Sundi Jo Graham's Blog, page 31

When We Don’t Ask for Dreams

It was a dream I didn’t ask for. Do you ever have those? Something God asks you to do, but it was never on your radar?

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I told Him no about 75 different times, 75 different ways.

He kept telling me, The broken need a place to go.

Why me? Why would I have to be the one to give them a place? None of it made sense.

Then I got the phone call. She’d jumped off a bridge and ended her life. Six hours earlier she’d hugged me at church with a big smile.

Now she was dead, just like that.

I’m writing over at God Sized Dreams today. Join me as I talk about the dream I didn’t ask for, yet God put on my heart. Is God calling you to something you’re not prepared for?  Tune in here… 

Saying Goodbye to Excuses [Vlog]

Hey friends! Time for another vlog.

Today I’m talking to you on the drive home from the gym. (Shh.. Don’t tell my mom I was driving and recording.)

I had a million reasons not to work out this morning, but I chose to kick those excuses to the curb and take the next right step.

What excuses did you kick to the curb? Share in the comments. 

 

Why You Don’t Have to be a Mom to Celebrate Mother’s Day

Every year for the last six years, I’ve bought a Mother’s Day card for one of my best friends, Jennifer. She doesn’t have children of her own, yet she deserves to share that special day with a million other moms.

When I met her six years ago, I had no idea we would have the friendship we have today. She has inspired me to go beyond what I knew I was capable of. I’ve cried on her shoulder more times than I can count. She provides me with countless nuggets of wisdom. And she doesn’t hesitate to slap me upside the head when I do something dumb, which is frequently.

Oh … and she’s 45, so that officially makes her old, right?

Jennifer could never have children due to some health issues in her late 20s. For many, that could seem like the end of life. No children so often means no purpose in the lives of some women. Not for her.

I’m writing over at Single Matters Magazine today. Continue reading to learn how you can give birth to more than just children, just as my friend Jennifer did. Tune in here…

How to Launch Your Own Blog in Five Easy Steps

Everyone has a story to tell, whether they share it with their children or the whole world. If you’re ready to share your story with the world, then I want to help you with this step-by-step guide for launching your own blog through Bluehost.

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I hear these words often,

I would love to start a blog, but I don’t know where to begin. It looks too hard and I’m not technical enough to get started.

I’m excited to walk you through the process. We’ll be walking through a one-click installation through Bluehost, the host I recommend. Click here to get started.

So many people have stories to tell. Whether you want to share your recipes with the world, chronicle your new life as a minimalist (Okay, maybe that’s my dream), or take others on your writing journey, others are waiting for you to get started.

Here are a few more ideas:

Share inspirational stories from others
Start a blog focusing on prayer
Maybe you want to chronicle your weight loss journey
Overcome something huge? Share it with others

If you really want to start a blog, you can make it happen, and it doesn’t have to be as hard as you think it is.

I’m breaking down each step into terms you can understand, not words you need a technical dictionary for.

Enjoy this simple but thorough step-by-step solution to launching your own blog.

Let’s get started!

Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not saying blogging is easy. It can be a lot of work. If you’re not ready for it, I’m not sure starting a blog is for you. But if you are ready and you know you have something to offer, then a blog is just what you need.

When it comes to blogging, I’m a huge advocate for WordPress. As someone who works in website development, it’s the only option I choose, and all my clients have been extremely happy with this choice. With that said, everything I’m about to tell you is based on launching a WordPress blog.

Ready. Set. Go.

Though I’ll provide step-by-step images, if you’d rather follow along with the video tutorial, you can do so above.

Step One: Set Up a Host

I’ve been using Bluehost for years.

What is hosting? It means your blog needs a home – a place to live. Just like you’ve got to pay the rent or the mortgate to keep a roof over your head, you have to do the same with blog hosting. Don’t worry, though. Bluehost is a great landlord.

Step Two: Get a Domain Name

Now that you’re renting the “house” from Bluehost, you need to let your friends and family know what the address is so they can send you a housewarming present. This is what your domain is for. It’s your address. When you sign up for hosting with Bluehost, you get to register your domain free. (affiliate link)

Select your domain name carefully.

