Matador Network's Blog, page 2122
April 3, 2015
12 beautiful photos of Finland
Finland, the Nordic country
1. Sugar House
Sugar house by Andrey Chabrov on 500px
2. Lights of Winter
Lights of winter by Mikko Karjalainen on 500px
3. Fire and Ice
Fire & Ice by Jouko Ruuskanen on 500px
4. Star Dust
By Mika Suutari
Star dust by Mika Suutari on 500px
5. Wrestlers
Wrestlers by Giedrius Stakauskas on 500px
6. Rainy Dawn
By Pete Huu
Rainy dawn by Pete Huu on 500px
7. Divided
Divided by Mikko Lagerstedt on 500px
8. The Reindeer
The Reindeer by ILGIN YAROGLU on 500px
9. Surrounded
surrounded by Antti Viitakangas on 500px
10. Cold Light
By Mika Suutari
Cold light. by Mika Suutari on 500px
11. Swift Waters
Swift Waters by Risto Vähämäki on 500px
12. First Snowfall
By Miki K.
First Snowfall by Miki K. on 500px
Things Wisconsinites have to explain
Photo: Ken Fager
1. 40° F weather is perfectly acceptable shorts weather.
Because, you know, it’s not our average of -20° F.
2. Cheese curds are a Wisconsin delicacy.
You have not lived until you’ve had a basket of golden-brown, deep-fried, melt-in-your-mouth cheese curds made fresh in Wisconsin. Haven’t tried them yet? Add these babies to your culinary bucket list. You’re welcome.
3. And there are fortunately TWO different kinds of them.
Fried ones and squeaky ones! You can’t get our fresh, unprocessed baby cheddar bites anywhere else. These salty little blobs of goodness are best when under 12 hours old. And the squeakier they are against your teeth, the better they’ll taste.
4. We’re the home of the world’s largest music festival.
Forget Glastonbury and Ultra. If you want to attend the world’s largest music festival, head to Milwaukee. Every summer, our state’s largest city hosts artists from all over the world across 11 stages for 11 days straight. Not convinced? Check the Guinness Book of World Records. We’ve been reigning champs since 1999.
5. And America’s largest water park.
With 51 different slides and various other rides and attractions, you can’t get any better than Noah’s Ark Waterpark in Wisconsin Dells — unless it’s overflowing with sweaty humans on the Fourth of July. Visitors be warned.
More like this How to piss off someone from Wisconsin
6. You’re saying Milwaukee wrong.
It’s “Mah-WAU-kee.” I don’t even know what kind of noise you just made.
7. But it’s okay, eventually you’ll get our city names right.
Ashwaubenon. Oconomowoc. Weyauwega. The struggle is real.
8. Snow doesn’t cancel anything.
If we canceled school every time it snowed, no one would ever graduate.
9. We drink from bubblers.
Ask for a water fountain, and we’ll point you toward the decorative kind you find in parks or gardens. What you’re really looking for is a bubbler when you’re feeling parched.
10. Fridays are reserved for fish fries.
If you had other plans, cancel them right now. They can’t be nearly as good as the beer-battered cod and potato pancakes you’re about to have. It’s a Wisconsin tradition.
11. We drank Pabst Blue Ribbon before it was cool.
I’m not quite sure how to break this to you, but PBR was not invented by hipsters. Pabst Brewing Company originally hails from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Sorry, not sorry.
12. WE are America’s Dairyland.
Sorry, California. Nice try.
13. We take tailgating to a whole new level.
Grab the bratwursts and beer! We tailgate for everything. Brewers games at Miller Park. Packers games at Lambeau Field. Concerts at Alpine Valley. Grandma’s polka recital. Just kidding! But seriously.
14. Brats and hot dogs are two VERY different things.
And if you think otherwise, you’re about to be set straight.
15. A Spotted Cow is also an adult beverage.
It’s the name of a cherished, Wisconsin beer reserved just for us. And we’ll totally share if you make a pilgrimage here to try it.
16. Our airport’s “Recombobulation Area” is totally legit and necessary.
Because, you know, you’re all discombobulated after you go through security, so you need a place to put yourself back together. Don’t worry. Mitchell International Airport’s got you.
