Beckie Butcher's Blog: beckiesworld.com, page 2

Fall Has Arrived!

Good day, my friends!
Well, the season of Fall is now upon us for the third full day now. There is a chill in the air, and the trees are turning their beautiful and festive colors.

This year, I am in a more joyful mood than I usually am this time of year. I usually dread this time of year because it means hard times with CFS/FM are coming with the debilitating fatigue and the excruciating pain, which, I have had a lot of lately. Then again, this is the time for opportunities, such as the local Author Fair at my hometown library on October 6th. I look forward to it more than ever now because CFS is beginning to get more recognition and social support.

In previous years, people would simply walk past my table, glance at the table, look back at me, and snicker; it was a sure sign they didn’t believe it was a real illness. I actually had some rude woman walk up to me, point at me, and say,” Oh! You actually have this, huh?” Umm…really, lady? Would you say that if this was a book on cancer, I thought to myself. Since I wanted to be invited back to the fair the following year, I had to refrain from climbing over the table at her, lol. I simply answered in a polite but firm and a no nonsense manner, yes, I did, and it is real no matter what people think. In the past few years however, people stop not only to look at the title, but to ask questions and state they have heard of it and how it must be a real problem. This gives me a chance to educate them on the latest research which has been done and by whom. I have sold more copies the past few years as well. Yessss!!!

Not only do I reach more people through the fair, but it is social for me as well. It gets me out of the house for a couple of hours, plus I make connections. It’s a great networking opportunity as well as an opportunity to spread the word about the reality of CFS. I, in turn, help others spread the word about their books. It gives me a boost either way.

Plus, the Holidays are coming, and it is a more joyful and benevolent time of year, which creates opportunities for me to create book giveaways. I don’t make money on that, but it piques interest and helps to educate and let those who suffer know they are not alone. It gives me a chance to inspire and offer hope! It doesn’t get much better than that!

Well, that’s about all for now. The link to the fair is below. Have a wonderful week, everybody!

Beckie
https://www.gailborden.info/authors

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Hello!

Hello again to my friends near and far!

I hope you have been well.

Once again, my faith has been sorely tested. Being the Fall season, as usual, I have been flaring up something terrible. On top of that, my Fall allergies have been severe. The pain was so horrific, I was close to tears. The fatigue was so debilitating, I felt like a dishrag. I could only get up to do what was necessary.

You know, when my mother was alive, even on my worst days, I knew I was worth something. She was old, frail, and unable to do a o lot of things for herself. She needed me, giving me a purpose for living. I cooked for her, I made she she kept clean, I made sure she took her meds, and I took her to all of her appointments. We drank morning coffee together, and we talked about it, “all.” All that changed when she died three and a half years ago.

I am a giver. I am also a very loving person, and I need to give love. I am a caretaker, and when I am in the kind of shape I have been in the last couple of weeks, I wonder what my purpose is in life. I don’t always feel like my life has a point, and it is a very hard pill to swallow; I suppose it is for everyone.

Because of the a fore mentioned, I had no idea what I was going to write about this week. Last week, I wrote about how I looked at my flares differently, and how I knew they would pass as they always had. For the most part, I still do, it’s just when it goes on and on and things are SO bad for SO long, it is easy to forget. When I am engulfed in such pain, the devil wins. Well, no, he doesn’t. I sorely need to remember his victories are not only hollow, but temporary. Once again, God lifted me out of that pain, and things are getting better again. He put it on my heart to turn off the TV, turn on Calm Meditation Radio, and meditate.

All that pain got me to thinking about how much more relaxed I was after I did, and how much better I felt mentally. I found myself not worrying about things quite as much. Meditation actually changes mental outlook. It brings positivity to light, and life doesn’t seem as bad.

I also sleep better. Twenty minutes of deep meditation is equal to three hours of sleep. That may seem like it’s hard to believe, but it is true. I might not believe it myself if I had never started meditating. I did it years ago, and found it did me a lot of good. I’m so glad God put it on my heart to do it again.

Speaking of which, it’s about time to do it again. So, these are the thoughts I have for you today.

Have a wonderful week!
Beckie.

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Fall is Almost Here!

Hello, my friends, near and far!

