Steven Colborne's Blog

Free will, mental health, Jesus and more!

Dear all,

As I’m no longer publishing many posts here on Perfect Chaos other than personal updates, I thought some of you might be interested in a summary of my recent posts on my Substack publication ‘Reflections’.

I have been posting on Substack every day Monday to Friday for a few weeks, but I will offer just a small selection of my recent posts here. Do subscribe for free if you’re interested in reading more.

Correcting Free Will Confusion in Christianity
Why not having free will is Biblical
https://www.reflectionsbysteven.com/p/correcting-free-will-confusion-in

The Benefits and Limitations of Psychoactive Medication
How medication effectively treats symptoms but not causes
https://www.reflectionsbysteven.com/p/the-benefits-and-limitations-of-psychoative

The Journey to Jesus
How family breakdown ignited my spiritual search
https://www.reflectionsbysteven.com/p/the-journey-to-jesus

The Benefits of Phoneless Life
Disconnecting can draw you closer to God
https://www.reflectionsbysteven.com/p/the-benefits-of-phoneless-life

I hope that one or more of these articles is of interest to some of you. Are you on Substack? Let’s connect! You can find my homepage here.

That’s all for now. Keep soldiering on!

Steven x

Apologies for my last post being a bit ‘tabloid!’

Dear all,

A few days ago I published an article starkly criticising the mental health system in the UK. While I believe my reflections were honest and in a sense justified, they were not expressed in a loving way. I apologise. I have taken the article down.

A couple of weeks ago, I made the difficult decision to come off medication entirely, fully believing that God was supportive of this decision. However, my mental health deteriorated, and over the weekend I suffered one of the worst mental health crises of my life, and ended up being taken in an ambulance to A&E. The mental anguish that I experienced is hard to put into words, but it made me acutely aware of the benefits of medication and the need for me personally to take it.

As I have discussed with people in my support network, medication can be effective at treating symptoms, though it is never a cure. I believe the cure for most mental health problems is loving relationships, and as someone kindly reminded me, time. I am back taking medication again and hope to do so for the foreseeable future, especially while family relationships are very difficult. I do have some amazing people in my support network for which I am extremely thankful.

Thank you to those of you who continue to read my articles, whether you choose to interact or not. I really appreciate it.

Have a blessed day!

Steven x

Aloof Psychiatrists and African Bullies: The Reality of Mental ‘Healthcare’ in London

When I was discharged from my last hospital admission (which I don’t really feel was necessary – an over-reaction by a psychiatrist perhaps) I was allocated a new care coordinator. It was no surprise that she was an African woman, because nearly all the staff in psychiatric hospitals and on Community Mental Health Teams in London are African (mostly Nigerian) men or women.

I felt a little confused and concerned that all the care coordinators that have been allocated to my care in recently years have been African. Unfortunately, I have experienced a great deal of abuse and bullying from African individuals who have not always done their jobs diligently, so I wondered about the possibility of being allocated a care coordinator who is closer to my gender, age, and demographic (a white, 42 year old man).

When I enquired to the Community Mental Health Team about this, I was told that every member of staff on the team is of a black racial makeup, and this in a population that is largely white by demographic. So why is this? I was confused, so I gave it some thought.

Black African men and women are usually big and strong, which makes them ideal candidates for making people who are forced to endure injected medications submissive. They are like security guards for psychiatrists. That’s one possibility.

I also wonder whether there might be an element of justice involved on the part of God. White British people have been responsible for inflicting slavery on black people in the past, so maybe this is a kind of revenge enacted by God in retribution for the injustice black people have suffered.

A friend of mine suggested to me a third idea, which is that because there are a lot of black African Christians, they have been brought into the health system by God to pray for people who are mentally unwell. Some of the black African staff on wards are very friendly and seemingly Christian, so there may be some truth in this.

I do think that the mental health system in general suffers from the lack of a true philosophy of healing. The myth that psychiatrists embrace is that some humans are just faulty; they have brain disorders and are intrinsically broken people. This causes them to diminish an emphasis on counselling and psychotherapy in favour of pharmaceuticals, which do not have the same healing power.