 

Here’s what NOT to do: Don’t buy your domain name elsewhere, such as Godaddy or Host Gator, then host it somewhere else. This will set you up for a big headache, especially if you’re not tech savvy. Your domain name is so important. Choose wisely. Here are some tips for choosing the perfect domain:

Never use hyphens (e.g. “sundijo-graham.com”). Hyphenated urls are hard to remember, and the search engines (Google, Yahoo, Bing) don’t like them.
Don’t use numbers (e.g. if your website is thebestrecipes4you, when you tell someone the address, unless you explain the difference in the “4″ and the “four”, they won’t know. Again, it opens the door for confusion.
Keep it short (two words or less is ideal). I learned a hard lesson from this when I created my marketing company, thumbprintmarketinggroup.com. Try writing that out and putting it on a business card. Lesson learned.
Use easy to spell words . If your name isn’t easy to spell, I don’t recommend using it for your domain. Consider using a shortened version, your last name, your middle name, etc.
Make it search-friendly. For example, WeightLossTips.com is a blog about weight loss tips. You guessed it. A LOT of people are searching for a topic like this.

Now that you have your new domain (address), let’s move onto the next step.

Step Three: Install WordPress

Bluehost makes this super easy. Without these simple steps, you’d need to know “Techy” terms.

Select the name of the site you want to install, which in this case was wordpressbysj.com. After you follow those few steps, the screen will let you know your Mojo account is loading. You don’t need to know anything beyond that for the moment.

An error message will pop up. Don’t panic, this is normal for a new blog. Click the “Oops. Looks like something already exists there. I understand that continuing will overwrite the files.”

When the next screen comes up, click “I have read the terms and conditions.” Don’t worry about doing anything with the advanced options button.

Your new URL will show up. Click on it to open a new window where you’ll see the option to log into WordPress. Enter the information given to you earlier.

Save your password if you don’t feel like entering it each time.

Now we’re ready for step four.

Step Four: Write Your First Blog Post

This is where the magic happens. Select Posts on the left-hand side of the screen, then add new.

In the new post screen, enter the title of your blog post. Our sample title is, “Yay! I’m Writing My First Blog Post”.

Here’s where the magic happens.

Now it’s time to write your story. I wrote a little blurb for you. Hit the blue publish button on the right and the world is ready to see your magic.

Step Five: Design Your Blog

Here’s where it can be fun, or scary. But really, don’t let it scare you.

There are so many WordPress themes available for whatever road you’re headed on. If you want to focus on writing, there are themes specifically for that. If you want to share your recipes with the world, the possibilities are endless.

The theme I use is called Tribe Theme, created for writers who want to be minimal and focus on their content. I love it. (No, I’m not getting paid to say that.) The cost is simple as well.

If you’re working with a higher budget, consider the net Get Noticed theme from Michael Hyatt. I installed it for a client recently and love it.

Mojo Themes is a great place to find the perfect theme as well. For example, if you’re a food blogger, search “food themes” and you can see the variety of options available. I promise you’ll find something you’re happy with.  I did that search for you here.

Mojo Themes offers a wide variety available for everyone.

A Few Extras

Here are a few resources to help you along the way.

WordPress Help - There is a lot to learn about WordPress, I know. Don’t get overwhelmed. If you’re the tutorial type, then WP101.com is perfect for you. It’s full of step-by-step instructions to take your WordPress knowledge to the next level.

Website Development Help - Ready to take your website to the next level? Want to change your color scheme? Find the best WordPress theme to suit you? Tweak this and that on your current site? Shoot me an email. I’d love to help. Check out my company’s portfolio to see some of the web development work we’ve done in the past. We’ve built websites for clients, including restaurants, dentists, authors, and more.

Transferring a Domain - If you’re transferring your domain from one host to another, here’s a tutorial to make that a little easier for you:

Share Your Story With Me

Now that you have everything you need to start telling your story to the world, I want to hear it, too. Shoot me an email and let me know about your new blog.

 

5 Must Try Quinoa Recipes

It’s only been in the last two years I’ve learned about quinoa.

