Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 5

Fourth Grader Ruins My "Harry Potter" Reading

Earlier this week I take my sixteen year old to her orthodontist. I'm happy because it gives me an excuse to read (finally reading the Harry Potter series and book five is 850 pages). You know, a doctor's office: tranquil, quiet.

On this day, the place was packed. It's an orthodontist for kids. So, there's a Pac-Man game in the office, coloring books, and a PSP or a Playstation or an Xbox (I'm pretty sure it was not an Atari) to keep the kids entertained while they wait to be called in the back.

I'm sitting there reading about Ron Weasley and his awkwardness but there's this boy, maybe nine years old, literally yelling while he's playing an Indiana Jones Lego game. He's standing up and jumping about and yelling at the screen. Now, I'm not ticked off at the kid. I get it; he's totally engrossed in the game, and he's probably worked his way up to this level of craziness.

I'm guessing a parent will stifle him or someone who works at the reception desk will kindly remind him about noise level and respecting others. So, I read holding the book in my left hand and the index finger of my right hand stuffed into my ear hole to help reduce the distraction.

But, no one ever approaches the child. Guess the parent is in the back and doesn't realize their kid has become the spectacle of the office, I suppose. Maybe this Indiana Jones loving fourth grader has a sibling getting braces and Mom's gone back there to hold her hand.

So, I bear with it, trying to focus on Dumbledore and his beard with one of my head holes plugged, when the orthodontist emerges and comes to the woman sitting right behind me (so I can't see her). Doc says something, I don't know what because I'm reading about Harry's scar burning once again, when I hear mom respond. Then, Doc says, "Looks like he's really enjoying the game."

He's talking about the crazy yelling boy! Mom chuckles and tells the doctor, "Feel free to pull him into the back. He really gets into video games."

What!? She was there the whole time? She just sat there in a room full of people as her son yelled and jumped up and down and made a spectacle of himself? 

Look, that's fine (I guess) if that's the way she runs things at home. If her Baby Boy is allowed to fill the entire air space in their home, then that's her prerogative (but, then it also teaches Junior that there are no limits; so he'll probably struggle with boundaries at school, at birthday parties, at church, etc...), but when her odd-ball-parenting encroaches on my Harry Potter reading time, it's time to step in.

I was just shocked that Mom was actually in the room the entire time and said nothing to her son, "Keep it down, Anthony," or "You're a bit too loud." Nope, nuthin'.

If you are that mom from Monday morning at the orthodontist office, just so you know, I had to go back home and reread those pages, time I'll never get back. Very Voldemorty of you! Parent your kids, if not for them, for the rest of us.

image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.mzacha

Jumping on The Next Big Thing

I think kids learning business skills is an important area that is often neglected in pre-college public education. When I was a kid, I was always fascinated with entrepreneurship. I started a number of businesses before I reached high school: buying candy after school and selling it for twice as much the next day on campus, cornering the market on flea market Chinese Yo-yos and reselling them at a 1,000% mark-up, winning stuffed animals easily via a flaw at a local amusement park then selling them to dad's who couldn't win prizes for their kids.

I brought the passion of business to my daughters when I became a father. We'd watch Shark Tank every week and learn about venture capitalists, giving up equity, margins and more. When my oldest was eight, she started her first semi-successful business which she ran for about five years. My youngest started her first business when she was five. It was a flop, but by the time she was eight, she'd hit upon a winner, and has been running an incredibly successful business for over three years.

The older one has taken what she's learned and rolled that over into a YouTube channel that she runs like a business. She's sixteen now, and quite fortunate because her school offers a special three-year program for those who qualify, called The Entrepreneurship Academy.

In the classroom I teach my third grade students the basics of creating and starting a business at the end of the school year. They learn about their market, promotion, initial investment, being in the black and the red and more. 

Why do I find these skills, vocabulary and awareness so crucial for our children? Because for many, these will give them the upper hand later in life. Also, because the job market has shifted so drastically in the last ten years, young people can't always rely on going to college, getting a degree, then getting hired for a job. More than ever, young people need to create their own opportunities, and more than ever, there are more ways to accomplish this than there have been in the history of mankind.

What can you do as a parent to help facilitate these entrepreneurial opportunities for your children in a way that is fun and educational? Well, I just found out that there's a new game called "The Next Big Thing" that does just this. Here's how the creators explain The Next Big Thing:

Go through the journey of being an entrepreneur, from beginning to end, including all the ups and downs, significant events, investments, an accelerator, pivots, and near bankrupt experiences, all from the safety of an awesome board game, that you'll want to play with all of your friends and family. 