I had a wonderful weekend this past weekend! It was the first full weekend of September, and a friend and I attended an awesome event known as the American First Responders Festival. There was live music, a food truck, food and beverage stands as well as other booths. It was put on by Elgins’ local radio station. It was a PERFECT day weather wise. This was on Saturday. On Sunday, I of course felt what I had done on Saturday, but I was not about to miss out of such a great event on such a beautiful day; it’s probably one of the last of the season with Fall coming, followed by old man Winter. I managed laundry and a small meal on Sunday, then I rested the rest of the day. Monday and Tuesday, well, you guessed it. I was exhausted and in a great deal of pain. Today is Wednesday, and I am still miserable, but it was worth it. I always say, you have to live your life even if you pay for it later, because sitting home curled up in a little ball feeling sorry for yourself isn’t always the answer. Yes, I suffered. I still am suffering greatly, but I have fun memories of the day which I would not give up for anything.

The good news is, tomorrow is another day, hopefully a better day. I have learned to look at the consequences of living my life differently. I have learned it will pass. It has passed many times in the past seventeen years, ad it will continue to pass. This is another small bump in a very long road, but the road keeps going on, and there will be some great miles to enjoy.

There is more good news. I don’t have anyone to consider. It is just me. If the house doesn’t get cleaned every Friday, so what? If I don’t cook every day, so what? There will be other days to do those things. Life is not about getting chores done on their designated day. It’s not the end of the world if that doesn’t happen. Life with an illness like this is hard, and you have to make the best of it and enjoy it while you can. It is part of your mental well being, and that is important also. You need to do for yourself and do what makes you happy, because life with CFS/FM is not a happy experience. It is very painful, so do things which bring you joy. The work will get done. The world will not come to an end if the dust sits on the coffee table for an extra day or two. It’s just a little dust, and it will still be there tomorrow, believe me. Take advantage of your good days and make the most of them.

Well, those are my thoughts for this week. I wish you all a happy week.

Until next time,
Beckie.

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Sorry But….

Hello friends both near and far!
I am so sorry, but I am in excruciating pain right now, and I have been for the past couple of days. I am going to my chiropractors’ office on Friday for a trigger point injection hoping it will at least take the edge off so I can function again.

I will write in a couple of days when I am up to sitting, thinking, and creating for an hour or so again.
Take care, and I will, “talk,” to you soon!
Beckie

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The Story of the Spoons.

Good day, everyone!
I hope you all had a fabulous week.
It has been extremely hot the past couple of days here in Chicago. Even being inside, it was too hot to do anything, and it got me to thinking; I had a reason to rest and take care of the CFS/FM. The nicer the day, the better I feel, both physically and mentally, so I get whatever I can done, whether it be cooking, cleaning, or running errands. I am up and running, and I go over my, “spoon” limit on those days. I told the story of the spoons, didn’t I? If not, here goes.

We are given twelve spoons of energy for each day. After we get up, shower and/or bathe, get dressed, make breakfast, eat breakfast, and clean up after breakfast, we have already used half of our spoons. That means, in approximately one hours’ time, we have already used up half of our energy. Now, think about everything you do in one day. Most of us do that plus drive to work, work eight hours, drive home, fix dinner, clean up after dinner, and get ready for bed. If you have a family, you do a lot more than that.

Those of us with CFS/FM can’t do HALF that. When we stop, we pretty much stop dead in our tracks. There’s just no more energy. We’re like cars who run out of gas. When we’re out of energy, we’re out of gas. It’s as simple as that.

I have mentioned in previous posts this summer, I have been through a lot since January. I have had more than I could handle, putting me WAY over my spoon allowance. However, life happens(boy, does it happen)and we have no choice but to find a way to deal with it.

The first thing and perhaps the most important thing of all, is to reach out for help. There is no shame in that. A very kind and very wise lady from my church once told me there are two kinds of people in the world. There are those of those who need help, and there are those who need to help. Let them do it. Those who have been blessed with the gift of benevolence need to be benevolent, so let them be benevolent. They were called by God to do that.

