Rosalind Wiseman's Blog, page 2
December 8, 2022
Tips to Avoid Study Burnout
‘Study burnout’ is a concept used to define a state of physical and mental fatigue caused by stress or by feeling overwhelmed when students are not able to meet certain academic demands. According to researchers in the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, many cases of burnout result from students who procrastinate constantly, which leads to increased stress as unfinished assignments pile up.
When ‘burnout’ progresses, the affected student significantly loses motivation and interest to continue studying. As well, this emotion leaves the student hopeless, less productive, effective, engaged, and decreases the brain’s ability to focus. Unfortunately, once you find yourself feeling burnt out, it is quite difficult to combat it. However, there are ways to prevent it: experts say that students must pay attention when feeling its symptoms so it can be stopped before it gets too far.
Symptoms include, but are not limited to:
Sudden decrease in academic performanceMental and physical exhaustionZero motivationHopelessnessInability to concentrateLack of interest in educational topicsTo avoid getting a burnout, it is highly recommended and important to maintain a balance between school work and down time. Researchers at the University of the People recommend dedicating a specific amount of time to your hobbies, and it is even more recommended to spend time surrounded by nature since it is proven to regulate stress levels.
Second, spending time with your friends and family is key; it will contribute to your motivation for studying.
Third is to have a good sleep schedule. The amount of sleep you have will definitely affect your performance for that day. Sleeping is one of the few major ways to let your brain rest and recharge.
Finally, organize your time. Avoid procrastinating by dividing tasks throughout the week, or by making a calendar, since it will only lead to feeling stressed out. Look for techniques that will help you make the most of your time. The Pomodoro Technique is an amazing way to concentrate when busy, and it does allow you to have breaks in between to use your full potential and be as productive as you can. Get a to-do list and a timer. Set your timer for 25 minutes, and focus on a single task until the timer rings. When your session ends, mark off one pomodoro and record what you completed. Then enjoy a five-minute break. After four pomodoros, take a longer, more restorative 15-30 minute break. The following website is an amazing platform to follow this technique. Pomodoro Timer
Most importantly, students should be able to recognize any of the symptoms mentioned above and ask for help to parents, family members, counselors and teachers to get professional help early to avoid a dead end.
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November 16, 2022
Emotional Intelligence For Students And Educators
Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, understand, and manage emotions. It has become increasingly important in recent years as the world has become more complex and interconnected. Emotional intelligence skills can help individuals navigate social and emotional situations. More and more educators are starting to recognize and advocate for the importance of social and emotional learning to improve emotional intelligence in their students. By teaching students how to identify and manage their emotions, educators can help build a culture of dignity and help young people learn the skills they need to succeed in school and life.
Emotional intelligence, or emotional quotient (EQ), is made up of several competencies or levels, including:
Perceiving emotions. Emotional intelligence allows us to pick up on social and emotional queues from others to understand what emotions they are portraying. For example, this might include external awareness, where we can recognize facial expressions, posture, or tone of voice that indicate that someone is feeling a particular emotion. Perceiving emotions using emotional intelligence also consists of internal awareness, or the ability to notice our thoughts and feelings and reflect on our actions based on those thoughts and feelings.
Understanding emotions. Once we can perceive emotions effectively, emotional intelligence helps us understand how those emotions affect us or others. Students with high emotional intelligence can pick up on how others are feeling and may be able to unpack and understand what led to those feelings. For example, students with high emotional intelligence could realize that a friend or classmate is being outwardly angry or lashing out at others; and could empathize with them as they recently had trouble at home or performed poorly on a test. Understanding emotions via emotional intelligence allows students not to be as affected by the words and actions of others and can help resolve conflict or help the student avoid giving others harmful labels that hurt their feelings.
Managing emotions. Self-regulation and managing how we feel are crucial to emotional intelligence. Students with high emotional intelligence/EQ can practice better self-regulation, which is the ability to reflect inwardly and outwardly, controlling how they react to emotions that arise from everyday situations. Higher emotional intelligence leads to a better understanding of why people feel the way they do, allowing students to practice empathy for others and think critically about their emotions before acting. Managing emotions using emotional intelligence skills better enables students to treat each other with dignity in the classroom, even if difficult situations arise. For example, managing emotions with emotional intelligence can help students avoid reproaching themselves over poor performance, can help students resolve conflict or confront bullying in their friend groups, and can help students overcome mental health challenges. Emotional intelligence helps students understand the appropriate times to act on their emotions and when to take a second to think about what they are feeling, providing inward and outward stability that can help them navigate school and life at home and beyond.
Reasoning with emotions. We often think of emotions as interfering with rational thought or reason. However, emotions can help us prioritize what we care about and where we spend our time and effort. We can use emotions to become more in tune with thoughts about specific situations or issues in the world around us. Emotional intelligence can help us think with our feelings and become motivated to learn certain subjects (i.e., being passionate about climate change). It can also help us think about a scenario or context in a certain way and allow us to predict how someone may feel or be affected by their present circumstances. Predicting others’ emotions using emotional intelligence is particularly important in the classroom. A student can gauge how others will react before speaking or acting a certain way that could offend or upset a classmate or colleague.
Importance Of Emotional Intelligence
Together, perceiving, understanding, managing, and reasoning with emotions empower students to regulate their emotions, control their impulses, and manage stress effectively. When combined, these different types of emotional intelligence allow students to become more well-rounded individuals and improve their social skills. High emotional intelligence has been linked to various benefits by researchers, including mental health and wellbeing1-4. For students, developing emotional intelligence can help them to succeed in school and life. Emotional intelligence skills can be taught and learned, making it an essential asset for individuals of all ages. When it comes to helping students achieve success and happiness, teaching emotional intelligence is a critical factor.
Emotional Intelligence: Why Can It Matter More Than IQ?
Intelligence can be defined in many different ways, but broadly speaking, according to experts in emotional intelligence:
“Intelligence / Mental Ability: a person’s capacity to perform a psychological task, such as solving a problem, to meet a specified criterion such as correctness, novelty, or speed.”3
Psychology experts and educators have commonly used Intelligence Quotient, or IQ, to measure the intelligence of students and young people. IQ attempts to tap at the standardized measure of human intelligence and typically represents the ability to do well in academic work (e.g., quantitative reasoning, knowledge of facts about the world, and pattern recognition). It is generally not representative of other cognitive processes such as visual and spatial processing, working memory, and short-term memory. While IQ can measure aspects of intelligence, it doesn’t provide a great overall picture of how a student or child will perform in a wide array of unique and diverse situations that they go through in daily life. For example, someone with a high IQ may get high test scores and solve certain types of visual pattern problems more quickly. However, they may not be as proficient in resolving conflict, managing their emotions, or understanding how others feel around them. When we place too much value on standardized test scores and certain types of intelligence around quantitative results and rigid rules, we may be undervaluing the social and emotional aspects of the world.
Emotional intelligence or EQ, despite being different than IQ, still involves mental capabilities to solve problems and handle specific tasks with accuracy and speed; a more precise definition was given by researcher John D. Mayer and team in 2008 (founders of the Mayer-Salovey-Caruso emotional intelligence test)3:
“Emotional intelligence concerns the ability to carry out accurate reasoning about emotions and the ability to use emotions and emotional knowledge to enhance thought.”3
Emotional intelligence or EQ can often better predict successful everyday interpersonal interactions than IQ because it plays a role in success across various contexts, including academics, work, and relationships.3 For example, studies have shown that students with higher emotional intelligence tend to get better grades and are more likely to be successful in college4. Emotional intelligence is also essential for managing difficult situations at work and maintaining positive relationships2,3. Colleagues and management often describe people with high emotional intelligence as more “well-rounded” than those with a high IQ but low EQ. It’s important to note that we can improve our EQ and IQ with intentional practice and learning, so it’s crucial to have educators that understand the difference between the two and the importance of each for predicting certain types of outcomes in students2,3. Emotional intelligence can majorly impact success in life, making it an important quality to cultivate in children and adults.
How Can Emotional Intelligence Help Improve Social And Emotional Learning?
Social and emotional learning (SEL) is the process through which students acquire the skills to navigate life’s social and emotional challenges. SEL highlights the importance of emotional intelligence as it can play a crucial role in helping students develop the self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship skills needed to succeed in school and life. By integrating SEL and emotional intelligence into the classroom, teachers create a positive feedback loop to teach essential concepts to students and create a culture of dignity.