17. We are the best sports fans in America.
Badgers, Brewers, Bucks, and Packers — the entire state roots for the home team. Literally the entire state. Including the people who moved away. And the new families of the people who moved away.
This story was produced through the travel journalism programs at MatadorU. Learn More
18. We have more lakes than Minnesota.
They might be known as the land of 10,000 lakes, but we actually have 15,074. There are so many lakes that we can’t even come up with names for more than half of them!
19. And summers are for lake houses.
In Wisconsin, this is the ultimate form of social currency. Just start talking about your lake house and, BAM, you’ve just made at least 10 new friends.
20. “Cheesehead” is a term of endearment.
Yes, we do occasionally wear blocks of cheese-shaped foam on our heads. And yes, it is attractive. 
How travel can improve relationships
I love solo travel. It’s my preferred style of vagabonding. That said, I also love traveling with my family, friends, and boyfriend from time to time. Not only is it fun but it also helps me strengthen my bond with the most important people in my life. Here’s how jet-setting improves each relationship.
Hiking in Sedona, Arizona, with my dad. (Photo: Jessica Festa/Jessie on a Journey)
1. Your parents and siblings
I find it a bit sad that people often stop traveling with their parents and siblings as they get older. I’ll admit that the two-week cruises and road trips I used to embark on with my mom and dad don’t happen anymore, but I still go on journeys with them. I went to Arizona with my dad this year, following a trip to Turkey and Greece together last year. Traveling with my parents allows us to create memorable experiences, which are especially important now that we don’t live together anymore.
One really awesome moment on my Arizona trip was getting to do a hike with my dad. I’m an avid hiker, to the point that I think my love of travel may have grown out of my love of hiking and landscapes. However, my father is over 70 years old, and traversing rocky terrain and steep descents isn’t really his forte anymore. That’s why I was surprised when I mentioned I was going to hike up Shadow Mountain in Phoenix — and he said he’d like to come along. When we got there, my dad didn’t make it to the top of the mountain, but he did trek as far as he could go — about half of the trail. I was very proud of him and excited we got to share that experience.
Exploring El Peñón de Guatapé in Colombia with friends. (Photo: Jessica Festa/Jessie on a Journey)
2. Your home friends
Chances are, you’ve traveled with a couple of really terrible travel partners, perhaps more. I certainly have. But I’ve also had some really great trips traveling with others. Most recently, I took a trip to Colombia with my friends, and it made me realize just how wonderful it is to hit the road with friends.
Travel is usually something I share with myself, which can be a bit lonely at times. It’s one thing to tell your friends about a wild skydive in New Zealand, a crazy bus trip through Peru, or a delicious dish you made in Japan. But it’s a whole separate thing to actually share that experience with them. Not only do you get to share inside jokes from the road when you’re back home, but you also get to know your friends in a different light.
Related: The Travel Quote Collection: Inspiring Nomads Everywhere
I live in New York City, and I spend most of my friend time here drinking and dancing in bars. But travel is a great way to get to know your friends beyond that. You get to live in close quarters, see how other people react to different situations, and make discoveries about each other, both good and bad. The verdict? I feel closer to my Colombia trip friends now than ever before, and would 100 percent travel with them again in a heartbeat.
3. Your travel friends
Aside from traveling with your home friends, it’s also fun to travel with your travel friends — i.e., the ones you meet on the road. I love making friends on the road, and there are many that I’ve met on tours, in hostels, in money exchanges, and on buses and trains five-plus years ago that I’m still close with today.
Related: 10 Locals to Befriend on Your Next Trip
Take Dan, for example. I met him in a hostel in Munich six years ago, and to this day I see him at least once a year when he visits NYC. I even met his parents and sister when they came; we all went out for dinner and karaoke. Even though we don’t see each other a lot, we talk on Skype and social media, sharing life’s ups and downs and talking about travel. I consider him a great friend — one who will be in my life forever.
4. Your significant other
Like traveling with friends, going on trips with your boyfriend or girlfriend can go terribly wrong or be unbelievably great. The main reason? It helps you learn about each other very quickly. Sometimes this can be fun. If he leaves the toilet seat up and you leave your hair in the drain, for instance, then you can laugh about these habits together, over local food and beer. But at other times, the getting-to-know-you process can come too quickly, at which point you may realize the relationship isn’t meant to be.
