Edward Lorn's Blog, page 65
June 30, 2015
Big News! (NetGalley News)
For the first time ever, one of my books is on NetGalley. Thanks to the wonderful folks over at Red Adept Publishing, you may now request Pennies for the Damned for review. This is the second book in the series, but I heard from readers that it stands well on its own. In fact, the first book is a bit on the extreme horror side of things. This one is far more accessible in tone and delivery.
Have at it, folks. Tell everybody you know. I hope you get approved and fun times are had by all. Enjoy!
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1192542/big-news-netgalley-news
June 29, 2015
Carrion Comfort Review
Review: 
I always hesitate to say a book is overlong. I read because I like knowing the deepest thoughts and motivations of the characters who populate my fiction. Books are meant to be longer, more in-depth experiences. There are thousands of studies that have been done on chapter and novel length, but the truth of the matter is: a reader only notices page count when the writing and/or story sucks.
I find myself questioning whether or not I think a book is going on too long, I ask: Was I ever bored for extended periods of time? You can have a long book with lulls, but the action should kick back in right around the time your average reader will start skimming. (In a perfect world, a reader will never feel like skimming, but we all know that even the best novels can have unneeded information) This, in the realm of fiction, is called pacing. It is my opinion (mind you this opinion is based solely on this book, as I have not read anything else by Dan Simmons, but Carrion Comfort is the novel that put him on the map, so I’m judging it as a good example of his work) that Dan Simmons is crap at pacing, and he is absolutely in love with his own voice.
For a novel of 884 pages (and teensy-tiny type to boot, at least in my paperback copy), I found only three memorable scenes. The opening, the final fight with the “Honky Monster”, (who we will discuss more in a minute) and the final fight with Justin. Everything else was either meh or downright boring. I feel comfortable saying this book is way too long based on the content received. I could have done without 50% of this book. And no, that’s no exaggeration.
A great bit of my enjoyment factor was hindered by the repetition of the word “Negress”. Listen, I understand that Negroe used to be an acceptable word. Likewise, I get that Black was once a racial slur. I get it. I’m not talking about that. I simply do not like the sound of the word “Negress”. I feel about this word the same way some people feel about “cunt” or “twat”. The word just sounds ugly, and I don’t want to listen to it. Doesn’t matter what it means or if it was ever acceptable. If the word was a person, it would have a punchable face. Unfortunately, I switched to the audiobook at around the halfway mark so I literally had to listen to this woman say the word dozens of times. And no, that is no exaggeration either. Yes, this book is dated, but even if I went back in time to when this book was released in 1989, I still can’t imagine the necessity for such word repetition. Seems like lazy writing to me. I mean, at one point, the word is used as much as “she” and “her”.
Another huge letdown was the lack of horror. The cover promised “EPIC HORROR” and other checks the book’s ass couldn’t cash. There were horror tropes, sure, but there was very little that was horrifying. Carrion Comfort is the same kind of horror experience you’d receive if you watched a marathon of the Underworld films. This is action-horror, and I don’t like action-horror. Yeah, there are monsters, but they aren’t scary. They are rapey and over-the-top, but they aren’t frightening. The one truly terrifying monster in the book is figuratively castrated by the fact that the author thought it would be a sound idea to call him the “Honky Monster”. Sweet baby Tom Cruise, I wish to fuck I was kidding. This scythe-wielding baddie is turned into a joke shortly after his introduction, and he never reclaims his rightful spot as scary. Every time he was named, I laughed. Out loud. I literally barked laughter. Such a well-designed monster should not garner guffaws based on his moniker alone. I don’t know what I would have called him, but it sure as shit wouldn’t have been “Honky Monster”. This is the equivalent of naming Dracula the “Neck Sucker!” Get the fuck outta here!
Oh, and I’m not a chess player. I feel that I missed a great deal of subtext because I do not play the game. And that sucks. This book did, however, make me pick up a book about chess, and I’m enjoying learning how to play, but I know I have many miles to go and I wasn’t about to put off finishing this book while I boned up on my middle game.