Examples Of Emotional Intelligence In The Classroom
There are several ways that teachers can integrate emotional intelligence into their social and emotional learning lesson plans. For example, they can provide emotional intelligence activities for students to practice identifying and expressing their emotions through writing or speaking. They can also create opportunities for students to work on collaborative problem-solving tasks, such as group projects or simulations. Learning the difference between inherent dignity and earned respect can be a lesson in emotional intelligence. Students must differentiate and understand complex dynamic concepts like self-worth, empathy, and critical thinking about emotions. By incorporating emotional intelligence into social and emotional learning, teachers can help students develop the skills they need to thrive in school and life.
In addition to including SEL in lesson plans, teachers can create teachable moments during which students can practice emotional intelligence skills. These moments can occur spontaneously, or teachers can plan them, but they should always allow students to put what they’ve learned into practice. For example, a teacher might ask a student to role-play resolving a conflict with a classmate. By providing these practice opportunities, teachers can help their students solidify their understanding of emotional intelligence and build the skills they need to succeed.
How Does Emotional Intelligence Help Teachers And Educators?
The role of a teacher or educator in promoting emotional intelligence goes beyond teaching young people; it involves practicing and embodying emotional intelligence skills outside of school. In leadership roles, emotional intelligence can help you better understand and motivate those you are on your colleagues and team. If you can read the emotions of your team members, you can better provide the support they need to succeed. Emotional intelligence can help you build strong relationships with co-workers, customers, and clients; by understanding their emotions, you will be better able to communicate with them and meet their needs. And at home, emotional intelligence can help you to create a more harmonious household. By attuning to the emotions of your spouse or partner, and children, you will be better able to resolve conflicts and create a more positive family environment. As these examples illustrate, emotional intelligence training can profoundly impact every area of your life.
By learning more about emotional intelligence, SEL, and dignity, we also set a positive example for our students and community. Learning more about these concepts through our blog or lesson plans for middle school or upper elementary can be a great way to continue your education and enable the young people you interact with to better understand these concepts from the perspective of a trusted adult. Emotional intelligence improves outcomes for students, teachers, administrators, families, and community leaders1-4. Cultures of Dignity is here to support your learning journey!
Works CitedExtremera, N., & Rey, L. (2016). Ability emotional intelligence and life satisfaction: Positive and negative affect as mediators. Personality and Individual Differences, 102, 98–101.
https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.0..., S., Petrides, K. V., Sangareau, Y., & Furnham, A. (2009). Exploring the relationships between trait emotional intelligence and objective socio-emotional outcomes in childhood. British Journal of Educational Psychology, 79(2), 259–272.
https://doi.org/10.1348/000709908X368..., J., Roberts, R., & Barsade, S. (2008). Human Abilities: Emotional Intelligence. Annual Review of Psychology, 59, 507–536.
https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych..., J. D. A., Summerfeldt, L. J., Hogan, M. J., & Majeski, S. A. (2004). Emotional intelligence and academic success: Examining the transition from high school to university. Personality and Individual Differences, 36(1), 163–172.
https://doi.org/10.1016/S0191-8869(03...
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September 26, 2022
How to Explain Social and Emotional Learning to Families
Social and emotional learning (SEL) refers to the skills needed to navigate through social interactions, understand and manage emotions, and make responsible decisions. While much of SEL occurs at school, educators know that families play a crucial role in supporting these skills at home. There can often be a disconnect between what happens in the classroom and at home. By taking the time to explain SEL to families and provide concrete examples of how parents and children at home can use SEL concepts, educators can help accelerate students’ social and emotional development.
Families that understand SEL concepts can partner with educators to grow skills at home in parallel with school and see lasting positive outcomes1. When families and educators work together, everyone benefits.
What Is Social And Emotional Learning?
SEL is a process through which students develop skills and techniques that help them build more secure relationships, learn how to regulate their emotions, and resolve conflicts more productively. SEL aims to create a healthy, safe environment focused on self and interpersonal growth. We define SEL as having five core competencies: Dignity, Navigating Social Dynamics, Emotional Awareness, Self-Regulation, and Reasonable Expectations. These core competencies help those practicing SEL to have healthier relationships and better habits and lead to better mental health outcomes1. SEL isn’t just one specific subject like science or social studies — instead, it’s a collection of ideas, activities, practices, and teachable moments that students and families can learn from.
SEL is not about specific lesson plans that teach students what to feel or think — instead, effective SEL teaches students a process of how to think. This distinction is critically important for teachers and families — you can’t simply check off all of the boxes of the core competencies to become adept at SEL. It takes time and commitment to ensure that young people understand the reasoning behind their own and others’ actions, emotions, goals, and aspirations. Teachers, school counselors, administrators, and family members can quickly identify social-emotional challenges that students commonly encounter, including students unwilling to work with a partner, students who lash out at their friends and classmates, and students who don’t believe in themselves or their abilities. Consistency and communication between teachers and families can allow students to understand SEL concepts more deeply, accelerate their learning, and effectively practice skills they have learned in and out of the classroom.
The world is ever-changing and becoming more diverse every day, so it’s essential to account for the differences that we see in our fellow human beings so that everyone has an equal footing for success. SEL provides a common ground and specific language for young people and adults to better empathize and communicate with those around them, better manage their feelings and thoughts, and work through novel situations while growing from their challenges. Families that encourage SEL in their children will be able to see them navigate the world and manage their relationships more adaptively. Families can also benefit from practicing and learning about SEL with their children, as it improves their communication skills and gives them tools for conflict resolution. By encouraging SEL in and out of the classroom, families set up their children for success in the world.
SEL Doesn’t Suddenly Stop When Students Leave School — Why Families Must Engage In SEL At Home
Families play a critical role in supporting SEL at home and providing a safe space to ensure their children can continue learning and growing as individuals. SEL is not just a classroom activity — it’s a way to learn how to think, engage with the world, manage one’s emotions, and handle dynamic social situations. When parents model positive SEL behaviors, provide practice opportunities, and give supportive and constructive feedback, children are more likely to develop the skills they need to succeed1.
Teachers can offer guidance and get kids on the right path, and families can reinforce good habits and create a safe environment and culture of dignity for their kids to feel open to growing. Families must understand what SEL is to support students’ development of SEL skills. Those knowledgeable in SEL should communicate what SEL is and its benefits to families to understand best how to help their children grow. Similarly, we should encourage parents and families to learn more about SEL and ask questions as they arise to best help young people thrive and grow.
What Are Some Strategies And SEL Activities Or Practices At home?
There are some specific action steps that families and parents can take to nurture SEL skills in their children, including:
Continually build young people’s self-awareness and self-esteem. Reflecting inwardly is an essential piece of SEL — and families can play a critical role in encouraging self-awareness and self-esteem. Self-awareness is recognizing and understanding our thoughts, feelings, and beliefs and practicing mindfulness around why we act the way we do. Parents and caregivers can help young people identify their emotions when upset or angry and put a name to their feelings to make them seem more manageable1. They can also show their children how to empathize with others, setting a positive example for treating others how they wish to be treated. In addition to self-awareness, parents can help children build their self-esteem, which is your overall opinion of yourself and how you feel about your abilities and limitations. Parents who positively reinforce their children’s strengths and value their opinions and ideas can boost their children’s self-esteem, leading to their children becoming more confident and better able to manage how they think and feel about themselves. Educators can explain to families that self-awareness and self-esteem can further boost children’s abilities to engage in and benefit from SEL, motivating parents and young people to practice these skills.
Actively listen to one another. Families that genuinely attend to each other can better understand what children need and what issues they may have with friends, school, and their feelings. When children and their parents feel heard by each other, it’s much easier to have an open and honest conversation about sensitive topics. Once families establish an open dialogue, children can further share what’s bothering them, positively reinforcing good habits about sharing their feelings. Open communication also contributes to emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand one’s own emotions better. Emotional intelligence allows families and young people to manage stress and conflict and feel empathy towards others. Educators should emphasize to families that listening is one of the first steps to creating a home environment that encourages SEL.
