Rosalind Wiseman's Blog, page 3

How Trusted Adults Navigate Dignity

As a trusted adult in your community, you probably already recognize the importance of treating the young people in your life with dignity, and to model how to do so for everyone around you. But take it from young people, that even the most well intentioned adults can sometimes say things that may undermine the message of dignity. Here are some common mistakes you might be making.

For Parents:

Hug it out!

This is a tactic some parents use to help children reconcile with their peers after a disagreement. Cultures of Dignity has talked a lot about how sharing information or photos of your children online can undermine the lessons you may be trying to teach about consent, and this is pretty similar. Part of teaching your children about consent and healthy boundaries also means allowing them to decide what forms of physical touch they are okay with and when. So just like you might not want to force your child to hug other adults when they don’t want to, don’t force them to hug other children.

You have to eat everything on your plate.

We have learned a lot in the past few decades about how important it is for children to have a healthy relationship with food in order to prevent problems later in life. According to the Mayo Clinic, controlling children’s eating habits ultimately teaches them to ignore the needs of their bodies. So although it may be frustrating to get your child to eat well, know that this kind of messaging does not serve them in the long run.

Well your sibling does XYZ…

This may not even be meant as a comparison, you could be simply trying to offer a helpful solution based on what you’ve seen other young people do. But unfortunately this can be interpreted very easily as an adult trying to compare two young people who may be very different. When this kind of thing is repeated, a child may come to believe that the adult who says it does not respect their individuality, does not appreciate the child’s unique experiences, or would like the child more if they were someone different.

I don’t care about everyone else, I am talking about you.

Like it or not, children and young adults are intensely affected by their relationships with their peers. It is understandable that feeling left out is seriously painful, and that young people may make mistakes out of a desire to be accepted. Crucial social skills develop during these times, and it’s very important for young people to learn them because it only gets more difficult as they grow. So to dismiss them as “just wanting to be like everyone else”, completely discounts the young person’s lived experience, when talking about the feelings and reasons behind those experiences and choices is infinitely more productive.

For Teachers:

Why did you do that?/ What do you think you’re doing?

This circles back to what we at Cultures of Dignity call “curious vs. non-curious questions”. Curious questions demonstrate that their asker wants further understanding, whereas non-curious questions seek to shut the other person down. In this case, tone and context (like the young person not believing the adult will listen) usually make these seem like non-curious questions that are not intended to treat the other with dignity.

Is that how you want me to think of you?

A teacher or adult may be using this to demonstrate that they see more potential in the young person this is being said to. But to young people, this may seem like the adult in question has already made up their mind that the young person is “bad”, so trying to be seen differently in this adult’s eyes is futile. This just injects resentment and mismatched expectations into the relationship, which does a disservice to both the young person and the adult.

You should be grateful for XYZ.

This may seem like a helpful way to redirect an upset child’s focus, but like the statement above, it just comes across as dismissive. Rather than redirecting, it encourages children not to come to you with their problems, since this gives them the impression that those problems aren’t important.

You need to show so and so respect.

This is why our definitions of dignity and respect are so important! Dignity is inherent, while respect has to be earned and can be taken away. If someone has done something that has made them lose this young person’s respect, this kind of statement can feel very unjust and upsetting. Reminding someone to treat others with dignity is important, but respect might not be the right word to use.

For everyone:

Use your words.

What words? This is a pretty vague statement, so it’s not typically helpful. Furthermore, unless the child is likely very young, they’ve probably already tried to use words that didn’t work. Hence the reason a trusted adult becomes necessary.

Life isn’t fair.

This is something that adults say a lot, sometimes it’s to be comforting to a young person, sometimes it’s to dismiss them. You are likely not the first person to say this. If you have to say that life is unfair, it’s probably because the situation is unfair, which means the young person has a right to feel what they’re feeling. Focusing on managing those feelings is more helpful than the sayings like this.

Why didn’t you tell me sooner?

It’s always important to appreciate when young people come to you for advice. It means they trust you! But focusing on what they should have said or when, undermines that trust. And if this statement gets repeated, the young person may feel like there’s never a right time, so they just shouldn’t come to you at all, which is the opposite of what a trusted adult wants.

I told you so/I knew that would happen.

Sometimes young people need to make their own mistakes in order to learn and grow. Sometimes that means they act against the advice of the adults in their lives. But they know when a situation like that occurs, so saying something like this makes them feel like you’re holding their mistake over their head. How many times have you avoided talking to someone because you knew they would say this to you? Young people feel pretty similarly.

After reading through these suggestions, your next question may be “Well what can I say?” or “How do I communicate that I want to treat my child with dignity?”. Try some of these phrases:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

If you don’t know what to say, this allows you to take a moment to breathe and think for a second about what a followup response might look like. At the same time, it validates the young person’s decision to talk to you, which will help further the conversation.

Do you want advice, or do you just want to vent?

This is always a great place to start a conversation with a young person, since you can use it to establish your goals and what you both need. It also reinforces that it is okay to vent sometimes, especially to a trusted adult, rather than to a friend where it could come across as being angry or mean.

When you are ready for solutions, I’m here, and we can figure it out together.

Approaching potential conflicts with young people by assuming you’re on the same side can diffuse a lot of the tension a young person may feel when coming to an adult. It communicates that you are there for support, rather than as an obstacle. It makes the young person more likely to come to you in the future because this phrase demonstrates that adults don’t have all the answers right away, but asking for help lets you brainstorm together.

Do you have ideas about what you’d like to do next?

This is a good phrase because it conveys that the adult is being supportive of a young person’s ideas, or helping them come up with new ones. It eliminates the appearance of judgment that can often cause conflict between young people and the adults in their lives, which allows you to focus on the problem, rather than your relationship with the young person.