Strengthening my relationship with my boyfriend through travel. (Photo: Jessica Festa/Jessie on a Journey)
My current boyfriend, Chris, and I traveled together on our second date. Yes, you read that right: second date. While some may think that we advanced too quickly, I had zero issue asking Chris to go away to Lake Placid for the weekend. Though it’s located about eight hours from Brooklyn, where we live, I feel it was no different than asking him to coffee. Why? Travel is my life. My thinking was that if he wanted to be a part of it, he would have to understand that fact. And he did. Instead of acting like I was proposing marriage, he agreed to go away for the weekend, looking at it as a fun, carefree jaunt with a woman he was interested in.
After our getting-to-know-you trip to Lake Placid, Chris and I are still going strong! (Photo: Jessica Festa/Jessie on a Journey)
We learned a lot about each other in just three days and shared many experiences most new couples don’t have right away. We summited a high peak, savored a gourmet chef’s table dinner, and peed on the side of a highway (hey, it was a long way to the next rest stop!). By the end of the weekend, I knew I wanted to keep him around for a while based on the amount of laughter we shared. Now it’s been over a year, and we’re still together. We’ve since traveled to Guatemala andCalifornia together, and we have more shared trips to come!
Related: Notes on Dating a Non-Traveler (and How I See Love on the Road Differently Now)
I will leave you with this: Many people associate travel with ruined relationships. But you don’t need to be scared about losing your relationships because you’re going traveling. Just bring your people along! You’ll quickly learn that travel doesn’t necessarily ruin relationships; rather, it has the potential to strengthen them instead.
This article originally appeared on Yahoo Travel and is reprinted here with permission. Let Yahoo Travel inspire you every day. Hang out with us on Facebook,Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest. Watch Yahoo Travel’s new original series “A Broad Abroad.”
10 things Mexicans learn in the US
Photo: Aaron Stidwell
1. Mexican food in the US is nothing like real Mexican food.
Hard chips and shell? What is that? Ground beef in your tacos? What? Sweet salsa? Of course now you can find this at some restaurants in Mexico, but these things are not originally from Mexico. Now I like to explore Mexican food in my US travels, mostly because I find it interesting how they cook and serve “so-called Mexican food” in the US.
2. What happened to the “Puentes?”
In Mexico, it is typical to take off as long as you can on a holiday. If the holiday falls on a Thursday, then you of course take Friday off, too. What is the point of coming to work for one day? If possible, take Monday off too, because after partying too much you need the rest. Here in the US, the only Puente is on Thanksgiving weekend (my new favorite holiday) because sometimes, especially if you are in school, you can even take Wednesday off. But if the Fourth of July falls on a Thursday, tough luck, because you will be back to work on Friday, whether you have a hangover or not.
3. A hamburger is not only to be eaten on your birthday.
Growing up in Mexico I used get a hamburger on my birthday or some special event, either grilled at home or by going to an American restaurant. When I first came to the US, I learned that eating hamburgers is easily an everyday, not so unique event. Hamburgers quickly lost that special connection I had with them before.
4. When you are not used to handling US change, it can be complicated.
When I moved to the United States, my cousin had given me a bag full of coins that I knew by their monetary value, .25c, .10c, .05c and .01c., but not by name. I had a layover in the Houston airport and I was hungry, so I stopped at the nearest food shop and ordered a hot dog and a Pepsi. I couldn’t understand what the lady at the counter had told me, so I just threw a bunch of coins on the counter. She counted them and told me: “You still need a penny.” I was going crazy — “What is a penny?” The man behind me threw a penny on the counter and the problem seemed fixed. I thanked him as if he had rescued my dog from a well. I was so embarrassed later that week when someone finally explained to me the value of a penny!
This story was produced through the travel journalism programs at MatadorU. Learn More
5. The US is nowhere near as fancy as they show on television.
I moved to the South and I was expecting it to be glamorous, with shiny lights and a huge highway system. While the ones that I saw in Houston were bigger and shinier than I’ve seen before, everything was certainly not as fancy as I had expected. When I took my second plane from Houston to Little Rock, AR, the plane and the airport were smaller than the ones we have in Cancun.
