Vulnerability
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So, I was chatting to a friend the other day and she told me to go back and watch this again http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability which I shared ages ago on Facebook. It’s a great talk and she also has some lovely slides (pictures are worth a thousand words) and I think I know why my friend told me to watch it again.
When I wake up in the morning and I get ready to teach a class or write a blog or part of a book or send out an invite to my book launch or even write something on Facebook I’m putting myself out there. I love the way that Brene calls it “being wholehearted” because it’s true - it’s putting all your heart and all your emotions out there. And the more honest and true to ourselves we are, the harder it gets. Because we’re not representing a company or playing a part, in that moment we are just ourselves, feeling all our emotions and, looking at it through Brene’s way of thinking, it’s no wonder that it is sometimes terrifying.
Then I look at the questions that have been in my head recently through that way of thinking, realising that when I am teaching I am asking people to step out of their comfort zone in a big way, to move and dance and express themselves honestly, all while under the influence of nothing more than a cup of coffee. It must be terrifying (I know it was for me, and sometimes still is as a participant).
The closer I get to my trip to FIBO fitness expo in Cologne the less excited I feel and the more nervous I get. I can no longer pretend that it’s about worrying I am going to look too fat or unfit, because I’ve been to enough of these things to know that’s not going to be an issue, if I look deeply at the feeling it’s about being inadequate “I am not enough”, then I look a little deeper, remembering Marianne Williamson about our fears being about being “too much” - either way it’s about not fitting in. I think about a recent course I did where I felt like the odd man out; I was just being me but I just didn’t fit in and that’s painful because ultimately it’s about rejection, whether you are too much or not enough.
I’ve often heard friends say about job interviews, dates; “just be yourself, but not too much”. Marianne Williamson knows what she’s talking about.
Maybe I’ll be a little too much this week, I often am, but why not? Pretending to be something you’re not, whether it’s bigger or smaller than you really are is, I believe, the fastest way to depression I know.
We talk about having confidence, which enables us to walk out and do whatever it is; book a flight, visit a spa, walk into a posh hotel, book a crazy treatment, write a book, start your own business, start your own classes, which are the things that people often express jealousy about in my life, but most of the time I wouldn’t describe my attitude as confident. My attitude on most occasions is sheer terror, deep vulnerability, feeling exposed and raw even if it is going to teach a class I’ve taught for years, there is no airbag for most of the occasions you step out of your comfort zone.
When we let go of the things we use to numb ourselves, the need to be perfect, the need to be certain and allow ourselves to be simply, joyfully, vulnerably ourselves, it is terrifying, but it is also absolutely magical. (I never feel more naked and vulnerable than when I fill out my tax return, sadly after I press Send it doesn’t really feel magical - but you know it’s ever such good practice for other dealings with officialdom - passport control, etc. etc. that lie on the path to some of the most magical things in life!)
Lean into the discomfort, explore the things that make you feel truly vulnerable (you know, tax returns only if you must), because there are always goodies to be discovered, whether the path is smoother or harder than we anticipate and there is always something to experience and learn from.
x P
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So, I was chatting to a friend the other day and she told me to go back and watch this again http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability which I shared ages ago on Facebook. It’s a great talk and she also has some lovely slides (pictures are worth a thousand words) and I think I know why my friend told me to watch it again.
When I wake up in the morning and I get ready to teach a class or write a blog or part of a book or send out an invite to my book launch or even write something on Facebook I’m putting myself out there. I love the way that Brene calls it “being wholehearted” because it’s true - it’s putting all your heart and all your emotions out there. And the more honest and true to ourselves we are, the harder it gets. Because we’re not representing a company or playing a part, in that moment we are just ourselves, feeling all our emotions and, looking at it through Brene’s way of thinking, it’s no wonder that it is sometimes terrifying.
Then I look at the questions that have been in my head recently through that way of thinking, realising that when I am teaching I am asking people to step out of their comfort zone in a big way, to move and dance and express themselves honestly, all while under the influence of nothing more than a cup of coffee. It must be terrifying (I know it was for me, and sometimes still is as a participant).
The closer I get to my trip to FIBO fitness expo in Cologne the less excited I feel and the more nervous I get. I can no longer pretend that it’s about worrying I am going to look too fat or unfit, because I’ve been to enough of these things to know that’s not going to be an issue, if I look deeply at the feeling it’s about being inadequate “I am not enough”, then I look a little deeper, remembering Marianne Williamson about our fears being about being “too much” - either way it’s about not fitting in. I think about a recent course I did where I felt like the odd man out; I was just being me but I just didn’t fit in and that’s painful because ultimately it’s about rejection, whether you are too much or not enough.
I’ve often heard friends say about job interviews, dates; “just be yourself, but not too much”. Marianne Williamson knows what she’s talking about.
Maybe I’ll be a little too much this week, I often am, but why not? Pretending to be something you’re not, whether it’s bigger or smaller than you really are is, I believe, the fastest way to depression I know.
We talk about having confidence, which enables us to walk out and do whatever it is; book a flight, visit a spa, walk into a posh hotel, book a crazy treatment, write a book, start your own business, start your own classes, which are the things that people often express jealousy about in my life, but most of the time I wouldn’t describe my attitude as confident. My attitude on most occasions is sheer terror, deep vulnerability, feeling exposed and raw even if it is going to teach a class I’ve taught for years, there is no airbag for most of the occasions you step out of your comfort zone.
When we let go of the things we use to numb ourselves, the need to be perfect, the need to be certain and allow ourselves to be simply, joyfully, vulnerably ourselves, it is terrifying, but it is also absolutely magical. (I never feel more naked and vulnerable than when I fill out my tax return, sadly after I press Send it doesn’t really feel magical - but you know it’s ever such good practice for other dealings with officialdom - passport control, etc. etc. that lie on the path to some of the most magical things in life!)
Lean into the discomfort, explore the things that make you feel truly vulnerable (you know, tax returns only if you must), because there are always goodies to be discovered, whether the path is smoother or harder than we anticipate and there is always something to experience and learn from.
x P
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