It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes (adults and young people included!), and sometimes our actions might not line up with our intentions. Dignity acts as a framework to move forward. As long as everyone in the conversation works to treat each other with dignity, you will be able to fix problems and keep going, even when someone makes a small mistake. After all, if you each have the same base, there’s nowhere to go but up.

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How to build SEL engagement throughout your classroom or campus

If you work in education, you know that “having the summer off” really means, having meetings after the kids are gone, then a few weeks off, and then starting to plan for the next school year. People often ask teachers, “what do you do all summer” or “what do you do with all of that time off?” What most people don’t realize is that teachers, school counselors, school administrators and everyone else in education usually work year round and try to find some pockets of time over the summer to take a break. Summer is also used to figure out ways to integrate new goals, new pedagogy, or the latest trend in education into the classroom and/or lesson plans.

At Cultures of Dignity we encourage schools to integrate social emotional learning (SEL), with training for educators, into the school day. SEL is a crucial part of helping young people grow into adults that can handle and understand their own emotional landscape. As schools continue to navigate a world with Covid and a generation of students that are recovering from the past few years, the need for SEL is paramount.

While our newsletters and the few tips included will not make anyone an SEL expert it can help you get your classroom and school set up for the fall and provide some SEL support. A great way to build SEL engagement in your classroom or throughout the school is through interactive bulletin boards. Using a bulletin board demonstrating self care, mindfulness, and daily needs creates an environment for students to feel genuinely seen and supported. Interactive bulletin boards will not only help you lead and guide SEL activities for your students, but also help them strengthen their SEL skills without you feeling pressure to be an SEL expert. Making the board interactive is a fun way to reinforce what you are doing in the classroom. They can also provide ways for self-guided facilitation, think of a mindfulness corner where kids are able to take a moment to reflect on their own while you are able to work with other students.

While the idea of bulletin boards is not revolutionary, it is a simple way to help your students know that you care about their emotional health as well as their academic success. Simply asking students what they need, or giving suggestions for self care, with a tool like an interactive bulletin board, is social emotional support. Some bulletin board ideas provided in the links below are pre-made for purchase, some are DIY so you can pick what feels good to you, but all will help you integrate SEL practices into your school environment and demonstrate that your classroom and school are safe places.

Free:

Take What You Need, Give What You Can Sticky Note BoardGive and Take Bulletin BoardUsing Interactive Bulletin Boards To Transform Your ClassroomBack to School Bulletin Board Ideas

Paid products:

Growth Mindset Activities & Bulletin Board Display




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Respect vs. Dignity

How to Create Cultures of Dignity (COD) in Schools and Highlight the Need for Social Emotional Learning (SEL)

Developmental issues young people face are enduring. While some things change with each generation young people face similar issues over time no matter what. They want to be seen, heard, and supported all while trying to navigate growing up. As we come out of a tough time for everyone, we are hearing more and more about students struggling and the need for SEL in schools.

At COD we discuss shifting the conversation from respect (for example, respecting someone just because of their position) to treating everyone with dignity. Dignity is about recognizing worth, whereas respect is often misused and can become more about obedience, particularly for marginalized students. Distinguishing between these two words is not about accountability, it is about creating a healthy environment where kids can grow and develop. Kids will always make mistakes; they are supposed to make mistakes. We can treat them with dignity, even when they have messed up.

While dignity is essential between classmates, it starts with the adults in the building modeling appropriate behavior. Seeing others and being treated with dignity helps kids feel emotionally safe in their school environment. When people feel safe they treat each other better.

How Can We Empower Students and Counselors at the Same Time?

To help ourselves and fellow educators we have developed a curriculum called Owning Up and use a communication tool we call SEAL to help work through hard conversations and/or any potential and existing conflict. This process helps students learn and practice how to handle conflict. It is a process and not something people learn how to do overnight.

The steps are:

Stop – is this the correct time and place to have this conversation?Explain – what exactly do I not like or would I like to change?Affirm and Admit – affirm what you don’t like and admit your role in this conflict.Lock – lock this friendship in or out or take a break from each other.

Understanding or doing any of these steps is a win. It gets easier the more you do it. As with anything with SEL, it is about progress and not perfection.

It is important to also consider how we call out kids for bad behavior. In our classrooms, if we see kids mistreating each other, our first instinct is to stop the behavior and handle it right then. While the intention is good, we often ask the kid on the receiving end of the bad behavior how they feel about it or if they are OK. That forces them to either “snitch” on someone in front of their peers or say “it’s fine” and neither of those choices will feel good or lead to an effective resolution. Addressing the child that used antisocial behavior in the moment and explaining that is not how we talk to/treat each other or that language is not OK is more helpful to the situation. You are showing your students that you are there to protect them while considering the situation. It lets them know you understand the complicated social dynamics of young people.

At the same time, there is always another side when working with kids and we don’t always know what young people are going through inside and outside of school. Asking young people when they come to you with a situation, “How would the other student describe what happened?” or “Is there anything else I should know?” will help you get a full picture of the situation. Being a trusted adult means not only listening and supporting, but also holding them accountable if they played a role in the situation.

As educators we need to be overt when teaching kids how to handle conflict and use empathy to understand other perspectives. Most kids are not taught social skills, most adults were not either, so although students may not understand some SEL concepts at first, the goal is to help them develop these skills to use in school and beyond.

