Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 50

Diva In The Spotlight: Asakusa At Night

The grand dame of Tokyo temples, Senso-ji

Asakusa is always entertaining by day, but it’s totally stunning at night. From theatrically lit temples to glittering reflections on the Sumida River, this neighborhood never disappoints.

The fiercest guardian deity in the land

The main gate, shining in the rain

The promenade

Even the doors are larger than life.

Old meets new: the five-story pagoda and Skytree, together

A side gate frames the temple beyond

A geisha hurries along a side street on a rainy night, on the way to her evening appointment

Festival lanterns glow over a side street

A pleasure boat motors past Skytree on the Sumida River

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. If you’d like to visit the Asakusa neighborhood the next time you’re in Tokyo, more pictures, directions and maps are on my website, The Tokyo Guide I Wish I’d Had.

How To Eat A Whale

At the Kurasaki restaurant in Nagasaki, you can get a giant whale nugget to go.

Okay, first of all: Yes, I have, and no, it was awful. (Whale is not a taste I plan to acquire anytime soon – or even in this lifetime – even if tortured with red-hot pincers.) But regardless of whether you think people should eat whale, don’t you kind of wonder HOW they eat whale? I mean, a whale is BIG. So if you happen to catch one, you’ll be eating a LOT of whale. For a very long time. So long, that the kids will be saying, “Oh no, whale again?” when you’ve still got a freezer full. Or twenty freezers full. And there’s no Whale Helper to make it go down any easier.

So…how do you cook a whale?

Well, first of all, you eat the bits that are supposedly best left uncooked:

Your basic whale bacon. Yes, you eat it raw, according to my friend from Kyushu. And in case you’re wondering, the red bits are meat and the white bits are that favorite childhood treat, BLUBBER.

Whale sashimi. The other red meat.

And then you get creative, making sure to eat every part of the whale, in the fine tradition of Don’t Waste Anything restaurants. For example:

Whale tonguefor your barbequing pleasure, sliced and ready to grill.

Whale skin, with wasabi.

Whale “teeth.” With grated ginger.

Whale intestine. Okay, sorry, even with those artful little garnishes, no. Just…no.

When they really start to rebel, you can employ these tricky disguises:

“Hey kids! How about some steak? Would you like yours with mushroom sauce or miso and onions?”

Putting the “mystery” in “mystery meat”: Fried whale and cheese cutlets.

Sneak some into a whale hotpot. What they don’t know can’t hurt them.

And when all else fails: whale curry. The spicier, the better.

And in case you’re wondering why kids might be the teensiest bit reluctant to see whale on the dinner table in any form, it’s useful to know that the reason 96.2% of Japanese people say they’ve eaten whale meat is that it’s a staple in public school lunches. Yes, once or twice a week, the government thriftily presses this year’s catch of whale meat* into service to feed the nation’s youngsters. Waste not, want not.

* Apparently there’s quite a lot left over after “research” purposes have been satisfied).

Whale Nuggets for lunch again?

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. All photos from the August 2014 Dancyu magazine.

Inside Tokyo’s Wildest Host Clubs

Turn down the lights, hire a bunch of cute hosts, and keep the drinks coming, and it shouldn’t matter what your club looks like, right? Actually, no. Designing host clubs is a lot like designing casinos and supermarkets – if you want to inspire women to spend money like water, you better make sure you have a bunch of these:

CHANDELIERS. LOTS AND LOTS OF CHANDELIERS.

Too many chandeliers is just enough. (Club Zead)

Or if you just have one, make sure you label it so everyone knows it’s an EXPENSIVE one! (Club Dolce)

And why do we have to have so many chandeliers? Because the ur-club that started it all, back in the 70s, had so many chandeliers it basically WAS a chandelier.

This club is still open in Kabuki-cho! (愛田観光Club)

COLOR SCHEME. BLACK…OR WHITE?

Black, with lips… (Ava Club)

…or white, with artsy skulls? (Club DeZon)

Of course, black seems like a no-brainer in a club where, uh, things can and do get spilled, but consider this: if you go with white, you can spiff it all up with colored lights. (Club AnAn )

SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT, FOR CUSTOMERS WHO AREN’T QUITE WITH THE PROGRAM

Use English, so your non-English-speaking customers can blush and giggle over the Google Translate on their phones. (Candy Club)

Say it in pictures. Weird, subliminal pictures. (Club Platina)

THROW IN A BUNCH OF LEOPARD PRINT

The more leopards, the better.

Fake fur and leopard print-clad Ageha Gals are perfectly camouflaged at the Club Ageha.

If you can’t get yourself any leopards, bombard your customers with luxe patterns on every surface, even the ceiling, like they do at the Club Honey.

GOTTA HAVE SOME PRIVATE BOOTHS…

…so the free-spending customer enjoying a night with her favorite host can see, but not be seen. (Club Fate)

What goes on behind the red curtains? Whatever it is, I’ll have what she’s having! (Scandal Club)

…AND A VIP ROOM, FOR WHEN THEY’RE READY TO LEVEL UP FROM THE PRIVATE BOOTHS

It’s no coincidence that the portal to the VIP room is guarded by rows and rows of the kind of super-pricey booze you need to buy in order to even get a shot at taking your main squeeze in there for a nip. (I Need You Club)

DON’T FORGET THE LASERS

No host club would be complete without lasers. Lots of frickin’ lasers. Because when there’s a champagne call, the whole club’s gotta know it.