Be a model for behavior that you wish to see in your children. As trusted adults, parents influence what their children think, act, and react to certain situations. Parents should do their best to model the behaviors they wish to see in their children to create consistency between the words we, as adults, say and our actions. By seeing their parents walk the walk and talk the talk, children can better understand how to treat others kindly, deal with social and emotional situations with more control over their feelings, and act with self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Modeling behaviors that encourage SEL in children is a crucial step for parents to take outside the classroom. While modeling the behavior we wish to see in our children is one of the most challenging steps to take (everyone makes mistakes), educators can provide resources and support to parents working to better understand and implement SEL at home.
Understand and embrace that each child is unique. Families must understand that each child, and each person, is unique and different — this understanding is critical to the foundation of SEL. Every child learns differently, has different ways of expressing and feeling emotions, and has unique desires and preferences, so families must understand and listen carefully to best meet their individual needs. Educators who embrace each child’s uniqueness can better explain how understanding differences can help families learn and benefit from SEL on a deeper level.
Find resources and support that work for each unique individual and their family. While the field of SEL is a newer concept in education overall, there are many great resources for educators, parents, and young people. There’s no right or wrong way to approach SEL, but different types of resources can resonate with folks differently depending on how they teach or learn. For example, our blog is an excellent place to find more information about SEL for those that know from reading. Our podcasts and webinars are better for those who learn from the conversation. Our tiny guides and lesson plans may be better for educators who prefer an integrated curriculum. And our workshops and consulting services may be best for those who want to interact with speakers and experts. There’s a ton out there, so reach out to us if you need help navigating through the noise and finding the best way to help families learn about SEL!
How Can Families Encourage Their Children To Participate In SEL At School?
Families that learn about SEL don’t just help their children at home; they can also encourage and generate interest in SEL to get young people more engaged at school. Working with families to promote SEL can create a positive feedback loop that will benefit young people and their schools.
For example, asking questions about the school day allows children to open up about their lessons and daily experiences and reinforce the concepts they learned. Asking students to share how they felt during successes or failures in projects, tests, and presentations allows them to reflect on their performance and identify how they felt about it. Families can also have their children open up and share non-academic experiences at school; for example, if they did anything fun with their friends during the break period or talked to someone new at school. Some incidents might take a gentler approach, like asking our children if they got into trouble or a conflict. Parents that practice being open and honest can affirm that home is a safe space to talk about challenges rather than just the joyous moments of the day. Asking questions and remaining engaged and curious is a critical way to reinforce SEL in our children and motivate them to succeed academically, socially, and emotionally at school. Educators that can explain how to engage with SEL in a family setting can help create a positive atmosphere that benefits young people in the classroom and at home.
How Can Families Get Involved With SEL And Create A Culture Of Dignity?
We believe that creating a culture of dignity can enable families, young people, educators, and community leaders to better teach each other and benefit from SEL. Dignity is the inherent worth that we all have, regardless of our background and where we come from. Respect is earned through action — and is different from dignity. Dignity allows a shared language and even playing field to better empower young people to learn from and benefit from SEL. If we can teach families that dignity is an essential foundation for SEL, we can better involve them in their children’s social and emotional development. Below are some specific actions to take with families to create a culture of dignity and benefit from SEL at home:
Invite – welcome families into the discussion. It’s not just a teacher or school administrator’s job to teach SEL or create a culture of dignity — instead, it’s a collaborative effort between role models in the student’s life. Be clear when inviting families to participate in SEL and equip them with the tools they need to understand core concepts that can benefit their children.
Education – explaining SEL and dignity clearly and in different ways can help families understand the reasoning behind SEL. Families can also stay current and learn ways to practice and enforce SEL in their homes with initial guidance from educators or other groups knowledgeable in SEL, like Cultures of Dignity.
Benefits – Families should understand the many benefits of SEL through a lens of dignity to their children to become motivated to learn more about SEL. By first hearing of and experiencing the benefits of SEL, families enter a positive feedback loop of reinforcement.
Inclusivity – SEL can be taught to and benefit anyone, regardless of age, race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or ability. By being inclusive, we invite families and children to participate in an open conversation about SEL and its benefits to all. Understanding dignity can help us understand why it’s essential to be inclusive.
Tools – Many organizations offer ideas and lessons to engage students in the classroom or at home. Our blog provides a fantastic place to start, and our lesson plans are available for all educators. Subscribe to our newsletter for the latest updates on SEL within the context of Dignity.
How Do Families Benefit From SEL?
While children benefit from SEL at a critical point in their development, its benefits extend to all family members. Families who have exposure to SEL and practice it daily can improve their emotional regulation, self-awareness, empathy, and emotional intelligence towards themselves and others. Families that learn more about emotional regulation can identify their feelings, put a name to them, and discuss them more openly. By being more open and aware of their feelings, family members can share what makes them feel certain emotions and use that to better communicate with each other, leading to healthier relationships and better conflict resolution.
Parents with SEL skills are more likely to model desired behavior for their children, establish more positive relationships, communicate effectively with them, and provide support during challenging times. In turn, children with parents who role-model SEL skills are more likely to have higher self-esteem, better social competence, and stronger relationships.
Why Is It Essential For Communities To Engage Families In SEL?While all families can benefit from incorporating SEL into daily life, some families may need extra support. Adults who work with families can guide how to implement SEL activities into everyday routines. They can also offer resources and referrals to families who may benefit from more specialized services. Ultimately, we can create more compassionate, responsive, and joyful communities by supporting SEL in families and adults.
SEL advances educational equity and excellence through authentic school-family-community partnerships. Families that engage in SEL with their children contribute to learning environments and experiences that feature trusting relationships, rigorous and meaningful curricula and instruction, and ongoing evaluation with precise measurements of progress. Families that engage with SEL can help address various forms of inequity and empower young people and adults to contribute to safe, healthy, and just communities1. Families that practice empathy, active listening, and emotional intelligence are more likely to treat others with dignity and lift up those different from themselves1.
Extending and reinforcing SEL into family life gives many opportunities for students to learn and practice social-emotional skills with real-world experiences. Engaging families as partners in SEL can add more significant meaning and relevance to the lessons happening at school. Social-emotional learning outside of school can grow and change depending on what each child needs, meaning that families must understand SEL to give their children the best chance at success. Family homes and their surrounding communities are ripe with opportunities for social-emotional learning growth, including trips to complete errands, having a dinner time conversation, responding to a family event or experience, and meeting different people while out and about. This highly personalized learning from everyday experiences adds breadth and depth to social-emotional learning for students2. Family-enabled learning utilizes students’ strengths and fills in gaps that emerge in everyday life, empowering students to independently apply these lessons as needed and ingrain their understanding of SEL, laying the foundation for a culture of dignity.
Works CitedCASEL. (2021). What Does the Research Say? CASEL.
https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/what-does-the-research-say/Thorson, K. (2018, October 16). Extending Social Emotional Learning into the Home. Getting Smart.
https://www.gettingsmart.com/2018/10/16/social-emotional-learning-in-the-home/
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September 9, 2022
Webinar – Bullying: Define, Prevent, Address
First, we need to define the words that we are using. Respect comes from the Latin word respectus, meaning “to look back at.” Respect is earned. Dignity is from the Latin word dignitas, meaning “to be worthy.” Dignity is inherent, we all have it, and we all have the same amount, no matter what
There are some shortcomings inherent to the word “respect” and its meaning. It can mean “obey” to students; obey no matter what and obey simply because someone is in a position of power. For example, respect your elders, children should be seen and not heard, etc. It can prevent kids from speaking up when abuses of power are happening. We often ask kids to respect people that have not earned their respect by the behaviors they have demonstrated.
How does the creation of particular environments help us prevent instances of bullying?Using a lens of dignity enables us to separate behavior from the person’s worth. You cannot respect how someone has treated you, but you also cannot seek revenge or treat them as if they are less than. You still treat someone with dignity, even if you do not respect them or their behavior.
This change is one of many steps to help create a culture of dignity within schools. While it is always important to try and minimize bullying, schools should be very cautious about having a goal to eliminate bullying completely. It is hard to completely prevent bullying in schools. Young people should make mistakes. That is what they are designed to do when they are this age; it is developmentally appropriate. Sometimes, schools can feel as if they are working to eliminate all discipline issues. We want to be proactive and try to lessen the incidences of meanness and bullying while at the same time helping young people figure out what to do when these things do happen. Also, by setting up an environment where perfection is the only option, we create a space where students do not feel safe to speak up when something is going on and more importantly, do not want to own their behavior when they mess up.