Now, mind you, it's not really for grade-schoolers. The creators recommend it for twelve-year olds and up, but it sounds like a great way to have a family game night and get your preteens and teenagers interested in business.

Right now the game is in the KickStarter phase. Bummer, because that means we'll have to wait for it. Yet, it also means we have the opportunity to get involved on the ground floor and be the first to get our hands on it. 

​If this is something you are drawn to, you definitely need to check it out. If you want to back the project some of the benefits include receiving first prints of the game, a private game party with the creators, dinner with the inventors of the game, meetings or Skype with actual venture capitalists, or be a part of the game itself. 

I love the idea of the game. All kids should be exposed to something like this. And, if you have a little entrepreneur at home, there are some great perks for funding this campaign that would make great gifts for him/her. And, who knows, maybe they'll be "the next big thing."


​image courtesy of backercamp.com

The Chauffeur Dad

I think I've mentioned it before, but one of my daughters, Riley, is sixteen, and she's still not driving. 

I remember when I was fifteen. I did all I could to be ready to go when I came of age to get my little hands on my learner's permit, I think at age fifteen and a half. Then, for the next six months I was doing all I could to speed up time (kind of like Bobby Brady trying to make himself taller) so that I could become sixteen and get my driver's license.

Therefore, I assumed Riley would be the same way. Apparently, sometime between Madonna's heyday and Adele becoming the queen of iTunes, teens stopped longing to drive. I saw it with my little brother. He's twenty-one years my junior, and he didn't get his license until his twenties. I assumed he was just a freak of nature, but no. 

Of Riley's friends, only one drives. So, I'm trying to figure out why, and I'm guessing maybe it has to do with smart phones. See, back in my teen days, we got in cars so we could be together, and hang out. Today, teens are hanging out on their phones, on their SnapChat, on their Vine, on their Instagram. They can access one another instantly via text and FaceTime. So, really, they don't need to get into a car to hang out like we did a million years ago.

Thing is, Riley and her girlfriends do like to spend time together doing things that their iPhones don't allow, like watching sunsets, going rock climbing, and eating Mexican food. That's where me and my wife and all of Riley's friends' parents come in. We have become their personal Uber Drivers.

Riley is constantly asking to be dropped off at this friend's house or picked up from some store. And, to be quite honest, it can be a pain. I come home from a long day of work. I take a shower, put on my pajama pants, a t-shirt and my slippers, and suddenly I get a text asking if I can pick up my teen and three of her friends from Chipotle and take them to Cara's house for a sleepover.

I gotta put on some real shoes, a pullover, and put Survivor on pause. Yes, I could have her taking the bus, but to be perfectly honest, I'd prefer knowing who their traveling with and it allows me to stay in touch with her and her friends.

Part of me wants her to get that license and allow me to watch Jeff Probst knowing I won't have to go out again. But, there's that part of me that's pleased that Riley's not driving yet, the part that knows she's safe on the road because I'm driving her and her friends, the part that always knows where she is because she relies on a parent to get her where she wants to go.

Am I proud of this? No. I'm the guy pushing Safety-Net Parenting, and I sound more like a Helicopter Dad, but at least I'm honest. I know she will drive one day. I am not holding her back, but I embrace the fact that she still needs her old man for some things, that I can at least see her when I'm shuttling her about, and that I can keep tabs on who her friends are.

image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/jkt_de

Teaching The Lesson After The "Teachable Moment"

If you are like me, you want to teach your kid during the "teachable moment." My daughter leaves her bike overnight at her school, then asks us to pick it up the next morning to find the forty dollar wheels have been stolen. I tell her, "So next time you need to remember to be responsible with your bike and take it home each day."

Her sister leaves her swimsuit in her beach bag a week after going to the beach only to find it wrinkled, moldy and smelly. So, I tell her that she needs to be aware of her belongings and to use this experience to help her avoid this from happening in the future.

Funny thing is, when I try to use their mistake as a moment for learning, they are defensive and argumentative and seem not to learn squat from their mistakes. You'd think that this would be the best time to learn a valuable life lesson, right?... No, it has taken me fifteen years to figure this out. Kids don't learn when they are distressed and frustrated.

Who in the world can think logically when they're ticked off? It's tough enough for adults, but for kids, it's nearly impossible. 

So, I've known this for awhile, but the truth is I rarely implement this, because one, I'm afraid I'll forget to talk to my girls about this later when they can listen without emotion, and two, it feels like it won't be affective once the moment has gone.

Yet, I finally tried it this week. My oldest, Riley, sixteen years old, was freaking out yesterday morning. "I can't print the articles I need for my paper that's due today," she freaked at me. The website was down, she couldn't find them anywhere else, and we had no paper form the paper (had she found the articles). I tried to help for a couple of minutes, but I had to make breakfast for the family, get dressed, and get to work on time.

