Rob Dircks's Blog, page 9
March 10, 2015
Where the Hell is Tesla? Now Available!
SCI-FI ODYSSEY. COMEDY. LOVE STORY. AND OF COURSE… NIKOLA TESLA. I’ll let Chip, the main character tell you more: “I found the journal at work. Well, I don’t know if you’d call it work, but that’s where I found it. It’s the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an “Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus” – that allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite possibilities around us. Crazy, right? But that’s just where the crazy starts.”
CHIP’S OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction: the events depicted in the collection of emails did not happen. I have never been in contact with a covert government group attempting to suppress knowledge of the lost journal of Nikola Tesla. I have not been threatened with death if I divulge the secrets contained inside. They did not buy me this handsome jacket (oh crap, you’re reading this – trust me, it looks great on me). They did not come to my place, and liquor me up, and offer to publish this book as a sci-fi comedy novel to throw the public off the trail of the real truth.
Or did they?
I’m kidding. Of course they didn’t.
Or did they?
God, I can’t keep my big mouth shut.
Praise for Where the Hell is Tesla…
“If Bill and Ted were approaching middle age (and gotten just this much more world weary along the way), then went on an Even More Excellent Science Fact Adventure, you might get something like Rob Dircks’ debut novel, Where the Hell is Telsa? Smart, funny, and just like its titular scientist, impressively inventive, this is a must-read for anyone who aced science and, even more so, for those of us who didn’t. Which means, quite simply, it’s a book for everyone.”
– Michael Zam, Screenwriting Professor, NYU
“Reminds me of Vonnegut. Yeah, I said that.”
– Ruth Sinanian, Connoisseur of Fine Literature
Amazon.com Reviews…
“An extraordinarily unexpected delight… will appeal to fans of Pratchett and Adams.”
“A wild, witty wonderful ride through a historically accurate backdrop. You will laugh, it’s not dumb humor but very smart.”
“Very entertaining and a great homage to a great scientist. If you’re looking to laugh out loud while reading, then this is the book for you.”
“I was laughing at times and on the edge of my seat other times. The character of Chip is wonderful.”
Award-winning Author Interviews Rob for Book Launch
Voted one of the Best Long Island Authors for 2013 and 2014, Dina Santorelli took some time from her insane schedule to interview Rob about his new book, Where the Hell is Tesla?
Debut Author Q&A: Meet Rob Dircks
A funny thing happened on my way to an author event at the Seaford Library in Seaford, N.Y…. I got to meet some cool authors! (Imagine that!) One of those authors was Rob Dircks. I had the pleasure of being Rob’s tablemate that day, and we spent most of the time chatting books, publishing, and writing. I’m so happy to announce that Rob’s first novel, a science fiction comedy titled, Where the Hell is Tesla?, is available on Amazon. Below, Rob and I continue our chat about how this novel came to be. I wish him much success!
Your book has such an intriguing title. What is your book about? It’s a combination buddy comedy/fish-out-of-water story/sci-fi romp. A slacker security guard finds the lost journal of Nikola Tesla and talks his best friend into exploring Tesla’s secret invention, the Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus. They bounce from one misadventure to the next trying to get home until the existence of the entire multiverse winds up depending on these two unlikely heroes.
Why did you want to write this book? Ever since elementary school, I’ve been into comics, then sci-fi books and movies, and I’ve got this weird fascination with conspiracy theories. One day, I stumbled across this outrageous conspiracy theory article about Nikola Tesla — how he had secret journals that disappeared after he died, that the FBI took them, and that they contained plans for death rays and god-knows-what else. Maybe an hour later, I was still digging down this Internet rabbit hole, finding little scraps of hints and clues, this wonderful bottomless pit of Tesla intrigue, and I said to myself: What if he had something REALLY crazy in those journals? Like an Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus?
