Douglas Hackle's Blog, page 8
July 31, 2016
Coming soon...
From the back cover:
Ever since he was a young orphan, Hansel Higginzshire’s dream has been to break the long-held Guinness World Record for hottest gay man ever killed in a shark attack.
Big Problem #1: Hansel is not hot. At least not in the classical sense. In fact, the deformed man’s head is the size of a wrecking ball.
Big Problem #2: Hansel digs chicks, not dudes.
Still, that shouldn’t stop a big-headed mofo from dreaming big, no??
But if those obstacles weren’t enough to impede Hansel’s path to Guinness World Record greatness, he finds himself wanted for murder. Now on the lam, his situation pretty hopeless, Hansel agrees to die a horrible death in a snuff film for just few measly bucks.
But perhaps the misfit companions Hansel meets on his westward cross-country trek to Hollywood—Rosebud (the drunken, down-on-its-luck, former actor, and sentient sled from Citizen Kane); a living, talking amputated arm that once belonged to a famous rock drummer; and a geeky keytar player born with a small polar bear head instead of a human head—can convince Hansel to follow his dreams again and attempt to become . . .
THE HOTTEST GAY MAN EVER KILLED IN A SHARK ATTACK!
(By the way, yo mama is a character in this book. Yeah. For real. Sorry.)
“Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today.” —Bradley Sands, author of Dodgeball High
“Douglas Hackle is a 100% certified
February 9, 2016
Two Free Review Copies of the Bizarro Starter Kit (Red)
October 2, 2015
My Story “Not That It Matters, but the War of 1812 Was Kinda Hawt” is up at the Kafka Review
What’s the longest you ever let your lunchbox grow??
My latest short, “Not That It Matters, but the War of 1812 Was Kinda Hawt,” is up at the Kafka Review. Log line: After shaving his ample beard and getting his long hair snipped off, a worker bee in a cubicle farm decides to grow his lunchbox long. And for better or worse, Freddy, Jason, Alien, and Predator all make cameo appearances in this one. Special thanks to Laurance Friend for publishing one of my dumbest stories to date.
September 3, 2015
My new story, “Got Me a Date with an Uptown Girl,” is up…
My latest short, “Got Me a Date with an Uptown Girl,” is up at three minute plastic, a webzine for bizarro and dark humor stories. The story received Editor’s Pick for the issue, earning me a handy five-spot. The issue also includes stuff from Zoltán Komor, Nathan Wunner, and Joseph Patchen.
August 2, 2015
The Trillionaire Tater Tots Caused Me Gay (and One of Them is Juggalo!)
My good friend and writing protégé, the lovely Ms. Dougliette Juliette, just published her debut bizarro erotica story: THE TRILLIONAIRE TATER TOTS CAUSED ME GAY (AND ONE OF THEM IS JUGGALO!). The story is now available on Amazon for the Kindle.
Synopsis:
Ever since he was a child living in Eastern Europe, Vladislav’s favorite food has been tater tots with ketchup. But as an adult recently immigrated to the USA, Vladislav finds himself in a changed world, a world where tater tots have magically come to life to take over the global economy, a world where selling, cooking, and eating tater tots is strictly forbidden. To make matters worse, the harsh reality of toiling his days away as a slaughterhouse wage slave while being rejected by sexy American ladies is not anything like the perfect, opportunity-rich America depicted in those shiny brochures Vladislav pored over back in his wretched homeland.
However, if Vladislav could just eat his favorite food again, then maybe his life wouldn’t be so damn miserable. But if he decides to break the law and cook himself up some tater tots, Vladislav just might discover the tater tots are hungrier for him than he is for them . . .
The debut erotic tale from Dougliette Juliette is a 5,600-word story featuring HOT man-on-tater tot action!
July 16, 2015
The Four Gentlemen of the Apocalypse is Now Available
The Four Gentlemen of the Apocalypse, the first release from Strange Edge Publications, is now available for purchase on Amazon. This ebook collects four novelettes written by Dustin Reade, G Arthur Brown, S.T. Cartledge, and yours truly. My contribution is a story called “The Ballad of TERROR TINY TIM.” At just under 15,000 words, TERROR TINY TIM straddles the line between novelette and novella; it’s the longest piece of fiction I’ve had published to date, and sort of marks my long-form debut, if you will. [Will you?] Here’s the synopsis for TERROR TINY TIM included on the Amazon page:
In an absurd world where the letter “r” has yet to be discovered, something evil is said to lurk behind a locked door in a suburban sex dungeon where a kidnapped father and an incestuous bigamist named You-Don’t-Have-To-Be-Lonely-At-Farmers-Only-Dot-Com find themselves imprisoned for life.