A culture of dignity helps you feel seen, heard, and valued. Separating the words “respect” and “dignity” in conversation with the student can help open up a dialogue with them. It can let them know that you see the bad behavior and do not support it, and it also holds them to a standard of how they treat others. These conversations can help the response from the adult feel more authentic like the adult sees both sides and understands social dynamics. We aren’t making everyone apologize, even when one side may not have done anything. This can help build communication and trust with your students.
This shift to dignity and separating the behavior from the person can help them not feel labeled. So it isn’t stuck with them from year to year. Labels can be really hard to get rid of, especially when adults buy into them.
Labels foster the environment of bullying. Kids can become the label that others have given them. Even the kids demonstrating bad behavior have dignity; and w cannot forget that they are kids. They deserve the chance to get away from that label.
How would you define bullying, conflict, and drama? What are some main misconceptions people hold regarding these behaviors?It is important to get clear about words. It can be easy to misuse them and over use them.
Rude is unintentionally excluding, isolating, hurting someone’s feelingsMean is intentionally excluding, isolating, or hurting someone’s feelingsDrama is a conflict between people that is entertaining to everyone elseConflict is a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demandsBullying is repeatedly abusing power against another personBullying can be overused. Sometimes when kids are mean, even just one time, we can quickly (too quickly) label that behavior as bullying. Parents also know this can be a trigger word in schools, and schools will react to this word.
Bullying can also happen between adults and students, and when we use the word respect too much, it prevents kids from speaking up when there is an abuse of power. Talk to students about speaking up when something feels odd or off, or guide them to find a trusted adult and let kids know that you will figure it out together.
Bullying or mean behavior happens more often within friend groups rather than picking on one kid that is on the outside. At least, this is what we have seen when working with young people. Yes, people can be mean and/or bully the outsider, but more often, the behavior is seen within groups of friends.
Participant questions:Question- Are things black and white? Is it easy to see these types of behaviors and decide which is mean and which is bullying?Nothing is easy in education, and it is not easy to define the differences between these words and to know the moment when it crosses over from mean to bullying. Treat most situations like a conflict and follow the process and procedures that go along with that, as this will help define what is actually going on. Find out the full story and hear both sides to best figure out the next steps and help resolve the issue.
It is important to not label or make assumptions about kids’ behaviors. Just because they have been mean in the past doesn’t always mean they are behaving that way again. Kids can and will change; we have to be careful to not shove them back in the box. As we find out all sides of the story there are opportunities to model behaviors. Ask curious questions, ask youth to think about it before acting, and ask who else could help with the situation. Once you have worked through it together, you can give the students choices on how to handle it and what they want to happen next. As adults, we sometimes want to jump in too quickly to try and fix or solve a problem. You can give students some control back by going through options. Doing nothing is an option (but nothing changes). Reporting behavior to the school with hopes of discipline can sometimes be necessary, but this option means you would lose control of the outcome. You can also mention talking directly to the other student with adult support or alone. All of these are options, and they may have different outcomes, which is OK, but at least be aware of what your choices are before decisions are made.
If they are open to talking with the other students, how do they prepare? It is hard to approach conflict when we are not used to it and to know what to say. Remember, all of the things we are asking our students to do are not only hard for them but are hard for us as adults. Giving them some ideas of what to say and then encouraging them to put it in their own words. They won’t be perfect but at least having a plan that is thought through helps them be proactive.
Giving students a voice is treating them with dignity, and to get all students to feel heard helps the school create a culture of dignity. Kids are more willing to follow rules when they are based on principles and make sense.
Question: Is there a difference with kids after Covid?Yes, kids aren’t handling rules the same way. The rules have been different, and now we are trying to reinforce some pre-covid rules, which can be confusing. When kids don’t know the boundaries, it can be hard for them. Adults are also struggling, and that can be hard for kids to see. They see their teachers as perfect or as a source of strength. Kids have regressed a little, and it can be a hard adjustment for teachers who are used to teaching 9th graders but now those 9th graders are acting like 7th graders. Administrators need to provide support for teachers on SEL (social emotional learning) and how to manage it in the classroom.
Question: As a parent, how do I instill courage in my 2 year old girl?Courage comes more naturally to some than in others and can look different in different kids and people. Some can be outspoken and obvious, while others can be more subtle and supportive. It is important to support and encourage both types of courage. Encourage them at a young age to speak up or to come to you and ask if something feels off. Keep the conversation open so they will ask when someone makes them uncomfortable or hurts their feelings. Through these conversations, you can see how kids handle and get a better grasp of what they need or how they handle situations. Also, letting them know that they do not need to be perfect in all situations.
Encouraging them at a young age to recognize their feelings. What are they, and how do they make us act? Sometimes they don’t recognize how they feel about situations until later. With such young children, you start very basic and help them identify their feelings. It is also OK to let them live in their feelings and not try to push them through the emotion too quickly. They need to feel that feeling and to be emotionally granular.
Question: How much can cyberbullying affect teenagers compared to traditional ways of bullying? What should we do as teachers when something like that happens to one of our students?It is a very tricky situation. They can affect kids equally, but cyberbullying can sometimes be more intense because it is non-stop. On the flip side, it can be easier for some people to stand up to bullying online. The hardest part of cyberbullying is that it is underground, it’s harder to “catch it”. It is a rough place for educators; it used to be that if the effects trickled into school, we could get involved even if without a consequence from school but maybe getting parents involved. Confronting someone back online can have consequences you may not anticipate. This conversation leads to a discussion on how to confront someone in a productive way.
Give kids options on how to handle it, and help them see/remember that what they text or respond back to can also be screenshot or saved and shared. Go over potential consequences. Help kids figure out how to have some control over a situation that feels very out of control. If you force them to handle a conflict in a way that is uncomfortable for them or feels unnatural you are reinforcing the lack of control they are already feeling.
How do we practically address instances of bullying, conflict, and drama? SEAL is a way to handle a hard conversation.How to address conflict:
Stop: Breathe, listen, and think when, where, now, or later
Explain: What happened that you don’t like, and what do you need instead?
Affirm: Affirm and admit
Lock: Lock in the relationship, take a pause, or lock it out
These steps can be really hard to do in the moment. We tend to react, which is very natural in these moments. This process is about practice and not perfection. Any step you master or try is a success. Conflict is hard for all of us. You can go through this process with young people, walk through it with them, and ask how they would do it, what are their words, and what feels comfortable to them?
If you can talk about these steps with students, you can work through which ones are easier or harder for them to do as everyone is different. Sometimes with older kids, it is easier to work backwards. What is the end result that is desired? Is it to repair the friendship or to move on from it? Again, try to provide choices whenever possible.
SEAL can be viewed as “cheesy” if you use the acronym, so you do not always need to use the name SEAL when introducing it. Sometimes you can simply say that you are going to discuss steps to take when handling conflict. Or if you do use it, ask them why they think it is silly or won’t work. Let them think about which parts they feel will actually work. SEAL is something that is good to share with parents so they can help their child work through it as well.
When you teach the SEAL method with students and then they don’t use it and things escalate, what should you do?SEL is hard to instill, teach, and practice. As we say, these types of lessons or classes are not 2 + 2 = 4 types of classes. It is much more about practice and not perfection. We are all human and will have emotional reactions at times. When discussing SEAL, or other aspects of SEL, there are ways to model and appropriately share. It is OK to tell your students: “You know, conflict is still hard for me, but I keep trying.” You can’t get upset when they don’t use the tools we give them. They have to get there on their own and in their own way. We hope they think through it and that it is there for later use. We hope they become adults that can use these skills naturally.
We often have expectations that kids should handle hard issues and moments well or perfectly. We as adults often misstep, ignore, or overreact, so we cannot expect young people to navigate sticky situations smoothly, nor can we chastise them when they struggle. We do not want to attach shame to a behavior that, in turn, is attached to the student as a person, and that prevents growth and learning. We have all said things in a way we did not intend to, SEAL can provide a path to not get labeled in a certain way.