In a world that is under the all-powerful governance of a Creator God, healing is always possible. It’s true that many people in psychiatric hospitals genuinely have imbalanced moods, experience unusual things, and are stressed, depressed or angry. But of course the cure for these things isn’t medication; it is love, compassion, and patience.

Sadly, many of the black African hospital staff that are now filling posts on psychiatric wards are not very loving, compassionate, or patient. And that is an understatement. There is a lot of abuse taking place. But this will only potentially change if it is brought to light, so that’s why I am openly sharing my thoughts and feelings on the subject today.

Aloof Psychiatrists and African Bullies: The Reality of Mental ‘Healthcare’ in the UK?

When I was discharged from my last hospital admission (which I don’t really feel was necessary – an over-reaction by a psychiatrist perhaps) I was allocated a new care coordinator. It was no surprise that she was an African woman, because nearly all the staff in psychiatric hospitals and on Community Mental Health Teams in London are African (mostly Nigerian) men or women.

I felt a little confused and concerned that all the care coordinators that have been allocated to my care in recently years have been African. Unfortunately, I have experienced a great deal of abuse and bullying from African individuals who have not always done their jobs diligently, so I wondered about the possibility of being allocated a care coordinator who is closer to my gender, age, and demographic (a white, 42 year old man).

When I enquired to the Community Mental Health Team about this, I was told that every member of staff on the team is of a black racial makeup, and this in a population that is largely white by demographic. So why is this? I was confused, so I gave it some thought.

Black African men and women are usually big and strong, which makes them ideal candidates for making people who are forced to endure injected medications submissive. They are like security guards for psychiatrists. That’s one possibility.

I also wonder whether there might be an element of justice involved on the part of God. White British people have been responsible for inflicting slavery on black people in the past, so maybe this is a kind of revenge enacted by God in retribution for the injustice black people have suffered.

A friend of mine suggested to me a third idea, which is that because there are a lot of black African Christians, they have been brought into the health system by God to pray for people who are mentally unwell. Some of the black African staff on wards are very friendly and seemingly Christian, so there may be some truth in this.

I do think that the mental health system in general suffers from the lack of a true philosophy of healing. The myth that psychiatrists embrace is that some humans are just faulty, they have brain disorders and are intrinsically broken people. This causes them to diminish an emphasis on counselling and psychotherapy in favour of pharmaceuticals, which do not have the same healing power.

In a world that is under the all-powerful governance of a Creator God, healing is always possible. It’s true that many people in psychiatric hospitals genuinely have imbalanced moods, experience unusual things, and are stressed, depressed or angry. But of course the cure for these things isn’t medication; it is love, compassion, and patience.

Sadly, many of the black African hospital staff that are now filling posts on psychiatric wards are not very loving, compassionate, or patient. And that is an understatement. There is a lot of abuse taking place. But this will only potentially change if it is brought to light, so that’s why I am openly sharing my thoughts and feelings on the subject today.

A Personal Update

Hello, friends!

It has been a while since I wrote an article here, mainly because I am currently focused on two projects: developing and promoting my Substack publication Relflections and promoting my website (StevenColborne.com). I am writing this from a place of peace and I am in a positive frame of mind.

One of the things I’ve been writing about on Substack is a Christian discipleship event I attended last weekend. The event was full of wonderful experiences and the weather during the event, which was held by the river in London, was beautiful. I had a lot to process following the event but the Lord has been so gracious in helping me.

I hadn’t fully understood how much healing I still needed to do following my suicide attempt. It was a major life event that caused me significant trauma and my intentions to get back into work asap did not take into account the extent to which I had been psychologically affected by what happened. With God as my counsellor, I am on the road to feeling well again. If you have prayed for me, thank you so much.

I’m reading the Bible daily but have been challenged by some things God has been telling me about my life that are conflicting. When God tells you something that doesn’t fully accord with beliefs you hold very strongly, what do you do? You have to keep trusting and keep going, praying about everything. He hears every prayer and although it’s a struggle at times, a belief in His goodness is an important anchor to help you move forward.

I went through a period of anger with the mental health system this week. It has felt as though the whole system is geared towards getting people into hospitals when they experience even the slightest change in mood or behaviour. The problem with mental health diagnoses is that they create a kind of box, supported by law in the UK, which means that professionals working in healthcare and support services continually see you as unwell even when you are well. If you take steps to reclaim your freedom, people don’t like it. I’m sure there is some genuine intention they have to help, but unless they know God they won’t understand that He is the only true source of healing. Medication is never a cure.

