Clare De Graaf's Blog, page 19

A Warning From Jesus About a Sin Most Christians Long to Commit

“Then he told them a story: A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. He said to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t have room for all my crops.’  Then he said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store all my wheat […]

Most of Us Have the Reputation We Deserve

I once had a conversation with a very successful man, who had a horrible reputation in the business community. He also claimed to be a Christian.

He went to his pastor to ask why he was never nominated to be a deacon. After all, he was good with money. His pastor had the courage to tell him that the reason he hadn’t been nominated was his reputation. He was incredulous!

So, he came to see me, indignant that he was being slandered by people in his church. “Do you think I have a reputation as a tough businessman?,” he asked. And I told him the truth.

“I don’t deserve that reputation,” he said. To which I said, “most of us have the reputation we deserve.”

“A good reputation is more valuable than costly perfume. And the day you die is better than the day you are born.” Ecclesiastes 7:1

The Lie We’d All Like to Believe

I’m sure someone else is (or will) help them.

There it is. The lie we’d all like to believe.

A few weeks back, I was with two men I had just met. They mentioned they had a third pastor friend who had a fair amount of debt from his seminary education. Both men shared real concern for the burden this placed on the young pastor and his family.

Near the end of the conversation, one of the men made the statement I’ve often heard and have probably said myself, well “I’m sure someone else is helping them.” Why is it that idea comes so easily to us? Here’s what I think.

Gender Fluidity

As a parent or grandparent it would be a serious mistake to dismiss the importance of gender fluidity to your children or grandchildren!

So what is gender fluidity? It is the relatively new idea to the public, to describe the phenomena in some people whose mental sexuality is not fixed, but it can change from “feeling” male or female, from year to year, or even as reported by others, from day to day. They obviously don’t change physically from male to female, but they find themselves mentally and emotionally changing along the sexual spectrum.

Until even five or six years old, most psychologists understood this was a very small segment of the population – transgender and bi-sexual people are two examples of this. However, in the last few years, with the rise of pop culture it’s become cool to be gender fluid. Miley Cyrus, recently said, “I don’t relate to being either a boy or a girl. It has nothing to do with my body parts or who I’m attracted to. It’s literally just how I feel.” Almost every week a new celebrity is coming out as asexual, transgender, bisexual, etc., or as gender fluid.

If you’re just shaking your head in disbelief and think this is just a Hollywood phenomena, ask your high school or college children or grandchildren. I’d be shocked if they don’t know several students who say they are gender fluid.

Everyone is Gay!

Several weeks ago, I received a desperate call from our daughter at the public high school several of our grandchildren attend. All the students were shown a video that celebrated the “fact” that students shouldn’t think of themselves as strictly male or female, but somewhere on a spectrum. In other words, students are being taught that just because we are born with “girl parts” or “boy parts” we have the freedom to identify and act out sexually, according to the gender we feel, even from day to day – gender fluidity.

We tried to get a copy of that video, but the administration will not release it. However, a segment of that video was taken from this video “Everyone is Gay,” (https://youtu.be/0VG1bj4Lj1Q) which has been viewed over 3,000,000 times. You need to watch this video, because it is creatively, and seductively causing children to both doubt their own sexuality, but it celebrates an indifference to the historical understanding of being male or female. After you’ve watched it, I’ll let you read my edited response to the school superintendent. (I’ve used fictional names).

I want to begin by praising efforts by the school system for programs like "Words Matter" which help students understand the power of words- to hurt, or heal. I fully support anti- bullying programs for all students regardless of their sex, race, religion, dress, physical or mental impairments, or gender orientation. Specifically, all LGBT+ kids should be respected, treated with kindness and accepted. So what I'm about to express has no roots in any personal homophobia.

I'm writing to voice my shock at the video that was shown to high school students at Eastern last week Thursday which I’ll just call "Everyone is Gay"

I also understand that "only 18 seconds" of the actual source video, "Everyone is Gay" was used, as if that softens the impact. However, I have viewed that video on YouTube a number of times and I can't find 18 consecutive seconds that are not only offensive, but untrue. And it's fair to assume that having viewed, "only 18 seconds" of this video, a significant number of students, also found and viewed the entire original as I did, and assumed that it's content had the blessing of the school, as no disclaimers were given.