Listen to the full podcast for more on the conversation about Dignity, Respect, Social Emotional Learning, and SEAL. Real-world questions from participants and answers from the panelists provide realistic and concrete ways to define words used in schools and how to handle tough situations with students.
Get the Cultures of Dignity Newsletter
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September 4, 2022
Social Emotional Wellness and Emotional Granularity: Managing Emotions in Hard Times and All of the Time
First, we need to define the words that we are using. Respect comes from the Latin word respectus, meaning “to look back at.” Respect is earned. Dignity is from the Latin word dignitas, meaning “to be worthy.” Dignity is inherent, we all have it, and we all have the same amount, no matter what
There are some shortcomings inherent to the word “respect” and its meaning. It can mean “obey” to students; obey no matter what and obey simply because someone is in a position of power. For example, respect your elders, children should be seen and not heard, etc. It can prevent kids from speaking up when abuses of power are happening. We often ask kids to respect people that have not earned their respect by the behaviors they have demonstrated.
How does the creation of particular environments help us prevent instances of bullying?Using a lens of dignity enables us to separate behavior from the person’s worth. You cannot respect how someone has treated you, but you also cannot seek revenge or treat them as if they are less than. You still treat someone with dignity, even if you do not respect them or their behavior.
This change is one of many steps to help create a culture of dignity within schools. While it is always important to try and minimize bullying, schools should be very cautious about having a goal to eliminate bullying completely. It is hard to completely prevent bullying in schools. Young people should make mistakes. That is what they are designed to do when they are this age; it is developmentally appropriate. Sometimes, schools can feel as if they are working to eliminate all discipline issues. We want to be proactive and try to lessen the incidences of meanness and bullying while at the same time helping young people figure out what to do when these things do happen. Also, by setting up an environment where perfection is the only option, we create a space where students do not feel safe to speak up when something is going on and more importantly, do not want to own their behavior when they mess up.
A culture of dignity helps you feel seen, heard, and valued. Separating the words “respect” and “dignity” in conversation with the student can help open up a dialogue with them. It can let them know that you see the bad behavior and do not support it, and it also holds them to a standard of how they treat others. These conversations can help the response from the adult feel more authentic like the adult sees both sides and understands social dynamics. We aren’t making everyone apologize, even when one side may not have done anything. This can help build communication and trust with your students.
This shift to dignity and separating the behavior from the person can help them not feel labeled. So it isn’t stuck with them from year to year. Labels can be really hard to get rid of, especially when adults buy into them.
Labels foster the environment of bullying. Kids can become the label that others have given them. Even the kids demonstrating bad behavior have dignity; and w cannot forget that they are kids. They deserve the chance to get away from that label.
How would you define bullying, conflict, and drama? What are some main misconceptions people hold regarding these behaviors?It is important to get clear about words. It can be easy to misuse them and over use them.
Rude is unintentionally excluding, isolating, hurting someone’s feelingsMean is intentionally excluding, isolating, or hurting someone’s feelingsDrama is a conflict between people that is entertaining to everyone elseConflict is a mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demandsBullying is repeatedly abusing power against another personBullying can be overused. Sometimes when kids are mean, even just one time, we can quickly (too quickly) label that behavior as bullying. Parents also know this can be a trigger word in schools, and schools will react to this word.
Bullying can also happen between adults and students, and when we use the word respect too much, it prevents kids from speaking up when there is an abuse of power. Talk to students about speaking up when something feels odd or off, or guide them to find a trusted adult and let kids know that you will figure it out together.
Bullying or mean behavior happens more often within friend groups rather than picking on one kid that is on the outside. At least, this is what we have seen when working with young people. Yes, people can be mean and/or bully the outsider, but more often, the behavior is seen within groups of friends.
Participant questions:Question- Are things black and white? Is it easy to see these types of behaviors and decide which is mean and which is bullying?Nothing is easy in education, and it is not easy to define the differences between these words and to know the moment when it crosses over from mean to bullying. Treat most situations like a conflict and follow the process and procedures that go along with that, as this will help define what is actually going on. Find out the full story and hear both sides to best figure out the next steps and help resolve the issue.
It is important to not label or make assumptions about kids’ behaviors. Just because they have been mean in the past doesn’t always mean they are behaving that way again. Kids can and will change; we have to be careful to not shove them back in the box. As we find out all sides of the story there are opportunities to model behaviors. Ask curious questions, ask youth to think about it before acting, and ask who else could help with the situation. Once you have worked through it together, you can give the students choices on how to handle it and what they want to happen next. As adults, we sometimes want to jump in too quickly to try and fix or solve a problem. You can give students some control back by going through options. Doing nothing is an option (but nothing changes). Reporting behavior to the school with hopes of discipline can sometimes be necessary, but this option means you would lose control of the outcome. You can also mention talking directly to the other student with adult support or alone. All of these are options, and they may have different outcomes, which is OK, but at least be aware of what your choices are before decisions are made.
If they are open to talking with the other students, how do they prepare? It is hard to approach conflict when we are not used to it and to know what to say. Remember, all of the things we are asking our students to do are not only hard for them but are hard for us as adults. Giving them some ideas of what to say and then encouraging them to put it in their own words. They won’t be perfect but at least having a plan that is thought through helps them be proactive.
Giving students a voice is treating them with dignity, and to get all students to feel heard helps the school create a culture of dignity. Kids are more willing to follow rules when they are based on principles and make sense.
Question: Is there a difference with kids after Covid?Yes, kids aren’t handling rules the same way. The rules have been different, and now we are trying to reinforce some pre-covid rules, which can be confusing. When kids don’t know the boundaries, it can be hard for them. Adults are also struggling, and that can be hard for kids to see. They see their teachers as perfect or as a source of strength. Kids have regressed a little, and it can be a hard adjustment for teachers who are used to teaching 9th graders but now those 9th graders are acting like 7th graders. Administrators need to provide support for teachers on SEL (social emotional learning) and how to manage it in the classroom.
Question: As a parent, how do I instill courage in my 2 year old girl?Courage comes more naturally to some than in others and can look different in different kids and people. Some can be outspoken and obvious, while others can be more subtle and supportive. It is important to support and encourage both types of courage. Encourage them at a young age to speak up or to come to you and ask if something feels off. Keep the conversation open so they will ask when someone makes them uncomfortable or hurts their feelings. Through these conversations, you can see how kids handle and get a better grasp of what they need or how they handle situations. Also, letting them know that they do not need to be perfect in all situations.
Encouraging them at a young age to recognize their feelings. What are they, and how do they make us act? Sometimes they don’t recognize how they feel about situations until later. With such young children, you start very basic and help them identify their feelings. It is also OK to let them live in their feelings and not try to push them through the emotion too quickly. They need to feel that feeling and to be emotionally granular.
Question: How much can cyberbullying affect teenagers compared to traditional ways of bullying? What should we do as teachers when something like that happens to one of our students?It is a very tricky situation. They can affect kids equally, but cyberbullying can sometimes be more intense because it is non-stop. On the flip side, it can be easier for some people to stand up to bullying online. The hardest part of cyberbullying is that it is underground, it’s harder to “catch it”. It is a rough place for educators; it used to be that if the effects trickled into school, we could get involved even if without a consequence from school but maybe getting parents involved. Confronting someone back online can have consequences you may not anticipate. This conversation leads to a discussion on how to confront someone in a productive way.
Give kids options on how to handle it, and help them see/remember that what they text or respond back to can also be screenshot or saved and shared. Go over potential consequences. Help kids figure out how to have some control over a situation that feels very out of control. If you force them to handle a conflict in a way that is uncomfortable for them or feels unnatural you are reinforcing the lack of control they are already feeling.
How do we practically address instances of bullying, conflict, and drama? SEAL is a way to handle a hard conversation.How to address conflict:
Stop: Breathe, listen, and think when, where, now, or later
Explain: What happened that you don’t like, and what do you need instead?
Affirm: Affirm and admit
Lock: Lock in the relationship, take a pause, or lock it out
These steps can be really hard to do in the moment. We tend to react, which is very natural in these moments. This process is about practice and not perfection. Any step you master or try is a success. Conflict is hard for all of us. You can go through this process with young people, walk through it with them, and ask how they would do it, what are their words, and what feels comfortable to them?