6. There is more to United States than LA , NYC, Florida, and Texas.
Growing up in Mexico, all I knew about the map of USA was that Texas and Florida once were once part of Mexico, as well as California. And we definitely knew about NYC from the movies and TV.
When I first left Mexico, some acquaintances were asking me that “If you see my friend, tell her hi! She lives in California”, as if the only place to go when going to the US was LA. Not too long ago, a friend was going on a trip to Asia and had a layover in Atlanta. All my friends were desperately trying to reach me on Facebook and Whatsapp; my traveler friend wanted to hang out since he had to spend some time in Atlanta. I contacted him and said, “I live in Arkansas, and Atlanta is not exactly close.”
7. Not all of the males in the US are handsome.
Sorry if I offend anyone. But when I told my friends that I was moving to the US, they were jealous — especially my female friends. “You are going to be around all those hotties.” Sorry gals, not all of them look like Ben Affleck!
8. Where are the street vendors?
What I miss are the street vendors and the ability to walk out and buy a cup of fruit or tamales. Unless you are in NYC or Mexican Little Village, street vendors are not to be found — only fast food restaurant, and frankly, it is nowhere near the same experience.
9. People are not all nice here.
In the US, people are always on the go, and they don’t take the time to get to know the people around them. Sometimes you don’t even get to meet your neighbors, and it is difficult to get help from people that you don’t know. In Mexico it is a different story — even strangers get to be part of the family. And when you greet someone in the US, you might get a “Good morning” greeting a yard away, but in Mexico you get a real hug and one or two kisses on the cheek.
10. And, most shocking, there is no siesta!
Siesta is very important part of Mexican culture! I miss having that long lunch hour, spent having a quick lunch over a tortilla and then spending most of the time resting my eyes in a hammock or an outdoor plastic string chair.
Signs you were raised a military kid
Photo: Mandy Lackey
1. You’ve stood for the national anthem at a movie theater.
As well as during that awkward moment when you stand up just to find off-base theaters don’t play it. (I recommend playing it off as a quick stretch.)
2. You stop for Retreat and Evening Colors.
Remember cruising around a military base around 4:00-5:00 pm and everything grinding to a complete halt as “Retreat” bugled over the loudspeakers? Even cars stopped! Don’t forget Reveille at 7:30 am and Taps at around 9:00 pm.
3. High school graduation ceremonies on-base are like a military version of the NFL draft.
As many graduating brats follow in their parents’ footsteps and enlist after high school, each student’s plans to join a particular branch are greeted with a deafening chorus of “Oorahs!” “Hooahs” or “HUAs”. The shouting gets louder with each new graduate.
4. You never quite know how to answer the question, “Where are you from?
Since you’re always moving, you never really know if you should answer with where you were born, where you lived most recently, or where you’ve lived that’s most important to you. For many brats, home is often more of a feeling than a place.
5. You know firsthand how small the world really is.
Once you’ve met a brat, you never know when you’ll run into them again. Just about every brat has a story about running into an old friend or acquaintance at an airport, a different base or duty station, at a new school, or even on vacation!
6. You have an instant connection with other brats.
The similarities of growing up across the different branches of service gives us a welcome population of other brats to commiserate with, compare duty stations, and discuss the merits of each branch. *cough* Go Navy, Beat Army!
7. Your 10th birthday meant your very own ID.
Ah, the Military ID: a golden ticket to the joys of base living. At the age of ten, this magnificent card of power became yours to wield. From then on, the card never left your possession lest you lose privileges like shopping at the Base Exchange or Commissary, or worse, find yourself stuck off-base!
8. You memorized your Sponsor’s Social Security Number at a very young age.
Emblazoned upon your ID card alongside height, weight and eye color, are you and your sponsor’s social security number. I knew my dad’s SSN as early as 6 (I still remember it) and had mine memorized by 8.
9. You’ve experienced the Little America that is on-base living.
The Commissary: America’s way of thanking it’s military personnel for their hard work and service to the country. American products at competitive prices even overseas! Many bases also have partnerships with fast food chains and other restaurants to provide other comforts of home. As a spoiled teenager, being able to get my Cinnamon Toast Crunch all the way in Okinawa Japan, taught me just how great America really is.