Naturally, I wanted to give her a little lesson on not waiting until the last moment, and to prepare herself ahead of time. But, I knew that would stress her out more. She didn't need that. Therefore, I waited and let her figure it out and we talked later that night at home once the intensity of the moment was behind her.

As expected, she was a lot more receptive to my advice once the moment was behind her. I have to remember this technique. Although my heart and gut tell me to teach the lesson at the moment, my mind must win out and remind me to wait until the dust settles so that the lesson has meaning and she can see the big picture.


image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/giulian

The "Junk Candy" Trick & Less Halloween Sweets for Your Kid

So, if you ask my friends, most would probably tell you that they think I'm a health nut. I exercise six times a week. I try to eat chicken rather than red meat. I rarely drink. And, I avoid sweets and junk food as much as I can tolerate.

The truth is, this is my version of a mid-life crisis: no hair plugs, no sports car, and no mistress. Instead, I try to keep my body as young as possible. But, I really do struggle with sweets. I love me some cookies and ice cream, can't say "no" to key lime pie, and I love candy, especially Peanut M&M's and Reese's Cups. 

So, when parents say that their kids should not have and Halloween candy I get where they are coming from, but I also understand the kids' points of view. If your kids already don't eat any sweets or you have an understanding that works for your family, so be it. But, the majority of kids don't have a "no sweets' life. 

So, what can we do to make sure our kids aren't gorging on Twizzlers, Candy Corn, and Smarties this Halloween (and the two weeks that follow)? 

In my family we have always used the "junk candy" method. You know what the junk candy is (and so does your kid). It's the candy in their Halloween bag that they leave for the end. Unlike adults who sometimes save the best for last, kids save the junk candy for last. It's the candy that they move aside when looking for another Kit Kat, Crunch Bar, or Snickers. And, when none of them are found, they say, "I guess I'll have one of these butterscotch hard candies instead."

And, that's why it's junk candy, because they will eat it even though they don't really want it. We've taught our girls that eating a little of the "good stuff" is fine every now and then, but there's no point to eat the junk. It doesn't help our teeth, our bodies, our brain chemistry, and it adds to the addiction of sugar.

Therefore, on Halloween night, while the piles of candy are still titanic, we have our girls dump out the candy and put them into two piles "Junk" and "Not Junk". The good stuff stays in the house and the junk is brought to a local dentist the following week who will buy the candy for two bucks a pound and send it to our troops overseas (find your own local buy back here). 

Here's the kicker, because my girls had less candy than they would had they kept it all, they ended up relishing what they did have and eating a little here and there (knowing we would not be buying candy for our home the rest of the year. As a result, when "the dumping of the bags" (as we called it) occurred on Halloween Night, there would still be some candy from the year before, and we'd get rid of this as well.

Everyone wins: kids get some candy as well as a few bucks, they save their teeth and bodies and brains, the dentist is happy because he's filling less cavities, and the troops get a sweet care package.


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image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/cohdra

Communicating With My Teen Via a Wig, Halloween and Her Passion

I've got a sixteen year old daughter, Riley. She's a good kid: hangs out with a great circle of friends, gets terrific grades, doesn't drink, swear or take drugs (as far as her mother and I know). But, she's still sixteen. And, if you have a teen, you know that means you get a fraction of the attention you got just a few years ago.

Riley is in her room most of the time, and when she's not, she's got her nose buried in her phone. I can always tell when she wants something, because she actually approaches me or my wife. Otherwise, she's quite aloof.

When I ask her a question or try to find out about her day, she responds with as little effort as possible. Just a year and a half ago if I asked her how her day went, she'd respond with, "It was fine." Last year she started counting words and would respond, "Okay." Six months ago, she was down to syllables, "Good." Today, she just nods her head up... as if a nod up even answers the question, but she's figured out how to respond with even less effort.

But, here's where my story gets interesting. I needed help styling my wig for this year's Halloween costume. I'm going as a superhero with very specific hair. I ordered a special wig for this hero, and it came smashed in its package, and the wig looked like a pair of weasels nesting upon my head when I put it on.

Riley is all about make-up, hair and fashion. So, last weekend I asked her if she would help reshape my wig in preparation for Halloween. She said she would, and it was a magical time. I must have been in her room for a good 20 to 30 minutes. She brushed, hair sprayed, gelled, and snipped at my $16.99 faux locks, and we talked. We actually talked. 

