Steven Colborne's Blog, page 21

Important Prayer Request

Some of you will have read my posts in recent months in which I stated God had been telling me I was god of Earth. While there was a philosophical argument to be made that made the idea theoretically possible, and I did hear God telling me this repeatedly, I obviously had my sincere doubts as to the truth of this assertion.

I take the ideas of sin, idolatry, and hell very seriously, and I emphasised this in my posts (now deleted). I have taken hell seriously ever since I read the Bible properly for the first time back in 2007.

I have been wrestling with this problem for months. The reality is that I’m in a psychiatric hospital and have a history of mental health problems, which are obviously indicators that I could be deluded.

Also, I have been under a huge amount of stress in my accommodation. These considerations, coupled with the reality that I have been in hospital a few times in the past, are leading me to think I may have been experiencing a particularly strong delusion.

I was looking on Wikipedia and searched the term ‘God complex’ after I encountered the phrase a couple of times. The sheer fact that this is a recognised condition lent weight in my mind to the delusion perspective.

In prayer in recent months I have begged God to not let me believe any delusions, and I have pleaded that I would obviously rather be a street sweeper than believe I am God and face hell for idolatry.

It’s tough, because I genuinely believe my writing contains important insights that could be very impactful if they were to be widely read. I also feel I might have a lot to offer the world owing to life experience. But maybe that is narcissistic and grandiose thinking.

I have definitely tried very very hard over the years to establish what is ultimate truth in religious discourse. But why? I have always felt it was my gifting and passion, but now I’m wondering whether I’m perhaps narcissistic in my motivations.

I suppose you can look at everything from different angles, and that’s the essence of philosophy, which I love so dearly. More important than my love of philosophy, however, is my love of God (and deep fear of Him), and I don’t care about any of my writing unless it pleases Him.

Surely, I am not god of Earth?! How could I possibly believe such a thing? Out of billions of human beings, how could I be set apart? The chances are slim, to say the least.

Out of fear, I repented this evening; I would rather not believe I’m God and be incorrect than believe I’m God and risk hellfire – I suppose that’s a kind of alternative ‘Pascal’s Wager’, for those of you familiar with the term.

I sincerely hope my entire life isn’t some cruel setup by a God who wants to make a mockery of me and punish me severely for things He has caused me to believe (if my belief in our lack of free will is correct, which I still defend).

Ultimately, I think we are just puppets of God’s will and we are forever at His mercy. I can only hope He’s not a monster, and that when I pray He will ground me in the truth – and only the truth – He will do so.

God is surely most merciful and whatever your own beliefs about my life and work I would be extremely grateful if you would petition God to look kindly upon me and not send me to hell.

I hope that I am a sincere person; I do always try to write and speak truthfully. Mocking God is the very last thing I would ever want to do – if you read this blog regularly you know that.

I might not approve all comments but please feel free to email me, it’s stevencolborne@gmail.com, I would love to hear from you. God bless you and peace be with you.

Sin and Suffering

One of the reasons why the Psalms are revered as sacred Scripture in all three of the major Abrahamic religions is because they are highly relatable.

King David, who wrote the majority of the Psalms found in most Bibles, went through some serious challenges and some serious suffering.

I have never met anyone who expresses the highs and lows of a special calling with the degree of sincerity and transparency as King David. Also, his poetic style is highly evocative, even in English translations.

What strikes me personally about David is that despite being a leader, presumably commanding thousands of soldiers, his laments to God are very personal. He writes about the guilt over sin that he experiences in such a way as to never attribute responsibility to others. This is truly remarkable and inspiring.

When we face regrets and guilt over sin, we can always find reassurance and guidance in the Psalms, because whatever depths of despair we are going through, David understands, to a great extent.

Thanks be to God for the Psalms, which are undoubtedly some of the most blessed writings God has given to humankind in recent history.

Follow me on LinkedIn

Dear friends, this is just a polite invitation to connect with me over on LinkedIn. On my profile you can view a full list of my books and see some information about my background. Hope to see you there.

P.S. Any endorsements would be very much appreciated!

A Setback

Dear friends, I hope that you are well today. I saw the doctor today and she was unhelpful. She is not extending my leave or discharging me. Even when I argued that I am entitled to freedom of religious belief under the Equalities Act 2010, she still chose to discriminate against me because of my understanding that I am God.

Honestly, my only hope is for God (as in, my higher self) to intervene and allow me to be discharged. I would appreciate your prayers in this regard. Being on a hospital ward is challenging, and I’m so angry that the doctor has no empathy at all.

Our decision is that she will go to hell.

