Lüc Carl's Blog, page 7

SUPERFUND 10K

Come out and run this 10K with Team Drunk Diet!

Brought to you by the South Brooklyn Running Club.

CLICK HERE for details (Only 33 tickets left!)

YOU’LL GET HOTTER WHEN I DUMP YOU

What’s the first thing we all do when we get dumped? We get hot. So why wait until you get dumped to get your ass in shape?

Instead of waiting for something bad to happen, why not go for a run today?

Of course then you have to deal with him possibly being a dick about you wanting to make yourself a better person. You’ll be at risk of ridiculous accusations such as…

“Why the hell do you want to go for a run? Running sucks!”

“I can’t believe you spent $100 on shoes you’ll only wear once.”

Making the decision to make yourself a better person while you’re still in your current relationship is a great way to find out if it’s a relationship worth being in. If your man isn’t an insecure fuck he’ll want you to get out there and work on having a hotter ass. Only an immature prick who wants to play video games and waste his life away wouldn’t want you to do something that makes you a better person.

Buy some new shoes and find out if your man is worth keeping around.

The good news ladies, is that if your relationship does hit the crapper, your male counterpart is much lazier than yourself. Spend a few weeks in the gym then run into him at the grocery store and see who starts texting the “I miss you’s.” As for you fellas out there, if you weren’t so lazy maybe she wouldn’t be thinking about leaving in the first place.

NEW RICHIE SAMBORA RECORD

A track off of Richie Sambora’s new record Aftermath of the Lowown will make it’s worldwide debut on my show Tuesday 9:00pm EST on SiriusXM! Tune in for the party!

http://www.siriusxm.com/HairNation

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THE INTERNET DOES MANY THINGS

The internet killed the video star. It revolutionized the way people meet meet each other and maintained relationships. You no longer need to go to the bank, the post office, or the grocery store. It provides any number of different ways to achieve a 2D orgasm.

But the internet will never be able to get you drunk.

CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY. FAT ASS.

The next time you’re sitting at your favorite restaurant, take a moment to remind yourself that not so long ago you wouldn’t have had the pleasure of sitting down and having food brought to you unless you were some sort of royalty. In fact the modern restaurant as we know it wasn’t even invented until the 1700s in France. Which means as few as a couple hundred years ago we as humans were not afforded such luxuries in many parts of the world.

I recently overheard a man telling his friend that he sent his meal back 3 times the previous night at his local Denny’s because they just couldn’t get it right. Anything short of them brining you something completely different than what you ordered being sent back at Denny’s earns yourself a giant “go fuck yourself” in my book. The next time you sit down for even the cheapest of meals, be glad you didn’t have to go out and kill it yourself.

 

LÜC’S MAILBOX

Brittany writes;

Dearest Lüc,

I have the “Fro” of a PA-Dutch German, and I can NOT tame it in the humidity swamp that is NYC. Can you suggest something fabulous that won’t make it look & feel greasy but will still tame the frizz? I’ve tried it all – from mousse that makes my hair crunchy by using even the smallest amount, to a $30 bottle of creme that is fantastic when the humidity is low (which is never). In a perfect world, this miracle product would turn my hair into rainbows and lollipops and smell irresistible.

Please help me have sexy hair like yours.

BK, #19.

Well Brittany, my best suggestion is to blow dry at all times. This humid summer air is filled with water and leaving the house with wet hair just means even more water. If that doesn’t work I can’t help you. It just so happens that my hair is perfect at all times so this is not a problem I can understand.

GOLDEN THROAT WINNERS

Greetings Lücaholics and loyal citizens of the Nation of Hair! The top 10 Golden Throats on Hair Nation as chosen by the listeners via Facebook and Twitter are as follows….

10. Miljenko Matijevic

9. Eric Martin

8. Tawney Kitaen

7. Joe Elliot

6. Jon Bon Jovi

5. Geoff Tate

4. Michael Sweet

3. David Coverdale

2. Tom Keifer

1. Jack Blades

Thanks so much for all of your support! We will be doing more top 10s in the near future!!!!

LUCCARL.com

LucCarl.com is up and running! There are a few glitches here and there with links and the schedule, but all will be cleared up within a week. DrunkDiet.com will begin to redirect to LucCarl.com within a week.

Thank you to all of you who come here to read my nonsense on a daily basis. You fucking rule!

CLICK HERE to come on over and see what’s going on at LucCarl.com! 

PRODUCT REVIEW: GARMIN FORERUNNER 910XT

After 3+ years of my Garmin 310XT following me everywhere I went and keeping track of exactly how fast I was going, my most loyal running companion had died. Is it a coincidence that the new version of this watch came out the same month that mine decided to hit the crapper? Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I think not. So I scrapped together a shit load of pennies, a whopping $450, and bought the new model.

The low down: Those of you who have a 310XT that is still working will find it not worth the upgrade. This watch is nearly identical to its predecessor barring a few slight changes such as the font of the numbers, and a few additional swim functions that only a serious simmer would find helpful. (I have het to delve into these options as I personally would sooner drown that make it 3 laps in an Olympic length pool).

The biggest benefit of this very expensive piece of sporting equipment is that I know it will be reliable for the next 3 years until they come out with the next model which will likely have a choice of color or some other insubstantial novelty setting it apart from the previous model.

Those of you not familiar with this watch, or that do not have any kind of GPS or heart rate monitor, this bad boy is the top of the line. If you don’t do any kind of swimming or cycling, go for a cheaper model such as the 410 or 610. If you do get on your bike and currently find yourself without a bike computer, drop the $450 on this fucker and thank me later. (A decent bike computer alone is anywhere form $100-$300.) Unless you’re a natzi about your cadence, go with the forerunner 910XT and kill two birds with one stone. (I strap my watch around my handle bars, although they do make a handlebar mount for this particular model).

In short: This model Garmin was designed for tri-athletes and is complete overkill for even the most serious runner if you’re not doing any cycling or swimming. If you’re at all interested in cross training, this watch is for you. But start saving now because it will inevitably crap out in 3 years or when the new model comes out, whichever comes first.

Buy this watch and know exactly how fast you’re going -or go on vacation. Your choice.

Note: The heart rate monitor for the 310xt is not compatible with the 910xt, so those of you hoping to save $50 on the upgrade can forget about it. Bend over and take it.

 

GOLDEN THROATS COUNT DOWN

On August 17th, the night before I fly to Detroit to MC Cinderella and Sebastian Bach, I’ll be doing a countdown on Hair Nation and we want your input!

Top 10 Golden Throats of Hair Metal!

Tweet your favorite vocalists to me with the hash tag #GoldenThroats and we’ll tally up your favorites for a special to be aired during my show!

@LucCarl