Tara Sivec's Blog, page 8

True Story

Seduction and Snacks

Yum!

The cover for the sequel is done! Who's hungry?!



Futures and Frosting

Let's Spoon

Thought you would all enjoy the conversation I had with my husband this morning on the way to marriage counseling.

I think everyone should do some sort of counseling in their life, especially if you're married. And when you've been together since you were 15 years old, it helps to have a 3rd party referee your conversations sometimes so no one loses an eye or lights something on fire. I like having someone with no vested interest in us telling me I am justified in being pissed off by his blatant disregard for my beauty sleep by his chainsaw snoring and he likes getting confirmation that I am in fact, bat shit crazy. It's a win-win for everyone.

Husband: It's too early for this shit.

Me: And by "shit" you mean our marriage. That's nice.

Husband: You know what I mean. I'm not even awake yet and we're supposed to talk about our feelings. Some things shouldn't be done before 9am.

Me: No, I get it.

Husband: I wonder if the therapist has Visine? My eyes aren't even awake yet and I feel like she's going to be judging me when I yawn.

Me: Now that you mention it, I haven't even had my coffee yet. I kind of want to kill you just for breathing right now. This session might not be very productive.

Husband: See what I mean? It's unnatural. I acknowledge the anger you feel without your morning cup of coffee and I support you in the murderous rampage you want to unleash on me right now.

Me: I appreciate your acknowledgement.

Husband: We should just ask her if we can spoon on her couch for an hour.

Me: See? We don't even NEED therapy. We just fixed ourselves.

Husband: Shut up, this is a good song. *turns up radio*

Me: It's like you don't even care.


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And Twitter: @TaraSivec

Google Will Get Me Fired After I'm Dead

Some of you may remember in Seduction and Snacks that Liz and Claire have a pact to destroy any incriminating sex toy/porn evidence from their respective houses should one of them die. This is actually a real thing I have with my BFF. She knows there's a box in the bedroom that needs to be destroyed before the police, elderly relatives or my mother-in-law gets there.

I've just realized that this pact should also include the web browser history on my work computer. If I am hit by a bus tonight, my co-workers and/or boss will see that I've researched the following:

"How to make marijuana cookies"
"Images of Barbie & Ken ménage à trois with G.I. Joe"
"How long would it take to poop out a ring you swallowed"
"Porn new releases for 2012"
"Lyrics to 'Gimme that Filet-O-Fish' McDonald's jingle"
"Different, fun ways to say 'anal sex'"

Technically though when they see this, I'll already be dead. It's not like they can fire me.

Alright, I really need to get back to work now. And by work I mean Googling images of cats in sweaters.

Yo, yo, yo Smashwords Users!

Seduction and Snacks is now available for purchase at smashwords.com If you aren't familiar with Smashwords, it's a free membership ebook site that gives you LOTS of great choices for the format you'd like to download your book purchases in (online reading, Kindle, epub, PDF, RTF, LRF, Palm Doc, plain text).

For the next week you can use the coupon code below at smashwords.com to get $1.00 off Seduction and Snacks. Tell your friends, tell your friends friends, tell your neighbor's dog who licks his balls in his sleep and tell the homeless guy on the corner who smells like corn dogs and feet.

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view...

Promotional price: $4.99
Coupon Code: DN79V
Expires: August 3, 2012

Seduction and Snacks

Futures and Frosting and Anal Leakage

So yeah, I finally picked a title for the sequel to Seduction and Snacks. "Futures and Frosting" - release date will hopefully be October, but not 100% sure on that yet.

I thought you'd all like to know I just used the word "anal leakage" in one of the chapters. And no, I didn't Google it.

Ok, yes I did.



You guys, someone did an arts and crafts of this. And you think my brain is a strange place to live? Imagine THIS guy's brain. It turns out, a stitch in time really does save your ass from leaking. I'm pretty sure that's how the saying goes, right?

Clowns and Toothbrush Shivs

This, my friends, is why I never run out of material. The kids and I were watching an episode of Supernatural when THIS happened:

Son: If I saw a clown on the street I'd punch it in the nuts.

Daughter: You can't do that, they'll send you to juvie.

Son: What's juvie?

Daughter: It's like prison but with more cartoons.

Son: I WANNA GO TO JUVIE!

I'm pretty sure I'm screwed now. My threats of sending him to military school will fall on def ears if he thinks juvie is filled with Spongebob instead of guys like John Wayne Bulldog making a shiv out of a toothbrush.

Twat Did You Say?

I have a Twatter page! Come to the dark side, we have vodka: @TaraSivec

Do You Like Me?

So, chapters 1-7 of the sequel to Seduction and Snacks has been shipped off to my reading team. Their job is to tell me if, while reading the chapters, they do this:



or this:



I don't know about other writers who do funny, but I don't think I'm funny. At all. I don't write something, go back and read it and say, "OMG I am a comedy GENIUS!". Basically, I read it over and say, "No one is going to laugh at this unless they're drunk."

I feel like I'm in elementary school and just wrote a letter to a boy that says "Do you like me? Circle one: yes, no, or maybe" and the dumb shit circles "or" and then gives it back.

So here's to hoping my team circles "yes" and I don't have to go back to the drawing board (vodka bottle).

Tara Sivec

Squirrels Gone Wild

Daughter: "Awww look at the baby squirrel!"
Me: "Awww he's licking his paws!"
Daughter: "Mom look, he's eating a nut!"
Me: "Awww he's looking at us!"
Son: "You guys know he's just taking a dump, right?"

This ruining of nature's majestic beauty brought to you by a 5yo boy.