A final note on the writing. Dan Simmons doesn’t write like a modern author. His prose is elegant and Dickensian. I was not expecting that. While it shouldn’t have been so jarring, it most certainly was. I can dig good writing no matter the style, but I don’t think it fit this subject matter. It was horribly awkward in places. Imagine Shakespeare writing The Grapes of Wrath or Of Mice and Men. That would be weird, right? Now imagine Charles Dickens wrote a horror-thriller in the vein of early Dean Koontz. I think you see my issue.
In summation: I’m not giving up on Simmons. I want to see what he does with some historical fiction. I have Drood and The Terror queued up in the next few months. Both novels are equally long , so if I don’t like them I’ll probably quit Simmons after that. I love the concept of Drood and probably should have started there.
Final Judgment: Needs Jazzercize! and Slim Fast.
Original post: edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1191999/dan-simmons
June 28, 2015
Research Materials Needed for New Novel Project
This Fall, I am embarking on a massive journey and I would like your help. I plan on writing a novel that takes place over five decades, and will chronicle the life of the world’s only living cyclops. The book will be entitled CY, and most of the story revolves around the travelling carnival he comes to live with after being abandoned as an infant. The novel will showcase my biggest cast yet, as I intend to create and populate a travelling carnival from the 1920s, train and big top, menagerie and all.
Carnival/amusement park stories have always been my favorite sub genre. I geek out when I come across them, no matter how terrible they might be. While there will be extraordinary and perhaps even magical circumstances within the novel, I want the carnival to feel set in reality. It should be a character all by itself, and that character should be believable. To accomplish this, I would like your help in finding research materials I can use to bring my carnival alive. Pictures, nonfiction, fiction, music, you name it. If you collect something and I choose to use it in the book, I will cite you along with the source in the acknowledgment sections at the end of the novel. Don’t go out of your way, but keep me in mind if you come across anything interesting,
Leave your book recommendations and picture links and anything else you would like to share in the comment section of this post, or email them to me at edwardlorn@gmail.com.
*hugs and high fives*
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1191474/research-materials-needed-for-new-novel-project
June 27, 2015
Health Updates
To those of you who have been asking, thank you for your concern and patience. I wanted to make sure I had all my ducks in a row before posting what will hopefully be my final update before they “fix” me.
To bring everyone up to speed, I was recently admitted to the hospital for the better part of a week because of my back. Yes, again. I lost control of my right leg (both numbness and weakness this time, which is always dangerous and scary). The nerve damage was so severe that I had a bout with incontinence as well. Lovely I know, but that’s how bad it got. The science behind what happened is simple. I was paralyzed from the waist down on the right side, and that paralyzation included my rectum. I’m way too open sometimes, I swear… But now you know, and knowing is half the battle. Or whatever.
Anyway, they pumped me fulla steroids and pain meds and kept me comfortable until my neurosurgeon finally made it in to see me. This is the same doctor who did my previous two emergency surgeries (2011 and 2014) to relieve pressure on the S1 nerve cluster, which is the root of all my problems. Dr. Flotte told me the same thing he told me after my last surgery. “There’s nothing more I can do for you. But you need a fusion.” He’s now handed me off to Dr. Taylor, who works with him at Coastal Neurological Institute, and I have an appointment on July 7th with him to set up surgery for later in the month.
Why haven’t they done this before now? Well, that’s complicated. I’ve never been able to heal for long enough so that the surgery could be scheduled. I always reinjured myself before they could get in to do a fusion. This time, I’m somewhere in the middle. It can actually get worse this time, whereas, in the past, I had been past the point of putting off emergency surgery. I’m right on the line. As long as it doesn’t get worse in the next few weeks, I’ll be five-by-five for a fusion.
What is a fusion? In the simplest terms, it’s a bone graph that turns an active joint into an inactive one. Imagine encasing your finger in concrete. You can no longer bend your finger and it’s effectively protected. That’s what they’re going to do with the bottom half of my spine. Four discs will be fused, and I will, almost literally, have a stick up my ass. No more bending or twisting at the waist. No more a lot of things. Alas, I have no other options.
The endgame is this: I will be “fixed”. The discs will no longer be able to bulge and rupture. The nerves will not suffer any new damage. I will be cured. My mobility will suffer the greatest hit, but I should regain the use of my leg once the nerves have time to heal.