I have found immense peace in switching off my smartphone for a few days. I know it can be hard to do this in contemporary society, but the stress of being connected with people who are not necessarily at peace can be overwhelming. I spent a day feeling acute stress and I had no idea why, but when I switched off my phone it dissipated in moments. In an age of all day battery life, don’t forget that you can switch off your phone!

I’m so deeply thankful that I have the Lord. He was showing me this week how some people aren’t even aware of Him and I used to be that way myself. It is a hard thing not to know God in a world where we desperately need Him.

I’m now going to return to reading ‘Making Sense of God’ by Timothy Keller, which is a cracking book so far!

God bless you.

Steven x

Great News or a Lie From Satan?

Good day, all!

How do you know whether you’re hearing from God or a demonic / Satanic entity? In today’s reflection on my Substack I explore this subject, which has caused me a lot of stress for reasons I explain in the article.

https://www.reflectionsbysteven.com/p/great-news-or-a-lie-from-satan

Please consider subscribing to my Substack for a daily reflection, Monday to Friday.

Love and blessings,

Steven x

Introducing ‘Reflections’

Greetings!

I’m delighted to announce that I now have a Substack publication. Titled ‘Reflections’, the publication offers daily weekday reflections on matters of philosophy and religion.

https://www.reflectionsbysteven.com

Paying subscribers receive plenty of perks, including a free copy of my book God’s Grand Game and exclusive bonus content. Free subscribers get a reflection in their inbox Monday to Friday.

I hope you’ll join me!

Love and blessings,

Steven x

The LDS Church: Your Thoughts?

Dear all,

I posted recently about my experience of attending a service at a local Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints chapel. I had obtained a copy of the Book of Mormon after speaking briefly with a couple of missionaries from the church. I had been praying about whether to read the book, and the Lord led me to do so.

The Book of Mormon is interesting in that it contains very many passages that seem to be paraphrases of expressions found in the Bible. This led me to be curious about the content and to consider whether it might be a fabrication. It’s worth noting that this is the first time in my life that I’ve explored the faith, and I am a real novice. I didn’t do research online as I’m increasingly sceptical of using search engines these days.

I wondered whether any readers of this blog have read the Book of Mormon, and if you have, whether you would like to share your thoughts on the book? Feel free to leave a comment and explain your thoughts in detail if you would like to.

Thank you for reading.

Steven

Mormonism: My First Impressions

In the same way as I prayed about whether or not I should read the Qur’an, and God told me that I should, a few months ago I prayed about whether or not I should read the Book of Mormon, and God told me that I should. Those who are new to the Mormon faith are encouraged to pray to God to ask whether He would confirm that the revelation is true, so I did this, and experienced the confirmation that it is, both in the voice of God talking to me in affirmative language, and a feeling of love (the ‘burning in the bosom’ that Mormons describe).

On Sunday (Easter Sunday 2025) I visited the local Mormon church and attended their Easter service. It was a short service, one hour long in contrast with the usual two hours, I think because there was another service (for a Spanish congregation) to follow. The service was comparable to other Christian services in many ways, including the singing of hymns, the sacrament, a choir, a bishop and such.

Before the service began I had a warm conversation with a Mormon elder, who ushered me to a seat and invited me to have a conversation with him after the service. After the service, I sat in a teaching room with this elder and another, and they graciously gave me opportunity to speak for a while about what had led me to church that day. I explained that I had read the first quarter or so of the Book of Mormon, and had been struck by and become deeply interested in the Scripture.

The story behind the Book of Mormon is complicated, in so much as I haven’t yet been able to fully understand and grasp it. It involves plates that were written by Jews who had fled from Jerusalem before the time of Christ, and had received prophecy about Christ, and about spiritual matters. I won’t share more about the story of the faith at this stage, for fear of misrepresenting it, should I have misunderstood its complexities. But the teaching of those whose writings are contained in the Book of Mormon are very similar to – perhaps the same as – the Bible, it seems to me.