Riley struggled because the wig was in pretty bad shape. She was frustrated because she couldn't get it to do what she wanted, but this was her wheelhouse. Although she was unable to do what she wanted, she was "unable" in her area of expertise, her passion: hair styling. 

I was able to find our common ground, ground where she put effort into communicating with me, ground where she didn't mind having me around. 

Teens can be tough, but they still have passions. If we can tap into these passions as parents, we can stay connected to these creatures who are making this transition from childhood to adulthood... with as little effort as possible (them, not us).

It May Not Be Your Kid's Fault, But Don't Go Blaming Someone Else

I think too many parents are looking to blame someone for difficulties their kids may be having: academically, socially, athletically, whatever. Sometimes, you need to put the blame on your kid, and other times there's really no one to blame.

I have a daughter who is highly emotional. When she was in preschool and early elementary school, she would get upset at the smallest of things. She cried so easily. She blew things way out of proportion. For example, there was one morning she was freaking out because her waffle pieces had been cut too small. Tears for ten minutes. By the time she was ready to eat, the syrup had soaked into her waffles making them soggy. Ten more minutes of tears!

One morning in kindergarten she cried from her room, "I have no clothes to wear!" only to find her standing in front of her full closet staring at dozens of garments of clothing.

She would sit down in front of her classroom before school and refuse to play with the other kids, and become weepy if things didn't go just right. As a result, kids didn't particularly choose to play with her much, and by the time she started to grow out of this, her last couple years in elementary school, the damage had been done. By her peers she was already seen as the emotional girl who was unstable and cried all the time, although she had outgrown it.

So, she has struggled rebuilding her social connections. 

I know how cool a kid she has become (and believe me, I knew why kids avoided her those early years, as well), and how much fun she is to be around now. I certainly wish more of her peers would give her a chance now, but I can't blame them. I can't. 

It would be easy to say that their parents have raised mean little girls that are not accepting, but that's unfair. I could blame the school for not making other kids play with my girl, but that's not what schools are for. I could even blame my daughter for creating this reality for herself, and I did for awhile, until I realized she really didn't have control over it. 

She didn't want to push kids away. She didn't want to cry eight times a day. She didn't want to have difficulty eating breakfast or picking out her clothes. It was what Nature gave her. It was her chemical make up. She has OCD and anxiety issues.

Yes, I want my kid to have a wider and closer circle of friends, but she doesn't and I can't blame others when this issue came from her. Do I wish kids would give her another chance? Sure. 

But, I write this today because sometimes when our kids are having trouble with peers at school or are doing poorly academically or can't perform well in a sport, it may not be the fault of the other kids, their parents, the teacher or the coach. Sometimes it's just who our kids are.

Maybe our job is to focus on them instead of blaming others. Are they knuckleheads, lazy, slackers, mean or are they trying, but this is just who they are? Because, not everyone is a social butterfly, a genius or an athlete. So, instead of blaming others for our children's deficiencies, we need to accept who they are, light a fire under their butts, or support them along the way.

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image courtesy of ©iStockphoto.com/GlobalStock

Giving Your Kid The Cold Shoulder

I've got two daughters, 11 and 16. They are incredible in so many ways, but the sixteen-year old, Riley, is cocooning. So, she's changing, going from caterpillar to butterfly, and it ain't always pretty. I was just watching this video a few days ago, and fact number three ("Teens are wired to be more self-centered") struck a chord. Riley really is self-centered right now, and I don't mean that in the way that she's a selfish brat. I mean it in the way that it's hard for her to step outside of herself and see the world from another's perspective, especially if that someone is part of her immediate family. So, it was a nice reminder that this is normal, and it won't last forever.

But, my beef is in the fact that she can be incredibly disrespectful to family members. She'll respond to a question I pose by walking away, no eye-contact, while she sort of mumbles a response under her breath. Just the other day, her little sister, Grace, knocked on her door, and Riley, stuck her head out the cracked door and firmly responded, "What?!" This is not the way we have raised our daughters.

I love Riley to death, but she's become so rude. She treats me, as well as her sister, with disrespect. If she weren't my daughter I wouldn't waste any energy on her. If someone was consistently rude to me, and treated her or her sister the way she treats Grace, I would move on...but I know who she is beneath that teen exterior. I know who she was and her she is at her core. 

She may be self-centered because of the make up of her brain, but she doesn't have to be disrespectful. So, I decided to let her see what it's like when you are mean to people; I didn't punish or ground her. Instead, I decided to treat her the way I would were she not my daughter...for a week. I sat her down and explained that I didn't like the disrespect she'd been exhibiting, and told her in no uncertain terms that I'd be giving her the cold shoulder for the next seven days.