Here's why I find the video both offensive and untrue.

For Your Own Children’s (or Grandchildren’s) Sake, You Must Read This Blog

A great friend of mine, Preston Sprinkle sent me this story and he wrote this response a few months ago.

Hi. My name is ____________. I read your book “Living in a Gray World” and I’m struggling with same-sex attraction. I was wondering if you could help me cope with a problem at school. Well I don’t know where to begin. My so and so friend told the bus driver that I’m gay and things went south quickly. First he moved all the boys forward and me to the back of the bus. When I asked why he said, “I may be a Christian, but I won’t have an abomination sit next to the rest of my kids I need to get home. I don’t need you doing stuff with them.” The word got around school and now I can’t go 23 steps without being looked upon like I grew a tail or being called f*g. And I’m scared to talk to my pastor. (Yes, I go to church) I was wondering if you could help me.

I wish this were only an isolated incident, but it’s not. It’s actually quite common. According to the largest scientific study done on the religious background of LGBT+ people, 83% of them were raised in a Christian Church. And more than half (51%) have left the church by the time they were 18. What’s fascinating is that of the LGBT+ people who have left the church, 85% left primarily for lack of kindness and care. In their own words, they did not feel safe, they didn’t feel loved, they experienced a relational disconnect with leaders. They got tired of the hypocrisy – they were seen as monstrous sinners for being gay, while greedy, divorced, gluttonous straight Christians got a free pass. They had to wear the scarlet LGBT+ letter and they got fed up with it. And so they left.

Please don’t miss the magnitude of this statistic: 85% of LGBT+ people who have left the church did not leave primarily because the church said “gay marriage is wrong.” They left because the church said (in so many word) you are an abomination and you belong in the back of the bus.

Here’s why, for your children’s sake, we need to change our attitude toward LGBT+ people without changing our theology!

Sin: Disordered Love

When I grew up, I had a clear idea what sin was. If the Bible, my pastor or my parents thought something was a sin – it was a sin!

So, what do you think of when you hear the word “sin?”

It’s probably adultery, cheating, stealing – the obvious violations of God’s moral laws. In traditional Christian morality, it’s the understanding that we all have something broken in us. What’s broken is not always something dark and depraved. St. Augustine had a more profound definition of sin.

He said we sin when, “we have our loves out of order.” Think about that for a moment. We sin when our loves are out of order.

David Brooks, has this take on Augustine in his new book, The Road to Character;

Making a Case for Hypocrisy

Last year, I was meeting with a young man – a brand new Christian. He and I had been studying the Bible for months and he’d begun attending church and experimenting with living out the Christian life. But everything was new to him. He’d begin most days conscientiously thinking about God and virtuous living. Then occasionally slip back into old habits and sin. At times he enthusiastically embraced this new life and other times he wasn’t all that excited. He felt like a phony and a failure. It also felt hypocritical trying to be obedient when his heart wasn’t always in it, or even scared to death about what his friends might think or say.

“I feel like a hypocrite, when I fail, or my heart isn’t really in it. That’s a sin isn’t it?”

“Not necessarily,” was my answer.

It’s Not a Salvation Issue

I was recently on a Christian college campus in Ohio. A friend of mine and I were there speaking on the subject of homosexuality, specifically how Christians ought to be more kind to LGBT+ people, even as we hold true to the historical Christian understanding on that issue.

One student thought she would settle the question of same-sex, sexual relations and marriage using the age-old solution we’ve all heard; “Well, it’s not a salvation issue.” That takes care of that!

Here’s the question, I’m going to try to answer:

If a moral issue does not directly prevent us from salvation, does that mean God is indifferent to our moral choices?

Good Friday Revisited: Jesus Deserved to Die

This past week, I met with a young Christian who asked why Jesus, innocent of any sin had to die on the cross. Here’s how our dialogue went:

Why would God kill his innocent son?

My answer surprised him. “Because Jesus wasn’t innocent.”