Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 20
April 10, 2017
Christians Don’t Encourage Singleness Enough
“I can’t believe Mary’s daughter still isn’t married. She’s 32, has a great job, loves the Lord and nice looking. You’d think there would be all kinds of guys interested in her. I wonder what the problem is.”
Have you ever heard a conversation like this? Of course you have! The question is where in the world did we get the idea that marriage is to be valued above singleness?
Most of us think of singleness as an interim stage, a period of life that you get through like standing in the line, waiting for a ride at Disney World. No one wants to be there, but we just have to grin and bear it if we want the thrill of riding Space Mountain. Singleness is rarely viewed in a positive light in the U.S. and especially among Christians. We don’t quite say it, but the implication in the opening conversation is that singleness is bad. Not morally wrong – just a shame they can’t find the right one.
Where did we get that notion? Not from the Bible.
Have you ever heard a conversation like this? Of course you have! The question is where in the world did we get the idea that marriage is to be valued above singleness?
Most of us think of singleness as an interim stage, a period of life that you get through like standing in the line, waiting for a ride at Disney World. No one wants to be there, but we just have to grin and bear it if we want the thrill of riding Space Mountain. Singleness is rarely viewed in a positive light in the U.S. and especially among Christians. We don’t quite say it, but the implication in the opening conversation is that singleness is bad. Not morally wrong – just a shame they can’t find the right one.
Where did we get that notion? Not from the Bible.
April 3, 2017
Engineering a More Purposeful Life
This blog is primarily for men, but applicable for every true follower of Jesus.
Have you noticed that nearly all the great stories follow the same story line? Things were once good, then something awful happens and someone or something evil destroys that good life, a hero rises up, risk his or her life, destroys the villain, rescues the situation, sets things right again, good triumphing over evil and they all live happily ever after. Think about it! From our childhood fairy tales The Shawshank Redemption, Braveheart, LeMiserables, Titanic, Star Wars, Gladiator and Lord of the Rings, this story line holds true. Why do you think that is?
It’s because all of these stories borrow their power from the Grand Story woven into the fabric of our being. It’s the storyline of the Bible. It’s part of our spiritual DNA! Humans were created in the image of God and every person no matter how far they’ve wandered from God, knows that something is terribly wrong with this world. We long for someone or something to rescue us from whatever, or whoever it is that frightens us, or holds us captive. And every man dreams of being the hero, rescuing others from injustice and evil and winning the respect of our peers. This is the story line of our hopes. Because it’s the storyline of God.
Have you noticed that nearly all the great stories follow the same story line? Things were once good, then something awful happens and someone or something evil destroys that good life, a hero rises up, risk his or her life, destroys the villain, rescues the situation, sets things right again, good triumphing over evil and they all live happily ever after. Think about it! From our childhood fairy tales The Shawshank Redemption, Braveheart, LeMiserables, Titanic, Star Wars, Gladiator and Lord of the Rings, this story line holds true. Why do you think that is?
It’s because all of these stories borrow their power from the Grand Story woven into the fabric of our being. It’s the storyline of the Bible. It’s part of our spiritual DNA! Humans were created in the image of God and every person no matter how far they’ve wandered from God, knows that something is terribly wrong with this world. We long for someone or something to rescue us from whatever, or whoever it is that frightens us, or holds us captive. And every man dreams of being the hero, rescuing others from injustice and evil and winning the respect of our peers. This is the story line of our hopes. Because it’s the storyline of God.
March 27, 2017
The Rise of the “Sovereign Self”
Before you get all riled up over the millennial generation’s drift to moral self-governing, let’s first understand the problem and then we’ll look in the mirror.
The sovereign self is a worldview that very few Christians would ever say they espouse, but for all intents and purposes many do. It can be summarized in this statement by Caitlyn (Bruce Jenner) to Diane Sawyer, “I need to be true to myself.” The question this statement raises is “who defines what is true for me?” The answer of course is “I do.” In that statement, the sovereign self has supplanted any other external authority.
How did it come to this and is this philosophy reversible? In my opinion, there were three massive cultural shifts in the 60’s and 70’s that laid the foundation for the sovereign self-creation.
The sovereign self is a worldview that very few Christians would ever say they espouse, but for all intents and purposes many do. It can be summarized in this statement by Caitlyn (Bruce Jenner) to Diane Sawyer, “I need to be true to myself.” The question this statement raises is “who defines what is true for me?” The answer of course is “I do.” In that statement, the sovereign self has supplanted any other external authority.
How did it come to this and is this philosophy reversible? In my opinion, there were three massive cultural shifts in the 60’s and 70’s that laid the foundation for the sovereign self-creation.
