Jonelle Patrick's Blog, page 46

Ten Best Stocking Stuffers From Japan!

10.  SUSHI SOCKS

Because who wouldn’t want their feet to look like two slabs of raw fish? (Seen at Loft in Shibuya)

9. DIY CROSS STITCH PHONE CASE

Because: needlepoint phone case! (Seen at Loft in Shibuya)

8. ANIMAL SKELETONS

Yes, Real animal skeletons. In pretty decorator colors. (Seen at Tokyu Hands in Shibuya)

7. DEVIL WAX

Hair products of overwhelming cuteness. (Seen at Loft in Ikebukuro)

6. EYELID EXERCISER

Conquer those crow’s feet with this handy piece of workout equipment for your face! (Seen at Tokyu Hands in Ikebukuro)

Because who wouldn’t want their feet to look like two slabs of raw fish? (Seen at Loft in Shibuya)

5. EMOJI EYE MASK

The one on the left says, “I came to Tokyo!” (Seen at Kotobuki, on the street where the maids pass out flyers in Akihabara)

4. DEODORANT CANDY

Eating this candy supposedly makes you smell like roses! (Seen at the Tokyu grocery store)

3. NINJA SNACK PICKS

For stealth appetizers. (Seen at Village Vanguard in Shimokitazawa)

2. THE STATUE OF TOO MUCH LIBERTY

Lady Liberty takes liberties in these WTF gacha-gacha toys (From a gachopon vending machine in Loft, Shibuya)

 

 

1. PIGGY ZAPPER

Lights your smokes and shocks your stalkers too! (Seen at Don Kihote in Akihabara)

If you’d actually like to stuff your loved ones’ stocking with these weird items, White Rabbit Express can shop & ship from Tokyo for a very reasonable price.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

 

Pikachu Fishcakes!

Collect ‘em all! Trade ‘em with your friends!

Never thought I’d be using the words “squeee!” and “fishcake” in the same sentence, but…!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Where To See The Best Holiday Illuminations In Tokyo!

It’s that time of year again! Tokyo’s Illuminations are free, and they never disappoint! Here are my favorite places to see them.

New this year! NAKAMEGURO

One of my favorite places to see cherry blossoms at night is now awesome in winter too. Right now, the bare branches of the trees along the Meguro River are all lit up in blue!

November 23 – December 25,  17:00 – 21:00

Map

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TOKYO MIDTOWN

Can’t. Stop. Watching. This mesmerizing field of lights is choreographed to an ethereal wintry soundtrack. The 2014 Starlight Garden theme is “Space Journey,” and features stick illuminations that shoot four meters into the air.

November 13 – December 25, 17:00 – 23:00

Map

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SHIODOME

Inside the Shiodome complex, this year’s Caretta illumination is called “Canyon D’Azur,” and the courtyard is decked out in the usual extravaganza of colored lights set to music.

November 13 – January 12 (closed 1/1-1/2), 17:00 – 23:00

Map

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ROPPONGI HILLS

Photo courtesy of JapanToday

Over at Roppongi Hills, Keyakizaka-dori’s blue and white lights turn red & gold and light up with hearts twice each hour, as part of their “Artelligent” displays throughout the mall. Here’s the schedule:

The best place to see them (and get a view of Tokyo Tower) is actually from the bridge over the street by the Louis Vuitton store.

November 4 – December 25, 17:00 – 23:00

Map

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SHINJUKU

Photo courtesy of JapanToday

The trees lining the promenade between Shinjuku South-East Exit and Times Square are always strung with lights, but this year they’ve added colorful globes, and the big Christmas trees nearest the station are each strung with a different color of lights.

November 12 – February 25, 17:00 – 24:00

Map

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EBISU GARDEN PLACE

This display doesn’t change from year to year, but if you haven’t been there, the view from the red carpet that leads from the Christmas tree to the gigantic Baccarat chandelier is worth seeing once.

November 8 – January 12, 16:00 – 24:00

Follow the signs to Ebisu Garden Place from the East Exit of Ebisu JR station.

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Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

 

Hot Springs Latte Art

It was a rainy autumn morning in the mountains of Gunma, but I didn’t care because I’d just spent a half hour soaking in punishingly hot mineral water at a Japanese inn and was sitting in front of an extra-strong coffee with the hot springs mark drawn in the foam!

Here’s how you know you’re in hot spring territory!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

More Christmas Hats From Hell

 

“What do you mean, you don’t want to sit in shiny alien elf Santa’s lap?”

From the Tokyu Hands buyers who brought you the original Christmas Hats From Hell, behold the latest ways to say “Ho ho ho, suckers!”

That little goatee of a tree allows the holiday thug to festively mimic O Tanenbaum while keeping his arms free for maximum pillaging

And for female felons, the reindeer burqa: for stylish identity concealment when you get to the front of the bank line with your gun and empty pillowcase.

Available at Tokyu Hands in Shibuya, of course!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series,  published by Penguin/Intermix.

Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2014!

