Estelle Ryan's Blog - Posts Tagged "nonverbal-communication"

Most body language articles are focussed on facial expressions, hands and arms. Very seldom do you find information on just how much we reveal with our feet. Nonverbal communication is at its most honest with our feet. It’s much easier to school your face into a deceiptful expression – after all, we’ve been taught since childhood that our eyes are the windows to our souls. Therefore we believe, often incorrectly, that our faces are where we should focus on if we want to keep our secrets – hence the term ‘pokerface’.

Well, if you look at the other person’s feet, you might just find out exactly what they are thinking or feeling. Let’s first look at moving vs quiet feet. This relates to our limbic responses to certain situations. We were taught there were two responses to challenging situations – fight or flight. Actually, there is a third response – freeze. That freeze moment might last a millisecond or be a complete pose for a few minutes, because we don’t always immediately go into action when we face a situation.

Our feet’s main purpose is to move us to places, right? So, if you ask your friend to join you for drinks after work and his/her feet start bouncing, moving or tapping, that can be interpreted as their eagerness to go, go, go! They definitely want to join you for that drink. But… if their feet suddenly freeze and seem like it became glued to the floor, you might want to ask them if they have other plans. That frozen stillness might indicate their reluctance to go for any number of reasons.

Be aware of the different types of movement. The frustrated/nervous/stressed tapping or bouncing is distinctly different from happy bouncing and tapping. How would you see this? Well, it will be in the whole body – the context. A frown, closed fists, a tight jaw and fast foot tapping is pretty obvious. Whereas relaxed facial features, a relaxed/loose torso and foot tapping/bouncing as if keeping rhythm to an internal song is equally obvious. That is why interpreting body language in context is so important.

Contradicting messages: Using the above scenario again, you would have ample reason to be doubtful of your friend’s response if they agree to join you, but their feet (and posssibly the rest of their body) go competely still. Or… someone tells you they don’t mind listening to your story, again, yet their foot is bouncing impatiently under the table. If the whole body – the feet included! – is in agreement with the words, you can take that statement to the bank. Hopefully! :-)

The next post will be about the intimacy of feet – yup, I will use the term ‘knocking boots’ at least once!! :-)



PS. Remember to enter the Goodreads giveaway of The Braque Connection!!

Feet are almost never considered as an interesting point of observation for body language. Yet it is hugely revealing! It can tell you if someone likes you, trusts you, wants to leave, feels comfortable, feels unsafe, and many other cues. Let’s start with the direction of your feet.

People are prone to turn towards things that are fun, pleasurable, nice – things (or people) they like. The opposite is also true. If you like what someone is saying or you are interested, you will face that person (with your whole body). If you don’t like/trust the person, or don’t like what they are saying, it is very probable that you will turn away from them. Often it is the feet that point away first – usually to the closest exit!

A few interesting notes:

* If another person’s feet are pointed towards you, you can be pretty sure you have their interest.
* If the person shifts and one foot points away, as if in an L-shape it could mean a few things:
~He/she is displeased with what you said or the direction of the conversation,
~He/she might have to leave because they have another appointment,
~He/she might desperately be wishing to be somewhere else! :-)
*We don’t allow people we don’t like/trust to stand too close to us. If the other person’s feet are touching yours, or even better, if sitting across from you, they put their feet between/next to/on the outside of yours, it very probably points to trust/like/intimacy.

Some more interesting notes about feet:

* Walking on clouds is a good indication of feet behaviour. When we hear good news, we are lighter on our feet, walking with a bit of a bounce in our step.
* If someone is standing with his/her heel on the ground, but the toes are pointing skyward, it is probable that something good happened. If you watch someone speak on the phone and that happens, he most likely just got the contract he’d been waiting for.
* A side note: people with depression seldom have this gravity-defying behaviour. Our bodies reveal our moods quite clearly.
* The starter position: This is when one foot moves a bit to the back, the heel elevated and the body weight on the ball of the feet. That person is about to ‘ready-set-go’. This could mean:
~Needs to leave NOW!
~Is really interested in what you are saying and wants to engage more,
~Is ready to something physical that would require walking.

Interesting stuff, right? Of course, the above cues come with the usual mention of reading everything in context and never to isolate one specific body language cue.

I can highly recommend Joe Navarro’s book, What Every Body is Saying for this and more on body language. There are also a lot of photos. :-)