Estelle Ryan's Blog, page 15

I just realised that this week is exactly two years since The Gauguin Connection...

I just realised that this week is exactly two years since The Gauguin Connection came out. I'm so grateful for the last two years. So very grateful.

Progress report: Having fun allowing the Muses to sweep me along for Book 6's pl...

Progress report: Having fun allowing the Muses to sweep me along for Book 6's planning. Started transferring my scribbles to more modern technology. Now the research (the FUN!!) starts. Promise I won't post photo updates of every step/every coffee. Well, maybe one more with cake. :-)

Book 6 is in the works!!! I neeeeeeeeed to write! This relaxing thing was not wo...

Book 6 is in the works!!! I neeeeeeeeed to write! This relaxing thing was not working out so well for me. I relax when I'm writing, ergo I had a very relaxing morning. I got so lost in the new idea that I only had one coffee. How is that possible?!?!?! :-)

Our FEET pointing out the direction!

Feet are almost never considered as an interesting point of observation for body language. Yet it is hugely revealing! It can tell you if someone likes you, trusts you, wants to leave, feels comfortable, feels unsafe, and many other cues. Let’s start with the direction of your feet.

People are prone to turn towards things that are fun, pleasurable, nice – things (or people) they like. The opposite is also true. If you like what someone is saying or you are interested, you will face that person (with your whole body). If you don’t like/trust the person, or don’t like what they are saying, it is very probable that you will turn away from them. Often it is the feet that point away first – usually to the closest exit!

A few interesting notes:

* If another person’s feet are pointed towards you, you can be pretty sure you have their interest.
* If the person shifts and one foot points away, as if in an L-shape it could mean a few things:
~He/she is displeased with what you said or the direction of the conversation,
~He/she might have to leave because they have another appointment,
~He/she might desperately be wishing to be somewhere else! :-)
*We don’t allow people we don’t like/trust to stand too close to us. If the other person’s feet are touching yours, or even better, if sitting across from you, they put their feet between/next to/on the outside of yours, it very probably points to trust/like/intimacy.

Some more interesting notes about feet:

* Walking on clouds is a good indication of feet behaviour. When we hear good news, we are lighter on our feet, walking with a bit of a bounce in our step.
* If someone is standing with his/her heel on the ground, but the toes are pointing skyward, it is probable that something good happened. If you watch someone speak on the phone and that happens, he most likely just got the contract he’d been waiting for.
* A side note: people with depression seldom have this gravity-defying behaviour. Our bodies reveal our moods quite clearly.
* The starter position: This is when one foot moves a bit to the back, the heel elevated and the body weight on the ball of the feet. That person is about to ‘ready-set-go’. This could mean:
~Needs to leave NOW!
~Is really interested in what you are saying and wants to engage more,
~Is ready to something physical that would require walking.

Interesting stuff, right? Of course, the above cues come with the usual mention of reading everything in context and never to isolate one specific body language cue.

I can highly recommend Joe Navarro’s book, What Every Body is Saying for this and more on body language. There are also a lot of photos. :-)

Putting your best FOOT forward!

Most body language articles are focussed on facial expressions, hands and arms. Very seldom do you find information on just how much we reveal with our feet. Nonverbal communication is at its most honest with our feet. It’s much easier to school your face into a deceiptful expression – after all, we’ve been taught since childhood that our eyes are the windows to our souls. Therefore we believe, often incorrectly, that our faces are where we should focus on if we want to keep our secrets – hence the term ‘pokerface’.

Well, if you look at the other person’s feet, you might just find out exactly what they are thinking or feeling. Let’s first look at moving vs quiet feet. This relates to our limbic responses to certain situations. We were taught there were two responses to challenging situations – fight or flight. Actually, there is a third response – freeze. That freeze moment might last a millisecond or be a complete pose for a few minutes, because we don’t always immediately go into action when we face a situation.

Our feet’s main purpose is to move us to places, right? So, if you ask your friend to join you for drinks after work and his/her feet start bouncing, moving or tapping, that can be interpreted as their eagerness to go, go, go! They definitely want to join you for that drink. But… if their feet suddenly freeze and seem like it became glued to the floor, you might want to ask them if they have other plans. That frozen stillness might indicate their reluctance to go for any number of reasons.

Be aware of the different types of movement. The frustrated/nervous/stressed tapping or bouncing is distinctly different from happy bouncing and tapping. How would you see this? Well, it will be in the whole body – the context. A frown, closed fists, a tight jaw and fast foot tapping is pretty obvious. Whereas relaxed facial features, a relaxed/loose torso and foot tapping/bouncing as if keeping rhythm to an internal song is equally obvious. That is why interpreting body language in context is so important.