How Can We Reinforce the Concepts of Dignity for Ourselves and for Our Students?It is important to model grace, forgiveness, and dignity for the young people we work with. Adults set the example.At COD we highlight what is called a spectrum of attitudes (objects, recipients, and resources) when working with young people. We want educators to recognize that there is a time for their students to be resources, to be the experts in their own lives.Objects– when there is a fire drill, get in line as we need to count you and ensure everyone is safe.Recipients– in the classroom, there may be some back and forth, but for the most part young people are receiving information.Resources– when young people get to be the experts in their own lives. We look to them as the experts. What TV shows are they watching and why? What do they like about technology? How do they use it? We cannot make assumptions about young people. Just because they do things differently than we do doesn’t mean it is wrong. Don’t demonize what they do, try to understand it. By building that relationship and maintaining their dignity, you are allowing them to be seen, heard, and accepted. We want to work towards treating students as resources when possible. If you show an interest in what they do, they may come to you with something else later. You are building a relationship and trust that enables them to come to you even when they make mistakes.Ask if they are OK and how they are doing. Just the simple act of asking is important, whether or not they tell you. They will feel seen and know that you care about their well being.Give students grace. Rather than assuming the worst if they are quiet or don’t participate in class; recognize their behavior could be a sign of something else (e.g., they may be sleep deprived, stressed, etc.)Will Learning about Dignity Benefit Educators and Students in the Future?

Student issues are almost all evergreen. While the pandemic may not be something all young people will experience with the same intensity, the desire to be seen, heard, and validated has been and will continue to be a need that students have. No matter what generation, students of all ages, grades, and educational moments can benefit from social and emotional learning via dignity.

Lesson Plans, Solutions, and Suggestions for Educators

In order for teachers to incorporate SEL into their day, they need to be given space and time, and most importantly, training. It cannot just be an added goal or expectation without the proper support and resources.

Additionally, it’s always important to remember that everyone is human, even adults. You can always go back to your students/young people and apologize. It teaches them that it is okay to make a mistake, how to handle it, and how to grow from it. Teachers are struggling too. We need to give them space to get through this challenging and novel time. However, going through these struggles while treating everyone with Dignity sets an example and road map to follow.

Listen to the podcast episode:

Additional Descriptions on the Podcast:

Modeling behavior for students, they see what we do. We need to demonstrate and show them how to give grace, have a hard conversation, and have empathy.Dignity helps young people feel seen, heard and valued.We are all human. Progress not perfection.

For a great resources on learning how to supporting and empower counselors and students see:

Owning Up onlineSEALSocial and Emotional Learning in the Classroom BlogWebinar – SEL is Not a Program, it’s a Teachable Moment














Recent Posts Respect vs. Dignity How to build SEL engagement throughout your classroom or campus Response to Buffalo, NY Shooting

The post Respect vs. Dignity appeared first on Cultures of Dignity.

How to build SEL engagement throughout your classroom or campus

If you work in education, you know that “having the summer off” really means, having meetings after the kids are gone, then a few weeks off, and then starting to plan for the next school year. People often ask teachers, “what do you do all summer” or “what do you do with all of that time off?” What most people don’t realize is that teachers, school counselors, school administrators and everyone else in education usually work year round and try to find some pockets of time over the summer to take a break. Summer is also used to figure out ways to integrate new goals, new pedagogy, or the latest trend in education into the classroom and/or lesson plans.

At Cultures of Dignity we encourage schools to integrate social emotional learning (SEL), with training for educators, into the school day. SEL is a crucial part of helping young people grow into adults that can handle and understand their own emotional landscape. As schools continue to navigate a world with Covid and a generation of students that are recovering from the past few years, the need for SEL is paramount.

While our newsletters and the few tips included will not make anyone an SEL expert it can help you get your classroom and school set up for the fall and provide some SEL support. A great way to build SEL engagement in your classroom or throughout the school is through interactive bulletin boards. Using a bulletin board demonstrating self care, mindfulness, and daily needs creates an environment for students to feel genuinely seen and supported. Interactive bulletin boards will not only help you lead and guide SEL activities for your students, but also help them strengthen their SEL skills without you feeling pressure to be an SEL expert. Making the board interactive is a fun way to reinforce what you are doing in the classroom. They can also provide ways for self-guided facilitation, think of a mindfulness corner where kids are able to take a moment to reflect on their own while you are able to work with other students.

While the idea of bulletin boards is not revolutionary, it is a simple way to help your students know that you care about their emotional health as well as their academic success. Simply asking students what they need, or giving suggestions for self care, with a tool like an interactive bulletin board, is social emotional support. Some bulletin board ideas provided in the links below are pre-made for purchase, some are DIY so you can pick what feels good to you, but all will help you integrate SEL practices into your school environment and demonstrate that your classroom and school are safe places.

 

Free:

Take What You Need, Give What You Can Sticky Note BoardGive and Take Bulletin BoardUsing Interactive Bulletin Boards To Transform Your Classroom

Back to School Bulletin Board Ideas

 

Paid products:

Growth Mindset Activities & Bulletin Board Display

The post How to build SEL engagement throughout your classroom or campus appeared first on Cultures of Dignity.

Response to Buffalo, NY Shooting

Response to Buffalo, NY Shooting

Written by Dystanie Douglas-Burger. She shares her reaction to the Sunday, May 15th, 2022 shooting in Buffalo, NY when an 18-year-old white man attacked shoppers and workers at a supermarket, killing ten people, all Black, and wounding three others. The shooting is said to be “racially motivated violent extremism.”

I could make a post breaking down the injustices that are making headlines right now, but I’m not. Instead, I’m going to inform and remind all of you how this trendy headline is a literal haunting everyday reality when you look like me, and how I, your dear “fearless” friend, live in a modern-day horror film. Except this one isn’t fiction.

Every morning I wake up, I’m black.

And every day I wake up, a black man is beside me. I hold him tight, real tight because he’s strong.

And every time we walk out the doors of our house (well, even inside the house…i.e Bothem Jean, Atianna Jefferson) we have a target on us.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my blackness. I love the culture, the connections, the jokes, the power, and the strength we all have living within this black skin.

But just because I love it, doesn’t mean I chose the life or the fear that comes with it.

THUG. ATTITUDE. HATEFUL. RUDE. SCARY. GHETTO. CONFRONTATIONAL. AGGRESSIVE.