If you can talk about these steps with students, you can work through which ones are easier or harder for them to do as everyone is different. Sometimes with older kids, it is easier to work backwards. What is the end result that is desired? Is it to repair the friendship or to move on from it? Again, try to provide choices whenever possible.
SEAL can be viewed as “cheesy” if you use the acronym, so you do not always need to use the name SEAL when introducing it. Sometimes you can simply say that you are going to discuss steps to take when handling conflict. Or if you do use it, ask them why they think it is silly or won’t work. Let them think about which parts they feel will actually work. SEAL is something that is good to share with parents so they can help their child work through it as well.
When you teach the SEAL method with students and then they don’t use it and things escalate, what should you do?SEL is hard to instill, teach, and practice. As we say, these types of lessons or classes are not 2 + 2 = 4 types of classes. It is much more about practice and not perfection. We are all human and will have emotional reactions at times. When discussing SEAL, or other aspects of SEL, there are ways to model and appropriately share. It is OK to tell your students: “You know, conflict is still hard for me, but I keep trying.” You can’t get upset when they don’t use the tools we give them. They have to get there on their own and in their own way. We hope they think through it and that it is there for later use. We hope they become adults that can use these skills naturally.
We often have expectations that kids should handle hard issues and moments well or perfectly. We as adults often misstep, ignore, or overreact, so we cannot expect young people to navigate sticky situations smoothly, nor can we chastise them when they struggle. We do not want to attach shame to a behavior that, in turn, is attached to the student as a person, and that prevents growth and learning. We have all said things in a way we did not intend to, SEAL can provide a path to not get labeled in a certain way.
Listen to the full podcast for more on the conversation about Dignity, Respect, Social Emotional Learning, and SEAL. Real-world questions from participants and answers from the panelists provide realistic and concrete ways to define words used in schools and how to handle tough situations with students.
Get the Cultures of Dignity Newsletter
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September 2, 2022
Getting Clear About Words
At Cultures of Dignity we often talk about the importance of getting clear about the words we use, in particular, the words we use with young people. When using the words dignity and respect with students and educators we make sure to discuss the root meaning and definition of each word. Respect comes from the Latin word respectus, meaning “to look back at.” Respect is earned. Dignity is from the Latin word dignitas, meaning “to be worthy.” Dignity is inherent, we all have it, and we all have the same amount, no matter what. Knowing where words come from and their true meaning helps everyone have a shared understanding. This carries over to the phrases we use in our everyday lives. (For more information about dignity and respect check out this blog.)
While many phrases have a historical context, for example, resting on your laurels refers back to Apollo, the Greek God of music, poetry, and prophecy. Apollo was often depicted as wearing a ring of laurel leaves which eventually became a symbol of status and achievement. Generals who won important battles were presented with a wreath of laurels. After their success they were then able to “rest on their laurels” and enjoy the success of past achievements. In the 1800s the phrase took on a negative connotation for someone that may be overly satisfied with past triumphs. (For more phrases and information check out this list.)
While some phrases have a sense of accomplishment or glory attached to them, there are many others that come from places of hurt or oppression that we may have never considered. Have you ever thought about where the phrase Eenie Meenie Miney Mo comes from? This commonly used phrase that children often employ when trying to make a tough choice seems innocent enough but until fairly recently the word tiger in the rhyme was actually the “n” word. The whole phrase was historically used by slave owners to describe catching slaves that may have run away. Understanding the history gives a whole new appreciation of the phrase and can encourage us to help young people to find another phrase to use when making hard choices! For more about these types of phrases check out this list.
Understanding language is critical when working with young people. It can level the playing field by creating a shared language in a classroom where everyone is using words in a similar way. It is important for adults to understand how their students interpret certain words used in education and why. So while knowing the history of words and phrases can help students feel safe and included, it is also important to talk about words used everyday in the classroom. We call these “watered-down words.” Adults often overuse words like self-respect, grit, and mindfulness. While these words and phrases have a place in our schools, sometimes they can shut down conversations with students. If we use them too often they can lose their meaning or sometimes the meaning is unclear. A fun classroom activity is to ask everyone to make a list of overused words, you included. Then share the lists and see how many people wrote the same words. Students love the opportunity to talk about the words adults overuse and it gives adults a chance to add more clarity to the words being used, creating an open dialogue in your classroom.
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Tips for Teaching Owning Up Upper Elementary
My name is Gus, and I am a teen advisor at Cultures of Dignity. I attend a K-12 school in New Jersey and last year I implemented the Owning Up Upper Elementary School curriculum at my school with a fourth grade class. The Owning Up Upper Elementary School Curriculum is designed to help fourth and fifth grade students build social skills and learn how to understand their emotions.
Due to the pandemic, many fourth grade students across America missed out on the end of their second grade year, and were most likely in some sort of a hybrid learning environment for the majority of third grade. Prior to 4th grade, almost forty percent of their formal education had been with strict COVID restrictions. This led to fourth grade students at my school and many other schools across the country to be much less acclimated to a classroom environment and daily social interaction compared to elementary school students in prior years. We started lessons in January and met once a week for about 45 minutes. I remember being in fourth grade and feeling like I was one of the big kids, so I couldn’t imagine how old they must have thought I was. I was very excited to see what today’s fourth graders are like.
On my first day teaching, I wanted to learn a little bit about them so I asked them each some random questions and also told them to feel free to ask me any questions. I learned that fourth graders are really into Roblox, watching anime, and coloring. The second thing we did that day was lay down some ground rules and group agreements. We created a chart, one side had rules for the students, and the other side had rules for Gus (me). The main thing I asked of them was that they always be honest, and treat others with respect during our time together. They agreed, on the condition that I never give them homework. I knew right away that I would have a very fun and exciting experience with this group. They all seemed excited to learn and hear what I had to say. Although, they were probably more excited because my lessons would usually cut reading time short.
Over the next few sessions I started to teach them about the core concepts of dignity, being an ally, giving advice, and more. I discovered early on that these kids really like drawing activities. During one lesson, I had them break off into small groups and create a poster with words, symbols, and drawings that they thought represented dignity. Each group presented their creation to their classmates. They had a lot of fun with this project and got really creative with it. Watching the students work together and apply the concepts I just taught them was fascinating to watch. However, the lessons don’t always go perfectly. I learned early on that managing fourth graders can get out of hand quickly. When this happens I remind them of our classroom rules and group agreements and concepts of respect, dignity, and listening that we went over previously. Sometimes this worked and they are able to work through problems and calm down, other times it didn’t. After some time, I was able to figure out which types of activities would produce the most engagement. For example, drawing and group activities really work well, whereas individually-focused activities don’t work as well; they seem to get off topic or don’t complete the assignment.
While it took a few lessons to discover what activities produced the best response from the students, I think that the students developed a better understanding of dignity, managing emotions, and social interaction in general. I was glad I spent the first few lessons getting to know the students rather than pushing content onto them instantly. This way I was able to form a bond with them and understand what type of activities they liked and disliked. This understanding was so important because it allowed me to adapt some of the curriculum and activities to fit my students’ interests. For instance, I knew that my fourth graders didn’t like to write, so most of the writing activities I turned into drawing or symbolic activities. Small modifications like these really helped me make the curriculum feel like my own. Overall, this experience was really special and productive for both myself and the students.
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August 31, 2022
An Application of Labeling Theory to Social-Emotional Learning in Young Adults: Foundations, Fallacies, and Future Research
Background
Labeling theory states that people act in ways that correspond with how they are labeled by their peers. It is most often used in the study of crime and deviance, where labeling criminally deviant individuals tends to foster actual deviant behavior. However, labeling theory has applications beyond criminology, especially in the discipline of child and adult developmental psychology.
Young adults are often quick to judge their peers and label them (as either nerdy, weird, cool, etc.) The impact of these labels on general mental health is colloquially and scientifically known, but lacks practical application to a young-adult population. Applying research on labeling theory to help youth navigate the trials and tribulations of adolescence can change the way youth behavior is evaluated, stigmatized, and carried out. Future implications of this study include an ability to rethink common challenges of young adulthood (such as bullying, mental health issues, peer pressure, etc.) and an attitude shift towards fostering an inclusive environment for youth to socially exist in.