10. You value diversity.
Something that constantly comes up in discussions between my brat friends and I is the profound impact of meeting people from so many different cultures, races, and ethnicities. For many, the military is the melting pot of America’s melting pot.
16 signs you have a Filipina mom
Photo: whereisria
1. No matter how skinny you are, she’ll always say you’re fat.
And then she’ll tell you that you never eat enough.
2. When you were little, instead of kisses, she’d smell your head.
3. As a young child, you were often made to perform a song or dance when your parents had company.
Regardless of whether you actually had any musical talent.
4. When you ask her to teach you a phrase in Tagalog, half of the words will be in English.
Because, “that’s actually how we talk over there. Nobody really speaks Tagalog.”
More like this: 10 slang phrases you'll need to know in the Phillipines
5. “Just try it” is the scariest response you can hear when you ask her what is in a dish she made.
The only thing scarier is her response when you tell her you don’t want to try it.
6. You’re probably Catholic.
Even if you know nothing about Catholicism. There is an altar or a crucifix or the Virgin Mary hiding somewhere in your house. At the very least, you’re scared of God.
7. Your mom will talk fondly and nostalgically of the Philippines.
And then, when you ask why she never goes back, she responds with, “Why would I EVER want to go back there? It’s… no.”
8. When you do go back to visit, you’ll receive a very warm welcome from fifty of your relatives.
Thirty of whom you didn’t know you were related to. And yeah, they’ll probably think you’re fat, but, by God, you’ll definitely feel loved.
9. You have a karaoke machine at home.
A good one, too.
10. Keeping track of relatives and their multiple names is sort of like keeping all the characters straight in a Russian novel.
She has several siblings and each person has three different names: their given name, some abbreviated form of the given name, and a cute nickname (“Baby” or “KitKat”) that has little or nothing in common with the first two names.
11. Conversation relies heavily on context and some psychic ability.
She’ll ask you to fetch her “the thing — you know, it’s inside the other thing on top of the tall one.” You’ll know exactly what she’s talking about.
12. There was a strict “No boyfriends until you’re 30 and only if you’re married” rule.
13. She insists that “leche” means nothing more than “milk” in Spanish.
Yet she only seems to use the word when she’s pissed off.
14. No matter what you set out to do, it’s always “dangerous.”
She’ll tell you to be safe even if it’s just staying in to watch a movie.
15. Vegetarianism within your family isn’t an option.
All that means is at dinner, instead of pork, she’ll feed you chicken.
16. She’ll urge you to visit the Philippines.
And then, when you do decide to go, she’ll try to discourage you by scaring you with all of the reasons why you’d be a giant murder / kidnapping / robbery target.
10 Filipino slang phrases to know
Photo: whereisria
FILIPINO SLANG is a constantly growing and evolving list. We have idioms that date back to our grandparents’ era, an endless compilation of witty gay lingo, expressions influenced by the Spanish and American colonization, and pop culture-referenced street slang. Here are 10 expressions to help you blend in with the locals.
1. Anak ng ___!
Meaning: Son of a ___!
Usage: To express annoyance. Just fill in the blank with any Tagalog noun, but the most common ones used by Filipinos are kamote (sweet potato), pating (shark), tokwa (tofu), teteng (no direct translation) and tinapa (smoked fish). It’s similar to the way Americans use the expression, “Son of a gun!”
Example:
“Anak ng tokwa! Natalo na naman ako.” (Son of a tofu! I lost again.)
2. Diba?
Meaning: “Right?” or “Isn’t it?”
Usage: One of the easiest expressions to learn, diba may be placed at the start or end of your question, and you may sprinkle your English sentences with diba, making it sound like you know Taglish (Tagalog-English).
Example:
In straight Tagalog: Taga dito ka, diba? (You’re from here, right?”)
In Taglish: The food tastes great, diba? Diba you’re from Manila? She’s your girlfriend, diba?
3. Susmaryosep
Meaning: A contraction of Jesus, Mary, and Joseph
Usage: As an interjection, especially when you’re angry, frustrated, or in disbelief. You may also use the shorter versions, “Sus!” and “Maryosep!”
