Douglas Hackle's Blog, page 11

Breaking Brony: Ep. 8 – “Bruggalo”

If you caught episode 7, you already know the United Bronies of Ohio (UBO) rejected my application to become a real, honest-to-goodness, UBO-recognized brony. In the postscript to the rejection notice they sent me, they sarcastically suggested I join the juggalos instead. Problem is I already tried to join the juggalos last year and they rejected me too!

Man, yo f*ck ALL dem hoes! I’ll just be a goddamn bruggalo. A bruggalo is a cross between a brony and juggalo. Notice that the hand signs I’m throwin' are shaped like a certain lovable animal (hint: Pinkie Pie is super-cute!!)

Breaking Brony: Ep. 7 – “Man, Fuck!”

Dear Mr. Hackle:

We, the United Bronies of Ohio (UBO), regret to inform you that we have REJECTED your request to become an official, UBO-recognized brony. For one, you did not pass the multiple choice admission test that was included as part of your online application. In fact, you failed to get even one answer right out of 100. This indicates to us that you know NOTHING about the history of My Little Pony toys, the four generations of My Little Pony media adaptations, or anything else about brony culture.

Also, Mr. Hackle, real bronies don’t tape their ponies to their faces and tie them to their ears. As such, we strongly suspect your application to become one of us was made as some sort of a prank, that you are likely a HATER, and that you only wish to make fun of us. Also, we strongly suspect you are a clopper.

Regretfully yours,

Zorbit Purpleflux
President of UBO

P.S. Maybe try being a juggalo instead, bro.

Breaking Brony: ep. 6 – “Boredom”

As you might be able to deduce from this pic, I am becoming somewhat bored with my ponies. Don’t worry though, bros. I'm sure it’s just a phase. One that will soon pass. At least I hope so.



By the way, I’m still waiting to hear back from UBO (United Bronies of Ohio) to see if they accepted my application to become an official brony or not. So be sure to tune in for the suspense-filled episode 7, wherein we’ll all find out if my application gets accepted.

**SPOILER ALERT for episode 7: They fucking REJECT my application!!**

Breaking Brony: Ep. 5 - "Pinkie Pie Makes My Boo-Boo All Better!"

Some of you might recall that I was born with one extra finger and two extra toes (yes, no joke). In the case of the extra finger, I actually have a nub left over from the amputation that was performed when I was an infant. I informed Pinkie Pie about this, and she told me she wanted to kiss my boo-boo and make it all better!!

Now this is perfectly innocent, people. But if your mind is in the gutter and filled with depraved thoughts of amputee porn and the like (I’m lookin’ at you, Jon Konrath), then P-Pie and I have one word for you: HUMPH!!

Breaking Brony: ep. 4 – “Pinkie Pie Gets a Boo-Boo!”

Uh-oh, friends! Pinkie Pie tripped over her teacup and got a boo-boo. No worries though. I’ll just patch her up with this unbelievably cute little Band-Aid I have here. There ya go. Now you’re as good as new, P-Pie!



Oh, by the way--I finally put my application in with UBO (United Bronies of Ohio) to make my bronyhood official. I should find out this week if I got accepted or not, so keep your fingers crossed! To find out more information on UBO and the official brony recognition application process, visit the UBO website at:

www.UnitedBroniesOfOhio.com

What? You can’t get the URL to work? Then your computer must be broken or something. Sux to be you, bro. Get your shit fixed.

Breaking Brony – Episode 3: “Tea Party!”

This is Fluttershy. She's a Pegasus. Fluttershy and I are having a tea party. Umm, yummy!

(Note that the miniature plastic tea set is vintage '80s My Little Pony. I got it on eBay for only $1,327.72. What a steal! Fuck yeah, bro!)

Breaking Brony - Episode 2

This is Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie likes to have her mane brushed!!

I LIKE to brush Pinkie Pie’s mane. It's a very calming, almost Zen-like activity. I could do this shit for hours, bro!!

Breaking Brony

Look what came in the mail today!

Now wish me luck as I embark on a journey of fun, friendship, and self-discovery. It's official: I am now a novice brony!!

Hear me read (and "sing") in Ep. 18 of the Surreal Grotesque Podcast

Episode 18 of the Surreal Grotesque is now up. In it, I read "Give Courtney Cute Anything She Wants," a tale from my forthcoming short story collection. As part of my reading, I sing the hit song "Gerardo" by the rock band Rico Suave (not to be confused with the song "Rico Suave" by singer/rapper Gerardo.)

Also in this episode, Eraserhead Press NBAS author J.W. Wargo reads one of his yarns, while author/editor Jess Gulbranson reads a story by Chris Kelso, author and co-editor of the Imperial Youth Review. http://www.spreaker.com/page#!/user/a...

Bizarrocast Parsec Award Nomination

Hello, friends. Bizarrocast has been nominated for a Parsec Award in the category of Best New Podcaster/Team. In case you didn’t know, The Parsec Awards were formed in 2006 to recognize and celebrate speculative fiction podcasting.

Episode 25 of Bizarrocast, which features my story “The Scream, My Dog,” is in the running to be selected as a representative episode to be submitted to the judges for consideration.

While it’s not important if “my” episode gets sent in, I think editor Chris Boyle does a commendable job at Bizarrocast, so if you’ve listened to any of the Bizarrocast episodes and enjoyed at least one, consider clicking on the link below, which will take you to a little Facebook voting-thingamajig where you can cast a vote.

https://www.facebook.com/douglas.hackle#!/questions/496458867088437/

And while I’m at it, here’s the link to Bizarrocast – Ep. 25 “The Scream, My Dog”:

http://bizarrocast.blogspot.com/2013/04/ep25-featuring-scream-my-dog-by-douglas.html

Thanks,

Me