It's been hard. I haven't gone out of my way to make small talk. I will talk with her when she initiates it, and I am not rude or cold. When she asks for a ride, though, I don't give it unless it's convenient for me. And, I have seen a change in her. My gut told me to drop the whole cold-shoulder act sooner than a week because my girl is back, but I have decided to hold on until the seven days are up. 

I want Riley to see that her actions and lack of respect can lose her opportunities and that she can't just kiss up for a day to get what she wants. My hope is that after a week of respect, it will remind her of who she used to be, and maybe become a bit more habitual.

Do you think this is a good idea? Am I being too tough? 



image courtesy of ©MorgueFile.com/Jusben

Our Kids Are Not Pets (Though Some Act Like Animals)

I don't remember what store I was at the other day when I saw a mom holding her (maybe six-year old) son by the wrist. You might not think anything of it, but first, she wasn't holding his hand. It was his wrist. Second, she was holding it above his head. And, finally, he didn't seem to think it odd, as if this had occurred a thousand times before in his lifetime.

Why does this intrigue me, because it reminded me of those parents who put their kids in harnesses and attach a leash to them like I do when I walk my dog. If you are one of these parents, hopefully you will not take a offense to what I am writing here. There are times when these leashes are necessary. Some children have special needs and it's integral for them to have a little bit of independence while allowing their parents the freedom of not having to carry them everywhere or hold them by their wrists above their heads.

But, to be honest, there are a lot of parents who use this leash method (or the wrist thing) as a way to control their child instead of just teaching them what's acceptable. 

This kid with the wrist had obviously been in this position before. Being a first grader he was old enough to know what was appropriate and what wasn't. We as parents, need to teach our kids what's expected, then give them a shot to prove to us that we can rely on them to do it. And, if they don't we remove them from the store or the playground or Disneyland, and they no longer get the opportunity to run around there. We take them back home or to the car or to the hotel room and explain to them (once they've calmed down) why they were removed from the situation, and we don't take them back once they promise they'll listen and "be good", no matter how much they beg.

That's how they learn, not with a leash or with a wrist-grab. Doing that just tells them that Mom or Dad are in control and don't trust me. Once I am released, I will run away again because my only consequence are some harsh words and being tethered again. But I still get to be at the store or the playground or Disneyland.


I already can foresee that I will get a few stink-eyes when it comes to this post. Parents will tell me that their situation doesn't fall into the above categories or that I don't understand, that their circumstances are more severe. And, they may very well be right. There probably are some times when the leash is appropriate. I know that if you have told your child seven times to return to you in the grocery store and they run away from you down aisle three instead, that you may grab their wrist out of frustration. But, the majority of these situations are about controlling our children, instead of teaching them to control themselves.

This is what Safety-Net Parents want...to raise children who can self-monitor so that when they are in situations when Mom or Dad are not around, they will make appropriate choices based on the opportunities they were given early on. 


Image courtesy of MorgueFile.com/zabmo

Cool Kick Starter if Your Kid Likes Comics, Superheroes and Business

Here's an opportunity for you two kill two birds with one incredible stone. As the parent of two entrepreneurial daughters, I'm always trying to find new ways to keep them excited about their business ideas (bird number one). 

Also, my wife and I are often looking for creative gifts for the girls. We have gotten past giving "stuff" and have been trying to find more experiences and one-of-a-kind gifts for them.

There are these guys who run a cool website, YourComicStory.com, where they make custom comic books for birthdays, anniversaries, wedding invitations and more. You create the story and send them the pics and they create your comic. Creative gift, right?

Well, get this. If your kid has that entrepreneurial spirit, these same guys have started a KickStarter campaign for an educational comic book for business-minded kids, called "My First Startup", and I can't wait for it to be available for young people. Please check it out so you can see what they've conjured up. 

It's not available just yet. They are about halfway to their KickStarter goal. If you like what you see, consider contributing to their campaign. And, this is where the "killing two birds" part comes in. Not only will you help get this comic book off the ground that can help thousands of children reach their startup potentials, but depending upon the amount you contribute, you can grab some incredible one-of-a-kind gifts for your entrepreneurial kid (bird number two):

• an entrepreneurial toolkit including services from partners like Shopify, Instapage and Shippo
• a fifteen-minute Skype call with the creators of the comic
• a professional comic book style super hero poster of your child
• a lunch meeting for your young business person with an entrepreneur
• a made-from-scratch comic book that you and your youngster can help create
• having your child as one of the characters in the final "My First Startup" comic


If your kid loves business, if your kid is drawn to comics and superheroes, and if you are looking for unique gifts, check out this campaign and consider making this idea into a reality. 


Image courtesy of David Kieve (YourComicStory.com)