Example:
“Niloko na naman siya ng asawa niya? Susmaryosep!” (Her husband cheated on her again? Susmaryosep!)
More like this: 16 signs you were raised by a Filipina mom
4. Hay naku!
Meaning: Hay is “sigh,” but hay naku has no direct translation. Some linguists say it comes from the phrase “Nanay ko po!” which means “Oh my mother!”
Usage: Hay naku or hay nako is best said when you want to express frustration or exasperation in the likes of “Oh my,” “Oh my gosh,” “Oh dear,” or “Uh oh!”
Example:
Your friend says, “My cellphone was stolen this morning.” Your answer: “Hay naku!”
5. Ano ba?
Meaning: Ano means “what,” while ba is an untranslatable word that Filipinos like to pepper their conversations with. “Ano ba?” is similar to the American expression, “What the?!”
Usage: When said calmly as a question, “Ano ba?” just means “What?” but when you say it as an interjection, it means you are annoyed, insulted, or frustrated at the person. For maximum effect, pronounce it this way: a-noo-bah! Other versions are: “Ano ba yan!” which literally means, “What is that,” but has the same effect as hay naku; and “Ano ka ba?” which means, “What are you?”
Example:
Your friend calls you fat. You reply with: “Ano ba!”
6. Sayang!
Meaning: As a noun, it means, “waste,” but it has other verb forms.
Usage: As an expression, it translates to, “What a waste!” because you’re frustrated over something that was lost or almost achieved.
Example:
As a verb: Huwag mong sayangin ang pera mo. (Don’t waste your money.)
As an expression: Nabuhos ko yung tasa ng kape. Sayang! (I spilled my cup of coffee. What a waste!)
7. Ganon?
Meaning: A shortcut of the Tagalog word ganoon (pronounced ga-no-on), ganon means, “like that.”
Usage: Saying “Ganon?” with an intonation of disbelief can mean, “Oh really?” or “Is that so?” A less sarcastic version is “Talaga?” To advance to a higher level of slang, try “May ganon?”
Example:
1. Your ex-boyfriend says, “Huwag na tayong mag-usap.” (Let’s not talk anymore.) Your reaction: “Ganon?”
2. Someone gives you a compliment. You reply with, “Talaga?”
8. Anyare?
Meaning: Shortcut of “Anong nangyari?” which means, “What happened?”
Usage: One of the newest Filipino slangs, anyare is a rhetorical and spunkier way of asking, “What happened?”
Example:
You finally arrive at the bar, only to find your friends already dead drunk. “Anyare?!”
More like this: 11 sure signs you're a Filipino traveler
9. Ansabe?
Meaning: Shortcut of “Anong sinabi?” which means, “What did he/she say?”
Usage: A close relative of anyare, “Ansabe?” is a rhetorical way of asking what the person just said.
Example:
Your normally cynical friend suddenly waxes poetic about a girl he’s in love with. You react with, “Ansabe?”
10. Bahala na!
Meaning: Bahala means “care” or “responsibility,” while na means “already.”
Usage: When a Filipino utters “Bahala na!” it means he/she is entrusting the uncertainty of the situation to a higher being, to nature, or fate. If you’d like to advance your level of street slang, include Batman (yes, the DC comics superhero) in the sentence, i.e. “Bahala na si Batman!” Translation: “Let Batman decide (or take charge)!” We cannot pinpoint exactly when in history Batman came into the picture, but this expression has been around for years.
Example:
1. You’re eating Filipino street food for the first time and you’re not sure if your sensitive stomach can handle it. You say, “Bahala na!”
2. Your deadline is in an hour, but you haven’t even started with the project yet. Your Filipino officemate asks you if you can handle it. You respond with, “Bahala na si Batman!”
12 signs you learnt to eat in France
Photo: Filipe Varela
1. You know there’s always bread on the table.
You always need bread during a French meal; be it for pâté, cheese, soaking up some delicious sauce from your plate, or for nibbling in between courses, there’s no way you can start eating without it. I cannot count the times I’ve had to run to the bakery just before closing time to get the last of the baguette, or, when really late, whatever’s left (usually a big pain de campagne or some strange granary concoction) just to make sure dinner would not be pain-free. The disappointment of a meal without bread can only be explained by the growling noise your stomach makes when you had – God forbid – cereals for breakfast!