The primary goals of this research are to 1) synthesize one sociological perspective and three psychological perspectives that explain the negative enduring effect of labels on teenage well-being and 2) equip young people with the skills needed to make educated choices about labeling peers and maintaining inclusive mindsets towards others. In doing so, the following questions should be answered:
How can the theory of social labeling be used to explain the motives, procedures, and consequences of labeling others?How can an interdisciplinary approach be used to holistically understand the social and emotional significance of labels on teens?How can young people find the courage to resist harmful labeling and treat others with dignity?Reviewing the LiteratureLabels in social, sensational, and perceptual psychology
Labeling others is an adaptive trait. Our attentional resources as human beings are limited in capacity, meaning that only so much can be focused on at once. Labels allow us to quickly summarize and free up our capacity for complex thought.
Labels serve a range of functions, from simplifying ingroups and outgroups, to establishing us vs. them mentality, to clarifying the world around us and making interactions easier. Labels are heuristics – mental shortcuts that quickly summarize behaviors and identities. However, these heuristics can reinforce stereotyping and emphasize reputations. Perceptual load theory states that all of our attentional resources must be used up. Therefore, task-relevant stimuli take priority in our perception, while task-irrelevant stimuli are ignored. So, if we label someone as “sporty,” our brains prioritize and remember all athletic-related traits about them and leave a limited amount of space in our perceptual load to notice non-athletic qualities. This is why stereotyping through labels is so enduring and reputations are so difficult to see beyond unless they are actively resisted.
Labels in biological psychologyLabels create neural networks of association in our brains. Neural networks of association can be thought of as distinctive features of an item that are linked to better identify the item. These networks are activated during memory reconsolidation, in which a memory is remembered again, and are helpful for encoding information into our long term memory from our short term memory. What stimuli is worthy of being linked together is determined by the individual through vicarious, conditional, and operant learning. For example, the neural network of popular may comprise of words, phrases, ideas, and visualizations related to blonde, attractive, rude to parents, rich, and many friends (each of these words is considered a node – a building block of the neural network of popular). This network of association is likely created from external stimuli such as familiar archetypes in popular media and social environment.
Like heuristics, neural networks allow for quick processing of external stimuli. But their most significant consequence is their ability to deepen stereotyping and reinforce clique myths. Neural networks are strengthened the more they are used. After the brain learns the word popular for the first time, the words and phrases comprising the network are the automatic response. This constant reinforcement explains why Regina George is the face of the stereotypical Mean Girl – she represents what we have been taught to see as popular and what our brains have solidified in our neural networks as social fact.
Labels in clinical psychologyHumans crave definitions. They allow us the mental satisfaction to give meaning to the unknown. The inability to resist defining behavior lead to the labeling of nearly 300 mental disorders through the DSM-5. However, many disorders are comorbid with each other. Obsessive-compulsive disorder and eating disorders have similar cognitive patterns of thinking. Schizophrenia and Bipolar I disorder are both marked with manic symptoms and thought disorder.
The fact that similar causes, biological markers, and symptoms exist within different classified disorders suggests that human disorder may not be as stratified as we once thought. Labels can be misleading, not only with their tendency to draw a hyperbolic line between disorders, but with their tendency to exaggerate the difference between normal and abnormal.
While labels may be useful for specificity of treatment (anxiety disorders are treated with Xanax and fear hierarchy desensitization, while mood disorders are treated with cognitive-behavioral therapy and SSRIs), what is labeled as normal and abnormal is an oversimplification of the human condition. Labels often serve as fuel to stigmatize behavior and make it difficult to holistically see oneself outside of a diagnosis.
The important thing to remember is context. It is pertinent to know when labeling is appropriate, as those suffering from disorder should be allowed to feel validated. Mental illness is often an invisible disease, and people can use diagnostic labels to be granted access to the same medical resources as those suffering from biological (often observable) illnesses. But we must also recognize when casual labeling perpetuates harmful stereotypes about mental health. For example: When teens have mood swings, parents may jokingly call their children bipolar. This label oversimplifies the essence of the bipolar condition and tells the wrong narrative about what it means to live with bipolar disorder. Because parents are a primary agent of socialization in teens’ lives, this narrative will most likely be internalized.
Labels in the sociology of devianceLabels are culturally constructed and informed. The process of labeling behavior defines who is deviant and who is socially tame. Deviance is subjective; something may be weird in one context and normal in another. Labels are a way to give arbitrary labels to subjective behavior.
Substituting the objective with the subjective has detrimental effects to mental health, self esteem, and sense of worth. Behavior is always defined as acceptable or unacceptable in context. If our peers make up the majority of our social context and source of validation and they label us as weird, we internalize that label, regardless if what we do is truly weird or not. Humans are defined by more than just one word, but social labeling limits this insight.
Student Voice
Rocco, Cultures of Dignity Intern
“What I label myself and what I am labeled by family and peers is important, because those labels set the basics of what to expect from me. (The labels) give me input on my outside appearance, and give me recommendations on what to change. However, my labels do set limited information about me that cause people to assume some of my traits and judge my personality just by the words used to describe me, rather than my actions.”
Micah, Cultures of Dignity Intern
“(What I label myself) is critical for understanding my future and where I want to be in the world because they represent what I strive to be. However, the labels I choose to embody only show the characteristics of myself that I’m proud of, and completely exclude all the fears, insecurities and negative qualities that we all have as human beings.”
David, Cultures Advisory Council
“I see my labels in different events throughout my life and reflected through other people onto me. The Jewish values of “honesty” and “hard working” were instilled in me since my upbringing. Having a family dynamic is what makes me embody things. (My labels) were taught to me.”
Marcos, Cultures Advisory Council
“Labels in the LGBTQ community are more for owning your existence. I want to live up to the labels I think I have, and I don’t want to think about it as positive and negative. I am incredibly challenging to people – calling out people all the time. People think I am loud or angry because of that, which is true. I embody my labels because I can’t exist without being loud and angry.”
Tré, Cultures Advisory Council
“I see each of my labels as having a positive and negative effect on how people see me. The more prevalent the label is in my life the more I feel like I need to live up to it. Identity based labels are incredibly important. I am always having to interact with people as a black man. I don’t have control over how people respond to what they see – I have to live my life in response to people’s perceptions or behaviors will be based on interacting with me. I want people to recognize my (visual) label but I hope they do it in a sense of understanding and critical thought rather than making broad negative assumptions about me.”
Discussion
After an examination of various psycho-social perspectives on labels, the science points to a seemingly grim ultimatum. Labeling is a necessary evil: important to make sense of the world around us, but a primary enabler of stereotyping. How do we approach such a unique problem? Solutions take consciousness, awareness, and bravery to rethink how we classify and define our social worlds.
First, we must actively resist the automatic process of labeling. It will continue to occur (even after understanding the psychological consequences), but at least now we can recognize when we are using and misusing labels. Motivation is key to prioritizing what the mind focuses on. Ideally, after hearing about the application of labeling theory to young adult mental wellness, we should be motivated to rethink how we label their peers, and be motivated to change any problematic behavior. We must revisit old cliches like thinking about the power of a single word and being aware of the consequences of language.
Second, we must remember that context is key. We must learn what situations warrant helpful labeling and hurtful labeling. By doing this, bravery begets dignity when we can challenge and breakdown existing labels that we know are unjust, even if it means having difficult conversations with close peers and/or family members. Labels are reinforced by silence, and one way to break the silence is to rethink and speak up about how labels play a role in granting dignity. It’s on us to employ our empathy and decide when labels cross moral lines and deny basic human worth.
And third (but certainly not finally), we must incorporate holism in our interactions and resist judgement. Describing behavior with greater clarity than a single word is one way to illuminate the ways in which labels restrict identities. When greater clarity is missing, having the social respect to ask clarifying questions about others (when the situation warrants it) is a necessary step to completing a narrative unswayed by labels.
Labels present a unique conundrum to young people, but the paths for future research regarding labeling theory and mental health in youth are flourishing. Longitudinal studies about how labels are created, embodied, and changed over time, the role of labels in social media use, and the intersection of labeling theory and athletic identity should be explored further to add to the cannon of content dedicated to helping young adults approach the mental and emotional challenges of growing up. The more willing we are to recognize labeling as a critical component of youth culture, the more likely we are to create a culture of dignity where young people are free to label themselves as they see fit.
References
Schwalbe, M. (2018). Behavior is a product of interaction. In The sociologically examined life: Pieces of the conversation (5th ed.). New York: Oxford University Press.