All negative connotations and assumptions that are automatically tied to me just because of the color of my skin. You may say, “Everyone’s not like that though….” or, “Everyone doesn’t think that way..”

You’re absolutely right. Not everyone does, but there is more than one person that does. Actually, there are a lot of people who are “like that,” and think “that way.”

Question: If you knew that more than one person in this world was out to get you wouldn’t you be afraid?

Clarifying question: If you knew that ANYONE was out to get you, target you, dehumanize you, demean you, wouldn’t you be afraid?

So why do I have to be silent?

Why do I have to continue my everyday life in fear that I might not see the next day because there was even one person who was not a part of the “everyone’s not like that” club. That ONE person, who didn’t want me around, didn’t care about my life, murdered me in broad daylight, made me a hashtag…

I’m not going to be silent. I’m calling attention because what happened to the people involved in the Buffalo shooting, could’ve happened to me. Could happen to me. Can happen to me.

Question: Why are you silent? I’m talking to you, my non-black friends, colleagues, partners, and associates. The ones who claim to love me and support me. Why are you silent when I need you to speak up for me the most?

There is a target on my back and it is active at all times. Unfortunately, I can’t remove it, I wake up every morning still black.

No amount of accolades, no amount of education, no amount of hard work can ever remove the target from my back. So I need you to defend me, because you can freely do so, without the target on your back.

Acknowledge me as the person you love, and acknowledge my blackness, not only when it’s convenient or relevant because you saw something that reminded you of it, but acknowledge it because it is who I am.

I don’t have the luxury to privately think about how “sad” this is, I live it. Don’t privately support me and privately stand up for me in your head, because “It just gives me anxiety to even think about it.” Imagine how I feel…, the one who is actually at risk…you probably can’t because you never had to. To my allies: Use your voice even if it shakes.

You can pray for me, I appreciate that. I’m praying too, but faith without works is dead– James 2:17. 

Speak up, out loud, and support me because you love me and because unlike you, every morning I wake up, still black and still targeted. Scary.

“How can dignity inspire us to do small yet powerful acts that make my community safer?” 

Resources if you’re at a loss and don’t know what you can do:

Good Men Project: 30 Ways to be a Better Ally106 Things White People Can Do for Racial JusticeScaffolded Anti-Racist ResourcesHow to help the families of the Buffalo Shooting: Complete Resources

Words to use if  you want to respond to this but don’t know what to say that isn’t harmful: “I am listening and I will take action.”

Please reach out to the Cultures of Dignity team with any questions or comments.

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Transforming Relational Aggression Podcast

Transforming Relational Aggression Into Conflict ResolutionCarey Goldstein discusses relational aggression, with “Rubber Meets the Road” interventions that you can use with your students to help them resolve conflicts in the Counselor Accents podcast.

Cultures of Dignity Director of Owning Up Programs, Carey Goldstein, was interviewed by the Counselor Accents podcast (a school counseling podcast for school counselors). In this episode, Carey discusses reframing the term relational aggression, how teachers can use students as their best resource, and a principles-based approach to Conflict Resolution – all through a lens of dignity.

What is Relational Aggression?

Relational aggression refers to harm within relationships that is caused by covert bullying or manipulative behavior.1,2 Examples include isolating a youth from his or her group of friends (social exclusion), threatening to stop talking to a friend (the ”silent treatment”), or spreading gossip and rumors by e-mail or social media.1,2

Why should we reframe it into Conflict Resolution?

While relational aggression can still be the root issue of a disagreement or negative emotional and social experience between kids, this tension is often due to young people not knowing how to react or respond to conflict. Teaching Conflict Resolution helps both sides of the relationship and empowers young people to handle a more diverse range of situations as they continue to develop.

At Cultures of Dignity, we believe that words and terms for young people’s behavior should have meaning — we try not to boil everything down to bullying as that may be a catch-all for behaviors that may not fit within the scope of Conflict Resolution. Looking at adolescent relationships and behavior through a lens of SEL helps adults understand that these skills need to be taught. If we can teach conflict resolution there is less opportunity for relational aggression, and young people learn strategies to confront these situations and work through them.

How does Dignity help us reframe relational aggression into Conflict Resolution?

The core of the Dignity Model (Dignity) is understanding that every person has inherent worth and deserves to be treated as such. Dignity is different from respect, which is earned through actions and traits. By teaching young people SEL and Dignity, we provide them a strong foundation to understand and practice Conflict Resolution. Additionally, Carey notes that many young folks start conflict because they feel socially unsafe. A shared language of Dignity helps students to open up about their situations and how they are impacted in their home, social, and school life, giving a new perspective to Conflict Resolution. Carey discusses how young people today approach conflict situations and how educators and parents can better understand what kids are going through and help guide them through the Conflict Resolution process.

Young people are likely to make mistakes when they are in conflict with their peers. As educators, we must help them understand the consequences of those mistakes. If kids feel pressured by adults to never make the wrong decision, they may stop coming forward or admitting mistakes, and miss opportunities for learning and growth. We also need to give parents grace — raising kids is hard, and no one is perfect all of the time. When parents approach their kids with dignity, many opportunities for learning open up. We need to engage our kids and include them when we build up their Conflict Resolution skills, and work with them to improve their relationship skills using a base of Dignity and social and emotional learning.

How does Conflict Resolution help kids in the future?

These issues are evergreen; but they may look slightly different in different generations. There is always conflict among young people, whether they interact in-person or virtually through social media — harmful rumors or negative comments about a friend that hurt their feelings can spread through a hand-written note or an exclusive group chat. We don’t always teach kids how to handle conflict, and adults don’t always handle conflict well. Young people, educators, and parents can benefit from collaborative social and emotional learning (SEL) programs to help kids learn how to handle conflict and build relationships. Even if these issues vary slightly between generations, kids can learn how to think about conflict resolution using a framework of Dignity and SEL, instead of what to think, and can see lasting benefits throughout their lives.