10. What do you give the person who has everything? They’ve already got a one-shot coffee maker. And a one-shot tea machine. But I bet they don’t have a ONE-SHOT MISO SOUP MAKER!

Because who doesn’t consume so much miso soup they need it instantly at all times? (Seen at Yodabashi Camera in Akihabara)

9. Landing a blow for equal opportunity character pillows, the otaku girls on your list will love sleeping with the SINGING PRINCE DREAM CUSHION!

These swoonworthy lads promise “true love 2000%!” (Seen at Kotobuki in Akihabara)

8. And for princesses whose rigorous beauty routine leaves them too exhausted to lift a washcloth at the end of a long day, how about these ELECTRIC FACE BRUSHES?

Let’s hope “Whip & Wash” refers to frothing up a bowl of soapy goodness for facial cleaning purposes rather than any more punishing beauty treatment… (Seen at BIC Camera in Shinjuku)

7. Give the mom on your list the stress relief gift that keeps on giving: children will never have to be nagged into eating their vegetables again if they’re distracted by this adorable SITTING BEAR RICE MOLD.

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With this cute bear staring them in the face, they won’t even realize you’re trying to feed them that old family recipe: Weenies & Veggies (Seen at Tokyu Hands in Ikebukuro)

6. And every time global warming rears its ugly head next year, your giftees will thank you if you present them with this weird and yet strangely compelling UNBRELLA.

Refuses to blow out in even the most severe hurricanes, typhoons and other weather disasters. (Seen at Tokyu Hands in Shibuya)

5. Does someone you know love catch-your-own noodles, but finds themselves inconveniently far from Chaya Kado in the summertime? Now they can enjoy nagashi somen in their very own home with the WHITE BEAR NOODLE FOUNTAIN.

Chilled water gushes from the polar bear’s mouth and trickles merrily down to the rotating ring below, for noodle-snagging fun anytime, anywhere. (Seen at Loft in Shibuya)

4. Women can never have too many accessories, and I’ll bet you a barrel of wiggling sea eels she doesn’t have a RED TELEPHONE PURSE.

Trust me on this: She doesn’t have one, but she WANTS one. (Seen at Aki-Oka Artisan in Akihabara)

3. Give the gift of slimming: The most surefire diet aid I saw all year was this JAPANESE TOILET CURRY PLATE.

Seriously, would YOU lick your plate clean if your curry rice came on one of these? (Seen at Village Vanguard in Shimokitazawa)

2. For the stalker wannabe on your list, this stealthy BOW TIE VOICE CHANGER.

Because nobody will ever guess the guy muttering into his plastic light-up bow tie is up to anything shady. (Seen at the discount shops on the street where maids give out flyers in Akihabara)

1. And for that hard-to-shop-for person whose decorating taste runs to crafts & weapons, this FRAMED HANDGUN REPLICA MADE ENTIRELY OF WOOD.

You can’t have too many. (Seen at Aki-Oka Artisan in Akihabara)

And, of course, for the Japan-loving mystery/thriller readers on your list, you could do worse than give them a new mystery series to dig into after the remnants of the holiday feast are packed away…

Whisk yourself away to an armchair vacation in Tokyo with this new mystery series published by Penguin/Intermix. Try the first few chapters of all three books here!

For more wild Only In Japan gifts, check out posts tagged Tokyu Hands, Loft, and Village Vanguard, as well as Top Ten Only In Japan Holiday Gifts 2012 and 2013! And if you really truly crave one of these amazing items, White Rabbit Express can buy them in Tokyo and ship them to you at a very reasonable price.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

The Mother Of All Illuminations Theme Parks!

When I was a kid, every year in mid-December we’d all pile into the car and drive around to find the house with the most over-the-top Xmas decorations. No surprise, I am a total, total sucker for Xmas lights. But I never saw anything that even came close to the amazing, blazing Illuminations displays that Tokyo neighborhoods started putting on a few years ago! If you’re in Tokyo with me anytime from the end of November on, you will be dragged around to see them ALL, and don’t even try to get out of it.

But even the fabulosity of the Tokyo Illuminations couldn’t match THIS. This “Illumillions” theme park is way out in Sagamiko (past Takao Station, at the end of the Chuo Line) but it did not disappoint! See for yourself!

Lights, lights, as far as the eye can see! The whole mountainside was covered in lights!

All the trees in the Fields Of Pink were lit up in gold.

A meadow of giant electric flowers

Enter this magical tunnel between the worlds…

…and emerge into a glowing underwater wonderland.

Denizens of the electric deep!

Atop the mountain, a ferris wheel and more delights.

Through another flickering tunnel to…

…the electric palace extravaganza, with ever-changing light show and dancing fountains set to music!

And of course, there was a tree.

If you’d like to visit the Sagamiko “Illumillions” park, take the Chuo Rapid Line to Takao, then change to the local and get off at Sagamiko. It takes about an hour from Shinjuku Station. Open 5 pm – 9:30 pm (last admission 9 pm). Admission: Adults ¥600, Children ¥400. If you want to see amazing Illuminations right in Tokyo, check out the places that had incredible displays in 2012, 2013, and 2014!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

Tofu X Donut

 

Mixed Message Food Mash-up Of The Year! Donuts made with tofu! In the interest of science, I felt it was imperative I step up to answer the burning question: does the healthy tofu part cancel out the evil donut part?