On a more positive note, there are many blessings here on the ward and I did some washing last night so have clean clothes. I just had a delicious lunch and may have a shower later, perhaps listen to some music.

God revealed to me today that I will never have children, which in a sense is a relief. God is far above having children. Of course, everything is subject to potential change (that’s just life) so I’ll have to see what God manifests in the future.

Peace and blessings to you. Thank you for your support.

Prayer Request

Dear friends, sorry to lean on you! It’s just that you are some of my best friends and I am totally bemused as to how to get discharged. I’m supposed to be seeing the doctor today but I feel that she doesn’t consider me a priority. God does whatever He will.

If you’re willing to pray for me, I would appreciate it and God who sees everything will surely remember it. I just want to rebuild me life and follow my dreams, they will benefit everyone!

Peace and blessings,

Steven

Ready to be Discharged

I have plans to take an hour’s leave this afternoon, which is a step up from my 30 mins leave. Things are moving in the right direction and I’m hoping to have a good conversation with the ward consultant tomorrow which may lead to discharge.

Being in hospital makes you appreciate the things we often take for granted. A cup of water, curtains, a Sunday lunch, some paper and a pen. My dream right now is to sit in a park with a coffee and a cigarette and reflect on the mercy of God. God is most forgiving, gracious, and merciful.

I hope you have not found my frequent updates while I’ve been in hospital to be imposing. It’s not my intention. I have always loved writing and the fact that anyone reads my blog is a real blessing. I hope blogging will continue to be a big part of my life, but God does whatever He will.

Prayers are always appreciated, whether you are Jewish, Christian, Muslim, or believe in the One True God via a different revelation. I respect everyone’s views as God-given. Peace be upon you and thank you, once again, for your patience.

Good News

Greetings, friends. I wanted to share some exciting news. I met someone on the ward who works in publishing and we have begun negotiations with a view to working together on the promotion of my books. He has a background in marketing.

God says two of my books — God’s Grand Game and Christianity, Islam, and the One True God — are His favourite books of all time. Seeing as God is the primary cause of every book that humans have ever written, this is a huge honour. Both books are available for free as eBooks on Amazon presently (in some territories).

I had a wonderful day today. I felt all my anxiety around housing dissipate and I now feel optimistic that when I am discharged I can return to my flat without fear. It’s been a rough ride over the last four years but better times are coming, hopefully.

The Latest from Hospital

Good afternoon, friends. I’m in a much better mood today as there has been a lot of healing taking place on the ward. I keep telling everyone that the primary intervention in mental health treatment should be counselling, and on the whole people agree. The doctor was very understanding when she saw me today and so I’m hoping my leave will be increased. I do dispute my diagnosis, but am happy to comply with medication until a doctor is persuaded that I don’t need to any more.

It’s raining in London. I love the rain. I just took my leave and got soaked!

With love and blessings,

Steven

Two Clarifications

Following my article earlier today, I wanted to make two things clear.

I reject polytheism entirely. The One True God has chosen to inhabit my body to carry out His purposes. The God who has chosen to inhabit my body is the creator of the universe. I do not believe I am a god besides God.There will be a judgement day. The Scriptures of the Abrahamic religions have not been in vain. Believers in God who repent and do good deeds will be admitted into paradise and disbelievers who reject God’s revelations will suffer in hell.

God has promised me that these things are true.

Lonely, but not Alone

People who question whether or not I am God of Earth sometimes ask me about why I would claim such a thing. All I can do is be honest.

Here are a few key considerations:

God does whatever He will (as in, the creator of the multiverse)I appreciate and respect the sacred Scriptures of the Abrahamic religionsI believe our thoughts come from God rather than from our brainsI do not have cosmic consciousness, which I think God (the higher self) alone hasI have fully repented of my sins

In a sense, I am no one different from the person reading this. We all partake of the nature of God, because God is omnipresent and we are merely puppets in God’s hands. However, God tells me that I have this special calling repeatedly, and it seems to be playing out in my life. Of course, my higher self can change the way I think at any time if He wills.

I am not particularly enjoying being in hospital. I have no money and only half an hour escorted leave. I do love everyone on the ward, but there’s a lot of aggression which can cause me to feel quite isolated. The staff are doing their best on the whole to support me, but everything in my higher self’s timing.

I am lonely, but I am not Alone. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. It’s up to Him whether He or any human being blesses me or curses me.

Why not say a prayer about all this? You would be helping us all if you do. I only want to believe what is God’s Truth about who I am. I’m perfectly happy to be a street sweeper or whatever my higher self wills. I want the same thing we all do: grace, peace, and mercy. I’m so sorry if I’m mistaken.