My friend Louanne introduced me to it during our first Daniel fast experience. It was last year I cracked down on eating gluten-free and I have no plans to turn back in the future.

What is Quinoa? 

Quinoa is a whole grain the size of small pellets.  It’s a great source of protein, iron, and fiber. Give it a good rinse before you cook so the grains aren’t bitter, boil in water for 20 minutes and you’re ready to go.

The one thing to remember is quinoa doesn’t have to be boring. (Tweet that)

Here are five quinoa recipes to take your gluten-free eating to the next level.

Quinoa and Roasted Pepper Chili

This vegetarian chili from myrecipes.com is loaded with fresh vegetables, pinto beans, and quinoa and gets its zing from poblano chiles. Get the full recipe here.

Chile-Rubbed Chicken Breast with Kale, Quinoa and Brussels Sprouts Salad

Two of my favorite things, chicken and kale mixed with quinoa. It can’t get better than that. Add some chile for a little spice. Get the full recipe from The Food Network here.

Quinoa with Leeks and Shiitake Mushrooms

I’m looking forward to trying this one myself. The Shiitake mushrooms for me gives me that Thai food, which I can never get enough of.

Roasted Delicata Squash with Quinoa Salad

I’ve only tried cooking squash once, but I’m not opposed to trying this recipe, mainly because the picture looks beautiful. Think I can recreate? I guess time will tell.

Pizza Quinoa Stuffed Portabella Mushrooms

You had me at pizza! I’m going to recruit my friend Jammie for a Saturday afternoon pizza making. Let me know how you enjoy this recipe if you make it first.

I can’t wait to see how these recipes turn out for you and me. I’d really love to hear what your favorite recipe is.

Do you have a quinoa recipe you want to share? Comment below… 

How to Punch Rejection in the Face

We’ve all been rejected at least once in our lives. If I could guess, I bet it’s been more than once.

photo credit: barbaracorcoran

Everyone handles rejection differently, and the way we handle it sets us up for success or failure. It’s up to us, really.

Barbara Corcoran, real estate mogul, business expert, and Shark Tank star, can teach us a thing or two about biting back at rejection and not allowing it to define us.

In 2008, Mark Burnett, producer of Shark Tank, Survivor, Dancing with the Stars, and a long list of other successful shows, contacted her about starring in the new show. Before she made it to the first meeting with Burnett, he changed his mind. His assistant called with the rejection saying, “We’ve changed our mind. We hired another woman.”

Ouch.

Objecting the Rejection

Corcoran had two choices: Hang up the phone and move on, simply facing the fact she had been rejected, or fight back. She chose the latter, sitting down and “banging out the best email I think I ever wrote in my life.” Here’s the letter:

Dear Mark,

I understand you asked another girl to dance instead of me. Although I appreciate being reserved as a fall-back, I’m much more accustomed to coming in first. But I consider your rejection a lucky charm, as everything good in my life happened on the heels of rejection. I do my best when my back’s against the wall. I’ve had all my big successes on the heels of rejection and frankly, it’s right up my alley. There was Sister Stella Marie in 5th grade who said I’d always be stupid because I couldn’t read. Then there was the New York old boy network trying to lock me out of their real estate fortunes, until I became their largest competitor. Then there was The Donald himself who wrongly swore in court I’d never see a penny of the $4m commission he owed me for saving his ass and making the largest land deal in the city’s history. And of course there was my ex-partner Ramone Simone who parted with the words, “You know you’ll never succeed without me!” I think you should consider inviting both women to compete for the seat.

As you know, Barbara won the seat, but she didn’t get it sitting down waiting.

Not Accepting Rejection Pays Off

Corcoran stood up for herself, knowing she was the girl for the job, letting others know as well. She took the advice of Jon Acuff before he even knew he would write the book Start and punched fear in the face.

She’s now invested in over 20 businesses on Shark Tank, changing the lives of other entrepreneurs with the same dreams she once had, then made reality.

Burnett Productions rejected three times more people, and only picked 25% of those. Barbara was the only one who objected to the rejection.

