Pearl Howie's Blog, page 22

Vulnerability

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So, I was chatting to a friend the other day and she told me to go back and watch this again http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability which I shared ages ago on Facebook. It’s a great talk and she also has some lovely slides (pictures are worth a thousand words) and I think I know why my friend told me to watch it again.

When I wake up in the morning and I get ready to teach a class or write a blog or part of a book or send out an invite to my book launch or even write something on Facebook I’m putting myself out there. I love the way that Brene calls it “being wholehearted” because it’s true - it’s putting all your heart and all your emotions out there. And the more honest and true to ourselves we are, the harder it gets. Because we’re not representing a company or playing a part, in that moment we are just ourselves, feeling all our emotions and, looking at it through Brene’s way of thinking, it’s no wonder that it is sometimes terrifying.

Then I look at the questions that have been in my head recently through that way of thinking, realising that when I am teaching I am asking people to step out of their comfort zone in a big way, to move and dance and express themselves honestly, all while under the influence of nothing more than a cup of coffee. It must be terrifying (I know it was for me, and sometimes still is as a participant).

The closer I get to my trip to FIBO fitness expo in Cologne the less excited I feel and the more nervous I get. I can no longer pretend that it’s about worrying I am going to look too fat or unfit, because I’ve been to enough of these things to know that’s not going to be an issue, if I look deeply at the feeling it’s about being inadequate “I am not enough”, then I look a little deeper, remembering Marianne Williamson about our fears being about being “too much” - either way it’s about not fitting in. I think about a recent course I did where I felt like the odd man out; I was just being me but I just didn’t fit in and that’s painful because ultimately it’s about rejection, whether you are too much or not enough.

I’ve often heard friends say about job interviews, dates; “just be yourself, but not too much”. Marianne Williamson knows what she’s talking about.

Maybe I’ll be a little too much this week, I often am, but why not? Pretending to be something you’re not, whether it’s bigger or smaller than you really are is, I believe, the fastest way to depression I know.

We talk about having confidence, which enables us to walk out and do whatever it is; book a flight, visit a spa, walk into a posh hotel, book a crazy treatment, write a book, start your own business, start your own classes, which are the things that people often express jealousy about in my life, but most of the time I wouldn’t describe my attitude as confident. My attitude on most occasions is sheer terror, deep vulnerability, feeling exposed and raw even if it is going to teach a class I’ve taught for years, there is no airbag for most of the occasions you step out of your comfort zone.

When we let go of the things we use to numb ourselves, the need to be perfect, the need to be certain and allow ourselves to be simply, joyfully, vulnerably ourselves, it is terrifying, but it is also absolutely magical. (I never feel more naked and vulnerable than when I fill out my tax return, sadly after I press Send it doesn’t really feel magical - but you know it’s ever such good practice for other dealings with officialdom - passport control, etc. etc. that lie on the path to some of the most magical things in life!)

Lean into the discomfort, explore the things that make you feel truly vulnerable (you know, tax returns only if you must), because there are always goodies to be discovered, whether the path is smoother or harder than we anticipate and there is always something to experience and learn from.

x P

Playlist - you asked for it!

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I had a request a few weeks ago to update the music list on my website - well I haven’t quite gotten around to that but I can certainly drop in some names of songs I am using. To find them online copy and paste into Google or YouTube to look for the latest videos! To buy you can also use the iTunes search:

A Little Party Never Killed Nobody (All We Got) - Fergie, Q-Tip & GoonRock from The Great Gatsby soundtrack

Play Hard - Zumba Fitness (cover)

Lo que no Sabes tu - Zumba Fitness

Dueno De Nada - Mara

Mambo - Bandoleros

Boujé - J Perry

Krazy (feat. Lil Jon) - Pitbull

Salsa Bali - Zumba Fitness

Que Bolon Tiburón - DJ Francis feat Tito Pakin & E_ Flatpro

Pegate Mas - Zumba Fitness

Work Work - You Better Move

Rumba Buena - Zumba Fitness

The Boy Does Nothing - Alesha Dixon

Burning Love - Elvis Presley

Papi - Jennifer Lopez

Flechao - Zumba Fitness

Let it Go (Africanized Cover) Ft. One Voice Childrens Choir - Alex Boye'

Let It Go - Demi Lovato

I Got You (I Feel Good) - James Brown

Don't Let Me Down - Swing - Zumba Fitness

Salome - Zumba Fitness

Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) [Radio Edit] {feat. Nicole Scherzinger} - A.R. Rahman & The Pussy Cat Dolls

C'est La Vie Aka Vivir Mi Vida - Zumba Fitness

All Of Me - John Legend

Bailamos - Enrique Iglesias

Gimme Five - Zumba Fitness

(You're The) Devil In Disguise - Elvis Presley

Corazoncito Bonito - Zumba Fitness

Estoy Enamorado - Zumba Fitness

Crazy Love - Mara

The Trip - Zumba Fitness

Paris (Ooh La La) - Zumba Fitness

Mamafrikalo - Zumba Fitness

Hella Decale - By DJ Mam's Featuring Doukali & Soldat Jahman

Hello (UK Radio Edit) - Martin Solveig & Dragonette

El Batazo - Zumba Fitness

Que No Muera El Boogaloo - Zumba Fitness

Ho Hey - The Lumineers

It Must Be Love - Madness

Love Is In The Air (Ballroom Mix) - John Paul Young

Marioneta - Zumba Fitness

Wake Me Up - Avicii

Just The Way You Are - Zumba Fitness (cover)

Somebody That I Used to Know (feat. Kimbra) - Gotye

White Flag - Dido

Viene, Viene, Viene - Zumba Fitness

Roar - Katy Perry

Uptown Girl - Billy Joel

Contando Estrellas - Zumba Fitness

Feeling Good (The Assassin) - Nina Simone

Hope you enjoy!

x P

It was a hit!!!!