Now for some hard truth. I’m fucking terrified. I have no idea what to expect and that scares me. I don’t know that I’ll ever again be able to sit for prolonged sessions of writing. I don’t know that I will ever sit comfortably again period. Nothing will ever keep me from telling stories, but I’m concerned that something as simple as sitting down at my computer might prove to be challenging. I guess I could relearn the nuts and bolts of my craft. I’m still young. But I’m still worried, too. I hate giving dictation, and writing while lying down just feels wrong. Luckily, I have an amazing family. My wife and kids are as supportive and understanding as ever. We’re one of those families that only manage to get closer when faced with issues. Nobody knows how fortunate I am more than me.
I guess what scares me the most is the not knowing. I won’t have any cement answers until I start my recovery. I’m not a guy that enjoys maybes. I like definites. And right now everything is about as indefinite as it can get.
Until next time,
*hugs and high fives*
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1191365/health-updates
Dastardly Bastard (Signed Limited Edition Hardcover) two copies now available!
I recently sent out email invitations to readers for the newest book in my Signature Series, Dastardly Bastard. This extremely limited offer was approved by Red Adept Publishing, who controls the publishing rights on the book until 2018. Two people have passed on the offer, so here’s your chance if you want one.
If you are interested, the book is $50 with free shipping to the US, or $80 for international orders to cover the cost of mailing overseas. Each book is signed and numbered, and will arrive on your doorstep on or before 09/01/2015. Email me at edwardlorn@gmail.com for purchasing information.
Life After Dane, the final book in this series, will be revealed in the next month.
Here’s the design.
Thanks!
*hugs and high fives*
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1191174/dastardly-bastard-signed-limited-edition-hardcover-two-copies-now-available
The Red Mohawk Review
Review:
A fitting homage to 70s and 80s slasher films, right down to the piss-poor production quality. Not only does this book need an editor, but it deserved a better writer overall. I can see why Anonymous chose to stay anonymous. I wouldn’t want this coming back and haunting me at some point in my career either.
I have a bunch of examples, but the biggest problems I had were typos and grammatical errors. Anonymous seems to have only the most basic concept of what it takes to build a cogent sentence, and they repeatedly get stuck on certain words and phrases until you want to call the Repetition Police and have them fined for Extreme Overuse. It wouldn’t be so bad if the same terms were overused throughout the book. Hell, that might have created some kind of flow. But you have one page where “pulled a face” is used three times and then never used again for the duration of the book. Space them out, padawan. Don’t dump all in one spot. That’s a good grasshopper.
The good part about the writing is that it is so simple that you can speed read with little difficulty. You only really need the first and last sentence in a paragraph. This is because every paragraph is set up the same way, so you don’t really have to read the content in the middle of the page. It’s just the author repeating themselves, so no worries.
Our first example: “That was when she remembered the gun shot wound [“gunshot” really should be one word here]in her arm. She winced as a stinging sensation reminded her that it was still there.” She remembered twice. Good for her.
Then we have the typos, which are numerous. The ones that pissed me off the most were simple ones like “titling” instead of “tilting”. And this sentence: “If only she could find away of hiding in the back of it.” That should be “a way”, not “away”. But my point is this. This is simple stuff, and I got the impression that the author just couldn’t be bothered. A proofreader could have caught that. Some other issues were far too big for a proofreader to tackle and should have been fixed by a professional line editor. Considering this is up on NetGalley and they charge $400 to post your book for review, I feel that all that money could have been used on better editing and document formatting.
(Seriously, Anonymous… who formatted this book? Stevie Wonder with a little help from Helen Keller? Your indents are all over the place. Your book looks like a 2D representation of an in-progress JENGA match.)
Superfluous word usage is yet another problem Anonymous has. Example: ” ‘I’m sorry if this isn’t exactly The Ritz,’ she said apologetically, gesturing around the room.” We know she said it “apologetically” because she said “I’m sorry.” This book is loaded with filler like that. You might think I’m nitpicking, but these are only cherry-picked examples. If I took the time to highlight every error or broken section of text in this book, my review would be longer than the novel itself.