I know I ought to have gone for the plain one – in order to give the tofu its best shot at ruining the donutty part – but I wavered at the last moment and tried the cinnamon.

Tofu donuts come in five flavors: plain, cinnamon, chocolate with sprinkles, strawberry glazed and red bean.

And the verdict? I have to admit, I couldn’t muster up even the smallest bloom of smugness from eating the cinnamon tofu bomb. I’m sorry to report that even though it was made from the most healthy of health food, that donut was delicious. Tasted like a regular cinnamon cake donut.

Which meant, of course, that the forces of evil sugar and deep frying were probably triumphing over the valiant efforts of the tofu, and I couldn’t eat six of them and call it dinner.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.

In Which We #takedownjulienblanc With The Hot Blue Flame Of Loathing

Any foreigner who lives in Japan by choice has been there: Oh no, oh no, quick, put up the hoodie! Inch away from that loud foreigner doing something that’s making everyone stare at the ground and cringe. Desperately wish for the ability to telepathically project “I may be a gaijin, but I’m not THAT kind of gaijin.” 

So it’s not too surprising that the Twittersphere lit up last week with a hashtag originating in Japan, seeking to ban a guy named Julien Blanc from ever entering the country again. Not only did Blanc trample gleefully through Tokyo tweeting and instagramming truly Neanderthal pick-up advice, he was practicing forms of sexual harassment that were so over the top they’d have been funny if they weren’t so horrible.

Even worse, he was making a hell of a good living running seminars that taught other nimwads that if they were white males, all they had to do to make themselves “sex-worthy” was to grab Japanese women and shove their heads crotch-ward (or, for variety, choke them playfully around the neck.) Lovely. Racist AND sexist. (For the details, and an analysis of his so-called apology on CNN, scamper yourself over to Sorrywatch and read the guest post. Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up!)

You too can learn Mr. Blanc’s woman-enthralling techniques for only $497

But why all the fireworks? Why is this guy being hated on way more than the head of the Japanese Nazi Party and the woman who killed seven significant others all rolled into one?

The thing is, carving out a niche for yourself as a foreigner in Japan ain’t easy. Fresh off the boat, we arrive bearing homemade banana bread for all the neighbors, only to find that the neighbors are hellishly indifferent to banana bread. Or our passion for anime. Or our love of taiko drumming. Or our painful efforts to properly use the honorific form. So we back off and figure out how to read the social cues instead of jumping all over the locals like untrained puppies.

And that’s where Julien Blanc takes a nasty off-road deviation from the straight and narrow. He’s a Bad Foreigner. A Really Really Really Really REALLY Bad Foreigner. He’s so bad, even foreign countries don’t want him. He takes predatory advantage of Japanese women whose nervous smiles and polite refusal to make a spectacle of themselves by slapping the leer off his face in public are clues that would instantly give Japanese men the shout-out they’d stepped over the line. The fact that Blanc not only ignored the message these women were sending, but made money teaching others to do so, is – not to put too fine a point on it – assholery that borders on the criminal.

So, in addition to the mortal sin of advocating abuse of women, he’s committed the misdemeanor of making all foreigners look bad. His grinning five-o’clock-shadowed mug is now projected onto the shoulders of every non-Japanese man walking the streets of Tokyo. And the bad smell he’s left behind is even tainting foreign women, as stereotypes about gaijin being the cause of everything from unpleasant encounters to crime get reinforced, in spades.

So thanks for nothing, Julien Blanc. Hope the door hits you on your way out.

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the  Only In Tokyo mystery series , published by Penguin/Intermix. She’s also the author of today’s guest post on Sorrywatch , with a blow-by-blow analysis of Julien Blanc’s apology.

How To Make A Wickedly Scary Gash On Your Arm In Seven Easy Steps!

Looks totally real, doesn’t it? In fact, it’s the artistry of one of the students at the Amazing School JUR’s special effects table at Design Festa! I opted for the ¥500 standard slasher attack, but you could also sign up for the ¥1000 “X-marks-the-psycho” gashes or a gaping wound that looked like the velociraptors got loose in your room last night.

Here’s how he did it!

First, trowel on the 3-D goop that makes the ultra-realistic edges of the wound. This stuff dried into a silicone-like consistency.

Before the goop dried, he carved an irregular line down the middle and sculpted ridges on the edge of the wound.

Then the outside borders of the goop were smoothed down so they blended with my skin.

Next, fake blood was painted into the slash.

After that, “bruising and inflammation” were pounced on with a soft brush around the gash.

Finally, the finishing touches of shiny red to keep it looking like it just happened!

It lasted all day – until I peeled it off before I went to bed – and I accidentally scared a few people because I forgot I had it on!

Jonelle Patrick is the author of the Only In Tokyo mystery series, published by Penguin/Intermix.