Lights! Music! Champagne chugging action! (Lupin Luxury Space)

Mirror ball of the new millennium: the LASER mirror ball. (Club Senorita)

Or step it up a notch, and go full-on laser light show. (Magic Club)

DISPLAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT ASPIRATIONAL BOOZE

“I’ll know I’ve made it when…

…I can afford something from the glowing pink $ Collection!” (Rey’s Club)

Or forget the mirrors, the video screens, the leopard print booths – decorate the walls with decanters of spirits so expensive they’ll make your eyes water. (Club Celes)

AND NOW, FOR THE TEST…

Chandelier? Check! Tower o’ glasses, waiting for the Dom? Check! VIP room complete with tinkling fountain? Check! Private room with tufted leather love seat? Check, check, check! (Club Romeo)

Or you can do it all in style! This is the club where I went to do the research for Fallen Angel.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Photos all courtesy of the  HostXHost  website(Japanese only).

Published by Penguin/Intermix

Want to stick your toe into the Tokyo host club demimonde without getting on a plane? Fallen Angel takes you into host clubs, maid cafés and the secret lives of those who work and play in Kabuki-cho! Try the first few chapters here.

Fallen Angel readers often ask me what it’s really like to go to a host club. If you’re curious too, here’s a slide show and answers to the TOP TEN QUESTIONS ABOUT HOST CLUBS:

Why do women go to host clubs?

What kind of women go to host clubs?

What’s it like to visit a host club?

How expensive is it to go to a host club?

What is a host club “champagne call”?

Can foreigners get into a host club?

How can I go to a host club?

How do I find a good host club?

Why do hosts dress like that? Everything you always wanted to know about host fashion.

A Day In The Life: What’s it like to be a host?

How To Design Your Very Own Host Club!

Slap up some mirrors, turn down the lights, stock up on Dom, and the cash will start rolling in, right? Uh, sorry, mate, but no. If you want to design a host club that makes women spend money like water, you betta have these:

CHANDELIERS. LOTS AND LOTS OF CHANDELIERS.

Too many chandeliers is just enough. (Club Zead)

Or if you just have one, make sure you label it so everyone knows it’s an EXPENSIVE one! (Club Dolce)

And why do we have to have so many chandeliers? Because the ur-club that started it all, back in the 70s, had so many chandeliers it basically WAS a chandelier.

This club is still open in Kabuki-cho! (愛田観光Club)

CHOOSE YOUR COLOR SCHEME. YOU WANT BLACK…OR WHITE?

Black, with lips… (Ava Club)

…or white, with artsy skulls? (Club DeZon)

Of course, black seems like a no-brainer in a club where, uh, things can and do get spilled, but consider this: if you go with white, you can spiff it all up with colored lights. (Club AnAn )

SPELL IT OUT, FOR CUSTOMERS WHO AREN’T QUITE WITH THE PROGRAM

Use English, so your non-English-speaking customers can blush and giggle over the Google Translate on their phones. (Candy Club)

Say it in pictures. Weird, subliminal pictures. (Club Platina)

THROW IN A BUNCH OF LEOPARD PRINT

The more leopards, the better.

Fake fur and leopard print-clad Ageha Gals are perfectly camouflaged at the Club Ageha.

If you can’t get yourself any leopards, bombard your customers with luxe patterns on every surface, even the ceiling, like they do at the Club Honey.

GOTTA HAVE SOME PRIVATE BOOTHS…

…so the free-spending customer enjoying a night with her favorite host can see, but not be seen. (Club Fate)

What goes on behind the red curtains? Whatever it is, I’ll have what she’s having! (Scandal Club)

…AND A VIP ROOM, FOR WHEN THEY’RE READY TO LEVEL UP FROM THE PRIVATE BOOTHS

It’s no coincidence that the portal to the VIP room is guarded by rows and rows of the kind of super-pricey booze you need to buy in order to even get a shot at taking your main squeeze in there for a nip. (I Need You Club)

DON’T FORGET THE LASERS

No host club would be complete without lasers. Lots of frickin’ lasers. Because when there’s a champagne call, the whole club’s gotta know it.

Lights! Music! Champagne chugging action! (Lupin Luxury Space)

Mirror ball of the new millennium: the LASER mirror ball. (Club Senorita)

Or step it up a notch, and go full-on laser light show. (Magic Club)

DISPLAY THE HELL OUT OF THAT ASPIRATIONAL BOOZE

“I’ll know I’ve made it when…

…I can afford something from the glowing pink $ Collection!” (Rey’s Club)

Or forget the mirrors, the video screens, the leopard print booths – decorate the walls with decanters of spirits so expensive they’ll make your eyes water. (Club Celes)

AND NOW, FOR THE TEST…

Chandelier? Check! Tower o’ glasses, waiting for the Dom? Check! VIP room complete with tinkling fountain? Check! Private room with tufted leather love seat? Check, check, check! (Club Romeo)

Or you can do it all in style! This is the club where I went to do the research for Fallen Angel.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. Photos all courtesy of the  HostXHost  website(Japanese only).