Contradicting messages: Using the above scenario again, you would have ample reason to be doubtful of your friend’s response if they agree to join you, but their feet (and posssibly the rest of their body) go competely still. Or… someone tells you they don’t mind listening to your story, again, yet their foot is bouncing impatiently under the table. If the whole body – the feet included! – is in agreement with the words, you can take that statement to the bank. Hopefully! :-)

The next post will be about the intimacy of feet – yup, I will use the term ‘knocking boots’ at least once!! :-)



PS. Remember to enter the Goodreads giveaway of The Braque Connection!!

What is AUTISM?

I will not attempt to answer that question in one post. The topic is vast and more research, giving us more info every day. Since Tuesday, 18 June is Autistic Pride Day, I thought it might be a good idea to post a little something about ASD – or better known as Autism Spectrum Disorder




In my books, Genevieve (the main character) has high functioning autism. I’ve received quite a few emails from people with ASD or people working with other who have special needs. These emails are invaluable to me, especially those that say they could relate to Genevieve, or those who said she has a special place in their hearts. It makes me take a huge breath of relief – I’m getting it right. I remember seeing a poster that said, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism”.

ASD is extremely difficult to define and serves as an umbrella term for a group of complex disorders of brain development. To name a few: autistic disorder, pervasive development disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) (yes! that really is the loooong name!), Rett syndrome, Asperger syndrome and childhood disintegrative disorder. Most of these are characterized in different levels of difficulty in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behavior.

That’s a mouth-full, right? Well, my journey into ASD has taught me much about neurotypical and non-neurotypical behaviours, autistic meltdowns and shutdowns. Genevieve is known to go into a shutdown when things become too much for her, usually mentally writing some Mozart to control her behaviour better. Genevieve is also termed as high functioning because she is totally independent and verbal. Some people on the spectrum are nonverbal and completely dependent on others for daily care. In extreme laymen terms, those would be the people who live in their heads, never making contact with others.

Here are some symptoms of ASD:

Social communication difficulties

* Difficulties with verbal and non-verbal language
* Taking things very literally (this has landed Genevieve in a few funny situations)
* Difficulty reading facial expressions or tone of voice (Genevieve’s main motivation for studying nonverbal communication – so she can understand others)
* Difficulty or inability to understand jokes or sarcasm
* Unable to take turns in a conversation
* Prefers to talk about their own interests

Social interaction difficulties
* Unable to recognise emotions or feelings (often because of their inability to read body language)
* Difficulty expressing their own emotions
* Appear insensitive
* Prefer spending time on their own
* Seem to behave inappropriately (also mainly because they take things so literally, they don’t read social cues very well.)

As you can see in the image above, OCD (obsessive compulsive behavior) can also often be observed in people with ASD. As well as ADHD and quite a few other difficulties. Daily these people are faced with challenges to function ‘normally’ in a society that very seldom embraces anything different. Today I want to salute those brave souls. And even more… I want to solute the incredible saints who stand behind these people: the parents, siblings, grandparents, friends, spouses, educators and therapists who empower these wonderfully unique people to integrate and live their lives to the fullest.

Spotting the LIES!!

On any given day we're lied to from 10 to 200 times, and the clues to detect those lies can be subtle and counter-intuitive. Pamela Meyer, author of Liespotting, shows the manners and "hotspots" used by those trained to recognize deception -- and she argues honesty is a value worth preserving. Below is a link to the TED video.

How To Spot A Liar

The video is 20 minutes long, so it is a wee bit on the long side, but completely worth it. Really interesting and highly recommended!

I will never know EVERYTHING!

After disappearing from my blog for a month (or two), I thought it might be a good idea to return with some lessons I have learned being a writer. Quite often I jest that I would love to be one of those vampires in the books that have become so popular. For the sole purpose […]

April is Autism Awareness Month!

And to celebrate this, both my books, The Gauguin Connection and The Dante Connection are discounted to: !!!!  $0,99  !!!!! Click HERE to go to my webpage with links to Amazon, iTunes, B&N and Kobo. The deal is only on until 19 April 2013

Blogtour: A guestpost about writing

My last day on my blogtour!! On Aspiring Book Reviews I wrote a guest post about creating well-rounded characters. You can read it HERE. Remember to enter the giveaway (on the top right of this page). You can win a $25 Amazon gift voucher or a The Gauguin Connection ebook!!