At the same time, I knew I wanted to write a comedy about a normal guy stuck in extreme circumstances. So at some random moment it all came together as “What if a slacker security guard discovers the lost journal of Nikola Tesla?” And boom. There it was…
Read the rest of the interview on Dina’s Blog
About Dina Santorelli
Voted one of the Best Long Island Authors for 2013 and 2014 (Long Island Press), Dina Santorelli has been a freelance writer for over 17 years and has written for Newsday, First for Women and CNNMoney.com, among other publications. Her debut novel, Baby Grand, is a Top Rated Mystery & Thriller and best-selling organized crime thriller on Amazon Kindle. Among her nonfiction work, Dina served as the “with” writer for the well-received Good Girls Don’t Get Fat as well as Bully, the companion book to the acclaimed documentary. Her book Daft Punk: A Trip Inside the Pyramid was published by St. Martin’s Press in January 2014. Dina is also the Executive Editor of Salute and Family magazines for which she has interviewed many celebrities, including Norman Reedus, James Gandolfini, Tim McGraw, Gary Sinise and Kevin Bacon. Dina teaches editing, book marketing and self-publishing for Hofstra University’s Continuing Education department. www.dinasantorelli.com
March 2, 2015
Where the Hell is Tesla? A Novel, Now Available!
Click to Shop the Ebook • $3.99
Click to Shop the Paperback • $13.49
SCI-FI ODYSSEY. COMEDY. LOVE STORY. AND OF COURSE… NIKOLA TESLA. I’ll let Chip, the main character tell you more: “I found the journal at work. Well, I don’t know if you’d call it work, but that’s where I found it. It’s the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an “Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus” – that allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite possibilities around us. Crazy, right? But that’s just where the crazy starts.”
CHIP’S OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction: the events depicted in the collection of emails did not happen. I have never been in contact with a covert government group attempting to suppress knowledge of the lost journal of Nikola Tesla. I have not been threatened with death if I divulge the secrets contained inside. They did not buy me this handsome jacket (oh crap, you’re reading this – trust me, it looks great on me). They did not come to my place, and liquor me up, and offer to publish this book as a sci-fi comedy novel to throw the public off the trail of the real truth.
Or did they?
I’m kidding. Of course they didn’t.
Or did they?
God, I can’t keep my big mouth shut.
Praise for Where the Hell is Tesla…
“If Bill and Ted were approaching middle age (and gotten just this much more world weary along the way), then went on an Even More Excellent Science Fact Adventure, you might get something like Rob Dircks’ debut novel, Where the Hell is Telsa? Smart, funny, and just like its titular scientist, impressively inventive, this is a must-read for anyone who aced science and, even more so, for those of us who didn’t. Which means, quite simply, it’s a book for everyone.”
– Michael Zam, Screenwriting Professor, NYU
“Reminds me of Vonnegut. Yeah, I said that.”
– Ruth Sinanian, Connoisseur of Fine Literature
Amazon.com Reviews…
“An extraordinarily unexpected delight… will appeal to fans of Pratchett and Adams.”
“A wild, witty wonderful ride through a historically accurate backdrop. You will laugh, it’s not dumb humor but very smart.”
“Very entertaining and a great homage to a great scientist. If you’re looking to laugh out loud while reading, then this is the book for you.”
“I was laughing at times and on the edge of my seat other times. The character of Chip is wonderful.”
February 11, 2015
If you like Unleash the Sloth!, you’ll love Where the Hell is Tesla? – Available March 3!
Sci-fi Odyssey. Comedy. Love Story. And of course… Nikola Tesla.I’ll let Chip, the main character, tell you more: “I found the journal at work. Well, I don’t know if you’d call it work, but that’s where I found it. It’s the lost journal of Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest inventors and visionaries ever. Before he died in 1943, he kept a notebook filled with spectacular claims and outrageous plans. One of these plans was for an “Interdimensional Transfer Apparatus” – that allowed someone (in this case me and my friend Pete) to travel to other versions of the infinite possibilities around us. Crazy, right? But that’s just where the crazy starts.”
BUY AT AMAZON STARTING MARCH 3, 2015!
CHIP’S OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER:
This is a work of fiction: the events depicted in the collection of emails did not happen. I have never been in contact with a covert government group attempting to suppress knowledge of the lost journal of Nikola Tesla. I have not been threatened with death if I divulge the secrets contained inside. They did not buy me this handsome jacket (oh crap, you’re reading this – trust me, it looks great on me). They did not come to my place, and liquor me up, and offer to publish this book as a sci-fi comedy novel to throw the public off the trail of the real truth.
Or did they?
I’m kidding. Of course they didn’t.
Or did they?
God, I can’t keep my big mouth shut.
Praise for Where the Hell is Tesla…
“An extraordinarily unexpected delight… will appeal to fans of Pratchett and Adams.”
“A wild, witty wonderful ride through a historically accurate backdrop. You will laugh, it’s not dumb humor but very smart.”