The second thing is, if you can do it, put your troubles in a box and hand them over to God. Let go and let God handle it. He is listening, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. There is an old adage which says the teacher is always quietest during a test. True, but it also means the teacher is there to help us when we need it. God is there to help us as well, and, like the teacher during a test, we have to ask for help.

The third thing is, BREATHE! I wish I had done more of this. I not only went through hell, but I put myself through hell through pride and stubbornness. Please, don’t do this to yourselves. It took me many years to learn this the hard way, and it was NOT worth it.

Let others make your life better. There are those who want to do that for you, and they are not as scarce as you might think.

Love and Hugs,

Beckie

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What I have Learned….

Hi, everybody!

As always, I hope you are well and had a great week.

I am doing fairly well considering mid-August is the time of year when I can feel the atmosphere change into Fall-like weather. I had four, “bad,” days from Thursday to Sunday, but I did survive, and I am no worse for the wear. Ever since I started spending more time with God and less time on social media, my outlook has been more positive, and it has brought about calm during the pain and suffering of it all. No, I didn’t like it, and yes, I was angry, but not nearly as angry as I have been in the past. I have started telling myself, “It will be over soon. It will happen again and again for as long as you are on this planet, but it will be over then, too. God will be with you then, too.” I have made up my mind to look forward rather than be miserable in the moments and days of it all, and it really does make a difference when you keep that in mind. I talk to God, and I tell Him I cannot do this alone, and I need His help. Of course, He already knows this, but He wants us to ask Him for help. I believe it is His way of drawing us closer to Him.

This is what I have learned in the past few months:
1) Acknowledge your feelings. It’s ok to be sad and/or angry when the pain and suffering of CFS CFS/FM gets the best of you. However, don’t be hard on yourself, because your feelings are always valid. You’re only human, and you can only do the best you can with what you have.

2) Be accepting. This is very important. Yes, it’s painful, but if you can accept it rather than fight it, you will feel better emotionally as well as physically. Up until late, I was always in fight mode. Finally, after seventeen years, I have learned that does no good whatsoever. It has NOT been helpful to me! I feel better knowing God is with me and it will pass in a few days.

3) Talk to God. It’s ok to tell Him you can’t do this. He wants you to ask for His help. He listens, and He wants to help you, but you have to ask Him.

4) Do somethings which makes you happy. Many years ago, I was a pretty good pianist. Yes, I played the piano. I remember thoroughly enjoying it and finding it relaxing. Since my life is more on an even keel now, I have started to play again after thirty-five years. Of course, I have to pretty much start over, but two things I never forgot were how to read music and the fingerings. I have wanted to do this for so long, and I have finally made up mind just to sit down and do it. Heck, I might even be able to play scales without messing them up. I may not be able to play for very long, as it does take both physical and mental energy, but I will do it when I can. I mastered it once, I will master it again. It will just take longer, but that’s ok! I’m not going anywhere.

That’s about all I have to share for this week. As always, I wish you a wonderful week.

Until next time,
Beckie

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More Thoughts….

Hello, everybody!
I hope you are doing well. As always, I’m hanging in there.

In spite of this awful illness, I have been thinking a lot lately about how truly blessed I am in spite of it all. I have one very special friend who will occasionally surprise me by taking me to breakfast or lunch at unique and out of the way places. I have another very special friend from my church who also occasionally treats me to lunch. Some other very special friends covered the adoption fee for my cat Samantha when my other cat passed away in May. He was the light of my life as well as my survival through many hard times over the years.

This is very important because when you suffer greatly EVERY SINGLE DAY for so many years, you really get to wondering what your life is all about, at least I do. Many times with CFS/FM, people are bedridden, and they can’t do much for themselves. When I am that bad, which thank God is not as often as it used to be, forget grocery shopping, forget laundry, and forget about making meals. I don’t know about anybody else, but I feel worthless; I feel like a burden to others, and I feel guilty needing so much help. After all, people have their own lives to live, and they have responsibilities, too.

So, when friends step up to the plate like this and do such nice things to cheer you up and make you feel loved and valued, well, that just means everything. It’s their way of saying they love you no matter what, and they will always be there for you.