The two Mormon elders I spoke with on Sunday had a peace in them that I associate with those who have experienced true baptism. I mentioned this to them, and asked about what seems to me to be a kind of seal that people receive when they are baptised in the proper way. It is the case that when I was baptised (in a Baptist church) I experienced nothing extraordinary, and this has sometimes led me to question whether it was a true baptism, even though I was baptised in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. It seems to me that with true baptism there is a shift in the spiritual dimension, which I fear I may not have experienced during my baptism.

I am planning to meet with one of the elders again this week to discuss matters further, and to delve a little deeper into some of the questions that have come to mind as I have been reading the Book of Mormon.

I hope you all had a good Easter.

With love,

Steven x

Suffering in Hell Forever and Ever

I recently finished reading Early Christian Writings (a Penguin Classics book) which contains a number of letters and other writings from figures from the early centuries of Church history. The book is a real gem – notable for its vivid accounts of martyrdom and the humbling words of encouragement offered to Christians in the early church by Christians in positions of authority.

The book contains several references to eternal punishment, including the idea that the damned will suffer in the fires of hell forever, which is a subject that causes me a great deal of worry and which I would like to reflect upon in this article.

Revelation 20:10 reads as follows:

10 and the devil who had deceived them was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur where the beast and the false prophet were, and they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.

I cannot imagine how anyone could read these words and feel anything other than dread. Is it possible that any human being could rejoice at the thought of another sentient being suffering perpetual torment forever?

The question which is often asked in relation to eternal hell is how it could be characteristic of a loving and merciful God, and I think this is an excellent question that we should all consider deeply.

I have heard it said by Christians that God’s character, and His justice, somehow demand the everlasting suffering for the damned. Perhaps they feel that it wouldn’t be right to have everlasting paradise without everlasting torment to balance the scales. But why would this be necessarily so?

Would it not perhaps seem more just for a person who has inflicted a certain amount of suffering to receive an amount of suffering equivalent to the harm they had done, and then be reprieved? How can suffering forever and ever be a just punishment for someone who is not guilty of inflicting suffering forever and ever?

I will be the first to admit that I don’t have the knowledge and wisdom of God, and these suggestions of mine are in no way intended to convey the idea that I think I know better than God. He has infinite wisdom and I do not. But I think it’s reasonable to discuss these matters, especially as they are undoubtedly part of the beliefs and teachings of many Christians.

It’s worth noting that not all Christians believe in the idea of the eternal conscious torment of the damned. Other ideas discussed by Christians in relation to judgment include annihilationism (the idea that the damned will be destroyed) and universal reconciliation (the idea that one day all humans will be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ). But the words of Revelation 20:10, as well as other passages from the New Testament that seemingly refer to eternal hell, are taken literally by many Christians.

An important consideration when it comes to questions of judgment and punishment is the free will debate. As an author of philosophical theology myself, I am convinced that we don’t have free will. In the same way as God beats my heart, circulates my blood, causes my body to grow, blinks my eyes, digests my food, etc, He is similarly in control of every thought, word and deed that I experience in my living state. This stands in contrast to a materialistic view of human beings which sees humans as somehow powered by their brains, which I believe is a fallacy. I believe that in a literal and real way, God is the animator of all human beings. In this context, we can be seen to have no free will at all, and I’m convinced that this is the reality.

If we have no free will, then when God judges, there is a sense in which He is judging actions that He Himself has caused. This makes sense from a perspective that views life as a kind of play under God’s control (see my book God’s Grand Game for a full discussion) where the illusion of free will is all part of the divine plan, but it doesn’t make sense from the perspective that we truly are free creatures.

Let’s assume I’m right and that God is in control of all human action. Wouldn’t it be especially cruel for God to punish with everlasting torment sins which He has caused human beings to commit?

I would like to plead that God has a much more gracious and loving character than this, which is evident in the great mercies He shows us every day throughout our lives. This is the God I know and love – the one who shows me kindness and mercy relentlessly, even though I may sin and suffer at times.

Undoubtedly, God understands what it’s like for us to suffer torment. Closer is He to us than our breathing, and nearer to us than our hands and feet. If God truly understands torment, surely He will not choose to inflict it gratuitously, for torment is terrible by its very nature.

As you consider these matters, I pray that God will grant you wisdom and discernment, and reveal the depths of His goodness to you in this life and forevermore. Amen.