March 20, 2017
We Are Often the Average of Our Five Closest Friends
I’ve been reflecting on a statement I heard a few months back. A trusted friend said, “we (Christians) are the average of our five closest friends.” When I pressed him for details, he couldn’t explain why. He simply has observed that to be true in his own life and in the lives of other Christians he’s known. It’s a variation of an old adage that, “Birds of a feather, stick together.”
I think my friend is right. And here’s why that may be true.
I think my friend is right. And here’s why that may be true.
March 13, 2017
Sanctuary Churches: Right or Wrong?
Last weeks blog was on the topic of Sanctuary Cities. These are U.S. cities who’ve made the decision to not co-operate with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the federal agency whose responsibility it is to enforce U.S. immigration laws. If you didn’t read that blog, you may want to because much of my rationale for Sanctuary Churches is based on many of the same premises.
What is a Sanctuary Church?
These are churches all over the U.S. who are taking in undocumented (illegal) aliens and their families to protect them from deportation. These churches are viewed by some to be safe havens, where law enforcement officials cannot enter, like mini embassies. That’s a falsehood. Churches have no safe haven privilege for law breakers, legally. However, most presidents from Bush to Obama, have been reluctant to enter churches to arrest and deport families. That’s a political decision, not necessarily a legal one. No politicians want to mess with churches. But since President Trump has taken office, the number of these sanctuary churches has exploded to more than 400.
So, is it wrong for those churches to defy the law and take in illegal aliens?
What is a Sanctuary Church?
These are churches all over the U.S. who are taking in undocumented (illegal) aliens and their families to protect them from deportation. These churches are viewed by some to be safe havens, where law enforcement officials cannot enter, like mini embassies. That’s a falsehood. Churches have no safe haven privilege for law breakers, legally. However, most presidents from Bush to Obama, have been reluctant to enter churches to arrest and deport families. That’s a political decision, not necessarily a legal one. No politicians want to mess with churches. But since President Trump has taken office, the number of these sanctuary churches has exploded to more than 400.
So, is it wrong for those churches to defy the law and take in illegal aliens?
March 6, 2017
Sanctuary Cities; What Should Christians Think?
Since President Trump’s election, there’s been lots of talk in the media about sanctuary cities and lately sanctuary churches, as well.
What is a sanctuary city?
There’s no official, legal definition of a sanctuary city, because various so called “sanctuary cities” have different policies regarding illegal immigrants. But here’s the general idea;
Local law enforcement in sanctuary cities or counties don’t ask, or report the immigration status of people they come in contact with.
Enforcement of that idea can vary from city to city. Technically, and legally, what the Trump administration wants is that anytime a law enforcement agency comes into contact with a person, which can be anything from a traffic violation to an arrest for serious felony, that they inquire about that person’s immigration status, report any illegal immigrant to ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and hold that person in custody until ICE can investigate.
Some sanctuary cities will do that, but only for serious, violent felonies. Others refuse to ever call ICE. Why? Why would some cities not want to co-operate with ICE? The answer to that question varies as well.
What is a sanctuary city?
There’s no official, legal definition of a sanctuary city, because various so called “sanctuary cities” have different policies regarding illegal immigrants. But here’s the general idea;
Local law enforcement in sanctuary cities or counties don’t ask, or report the immigration status of people they come in contact with.
Enforcement of that idea can vary from city to city. Technically, and legally, what the Trump administration wants is that anytime a law enforcement agency comes into contact with a person, which can be anything from a traffic violation to an arrest for serious felony, that they inquire about that person’s immigration status, report any illegal immigrant to ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) and hold that person in custody until ICE can investigate.
Some sanctuary cities will do that, but only for serious, violent felonies. Others refuse to ever call ICE. Why? Why would some cities not want to co-operate with ICE? The answer to that question varies as well.
February 27, 2017
What if You’re Invited to a Gay Wedding?
A few weeks ago, I spent time with two friends, one of whom has a gay brother. I was asked, “How should I respond if I’m ever invited to his wedding?”
To begin with, there are no easy answers. The Bible doesn’t speak directly to that question. Nevertheless, the Holy Spirit, with the Bible as our guide, does give us some guidance on this question.
One of the responses you’ll hear from gay Christians is that the church seems to be very forgiving with the high rate of divorce and remarriage in the church. (Setting aside, that the Bible does allow divorce for some reasons.) And many pastors are marrying people who have been living together prior to marriage. It seems very hypocritical to them that heterosexual Christians draw the line on same-sex marriage, even attending a same-sex marriage ceremony. I think their charge is valid. Notice I did not say, their observation validates gay marriage. It’s just that they have a point.