How can we empower our students and counselors at the same time?

The number one thing that educators can do is listen to their students — they are your best resource. Remember – treating kids as objects (i.e., telling them what to do and where to go for a fire drill) or recipients (i.e., teaching students in a math class a formula to memorize before a homework assignment) won’t be effective long-term for teaching something as complex and nuanced as Conflict Resolution. Kids should be considered as collaborators and stakeholders, participating early and often in real-life examples of situations that have a conflict that needs to be resolved from a place of Dignity. We are not asking teachers to give up their authority in the classroom, letting the kids run the show, but we need to work with the kids and guide them to make their own connections to learn Conflict Resolution techniques. Importantly – be open to listening, give grace where needed, and work with kids and families to build trust and rapport.

Teaching Conflict Resolution, using SEAL

Carey lays out the SEAL method in this episode – it includes four key actions that educators can teach to young people better understand and develop their Conflict Resolution Skills:

Stop – is this the time and place for conflict? Ask the students involved to pause before bringing up the situation in question with the other parties involved — make sure the environment is a safe place where the two or more sides will be heard by each other.Explain what the exact situation is that’s making you upset. Help students with their self-reflection and communication skills in order to clearly define for themselves and others what the other parties did to make them feel the need to address the specific conflict.Acknowledge what you did and own up. Students need to understand their role in the conflict and their contributions to the situation. Students need to face what they did and effectively communicate that acknowledgment while addressing the conflict, whether intentional or unintentional.Lock In (or Lock Out) and take a break from the relationship after the Conflict Resolution. Let the words exchanged between the two or more parties in the conflict set in and gently pull away from friendships that aren’t healthy in the moment. Carey teaches students to treat friendships like “velcro” — they can come apart and stick together in different ways depending on how they get the two sides to interact.

While this SEAL method isn’t exhaustive and doesn’t cover all situations, it provides a clear, actionable way to help students understand the basics of Conflict Resolution. To learn more, listen to the episode below:

Listen to the podcast episode:

In this podcast Carey discusses how educators can learn more about Conflict Resolution for young people. Carey explores how counselors, teachers, administrators and parents can include students in the conversation about Conflict Resolution while teaching young people techniques that can help improve their relationships, academic performance, and long-term life and career outcomes.

In this episode you will learn that:

Conflict with/between students is inevitable and they don’t always know how to handle it and/or how to recover from it. We need to teach them how to work through it and repair it if possible.Understanding the meaning of the words dignity and respect separates the actions of people from their inherent worth.If you can learn any part of Conflict Resolution (we use SEAL) you are making progress. It is not about perfection.Kids tend to act out or create conflict often because they feel socially unsafe.When talking to kids about Conflict Resolution, ask them to put it into their words. We can’t give them adult words and expect them to replicate that later on their own. What does it really look like in their world?Listen to young people, ask them questions and let them lead the conversation so we can support them in the way they need to be supported.

For a great resource(s) on learning how to help young people handle conflict see:

Lesson Plans for Conflict Resolution, Dignity, and SEL: Owning Up online (Specifically – see sections on OU, SEAL, Lessons 8, 9, 18, 19 and 20)Webinar: SEL is Not a Program, it’s a Teachable MomentWebinar: How to support young people as they make and keep friendshipsWorks CitedYoung, E., Nelson, D., Hottle, A., Warbuton, B., & Young, B. (2010). Relational Aggression Among Students — The National Association of Secondary School Principals (NASSP). School Psychologist.Young, E., Hottle, A., & Warbuton, B. (2010). Relational Aggression in Schools: Information for Eductators — National Association of School Psychologists. Helping Children at Home and School, III.














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Social and Emotional Learning in the Classroom

Introduction to Dignity and Social and Emotional Learning

As educators, we know that school is a significant part of our students’ social lives and where much of their emotional development takes place. We must help children learn how to interact with others and develop emotional intelligence to create a better learning environment for themselves and their peers. Promoting social and emotional learning can be tricky — students may react differently to a given technique or lesson plan or have unique learning needs. The Dignity Model is a framework that helps educators create safe, inclusive, and equitable environments in the classroom and helps create and implement social emotional learning activities. Building a culture of Dignity can help us teach our students essential social and emotional skills while also promoting respect for all classmates.

What is Dignity and how does it relate to Social and Emotional Learning

“Not teaching what to think – teaching HOW to think.”

The core of the Dignity Model (Dignity) is understanding that every person is essential because they have inherent worth, and nothing they do or say changes their value. Each interaction should lead to more effective conflict resolution, a better sense of self-worth, social awareness, and a safer, stronger community with Dignity in mind. Dignity is different from respect, which is earned admiration for someone’s actions, traits, or accomplishments. Unlike respect, everyone has the same amount of Dignity, no matter who they are or how they treat other people in a given situation. An educational foundation in Dignity is critical for implementing effective social and emotional learning. Treating students with Dignity should be the foundation of any social and emotional learning program, modeling the values and behaviors we want them to develop throughout their education.

Importantly – there’s no one way to teach students what to think regarding Dignity, respect, and social and emotional learning. Implementing these concepts is about teaching students HOW to think about their feelings and using social and emotional learning activities in the classroom to strengthen their ability to interact with their own emotions and others in the world.

What Is Social And Emotional Learning?

Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) is a process through which students learn skills and techniques that help resolve conflicts and build more secure relationships. Using a framework of emotional awareness and Dignity, students develop their own identities and affirm other people’s identities in a healthful and constructive manner. The emotional awareness and Dignity framework addresses conflicts directly and empowers responsible decision-making instead of bottling up feelings (emotional suppression), engaging in avoidance behaviors, or engaging in negative or counter-productive confrontation behaviors.