Rethinking Failure

How we handle rejection and failure will make us or break us. (Tweet that)

I’ve been rejected by publishers. Turned down by past companies I wanted to work for. Failed businesses. Rejected by men because I don’t fit the mold.

And. I. Keep. Going.

Rejection doesn’t define me. It doesn’t define Mrs. Corcoran. Why would you let it define you?

Take a stand for what you believe in. Don’t back down because someone tells you that you don’t have what it takes.

Punch rejection in the face.

What rejection do you need to object to today? Share in the comments.

A Little Sin Doesn’t Really Hurt Anyone

I’ve tried this online dating thing off and on for the last few years. Match, eHarmony, Christian Mingle, you name it.

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Last year a 4-½-month relationship came out of it. But after three days of prayer and fasting, I knew without a doubt he was not the man God wanted me to be with. If he had his way, we would’ve been married on our third date.

But you see, he loved me more than Jesus, and as Sweet Brown says, “Ain’t nobody got time for that!”

Honestly, I don’t think it was me he loved. He loved the idea of being married. He loved the thought of calling someone his wife. Not that there’s anything wrong with desiring to be married, but when that wish trumps your desire to make your relationship with God a priority, then something doesn’t match up.

I’m writing over at Single Matters Magazine today. Join me as I discuss my online dating experience and give you some tips on what to watch out for. Oh.. and I’m currently accepting applications for a husband, but let’s at least play a round of mini golf first. Tune in here… 

Three Ways to Help People Pleasers

This is a guest post by my new friend, Wyatt Fisher, Psy. D. Fisher is a Christian Psychologist and the founder of Christiancrush.com. Find him on Google Plus.

Understanding relational styles can be essential to having successful dates, friendships, and even family reunions.

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One very common relational style is called “other-orientation”.  It’s a nice 50-cent word that means you’re a people pleaser to the core. Other-oriented people are known for being compassionate and agreeable, but these qualities also make them vulnerable.

In an article from Psychology Today, Henriques stated, “It is crucial to note that compassion, attraction and appreciation of the other are some of the most positive and hopeful aspects of being other-oriented.” Being other-oriented might make you more compassionate and agreeable, but it might also make you more likely to forget to take care of yourself.

In general, people who are highly other-oriented rely on the approval of others and avoid conflict. When they are put in a situation that might lead to conflict, they sometimes are told to just be more assertive. Unfortunately for other-oriented people, it’s not as simple as flipping the switch between people-pleasing and demanding what they want. Think of it as a “Don’t Rock the Boat” approach to life – it affects every relationship. Too much other-orientation may lead to extreme dependency. Submitting isn’t always a bad thing, but there are some who are so other-oriented that they’ll submit as the slightest provocation.

If you are other-oriented, don’t feel bad about sympathizing with your friends or wanting to make your date feel more comfortable.  Being kind and agreeable is completely natural for you.  Just be careful of caring too much about others and not enough about yourself. Friends and family are important people, but you could spend your entire life holding back your own feelings and desires simply to avoid conflicting views.  Those who are not 100% other-oriented should keep an eye out for their people-pleasing friends.

If you see someone who too often seeks the approval of others, help them out and remind them that they are just as important as the next person. Here are a few ways we can all help one another:

1) Be Compassionate

Compassion makes the world a better place, but compassion in the name of human approval is dangerous. Try striking a balance between loving others while also loving yourself. If you aren’t other-oriented, take care of those who are by being aware of their tendencies and refusing to manipulate them.

2) Don’t fear others

Receiving disapproval can be debilitating.  Read through John 12:37-43 and you’ll see an example of people who didn’t stand up for themselves because they were worried about the human consequences. That final verse packs an impressive punch: “For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God.” These men didn’t follow their consciences or convictions about Jesus because they feared man more than God. We need to stop making fear of disapproval such an idol in our lives and start leading a more liberated life.