This is for friends, family members, and caregivers. Please, always make us feel valued and loved. We all need that. We are all alike as far as the need for validation. Whether people mean it or not, many times they make us feel less than we really are. I think this is because it’s not something which is easy to understand such as cancer. Everybody knows what cancer is, and everybody knows the outcome; we die. Well, a lot of people die from CFS/FM, too. It’s called suicide. Unless you are one of the lucky ones for whom it goes away, it never stops. The severe exhaustion and the unrelenting pain is always there. It was just seventeen years for me, and many times, things have been so bad I have thought about throwing in the towel. In fact, if it had not been for the special friends I mentioned above(although there are many others who love me and are there for me)I probably would have done just that. Don’t judge anyone for feeling that way, either. The last thing people need are lectures about things they don’t understand. The only way anyone will ever understand this is if they live it themselves.

This is not an exaggeration. This is the reality of it. There is a very high suicide rate among CFS/FM patients, so the worst thing you can do is make us feel unloved and devalued. Would you do that to someone with cancer? If you would, well, shame on you. Just because CFS/FM isn’t as easy to understand as cancer doesn’t mean it’s not just as real. It’s just a different reality, and it needs to be treated as such. It is OUR reality, and it needs to be treated with the same respect as other diseases. Please remember that and don’t compare us to other people. It doesn’t matter who we are or what our issues are, we all need to be met where we are in our own circumstances, and I’m not just talking about CFS/FM patients. Comparing us to others only makes others feel as though our needs don’t matter.

Well, those are my thoughts for this week. Thank you for listening to me and have a wonderful week! “See” you all later!

Beckie

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One Day at a Time….

Good day, everybody!
Sorry to be a little tardy with my post, but I’ve had a lot of things going on with my home, and I’ve had a lot of things to look into concerning repairs.

I’m still taking a break from social media and focusing on and spending more time with my Maker. I have been so much more peaceful ever since. I’m not sure why, but the CFS/FIBRO isn’t quite as bad. I also don’t think about it as much. I know I still have it, and I know I will always have it, but something is different about the way I look at it. I don’t equate it with pain, and I don’t considered myself as suffering. I have never thought of myself as a victim , either, and I REFUSE to be one! I have always been more of a fighter than that.

I really don’t know what to make of all this; I do know one thing, however. Spending more time with God is the best thing I never did. I don’t think He sees me as a person in pain, either, and I CERTAINLY don’t think He sees me as a victim. I think He sees me as His child who can make this good. This did not come from Him. He does not create bad. It’s as if through all the peace I have allowed myself, Gods’ quiet voice was able to penetrate my mind and my heart. Through focusing more on Him, He has gotten the message through that, in HIS eyes, I am perfect; He does not want me to see a CFS sufferer when I look in the mirror every day. He wants to see Beckie Butcher, the woman He created me to be in spite of what has happened to my body. I am STILL here, and He wants me to show that to the world. That is why He created me in the first place.

I am inspired by this. I feel much better about myself now, and my confidence is returning.

I guess the lesson is this; if and when CFS/FM gets you down, quiet your life and spend time with God. He will remind you of who you really are; He will remind you of the person He created you to be. The world can bring you down, but God will always lift you up!

Have a wonderful week, everybody!
Beckie.

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Hello!

Good day, everybody! I hope you all had a good week and are well.
Well, another week of peace and solitude has gone by without the added, “cheetah,” in my head.

Although this may not seem like much, a lot has happened to me in the past week. As I mentioned last week, I have been basically off of Facebook and focusing on what needs to be done in my life with which only God can help me. I gave a brief update on there last week about how I was feeling and how I wasn’t sure who I was or what the point of my life was anymore. I mentioned how I was alone and without any family. Well, one very nice and very wise lady stepped up to the plate and reminded me of something I had learned long ago in a church sermon, and that is this; we are never alone. We were not created to be self-sufficient. God created us to be in relationship with each other and to be in this life together. This, in turn, prompted another friend to step up to the plate and offer help as well. He said the same thing to me only in a different way. He said the more hands which get involved, the more things get done. He reminded me of the importance of community, which, being single and, well, “self sufficient,” I had forgotten. I always had to take care of things myself, and I would get so caught up in doing so, it was something which was very easy for me to forget. He also pointed out there is more shame in not asking for help than there is in asking for it. People need to be needed, which, I of all people ought to know because I am one of those people. He also pointed out how I have helped others out in the past, and now it is my turn.