At Cultures of Dignity we view social emotional learning through five core competencies: Dignity, Navigating Social Dynamics, Emotional Awareness, Self-Regulation, Reasonable Expectations.

Dignity is the understanding that every person has inherent, inalienable worth. Treating interactions between every person as worthwhile and meaningful defines the rest of the SEL process.Navigating Social Dynamics is the ability to recognize and work within the web of relationships present in a community and culture. In a school setting, these relationship dynamics can include teacher-student relationships, grade differences between peers, classmate relationships, and specific friend group or clique relationships. SEL helps people establish their own identity and role within and across the larger structure of their community without being intimidated or rejected. In other words, SEL helps people feel worthwhile and meaningful within a culture, group, or situational setting.Emotional Awareness is the ability to identify and understand emotions within themselves and others that whom they interact with. At a basic level, SEL allows you to gain the emotional awareness needed to identify and name your own emotions. As your emotional awareness grows, it allows you to be able to anticipate how others might feel in a particular situation or after a specific interaction.Self-Regulation is the ability to manage feelings and behaviors to feel better about yourself and others. Examples include the ability to identify your emotions while at the same time having the ability to calm down while feeling angry or excited or being able to engage in healthy coping behaviors instead of shutting down (e.g., repressing or suppressing emotions) in the face of sadness or fear.Reasonable Expectations: Expectations can be a great way to set goals that may not be easy. At the same time, setting unattainable expectations may lead to stress and anxiety and worsen mental health. Understanding how to set boundaries for yourself and others through reasonable expectations can help you stay on track with goals while avoiding disappointment and lower self-worth.

Teaching styles and lesson plans that incorporate the five core competencies of SEL allow students to grow into more healthy, aware, and responsible members of the classroom and in the outside world. Again — these five core competencies are not what students must think to achieve a healthy life. Rather they are tools that equip students to learn how to think about their place in the world internally and externally. By building these competencies up through social and emotional learning in the classroom with a foundation of Dignity, we set our students up for long-term success in all aspects of their lives.

Why Teach Social Emotional Learning In the Classroom?

There’s no way to prepare for each unique situation that a student will face in their lifetime — that’s why it’s so important to leverage the classroom as a controlled environment to teach students ways of thinking that lead to social and emotional learning. Treating social and emotional learning as a set of principles instead of rules will help students learn to apply the five core competencies in many school, work, and life situations.

The classroom is a place where students come to learn not only facts about the world, but also how to interact and behave with a diverse group of friends, classmates, teachers, and other adults. The classroom offers the perfect setting and timing for students to learn how to consistently treat others with Dignity and respect and incorporate Social Emotional Learning into their development as a student and human being. With teachers as knowledgeable mentors, students can learn the basics of Dignity and why everyone deserves to be treated with a certain level of Dignity, and understand when someone either should earn or lose their respect. Practicing and understanding Dignity and respect allows students to be vulnerable, self-aware, and engaged within a supportive learning environment. Understanding the need for Dignity to be at the center of SEL helps ground the conversation and creates a shared language — teachers can educate from a place of Dignity, and students can continually interact and communicate with one another from the same foundation.

Implementing social emotional learning in the classroom allows students to develop habits that promote mental health and solidify their sense of self in a learning and supportive environment. In addition, this implementation gives students a structured way to learn skills that will help them months and years down the line as residents and citizens of an ever-changing and complex world. SEL is not just a program, but teachable moments that are implicitly taught throughout the day. From behaving well towards teachers and others during classes, to working on group projects and homework assignments, to socializing with classmates — there are many opportunities for teachers to reinforce SEL.

How To Teach Social Emotional Learning In The Classroom

There’s no specific “class for SEL” – but teachers can pass on concepts and skills to students that they can use in any setting and learning environment. School provides teachable moments every day that an educator can use as an opportunity to model the principles of Dignity and build connections with their students. Using your skills outside of class, such as learning about students’ interests, turning tantrums into reasonable conversations, or mediating the aftermath of a fight, can be even more effective at teaching social emotional learning to kids than a worksheet or in-class exercise.

Some educators may prefer to teach groups of students with social emotional learning activities for elementary schools, working on specific aspects of the five competencies throughout a homeroom or free period. Other educators may prefer to incorporate elements of SEL into other pre-established class times, like math, science or history. For example teachers can have students work through a group project using respectful interactions, or having students identify a historical figure’s actions and empathize with the reasons behind them. It’s important to remember that SEL is not about teaching students what to think; instead, they are learning a methodology of understanding their own and others’ emotions and acting in a way that treats everyone with Dignity. A strong mixture of dedicated and incidental materials is key to building out social emotional learning curriculum.

Why Is SEL important right now?

When educators implement SEL in the classroom, students tend to see benefits to their mental health, ability to build relationship skills, and career success down the line.2 Teachers will also see more engagement with lesson material from their students — when students are practicing empathy and Dignity, they may be less likely to ask “what’s the point of this?” or dismiss the teacher offhand, as well as being less afraid to ask questions in class or ask for help with problems2.

Studies show that:

Students taught by teachers who implemented learning moments that focused on the five core competencies increased student academic performance by 11 percentile points4. In the same study, about 27% of students who were taught by educators with an SEL framework program went on to improve their academic performance in school and 24% were better able to handle social situations and felt less distress.4A 2021 Meta-Analysis showed that over hundreds of SEL: programs, students tended to show improved classroom behavior, better ability to manage stress, depression, and other mental disorders, and felt better about themselves while having a better attitude toward how they treated others.3

Additionally, State governments and the Federal government have increased available funding for SEL in public schools in recent years — the 2020 CARES Act following the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic included over $13 billion of funding for elementary and secondary schools and the American Rescue Plan Act of 2021 included an additional $123 billion for K-12 state education agencies.5.6 According to these pieces of legislation, 5%-20% of the distributed state funds must be used to support evidence-based programs to offset the loss of learning due to the pandemic and help address student’s emotional, social, and academic needs.5

While the government distributed these specific funds through one-time stimulus packages, the structure of these funds lays out the groundwork for future educational funding.5 Future funding that follows this groundwork would require schools to use their budgets to accelerate learning to meet rigorous state and national standards, re-engage students with disruptions to learning from extenuating circumstances, and address the social and emotional needs of all students, particularly in disadvantaged communities.

