on the fact that He previously made me worship Jesus as God, there is nothing I can do about it. I am a puppet in God’s hands. Muslims would say that God guides whoever He will to the truth and leaves to stray whoever He will. He is described in the Qur’an as ‘the controller’, and it is my own view that God is in control of the unfolding of all events, including all human thoughts, words, and actions.

But I refuse to believe God is a monster. Christians are generally well-meaning people, and many who believe in the divinity of Jesus dedicate their lives to charitable deeds. Being charitable is important in Islam, so will God not forgive those Christians who strive to be good people and love their neighbour, in the way we find taught in the New Testament? Not according to Surah 4:116. The verse, if it is an accurate translation from Arabic, and is the truth about God’s will, is heartbreaking.

Please allow me to not be too conclusive and leave the thoughts I have shared in this article open to discussion. To my Christian readers, and especially to my Muslim readers, I’d love to know your thoughts. Feel free to leave a comment in response to what I have written here, because there might be some kind of misunderstanding on my part. If nothing else, this is an important matter for interfaith dialogue. If you do choose to comment, please do so in a respectful way. Thank you for reading.

Perspective

I keep an ‘encouragement’ note on my phone and look at it whenever I’m struggling in life. It has about a dozen items on it, each one offering a different reminder that I hope will shift my perspective a little and make me feel a little brighter.

It’s interesting to consider how important perspective is in life. We might feel we are trapped in a certain set of circumstances, but this is merely a way of thinking. To a large extent, our perspective determines our reality.

When I was an evangelical Christian, I held a certain perspective in mind that helped me to make sense of the world. Later, when I read the Qur’an, my perspective shifted a little and I made sense of life in a slightly different way. If I have a conversation with a friend who is immersed in Eastern spirituality, my perspective is likely to shift even more depending on their worldview and the beliefs they hold (and how persuasive I find them).

I do believe thoughts arise in our minds because God makes them do so. I see life as a grand game directed by God, and the thoughts He gives us are one aspect of how He unfolds that game. We think in a certain way because God makes us do so.

I suppose this kind of thinking leads to a very pluralistic understanding of thought, of religion, and of life in general. The possibilities are endless. This means it’s very important that we choose carefully and wisely (guided by God, of course) what we give our attention to, as this will shape our perspective, and determine our reality.

In a sense, we are powerless to change our perspective, because God is in control. But on the other hand, as part of the illusion of free will we experience as we live out our lives, we can alter the way we think and the way we see things. In my books, I write in terms of ‘modes of mind’ that God gives us. These modes might be anything from a preference for a food or a favourite colour, to an affiliation to political party’s way of thinking (but more about that in my book God’s Grand Game, if you’re interested).

This morning I woke up feeling very depressed. But within a couple of hours, after I had texted a few friends and heard back from them, I suddenly started to feel much more positive about my day. Whereas I had felt trapped in my depression, my thoughts turned very much more optimistic, and a feeling that I might actually enjoy my day emerged. My life circumstances had changed very little, but my perspective had shifted dramatically.

These considerations concerning perspective lead to the question of whether truth is ever absolute. I believe it is in a sense, because certain physical events certainly happen. In religion, for instance, it’s certainly true that either Jesus was crucified (as Christians claim) or he wasn’t (as Muslims claim). It’s true that I have a pair of hands that are currently typing words on my computer.

But even things which can feel factual, particularly in the domain of science, are normally open to myriad different interpretations. Perhaps, for instance, I don’t have two hands — what is it that gives the words ‘two’ and ‘hands’ their meaning? Why does anything mean anything at all? It’s possible for me to stare at my hands and have the thought ‘two’ but I might equally look at my hands and have the thought ‘elephant’ (at least, in theory).

I believe that understanding a certain thing is an experience which God brings about in our thoughts and emotions, and in any given moment, infinite possibilities are available to God. I have experienced psychosis, and when I did I believed things about myself and the world that are very different to the way I see myself and my circumstances when in a normal (if there is such a thing) state of mind. My whole character and personality changed. What made me Steven Colborne changed. This is evidence that perspective is something very fluid — much more fluid than we usually imagine.

I know there is some kind of reality, because I have an awareness and am experiencing things. But perhaps beyond that, the truth is that everything is a matter of perspective. I have often commented that what gives words meaning is not the lines and curly symbols on a page; it’s the activity of God in terms of our thoughts and emotions as we read and reflect. So when an author has written a book, in a sense they have done nothing at all — the way their book is understood and received is entirely dependent on the thoughts and emotions of readers, which are brought about by God.

I will close with a word of encouragement. If you’re feeling depressed, remember that your thoughts represent only one way of looking at things. With God, there are always infinite possibilities in any given moment, and there is every chance that even if you feel stuck, your perspective will shift. You might even like to say a prayer to God to make that happen.

The Golden Rule

There is a beautiful saying that can be found in many religions. You will no doubt have heard the saying, which is often referred to as the Golden Rule.

We find the Golden Rule in the New Testament in two places:

And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them.

Luke 6:31

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

Matthew 7:12

An Old Testament passage which expresses the same sentiment is as follows:

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinsfolk. Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.

Leviticus 19:18

Although as far as I’m aware the Golden Rule is not stated explicitly in the Qur’an, it appears that the Prophet Muhammad stated it on a number of occasions according to the hadith literature (the sayings of the Prophet). Here’s one example:

A Bedouin came to the prophet, grabbed the stirrup of his camel and said: O the messenger of God! Teach me something to go to heaven with it. Prophet said: “As you would have people do to you, do to them; and what you dislike to be done to you, don’t do to them. Now let the stirrup go!” [This maxim is enough for you; go and act in accordance with it!]”

Kitab al-Kafi, vol. 2, p. 146

The saying can also be found in its negative form in Confucianism:

Zi Gong (a disciple of Confucius) asked: “Is there any one word that could guide a person throughout life?” 
The Master replied: “How about ‘shu’ [reciprocity]: never impose on others what you would not choose for yourself?”

Confucius, Analects XV.24, tr. David Hinton

There are further examples in other religions, including Hinduism, Buddhism, and other Eastern religions.

When I was feeling spiritually lost a few weeks ago, God brought to mind the Golden Rule and I found it so comforting in its simplicity and truth that I felt it is a rule that I must strive to live by. As I am interested in interfaith dialogue, it brought me great joy to know that so many religions have this teaching in common.

And I have a surprise for you. I was so moved by the experience of God reminding me of this saying that I felt I never wanted to forget it. So a few weeks ago I got the saying tattooed on my left forearm.

I am pleased to have this reminder to look at whenever I am feeling spiritually unsettled or facing interpersonal issues. I am so far from perfect in my moral conduct, but I hope having this continual reminder of the Golden Rule on my arm will be a great help.

And now, because I have a tattoo, I can put it on my CV for job applications to be a worship leader! I jest, of course. It is my first tattoo and I think it may be my last, but I’m delighted with how it turned out. I opted for the ESV translation of the words of Jesus from the New Testament for the wording as I’m a big fan of the ESV Bible and the saying found in the Gospel according to Luke captures the idea succinctly and perfectly.