2. You know the difference between “une ficelle”, “une tradition”, “une ordinaire”.
Yes, they’re all baguettes. No, they’re all different.
3. You know crêpes are not a breakfast item.
The only time you’ve eaten crêpes for breakfast was when there were some left over from dinner. And no, they were not last night’s dessert either; you can fill these tasty guys with whatever you’d like so they can constitute a wholesome and healthy meal. You also know that there’s nothing weird about melting a little butter and spreading some sugar inside one of them. If that’s good enough for the Bretons, that’s good enough for you!
4. You know something about cheese the rest of the world ignores.
The stinkier, the better!
5. You know knives are not optional.
In France, when you set the table, everyone gets a fork (on the left of the plate), a spoon (at the top, between your glass and your plate), and a knife (on the right). Contrary to what goes on in North America, in France knives are not only useful for cutting into a steak, they’re here (mostly, but not only) for pushing the food from your plate into your fork. There’s nothing more awkward than trying to get a few grains of rice or eat some long green beans than with just the use of a fork. Cutting a slice of cheese at the end of the meal and spreading on a piece of bread is not optional, so neither is the knife!
6. You know that butter is always salted and stays in the fridge.
You also know that the real deal is Paysan Breton; the kind that has large salt chunks in it.
7. You know paper napkins are not to be seen on the table.
I can still picture my mom watching the French version of “Come dine with me” and yelling at he screen: “Why on Earth would you use paper napkins?! Why?” Not only are they an environmental disaster, but, in France, nothing says “I can’t be bothered” like a paper napkin. You always use the cloth kind and put a ring around it to differentiate yours from other people’s. You must have 200 of them in the linen closet and each has they all have a matching table cloth.
8. You know that the word “dessert” does not deliver on its promise.
Although France is famous for its delicious pastries, you never expect an éclair au chocolat, a choux à la crème, or a Paris-Brest at the end of every lunch. Instead you know you’ll be disappointed with a fruit, a yogurt, or even applesauce.
9. You know very few vegetarians.
And those who dared adopt a cruelty-free diet have left the country… You can’t blame them.
10. You know that Friday night is Apéro night!
Although you wish you could have one every evening after a long day of work, l’apéro is usually a Friday night special. You get the mini-pizzas, mini-sausages, the apéricubes, and the mini-Boursins out and pour yourself the first of a series of good, refreshing kirs.
11. You know who makes the best saucisson.
Justin Bridou, that’s who!
12. You always have a box of Nesquick handy.
When you want to feel like a child again, you put two tablespoons of Nesquick at the bottom of a breakfast bowl, heat up some milk on the stove, and remove the cream layer that looks like wrinkled skin before mixing both. That’s what you had for breakfast for the first 15 years of your life and nothing beats a comforting hot cocoa. Forget Ovomaltine, even though “c’est d’la dynamite”, it does not hold a candle to the content of the yellow box.
15 American habits I lost in Vietnam
Photo: Khánh Hmoong
1. Starbucks has been ruined for you forever.
You’re back home now, and there’s 15 people in front of you at your local Starbucks. You wish they would start up a simple “brewed coffee” line, but other than that it’s no bother. Why? You remember the days of getting handed a cà phê sữa đá and waiting for the water to drip through the coffee grounds into the condensed milk. The days when the “phin” was more often than not half clogged, when you thought you had to use your fingers to press the water through and half of it ended up on the table. The days when you were left with about two teaspoons of coffee after all was said and done. But that was okay, because you worked for it, you waited for it, and it was some of the best coffee you ever tasted.
And now your coffee is simply a caffeine delivery mechanism, instead of a hands-on, Dirty-Jobs, good-things-come-to-those-who-wait experience. Sigh. But hey, at least it’s $4 and you get to wait in line.