As an evidence-based program that directly addresses these focus areas exacerbated by the pandemic, Dignity-based SEL qualifies for these federal and state funds and provides long-term benefits to students and stakeholders.5.6 As more students benefit from SEL, there will likely be an increase in funding for these programs. School administrators will need to be prepared for this expansion and implementation with well-trained personnel and the knowledge to teach in this way.

How SEL Affects Young People And Teachers Outside the Classroom

In addition to the impact of social emotional learning on improving academic performance and classroom behavior, there are many lasting positive effects on young people outside of school.1 Students exposed to SEL in the classroom are more capable of managing their emotions and setting boundaries with their peers. These outside benefits allow young people to stay focused on problems and solve social issues without getting upset or distracted by how others act.

One key benefit that students that undergo SEL see is that they are less likely to experience emotional hijacking, where our brains bypass our ability to remain calm and collected, and we react suddenly and without control to upsetting situations. An example of emotional hijacking would be if a friend is talking over you or distracting you while focusing on work or homework. You suddenly snap at them and say something that you may regret immediately after. SEL can teach students self-awareness and social skills that allow them to interject with more reasoned and calm interactions with their peers and family, leaving them more in control and emotionally stable. This stability can lead to long-term improvements in mental health and reduced chances of suffering from anxiety, depression, and substance abuse behaviors.3

Young people who learn SEL techniques are often in better control of their own emotions, whether reacting to something they did as individuals or reacting to something that someone else did to them. In other words, these students can regulate their emotions within a dynamic and varied set of circumstances, leading to less emotional turmoil. In turn leading to higher energy levels and improved ability to focus on work, homework, hobbies, and leisure activities. In addition to more energy and focus, students also report improved attitudes towards themselves and others, leading to a more positive outlook on their lives and social interactions.1

Any educator knows that relationships between students can change with no warning – kids who are best friends today may be arguing and fighting tomorrow for no discernible reason. You can’t know everything that happens in a student’s life outside of school, but using SEL practices can help you develop an understanding of why a conflict may exist and what you can do to help resolve it. Giving each student a chance to explain their perspective and experience away from the other parties and having them reflect on how their actions affect others will lead to more peaceful conflict resolution. Valuing the input of each side and framing the conflict in a way that doesn’t place the blame on any one side is a great way to model SEL for students, and they are likely to learn more from the experience than they would from a formal SEL lesson. This also reinforces that SEL is a set of principles and not rules.

Not only does SEL help students when they come home from school — these outside benefits can last through their lives as they grow older.1-4 Those exposed to SEL are better able to plan everyday tasks like going to the store, knowing when to work and when to take breaks for meals, and making time to do the things they enjoy. Dignity-based SEL specifically can help with joining the workforce and growing one’s career, for example by knowing how to treat others with Dignity and respect, understanding how to work and communicate with peers and those with authority, and knowing how to manage conflict and set reasonable expectations for goals and outcomes. Teaching Dignity-based SEL in school shows young people how to think about themselves in the world, and provides lasting positive effects outside the classroom.1-4

Dignity-based SEL isn’t just for students — social and emotional learning for teachers involves integrating Dignity into their daily practice and language. Teachers have an exceptionally hard job — they need to be steadfast role models to a group of impressionable children. It’s hard to be calm and collected all of the time with so much going on in the world as an adult! Lessons from SEL can show us how to use Dignity and deal with conflict outside of the classroom with family and friends — and can help “check your baggage” before teaching to avoid emotional outbursts or anger towards your students. A teacher’s role in social and emotional learning goes beyond the classroom and young people’s personal lives — they must deeply understand and be involved in Dignity-Based SEL every step of the way.

Think back on your own experience in the classroom — how much were you taught about emotions when you were your students’ age? Reflecting on this question, one can see how learning more about Dignity-based SEL can benefit students, young people, and teachers in a positive, lasting way!

How to get started and learn how to teach Dignity-Based SEL in the classroom

Young people and teachers benefit greatly from implementing Dignity-Based SEL both in and outside the classroom, leading to long-lasting positive outcomes in their lives. To learn more about Dignity and SEL, visit the Cultures of Dignity website to find more information and social emotional learning lesson plans. Feel free to reach out to the Cultures of Dignity team with any questions or comments!

Works CitedCASEL. (2008, January). Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and Student Benefits: | Education in Crisis and Conflict Network. http://www.eccnetwork.net/resources/s.... (2021). What Does the Research Say? CASEL.
https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel..., A. (2021, July 21). Adolescent mental health: A systematic review on the effectiveness of school-based interventions [July 2021]. Early Intervention Foundation.
https://www.eif.org.uk/report/adolesc..., J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The Impact of Enhancing Students’ Social and Emotional Learning: A Meta-Analysis of School-Based Universal Interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405–432. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2..., E. (2021, May 18). Recommendations for State Leaders to Advance Equity Using Funds from the American Rescue Plan. The Education Trust.
https://edtrust.org/resource/recommen..., S., & Palmer, S. (2020, April 23). The CARES Act: Five Things That School and District Leaders Need to Know Now. https://www.wallacefoundation.org/new...




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Webinar – SEL is Not a Program, it’s a Teachable Moment

We covered so much during our last webinar: SEL is Not a Program, it’s a Teachable Moment. Through the successes and challenges educators have shared with us, along with what we have observed in the schools we work in, we discuss how we can take what we have learned to help us finish out this school year and prepare us for the fall.