Hmmmm….solitude is a good thing. I believe this came to me because I focused more on God. Once again, God brought people I needed into my life to remind me of things I needed to hear.

I spent all of last week making phone calls and waiting for call backs, and by the end of the week, I was stressed out and exhausted, exacerbating the CFS. I don’t think I went a day without either making several phone calls or going to appointments. The CFS has been just awful this week, however, thanks to the above words of wisdom from two very dear friends, I am beginning to relax and heal. I am now of the mindset of knowing it is ok to ask for help and accept it, and I must say, it feels pretty darn good. I am healing mentally as well.

You see, even just making simple phone calls is asking for help. Although you may not think of it that way, it is true. You’re looking for ways to make your life better by getting what you need, and that’s ok. It is something which must be done in order to survive. You don’t have to ask for anything specific. Just gathering information and getting contact information is enough. I know I never thought of it that way. For me, asking for help was asking somebody for something, like money. This is not true. Although it is exhausting, believe me, once you start helping yourself, you will relax and the CFS will get better. You will not only feel better about what will be the fruits of your labors, but you will feel better about yourself. I still have a long way to go with this but, with Gods’ help and my communitys’ help, I will get there. I just need to be patient and focus on God.

Well, those are my thoughts for this week. Have a wonderful week and remember, if you need help, don’t be afraid to reach out. There is more shame in not doing that than in doing that.
Love & hugs,
Beckie.

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More Thoughts on the Past Few Months

As you know, my life has been, well, hellish since January. I took a break from social media in the meantime, because of so many distractions. There was so much advice and so many opinions and comments which, although were well meaning by people who love me, were too overwhelming. Not that it was any fault of theirs, they just wanted to be helpful. However, sometimes people just need to be heard, and advice and opinions are not wanted. I realized I just had to figure things out for myself this time.

I think what I really needed was solitude; I needed quiet time without all the distractions of Facebook to put my life back together. So many times I would reach out to people for prayer and support when I was going through one of lifes’ challenges, but this was different. This was not as simple as asking for recommendations for a landscaper or a Mr. Fix It. This was my life which needed fixing, and the only person who could do that was me…..and God. This was a time when listening to suggestions and advice was not an option. It was causing too much background noise or as they call it in yoga, “cheetah”, in my mind. I needed a solitary refuge in which to find and rediscover myself. The long and short of it, I have been through so much since January, I’m not sure who I am anymore. I have felt so many emotions I got lost in them, and I have no idea who I am anymore. I needed silence; I still do, and lots of it. I need to get to know Beckie Butcher again, and it is going to take a lot of time. I’ve heard she is a wonderful person!

Listening to K-Love is purging my heart of many ill feelings and worldly anger to be filled with Gods’ Peace, and that was what this is, Gods’ Peace. I have never known peace such as this. It was something I desperately needed in my life, and God saw the need. It was a whole new experience. I needed Gods’ advice and suggestions. He was the only one who could help me piece my life back together. Only He and He alone can get me where I need to be, because He was the one who has planned out my life. The, “cheetah”, of social media was muffling His voice.

What does any of this have to do with CFS/FM you ask? Well, even that is better. My peaceful mind led to a much more peaceful body. I have been soothed, therefore I am more relaxed. My body is not as tight, and there are not as many knots on the inside. Although I post for prayers and support on FB, which, at times, does help, the quiet time I have taken for myself has helped more; it has where I have been led. I am spending more time with God as well as myself, and I am able to see and feel more of Him in my life. Or, at least, I have given myself an opportunity to tune into Him. There was too much going on in my head before for me to really hear Him and feel His presence.

Not only that, but some things you need to figure out for yourself, by yourself.

I also feel God navigating me through the CFS. It seems like I am not trying as hard to manage it myself. There is truth in the phrase, “resting in Gods’ arms”. I have been doing it for almost two weeks now, and I have to say, it feels good to lean on Him to carry me through my day rather than push myself as a human.

Well, that’s about all for now. Take care of yourselves and have a wonderful week!

Beckie
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