2. Climate controlled box, let me out!
You’ve spent years zig-zagging through traffic, inching through too-small alleyways, regrettably cutting off those not as clever as you on the sidewalk, and doing so all while the wind is blowing through your foreign tresses and exhaust pipes are warming your feet. Driving in ‘Nam is a series of smells that fade one into the other that landmark your trip: turn left at the stench of durian, right at the pile of urine-soaked gravel, and turn into the alleyway covered in smoke from the fresh grilling pork. The sounds are a loud cacophony of blaring horns, horrendous techno pop from street side shops, and the clanking of nearby vendors working dawn to dusk.
And now you’re in this climate-controlled box with a GPS guiding you instead of smells, four wheels beneath you creeping along the highway to the melodies of Katy Perry between advertisements. Your 2-ton vehicle ain’t weaving through rush hour traffic and that sidewalk is just a tease.
More like this:
3. You cross your fingers every time you walk into a bathroom.
Talk about a literal and figurative crap shoot: “The Bathrooms of Viet Nam” could be a best-selling novel with chapters ranging from those that make you cry out of pure disgust, those that make you praise the heavens with pure ecstasy, and those that, well, you just have to get through this once and then never again. If there were a pill where you could poop for a whole day and not again for an entire year, expats in Nam might be some of the first takers. After all, every one of them knows the answer to this question: what’s your favorite bathroom in the entire country?
4. You’re pissed you can’t figure out how to politely summon a waiter.
If there’s one thing every other culture needs to take from Vietnam, it’s “Em ơi!” With these two Yiddish-sounding syllables, service comes a-running. It roughly equates to, “You young person, excuse me, over here!”, only it’s totally acceptable, expected, and works just about every time. Now you’re sitting at a Chili’s and all you can think of to do is snap your fingers at the waitress across the room…and that doesn’t go over too well. How the heck are you supposed to get a refill around here?!
5. You’re back in America now, and you forgot that words like “crapweasel” are understood again by others.
You caught someone looking at you, and instead of bashfully looking away, you inadvertently started staring back just to make a point. There is none, and now it’s been five seconds and you look slightly psychotic — and that’s not even including the words you unconsciously muttered under your breath. Whoops. You remember now that your skin tone isn’t all that remarkable…is there something in your teeth?!
6. You’ve become a cheap bastard.
“You want HOW MUCH for this turkey club sandwich?!” you tell the waitress at your favorite lunch spot. “11 DOLLARS? How ‘bout I give you $2.50 and we both leave here happy, okay?”
…Or that’s what you’re thinking in your head, at least.
7. This flan is wayyyy too sweet.
Back in the day, you could school a few cupcakes in one sitting. “Death by Chocolate” and “Triple Chocolate Meltdowns” were your Tuesdays circa 11 AM. You’d never met a bakery you didn’t like and your scone-making skills were pretty top drawer. But you’ve been in ‘Nam too long and would someone please invent a low-sugar version of this flan? Maybe a more savory version of this sticky rice? Yowzah.
Your sweet tooth is 100% gone and now when you’re depressed, you don’t know what to do with your hands. Just hold the pint of ice cream? Hmm.
More like this: 14 American habits I lost in Vietnam
8. You’re always on the lookout for potential line-cutters.
If hell exists and there’s one group of people that are for sure, definitely, positively, absolutely going there, it’s line-cutters. They fill your veins with vitriol, tense up your muscles, and have somehow improved your Spidey sense. You can feel them coming from yards away, and you know exactly how to cut them off in their tracks. Nope, sorry, middle-aged, frowny-faced woman. You’ve been caught. The line ends back there. Is your time more precious than everyone else’s? Nope, not one bit. By the way, here’s your ticket to the 9th circle of hell — happy travels being buried under feet and feet of ice.
9. You stopped noticing people peeing on the street.
I mean, you get why it’s not a thing back home, but you sometimes wish it were, because, man, that would be super convenient. At first it kind of appalled you, but now it’s all blended in with the honking and the pajamas and the smoking and the men with their bellies hanging out. One time you saw a baby being lifted into mid-air while doing his business on the sidewalk and you thought to yourself, “Wow, I’ve been doing it all wrong this whole time!”
We’re all humans and it’s all gotta happen somehow, but a floating toilet sure sounds like a solid business idea. ‘Nam sure would be a good test market, don’t you think?
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