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Wow! So Saturday saw our Zumbathon Party For Everyone - pulling so many different strands together had me experiencing brain freezes in the days before. Nerves started to build on Thursday with me making some very silly mistakes! Trying to take the easy path helped, along with remembering to breathe, and most of all, on Saturday morning remembering what it was all about - bringing the spirit of Zumba Fitness to everyone, having compassion for all - and then teaching a great fun Saturday morning class to really get through those nerves!

Yes, things went wrong, but luckily they were the kind of thing that nobody noticed or worried about, there was simply too much colour, life, joy and friendship in the room - it was all too perfect to worry about what wasn’t perfect.

Having 7 instructors, most of whom had never met, let along worked together was in theory crazy, in practice it was sublime as everyone worked together as if they had been doing this years. Whatever nerves we had just added to the performances.

Our fashion show played out quite differently from what I had imagined, with me giving each instructor a team of 3 or 4 models, the results took my breath away - and in the end I felt I had to award a team prize - check out the photos to see if you can guess who won!

It was my first time working with our regional ZumbaWear seller too - despite great calls and emails I was still nervous - would she be able to deliver what our participants were looking for? Absolutely! They loved the range and the bargains and it was difficult for me to find anything left to buy at the end... okay, three sweatshirts on sale, one full price, two pairs of Zumba shoes, three pairs of socks, two vests, a T-shirt, one pair of leggings and some bangles, but you know, I didn’t go overboard!

As always it was the people in the class who rocked my world - check out the photos - Hayley and Aliana took so many great photos that finally went a long way to capturing the amazing spirit of Zumba Fitness, Zumba Gold and Zumba Gold chair - and how I feel teaching these classes. Thank you so much to everyone for showing that this style of class can work, I feel like we crossed the finish line with the crowd roaring on Saturday and goodness only knows what it is the starting line for! (Stay tuned for some video clips too - if they turn out okay!!)

I am still totalling up the proceeds but it looks like over £350 for the charity Augie’s Quest as well.

It was also lovely this morning to hear this feedback from a participant who came with a friend, who did the chair class:

“It was amazing. The best event I have been to. You did such a fantastic job. Maxine loved it, she was so pleased to be able to do the whole class. She has made me promise to bring her to every event you do.”

Finally a little treat - our final song - am in love with it!!! OMG she is wearing my dress in the speedboat!

x P

Waiting for permission.

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I recently applied for a job, something a bit different to the jobs I’ve applied for which may have been one class or a chance to start working with a different group - no, this was a job title more than a job. No class went with it, I still had to set up my own classes and get bodies through the door, but going through the process, thinking about it I got quite excited about the potential.

I felt that if someone gave me that job title it meant that I was worthy, that it was a stamp of respect, of quality, and of course the floodgates would open and those warm bodies would flood through the door.

I didn’t get it. And so of course now I am focusing on the downsides, a slightly different reality, but the biggest question in my head is... if I was ready to start teaching a class like that, or even a class of my own making in a similar area, why didn’t I/don’t I just go ahead and do it.

Today I got a great motivational email from Rachel Holmes of Choreography To Go (I get one every day) and her guest writer Jenny Burrell used a phrase that hit the nail on the head for me: “release the need to be anointed by others – anoint yourself, and know that you are anointed, stop waiting for ANYONE TO MAKE YOU!”

It’s exactly that, so many of us are waiting for that anointing, because in truth we don’t need permission. Of course you need a license if you want to teach a licensed programme, or drive a car, but you don’t need a license to get on a bike, write a book, write a blog, design and teach your own class, start your own business.

It’s funny because it takes me back to my filmmaking days - when everyone, writer, director, cameraman is out there trying to get a job, while the tools of the job are sitting in your hands. I remember going out for a drink in Soho with the people working on my ultra low budget feature film and one of the girls brought along a guy she was working with. He said he was working as a runner on a studio film and we got to talking about the differences, and I was, as usual, going on about my film and how exciting it was, albeit wishing for a budget a hundred times more, telling him how he would eventually get his chance. In the end he broke, he wasn’t a runner, he was the director of a multi-million dollar feature shooting with major movie stars for a top studio. Ulp! And all he could talk about was how much he wished he could work with that same passion, choice and not have to deal with egos, politics and accountants, how he wished he had gone out and done it by himself.

There’s safety in numbers, in being part of a bigger venture, in paying your dues and working your way up to head of this, Vice President of that, but you don’t get something for nothing. You can be on a train flying past at thousands of miles, getting where you’re going fast and safely, trusting the guy at the front of the train or even being the guy at the front of the train, or you can be on a push bike.

On a push bike you get to see the scenery slow, you get to stop when you want, you get really strong legs when you pedal uphill... and you also risk being knocked down by a bus.

I suppose my question to myself, having been rejected for a job I thought I wanted is this; do I want to try harder for that same job, or could I take a step back and ask, if I could teach anything I wanted, to who I wanted, however I wanted, what would that look like? What do I want to share, what do other people need, what makes me feel happy and giving and free and brave and scared.

What would I do if I gave myself permission to do anything?

You don’t need a cool job title to have a cool job, but when I made my first business cards for Pearl Escapes I gave myself the title “Explorer-in-Chief”. It still sits proudly on my business cards and so many people have commented on it, that they would love a job like that. I’m so glad I picked me for the job.

x P