“Very entertaining and a great homage to a great scientist. If you’re looking to laugh out loud while reading, then this is the book for you.”
“I was laughing at times and on the edge of my seat other times. The character of Chip is wonderful.”
February 9, 2015
Wait – TWO giveaways for Valentine’s Day? Yeah, that’s how much I love you.
Giveaway #1: The Unleash the Sloth Deluxe Gift Set Okay, it’s not a real sloth, but honestly you won’t be able to tell the difference. Make sure you (or a special loved one) are on the Goldfinch Publishing mailing list, and you’ll be entered to win this incredible gift set based on the bestselling Unleash the Sloth! 75 Ways to Reach Your Maximum Potential By Doing Less. What’s the set include?
• A super-high quality, poseable plush sloth toy from Hansa Toys (a $57 value)
• A custom UtS! t-shirt (sized just for him/her – you have to get your own)
• A Certificate of Adoption with a unique name. They’re individually named when we rescue them from villainous poachers. And don’t worry, we open a big can of whoop-ass on those poachers while we’re at it.
• A complimentary copy of Unleash the Sloth! 75 Ways to Reach Your Maximum Potential By Doing Less. Laugh. Cry. Change your life. (Or don’t. It’s all good.)
Have a friend that might dig this giveaway? Get them on the mailing list by Valentine’s Day (February 14, but you knew that).
Join the Mailing List to Win
Giveaway #2: Where the Hell is Tesla? (Part One) Hold on to your seat – EVERYBODY wins this one. (I know, it’s not that big of a deal. But it’s FREE, right?) Starting February 14, Part One of the epic trilogy (epic? okay, another slight overstatement) will be FREE for five days on Amazon.com. For everyone. I love everyone. It’s true.
Get the Book on Amazon FREE!
September 5, 2014
Now THAT’S Taking the Dog for a Walk.
Your dog needs a walk. But you sure don’t. Solution? Have him run alongside the car as you drive! This is exactly how a sloth would approach this problem (if sloths could drive. Or own dogs. Or hold on to a leash.)
September 1, 2014
Sloth Way #95: Accomplish more while sleeping.
Who has time to iron? Before going to bed, place items that need pressing between mattress and box spring. You’re good to go in the morning!
June 12, 2014
Now you don’t even have to mix your own wine cooler and vodka.
What an incredible hassle: actually picking up two bottles — wine coolers and vodka — to make your one favorite drink. Honestly, I don’t know how I’ve done it all these years. (Or more accurately, I don’t remember doing much of it.) But finally – FINALLY – someone’s premixed my vodka with my wine cooler. Now it’s less work, same effect. West Coast Cooler‘s done it! (Check out the video, too – kind of bizarre.)
June 25, 2013
Pope Skips Concert NOT to “Send Signal,” Just to Take Nap
Contrary to popular media conjecture, Pope Francis’ absence from a recent gala concert was NOT a snub, nor a clear message about living a modest lifestyle — he was taking a nap.
Reuters, Italian media, and others have proposed that Francis is sending signals to the Vatican that he will not live the papal “high life.” However, in this exclusive interview, Unleash the Sloth! reveals that the new pope loves the high life – he just needs to catch extra Zs to keep it up:
UtS: Excuse me, your holiness?
PF: Zzzz. Ungh. [clanking of empty altar wine bottles]
UtS: Pontiff?
PF: Mmmm. [opens eyes] Ugh. What? [belches] Hey, can you hand me that bucket? [vomits] Wow, that feels better. So, you the Sloth guy?
UtS: Yes, your holiness. We were wonder–
PF: [vomits again] Oooh. Sorry, I think that’s it. Go on.
UtS: We were wondering if your–
PF: [vomits again] Wow, this is embarrassing. Sorry. Promise that was it. Nothing left. Go on.
UtS: We were wondering if your absence from last night’s concert was a signal to your administration that you’ve chosen to avoid the high life of the Papacy.
PF: That was LAST NIGHT?!? Oh man, they’re gonna be pissed.
September 25, 2012
Get a six-pack in seconds with AB-hancer!
Dave stumbled across this the other day — the perfect workout tool for the sloth-minded. Is it real? does it work? In my exhaustive research (okay, it was five minutes), I couldn’t find a single site selling this thing, or anyone who took credit for creating it. Kickstarter, here we come!
Actual quote from product box:
I couldn’t believe how effective the Ab-hancer was. Chicks dig it.