If I had to further describe the novelette, I might say it’s sort of an absurdly comedic bizarro nightmare about the responsibilities of parenthood. Something like that. Also, as Danger Slater put it, “The Ballad of TERROR TINY TIM is like the Bad News Bears meets…Deliverance meets…A Christmas Carol? I don’t even know.” And other folks, namely Brian Allen Carr, Matthew Revert, and Jason Wayne Allen, had some nice things to say about the collection as a whole too.
Click on the pic for the Amazon link.
July 12, 2015
The Four Gentlemen of the Apocalypse Draws Some Advance Buzz.
Huh, never hit this here “Reblog” button before. Let’s see if it works…
Originally posted on The Strange Edge Magazine:
In just a few days the first official Strange Edge Publications e-book makes it debut. It’s an anthology featuring four novelettes by the authors Douglas Hackle (Wonderland Book Award-nominated author of Clown Tear Junkies), Dustin Reade (author of Grambo andWe’re Decomposing as We Go…), G. Arthur Brown (the smug, crass bastard who publishes his own work in anthologies that his own press releases and author of Kitten and I Like Turtles), and S.T. Cartlege (author of House Hunter and Day of the Milkman).
Brian Allen Carr, Wonderland Book Award-winning author of Motherfucking Sharks and The Last Horror Novel in the History of the World, carefully crafted these 35 words on the topic:
In the tradition of Three Cases of Murder, this four sided apocalypse hymn will set your nerves to dizzy. The Strange Edge has brewed up something wicked, tasty. Drink…
View original 480 more words
June 5, 2015
The Bizarro Starter Kit [Red] is Now Out!
As the popularity of bizarro fiction continues to grow, so does the number of talented people working in the genre. For that reason, I am especially honored to have my work featured in the newest Bizarro Starter Kit, which is now available for purchase on Amazon.
I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again here: I can think of a whole slew of writers who might have deserved my spot in this collection more than I did. In fact, after I was informed late last year that I’d been selected for inclusion in the book, part of me didn’t believe it was true. Part of me thought it was a cruel joke, that one day I’d answer a knock at my front door to discover the entire bizarro fiction community—perhaps led by Carlton Mellick III, Rose O’Keefe, and Bradley Sands—standing out on my front lawn laughing, taunting, jeering, and pointing at me. “Hahaha! Did you really think you were actually going to be included in a Bizarro Starter Kit, Douglas??” someone would spit-shout. “Hahaha! What a fool you are, Douglas! Time to die, asshole!!” they’d chant. Then the bloodthirsty mob would beat me down to a pulpy pile of blood and guts and bone and skin and shit and chyme and chyle and tears.
But that didn’t happen! Yay, yo!
Anyway, here’s from the back cover:
“There’s a new genre rising from the underground. Its name: BIZARRO. For years, readers have been asking for a category of fiction dedicated to the weird, crazy, cult side of storytelling that has become a staple in the film industry (with directors such as David Lynch, Takashi Miike, Tim Burton, and Lloyd Kaufman) but has been largely ignored in the literary world, until now. The Bizarro Starter Kit features short novels and story collections by ten of the leading authors in the bizarro genre: Brian Allen Carr, Violet LeVoit, David W. Barbee, Shane McKenzie, J. David Osborne, Kirsten Alene, Robert Devereaux, Douglas Hackle, Eric Hendrixson, and Nick Antosca.”
My contribution to the Kit consists of two stories from my collection, Clown Tear Junkies, along with three new stories titled “The Many Bad Habits of My Main Man Klin-Klat, a.k.a. the Tap Dance Kid,” “TERROR SARDINES in TERROR SAUCE,” and “The Bored Ouija Board.” Check it out!
May 29, 2015
February 1, 2015
New Audio Interview
My Interview on Emergence