However, they (some LGBT+ Christians or their families) try to make this comparison; If you’ll attend a re-marriage of someone who’s been the cause of an unbiblical divorce, which you acknowledge was a sin, why won’t you attend my wedding, which you also think is a sin?
My short answer? I wouldn’t. I have in the past but, I now regret it. It is inconsistent and hypocritical. But back to my friend’s question about his own brother’s wedding. What is a reasonable Christian response?
To begin with, there are no easy answers. The Bible doesn’t speak directly to that question. Nevertheless, the Holy Spirit, with the Bible as our guide, does give us some guidance on this question.
One of the responses you’ll hear from gay Christians is that the church seems to be very forgiving with the high rate of divorce and remarriage in the church. (Setting aside, that the Bible does allow divorce for some reasons.) And many pastors are marrying people who have been living together prior to marriage. It seems very hypocritical to them that heterosexual Christians draw the line on same-sex marriage, even attending a same-sex marriage ceremony. I think their charge is valid. Notice I did not say, their observation validates gay marriage. It’s just that they have a point.
However, they (some LGBT+ Christians or their families) try to make this comparison; If you’ll attend a re-marriage of someone who’s been the cause of an unbiblical divorce, which you acknowledge was a sin, why won’t you attend my wedding, which you also think is a sin?
My short answer? I wouldn’t. I have in the past but, I now regret it. It is inconsistent and hypocritical. But back to my friend’s question about his own brother’s wedding. What is a reasonable Christian response?
February 20, 2017
Teaching your children greater appreciation for God’s Laws
This blog is a follow-up to last week’s (February 13, 2017). It will make more sense if you read that first.
“I want you to go out and play a game of basketball and the only rule is that there are no rules.”
Those were the only instructions given at a Christian camp a few years ago, to a group of teenagers. No rules – enjoy yourself!
You can just imagine the resulting chaos. Kids stole the ball and ran to nearby basketball courts to shoot unopposed. Others scored points by shooting at their own basket. They couldn’t even agree on how to score. Some wanted to deduct points for every basket. What started out as great fun quickly became both frustrating and futile for everyone. But, they got a great lesson in the value of having structure in their lives – rules they could all depend on to make life work! And, it created a teachable moment.
When I heard this story, I thought it would be a perfect way to introduce our grandchildren and yours to the wisdom of God’s moral laws. You can achieve the same results playing a board or video game without rules. But, beyond the fun exercise of playing a game without rules, the following are some ideas for leveraging the resulting chaos to pass on to the next generation an appreciation for God’s rules.
“I want you to go out and play a game of basketball and the only rule is that there are no rules.”
Those were the only instructions given at a Christian camp a few years ago, to a group of teenagers. No rules – enjoy yourself!
You can just imagine the resulting chaos. Kids stole the ball and ran to nearby basketball courts to shoot unopposed. Others scored points by shooting at their own basket. They couldn’t even agree on how to score. Some wanted to deduct points for every basket. What started out as great fun quickly became both frustrating and futile for everyone. But, they got a great lesson in the value of having structure in their lives – rules they could all depend on to make life work! And, it created a teachable moment.
When I heard this story, I thought it would be a perfect way to introduce our grandchildren and yours to the wisdom of God’s moral laws. You can achieve the same results playing a board or video game without rules. But, beyond the fun exercise of playing a game without rules, the following are some ideas for leveraging the resulting chaos to pass on to the next generation an appreciation for God’s rules.
February 13, 2017
Why Your Children May Not Adopt, “The Faith of Their Fathers” (and What You Can Do About It)
For two decades, I’ve spent a lot of time with college and post-college “Christians.” Many of them grew up in the church, from good families, many went to Christian schools and claim to be Christians. But something just wasn’t right. They were living with their girlfriends and still showing up for church. They rarely attended a Bible study or regularly read the Bible, but said they “believed in the Bible.”
Clearly there was a disconnect. This highly edited article written by Andy Stanley for Outreach Magazine, identifies the problem better than I could. So if you are a parent or grandparent, you first need to understand better exactly what the problem is. Next week, I’ll give you a few ways you can begin to address this problem.
Clearly there was a disconnect. This highly edited article written by Andy Stanley for Outreach Magazine, identifies the problem better than I could. So if you are a parent or grandparent, you first need to understand better exactly what the problem is. Next week, I’ll give you a few ways you can begin to address this problem.
February 6, 2017
The Myths That Not-Yet-Christians Believe About God
It should come as no surprise that people who are not-yet-Christians have accepted and therefore repeat things about God they believe are true, but in fact are not. Today, let’s briefly talk about just a few of the most common myths, even some Christians believe. (READ MORE) “We’re all God’s children” The apostle John said […]