Published by Penguin/Intermix

Want to stick your toe into the Tokyo host club demimonde without getting on a plane? Fallen Angel takes you into host clubs, maid cafés and the secret lives of those who work and play in Kabuki-cho! Try the first few chapters here.

Fallen Angel readers often ask me what it’s really like to go to a host club. If you’re curious too, here’s a slide show and answers to the TOP TEN QUESTIONS ABOUT HOST CLUBS:

Why do women go to host clubs?

What kind of women go to host clubs?

What’s it like to visit a host club?

How expensive is it to go to a host club?

What is a host club “champagne call”?

Can foreigners get into a host club?

How can I go to a host club?

How do I find a good host club?

Why do hosts dress like that? Everything you always wanted to know about host fashion.

A Day In The Life: What’s it like to be a host?

Hardcore Workout Equipment…For Your Face

How many reps to conquer those crow’s feet?

Getting yourself a righteously small face has always been prized in Japan, but having a face that just oozes buffness is apparently the new Holy Grail Of Pulchritude. Behold the dizzying array of exercise devices for your head, all designed to shape and tone your visage into a model of curvaceous (and unwrinkled) youth.

The Hard Type Face Stretch. To, strengthen your uh, face. Or make it more flexible. Or something.

If you don’t get rid of your laugh lines with this baby, at least you’ll give them to everyone watching you pump iron with your eyelids.

The Happy Face Trainer:  Smile Fight championship, you are MINE!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Gorgeous Japanese Hydrangeas = Summertime!

 

Remember those big white snowball-y bushes that bloomed next to Grandma’s porch all summer long? Believe it or not, those everyday flowers were where they started hybridizing to get these fancypants. Some temples in Japan have whole hillsides covered with so many varieties of hydrangea, you can’t count them. Here are a few:

 

 

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

What Cookie Is Black And White And Not The Flavor You Think It Is?

Ooo, that square one on the bottom – gourmet Oreo, right?

Heh heh heh, only if you’re ready to discover that the chocolate cookie bits have been enhanced by a scoop of bamboo charcoal and the cream filling tastes of gouda cheese with a hint of non-canon truffle salt…

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Meet The John & Jane Doe Of Japan

So, you know how Everycountry has an Everyman and Everywoman? Well, in Japan, its…

Your humble servant, John Doe…

…and your average goodwife, Jane.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Fishing For Women

Of all the rakugo performances I’ve seen, Fishing For Women is my fave. It’s got great characters, including a guy who’s more of a nightmare than the worst Tinder story you’ve ever heard!

THE CHARACTERS

The kind old fisherman who hooks a skull and prays for the repose of the unfortunate soul.

The desperate playah-wannabe next door, whose spying through the peephole gets him in deep doo-doo.

In this story, a nice old fisherman is visited by a beautiful ghost, but the douchebag next door has other ideas…

And then…! If you watch the video, you can enjoy Ootomo-san switching between characters in typical rakugo style.

This art is centuries old, but the stories are as funny today as they were in samurai times. Nothing like it really exists outside of Japan, and it’s rarely performed in English, so hey, take advantage! Here’s the video – watch it live!

FISHING FOR WOMEN  

Performed in English by Hiroyuki Ootomo (19:15)

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If you liked Fishing For Women, (or want to try a shorter one first, to see if you like it) check out Ootomo-san’s other rakugo performances in English!

Ghost Woman Returns (5:36)

The Unobservant Husband (13:20)

Too Much Religious Devotion (5:31)

Drunk Under The Cherry Blossoms (4:52)

The Water Vendor’s Fortune (7:11)

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix. The next time you’re in Japan, if you’d like to watch Ootomo-san perform live, you can contact him at oh.h.o.0312@gmail.com. Ootomo-san speaks and reads English, and is happy to arrange a performance at a particular time and place. For directions to Yoyogi Park and a map that shows where to find Ootomo-san on Sunday afternoons if he happens to be performing, visit The Tokyo Guide I Wish I Had.

Mother’s Little Eyedrop Helper

Ewww! Eyedrops! Get those things away from me no no no no no no you’re not putting something in my eye blink blink blink blink!

Okay, I admit it, I’m a princessey fairy wussy when it comes to eyedrops. Which is why I thought SQUICK SQUICK SQUICK when I first saw this product at Tokyu Hands. Despite their diabolically cheery faces, I assumed they were little torture devices used to keep your lower lid open and steady the bottle while aiming an attack at your defenseless eyeball.

But then I examined it more closely. Its actually works sort of like a funnel: You hook it on your lower lid and pull it out a little, then squeeze the drops onto the plastic thing instead of into your eye. The eyedrops run down the little slide into your eyelid pocket. Achievement Unlocked!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.