3) Be a Jesus Pleaser

Ultimately, we must become more preoccupied with pleasing Jesus than pleasing others. A recent message at Flatirons Church in Colorado emphasized the importance of following Him and obeying His Word at all costs. If we can turn our approval seeking, people pleasing tendency into seeking His approval instead, we’ll be all set. Talk about a transformational redirect! The next time you feel the urge to look towards your peers for your value, beauty, and identity; remember to look up to God instead. By doing so, you’ll be taking your vulnerable tendency of defining yourself through others and rewiring it by illuminating your true self through the One who designed you.

What’s helped you stop being a people pleaser? Share with us in the comments below… 

Why Comparing Yourself to Others Will Cause You to Fail [Vlog]

On my recent running adventure on the gym treadmill, I went from excited to defeated in a matter of seconds.

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The woman on the treadmill next to me, who I like to call “Crazy Treadmill Lady,” was going 5,000 mph. (It was actually 7.5, but for dramatization’s sake, we’ll go with 5,000.)

I was excited about the progress I was making at 4.5 mph until I looked over and saw how fast she was going. All of a sudden, I felt like I couldn’t compare. What was the point of me even going to the gym if I couldn’t keep up with her?

Watch the video to learn how God quickly changed my heart from comparing myself to cheering her on.

Comparison steals joy. Let’s put an end to it. (Tweet that)

Galatians 6:4 says,

Let everyone be sure to do his very best, for then he will have the personal satisfaction of work done well and won’t need to compare himself with someone else. (LB)

Yikes. We can’t find satisfaction and do our best for God when we’re disrespecting what He’s blessed us with and desiring what He’s given to someone else.

Where do you find yourself comparing to others? How did God draw your heart back to Him? Share in the comments…

Why This is the Most Vulnerable Post I’ve Ever Written

I wrote this post in January, not intending to share it with others. I thought it would be healing to put my feelings into words. I felt led to share it with you today. Thank you for being a safe place to be honest.

It’s January 2, 2014. Yesterday I got on the scale as I prepared to start my annual 21-day liquid fast. This is the second year I’ve done it, as a way to rejuvenate myself both physically and spiritually. I saw amazing results from it the first time around, so I’m excited to do it again.

Ah…. But back to the scale.

I weighed in at 225 lbs. For a split second my mind was in shock. The scale has to be wrong. It just has to be. But I knew in my heart it wasn’t wrong.

Since Christmas Eve I have emotionally eaten myself into oblivion, gaining 11 pounds. Wow! That adds up to more than one pound per day I gained. My heart is saddened and my feelings humiliated.

Why is that number staring back at me so harshly and sending a tornado of mixed emotions through my heart and mind?

Because I’ve gained 40 lbs. of the 145 I lost. Since 2010, the weight has managed to climb back up.

My heart hurts. I hear a thousand things going through my head at once. Failure. Embarrassment. Hypocrite. Forgiven. Shamed. Grace. Fat. Overwhelmed. Second Chance. The list goes on.

There is a whirlwind of words, but my mind focuses on the ones not from God, but rather from the enemy who sets out to destroy me. Why is it so much easier to believe that I am an embarrassment to those around me versus believing that God’s grace washes over me like Niagara Falls?

I write this to you today with a vulnerability hangover. I love those two words, stolen from Brenee Brown. Vulnerability is scary, and sharing a number like that with the world is way too far out of my comfort zone.

But I’m doing it afraid.

It’s real. I’m here. A wake up call is ringing in my ear asking me how I got to this point. There are a number of factors I guess. Hormones. Lack of energy and ability to exercise. Emotions. No discipline. In the end, the responsibility is mine, and I receive it. There is no time to blame; only time to move forward.

My clothes are tighter. My face is puffier. But my soul seeks something bigger, the God who created me and desires to see me live out His mission designed just for me. I want that. I do.

I share this truth with the world, destined to do it without humiliation and shame, but to say hope still exists. It’s very real. It happens one moment at a time. One day at a time. One breath at a time.

I am a new creation in Christ Jesus, but I must live that way. I must believe it in the depths of my soul so that I may walk out the truth. The old has gone and the new has come. The new is here. Shall I embrace it? Yes.

Will you join me on this journey of vulnerability as I strive to say goodbye to the extra baggage I have allowed myself to carry?

I will join you on yours too. Let it go.