Here are our takeaways:

Young people are acting less mature than their chronological age.

Young people are acting about two years younger than their age; and we are seeing it in the increased conflicts they get into, aggression towards each other, or just struggling to keep their focus. Our advice is to meet them where they are; without talking down to them but recognizing the social structures they need now and then be ready and willing to modify our approach.

Teach boundaries to educators and parents.

While encouraging relationships between teachers, parents and students, we collectively overlooked that strong, trusting relationships depend on having and communicating healthy boundaries in these relationships. In our well intentioned efforts to bring relationships into the educational setting, one of the consequences is that educators are expected to be both a source of comfort and learning specialist for both child and the parent but also a person a parent can last out at if they are angry or anxious about their child’s experience at school. We must teach adults in a school how to define and communicate personal boundaries.

SEL does not always have to be done through explicit teaching.

Though Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) programs and curriculums give a strong foundational structure to teaching SEL based practices, they alone are not the only ways to teach SEL. SEL can be taught through implicit teachable moments. Moments where we are modeling and demonstrating to students how to react and respond to emotionally triggering situations. These moments can be through restorative conversations to help shift perspective and provide rationale, rather than demanding immediate change. Implicit teachable moments can be simple check-ins and morning meetings with students. SEL shouldn’t always feel like “one more thing,” but rather a “normal human thing” that demonstrates and teaches dignity.

So what do we do?

We double down on our efforts to teach the influence of emotions on everyone, children and adults.We are explicit about adults’ behavioral expectations in a schoolWe use the principle; no one knows everything, together we know a lot as the foundation for making co-created agreements with administrators, educators, faculty, parents, and students.

Get our Tiny Guides here to help comprehend core social and emotional concepts, understand their impact on you and your relationships, and equip you with tools to put them into action.

Further reading and Resources:

Student expectation dynamicsStudents and mental healthMaintaining boundaries in times of change




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Thank You To The Teachers Who Stick By Our Children

Thank You To The Teachers Who Stick By Our Children

 

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week and we want to help you honor the teachers in your life. 

We believe it’s good to revisit something about a relationship that’s bothering you, we also believe that you can offer praise or acknowledgment in relationships at any point.

It can be as simple as “Hey, I’ve been thinking about what you did [be specific here] a few days/weeks ago and I want you to know how much it meant to me. Thank you so much.”

During this teacher appreciation week, we encourage all of us to acknowledge the hard work of educators– whether that be your child’s teacher, your own mentor, or teachers from your past – and what they have done in our communities to uphold the emotional and physical well-being of our children.

It doesn’t have to be a huge life-changing experience. Your child doesn’t have to come out of the class a completely changed person but helping a tough situation go from 90% bad to 75% bad or seeing them do a more difficult math problem is what this relationship is all about.

So, here’s a mad lib to get you started:

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Webinar – What are young people hiding from adults and how do we pull back the curtain?

In the Wizard of Oz, it’s a wizard who is hiding the truth behind a curtain; that everything is not all right. Today it’s often young people hiding their truth behind the curtain.

That’s what we learned in our March 2022 Webinar: What are young people hiding from adults and how do we pull back the curtain? We also learned how and why young people can be so reluctant to tell parents and other adults who care about them when they are suffering.

This is what we found out:

Hiding can look like pushing parents away; from responding with “I’m fine” to being irritable.

Young people around the world are feeling this way. Michele Borba, Ed.D, an educational and child-development psychologist, shared that she’s seeing the same reaction in young people she talks to all over the world.

“Young people are feeling overwhelmed. They’re not focused the way they used to be and are more sleep deprived. But they also tell us that the best solution is parents who are calm and supportive.”

In addition to feeling overwhelmed, young people are comparing themselves to their peers and feeling like they aren’t good enough.

Why don’t they talk to us? How are they feeling? Here’s what our teen experts, Archi Jain and Lela Grant, teen advisors from Cultures of Dignity, said:

“We come into this world with this mindset that we need to be the perfect kids. We don’t want to disappoint our parents or make them feel like they’re doing something wrong. And then we don’t want to expose ourselves to the fact that we’re struggling.”

“It’s like you are a stone and then you just broke apart into pieces. I feel like if I told my friends about the situation I’m in, they would feel the pressure to help me build those broken pieces. And I don’t want them to feel that… It feels like I would fall apart and crumble and it would be really hard to put back together.”

“Kids just are like, I can handle it by myself without really engaging or trying to get help from people, especially parents.”

What can we do to encourage our children to pull back the curtain?

When they tell us something that upsets us, take a three second pause before responding.Keep your face and body language neutral. When young people tell adults “bad” news, adults can make facial expressions that make young people shut down. So ask your child if you have had a facial expression or body language that makes it harder for them to talk to you and then ask them what would work better. Then do your best to make even a small change in your reactions?“Chunk it.” When our children experience failure, conflicts, or disappointments, break it down into small manageable segments for them so it’s easier for them to think through.Support the other adults in your child’s life. Counselors and educators are there to support your children; the best thing you can do is to support them!

Remember parenting young people is like teaching them to swim. First you held them and let their legs kick, then you held their hands so they had a little more freedom, and then you let them lean back in the water, supporting them, but also showing them that you had confidence that they would eventually swim on their own. The more confidence you show to your children the more likely they will feel confident to communicate with you. If we are there for our young people, they will thrive instead of hide.

Get our Tiny Guides here to help comprehend core social and emotional concepts, understand their impact on you and your relationships, and equip you with tools to put them into action.

Further reading and Resources:

Thrivers | Michele Borba, Ed.D.
Thrivers_CoreAssets.pdf (micheleborba.com)
Thrivers_7EssentialCharacterTraits.pdf (micheleborba.com)

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