And of course, just good ol’ everyday word repetition: “This time as well as a loud echo, Candy heard him cursing loudly.” How about we add “louder” or “loudest” for the triple showing?
Finally, this broken sentence that was just begging to be cut in half: “He struggled in vain for a while, but to no avail.” “In vain” and “to no avail” kinda mean the same thing. Imagine: “The water was wet in a damp sort of way.” Actually, isn’t that former sentence a double negative? “He struggled in vain for a while, but to no avail.” I mean, if he struggled in vain to no avail doesn’t that mean he succeeded? Owwie… my brain hurts…
Okay, I’m done. That’s all I’m saying about the lack of editing in this book. Moving on to the actual story.
I dug the story for what it was. I enjoyed the plot most of all. Nice and twisty. I didn’t care much for the static characters, though. I would say the lack of character dev was on purpose, you know, to cement the B-movie feel, but I don’t trust the author’s chops enough to say they pulled this off with conscious effort. Overall, I did like the idea. I wish it had been written better, but at no time did I ever want to put it down. Mostly I was disappointed that the production quality didn’t live up to the concept.
Finally, a note on the overt sexism and female objectification. This book tries really hard to be an exploitation film. The hero of the book sees no problem with smacking a woman around and choking her out in an attempt to procure information, even though he has no evidence that this woman has done anything wrong. At first this truly upset me, but then I remembered the level of garbage I was reading and brushed it off. Likewise, there are more under-the-desk dick-sucking sessions in this book than there were during all eight years of Bill Clinton’s presidency. Every time I turned around Mellencamp was getting is hitch polished. The women in this book are only here to be goggled and ejaculated in or on. That’s it. Expect nothing else and you’ll be just fine.
In summation: With an error-filled bare-bones insanely-repetitive writing style that is only a stepstool above children’s literature that is written by actual children, The Red Mohawk is damn easy to read. Dick and Jane Get Murdered, if you will. The story is fun if you’re into 70s and 80s horror/exploitation films, but do not expect too much effort from your storyteller. Expect blood, guts, ass and lots of fellatio and you’ll come out ahead.
Final Judgment: “But then unexpectedly out of the blue a man’s voice spoke clearly and confidently to her.” Seriously? You wrote that?
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1191110/the-red-mohawk-review
June 26, 2015
Top Five Books That Lived Up To The Hype
I like lists. A lot. This list is my personal opinion. If you would like to play along, please do. I’d love to see what books didn’t let you down.
In no particular order…
NOS4A2 and Krampus are perfect examples of “There is no way in hell these books are as good as their concepts need them to be.” In my opinion, both books blew away my expectations and were even greater than I anticipated.
You was a flashbang in a cave. Completely unexpected and shockingly illuminating. I sure didn’t think I would enjoy it as much as everyone was telling me I would. I will continue to play cheerleader for Caroline Kepnes until she writes a bad book. So far, with You and Hidden Bodies, she has yet to let me down.
Grasshopper Jungle had absolutely no right to be as good as it was. It’s B-rated science fiction laced with poignant and sharp-witted social commentary. Grasshopper Jungle is as close to a new Vonnegut book as one is likely to receive in today’s world.
And, finally, a book written by a disturbed mind is bound to be just as whacked out as it deserves to be. Will Elliott had some issues while writing The Pilo Family Circus, and his mental illness nearly drips from the page. I’m glad it was recommended it to me or else I might never have found it. It’s one of those books that gets better every time I think about it.
That’s my top five. Do you have one? Let me know in the comments below, or create your own post. Maybe we’ll make this a weekly thing.
*hugs and high fives*
E.
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1191069/top-five-books-that-lived-up-to-the-hype
I read somewhere that human beings are genetically predis...
I read somewhere that human beings are genetically predisposed to record history.
We believe it will prevent us from doing stupid things in the future.
But even though we dutifully archived elaborate records of everything we’ve ever done, we also managed to keep on doing dumber and dumber shit.
~ Grasshopper Jungle, by Andrew Smith (Dutton 2014)
Original post:
edwardlorn.booklikes.com/post/1190999/post
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