Charon, J. M. (2013). Why can’t everyone just be like us? In Ten questions: A sociological perspective (7th ed., pp. 148-167). Belmont (CA): Thomson/Wadsworth.
Lareau, A. (2011). Language as a Conduit for Social Life: Harold McAllister. In Unequal Childhoods: Class, Race, and Family Life (pp. 134-160). Berkeley; Los Angeles; London: University of California Press.
Mintz, S. (2014). Beyond sentimentality: American childhood as a social and cultural construct. In A. S. Skolnick & J. H. Skolnick (Authors), Family in transition (15th ed.). Boston: Pearson Education.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). Arlington, VA: Author.
Yalincetin, B. (2016, December 22). Formal thought disorder in schizophrenia and bipolar disorder: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0920996416305898.
Robbins, Trevor & Gillan, Claire & Smith, Dana & de Wit, Sanne & D Ersche, Karen. (2011). Neurocognitive endophenotypes of impulsivity and compulsivity: Towards dimensional psychiatry. Trends in cognitive sciences. 16. 81-91.
Clark et al. (2017). Three Approaches to Understanding and Classifying Mental Disorder: ICD-11, DSM-5, and the National Institute of Mental Health’s Research Domain Criteria (RDoC). Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 18(2), 72–145.
Hartmann, A. (2013, April 19). The relationship between anorexia nervosa and body dysmorphic disorder. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735813000536.
Kuhn, K. (2007). Judgment and decision-making process: heuristics, cognitive biases, and contextual influences. In S. G. Rogelberg (Ed.), Encyclopedia of industrial and organizational psychology (Vol. 1, pp. 430-432). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc.
Crossman, A. (2018, December 30). An Overview of Labeling Theory. Retrieved from https://www.thoughtco.com/labeling-theory-3026627.
Cherry, K. (2019, June 17). Heuristics and Cognitive Biases. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-....
Linnell, K. J., & Caparos, S. (2013). Perceptual load and early selection: an effect of attentional engagement?. Frontiers in psychology, 4, 498.
Stanley, M. L., Moussa, M. N., Paolini, B. M., Lyday, R. G., Burdette, J. H., & Laurienti, P. J. (2013). Defining nodes in complex brain networks. Frontiers in computational neuroscience, 7, 169.
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August 22, 2022
Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence for Feeling Empathy
Self-awareness encompasses a wide range of social and emotional intelligence skills and practices that students can work towards daily, facilitated by teachers. Self-awareness is recognizing and understanding our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and practicing mindfulness around why we act the way we do. Being self-aware also includes thinking about how we treat others with empathy, and caring about how others perceive us in a healthy way without being self-conscious. Teachers can use a framework of dignity and social and emotional learning to lay the groundwork for students to understand and practice self-awareness.
Importance and Types of Self-Awareness
Practicing self-awareness enables our students to manage and express their emotions, feel empathy towards others, and cope with stress effectively1,2. For example, a student with high self-awareness may get upset by a comment that their peer made about their appearance but be able to label their feelings and move past them during the school day, avoiding or minimizing a negative emotional reaction or a feeling of insecurity. In essence high self-awareness allows us to understand, appreciate, and control our emotions. Teachers can empower students to control their emotions with strong self-awareness skills.
Self-awareness involves our thoughts in addition to our emotions — also known as meta-cognition. Students who develop strong self-awareness or meta-cognition can critically examine their core beliefs and values. A student with high self-awareness may understand that their negative opinions about a particular school subject came from past struggles with the content. Maybe they didn’t do well on a math assignment in the past and now approach math education with disregard; they may consider this subject invaluable not because of a logical connection but because of emotional value that is associated with past, uncontrolled reactions. Students can reflect inwardly and practice mindfulness, which is an active mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness on the present moment acknowledging one’s own thoughts and emotions. By practicing mindfulness, students learn to appreciate that one negative experience doesn’t mean all the subject areas of math are useless. When we teach students to learn to appreciate and work with their feelings and emotions, we can show them that normal negative reactions are temporary, and do not in any way predict future performance. In other words, students can revisit the reason why they performed less than adequately, maybe they need to spend more time studying, etc. With this realization, students can shift their mindset and treat this difficult class as a positive opportunity to improve their skills and grades.
Self-awareness also applies to our behaviors and actions. Students who learn to be self-aware of their actions can better identify what they can do to make them feel good about themselves (like eating healthy or exercising). Self-aware students can critically examine their study habits and improve their mental wellbeing. For example, when students appreciate that obtaining a good night’s sleep usually results in better grades (and this can be affected by starting their homework at an earlier time), their mental wellbeing can improve. Students can also reflect on emotional and social dynamics, like how to treat themselves and others with dignity; for example, not blaming (or otherwise reproaching) themselves up for performing poorly on a single test. Teachers who help develop students’ self-awareness can drastically improve their behavior and empower students to take positive actions outwardly1,2,4,5.
Self-awareness about our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors can be grouped into and defined as internal self-awareness. External self-awareness is the practice of gathering insights from the world around you about how others perceive you. With external self-awareness, we can become more aware of how our internal thoughts and feelings project outward from us into the world through our actions. External self-awareness is critical to behaving appropriately and respectfully towards others because it allows us to understand that what we do can affect others. Students with external self-awareness understand how to better use their words without hurting other’s feelings and carry themselves in the way that they want to be viewed (i.e, a student wants to be viewed as being calm and collected, and with external self-awareness can align their feelings, thoughts and actions to appear this way to others). Students with a high level of external self-awareness can become more confident and less self-conscious and improve their ability to communicate and pick up on cues in social situations. External self-awareness differs from internal self-awareness in that the end goal is to have others perceive you a certain way but requires many skills that broadly apply to self-awareness like identifying, controlling, and expressing emotions, critical thinking, and treating others with dignity.
A student high in external self-awareness could pause and think about what they will say about their friend’s appearance before saying it out loud, as appearance based comments may not be the most positive, especially to a person who may be self-conscious about their looks. External self-awareness also allows students to practice appropriate behaviors, like speaking calmly and, in turn, with respected adults. As educators, when we talk about and teach self-awareness, we want to include practices and teachable moments for both internal and external self-awareness to empower students to become well-rounded individuals1-5.
What Can Teachers Do to Help Students Increase Self-Awareness?
School is full of teachable moments to encourage self-awareness among students. While there is no one class to improve self-awareness, there are several approaches to improving these skills throughout the day, including everyday academic and social situations and specific lesson plans for teachers to leverage. One simple example is to encourage each student to share which hobbies they like or decide to do. Ask them why they enjoy participating in those activities to promote self-awareness. Another simple action that teachers can take is to frequently share students’ work with the whole class (i.e., pin up their work on the wall) so each student can have something in front of their peers that represents their hard work and dedication. Teachers can also include readings, posters, and activities that feature a diverse range of people on them, so students can find a role model or example that looks like them, reinforcing how they think about themselves. Teachers should strive to create a positive, judgment-free, and open-dialogue environment to encourage students to learn from teachable moments on self-awareness.
To create a safe space for students to work on self-awareness, teachers can create a Culture of Dignity in the classroom, where everyone treats each other as human beings with equal intrinsic worth and value. Dignity fosters self-awareness by letting students know everyone deserves to be loved, happy, and free to reasonably fulfill their wants and desires. Teachers who foster a Culture of Dignity will see their students become more self-aware and treat themselves and others well.
Self-aware students must also be able to express their feelings, desires, and needs clearly. Teachers can help students name their emotions and feelings in words or writing to help them understand what they are feeling. Taking this approach one step further, teachers can guide students to reflect inwardly on these identified emotions and understand why they feel the way they do. One way to help students feel comfortable with being self-aware enough to communicate feelings is to read and write stories about characters that express how they feel when faced with challenging situations or positive experiences. Teachers should also be open to communicating their feelings often in front of their students. By being exposed to these types of stories and model behaviors, we normalize expression as a healthy practice for improving self-awareness.
Self-awareness also allows students to speak up and advocate for themselves. While educators should foster a Culture of Dignity, we must understand when others treat us poorly and do not deserve our respect. Too often, teachers and authority figures demand respect without being earned. By becoming self-aware, students can better realize when they are not being treated how they want to be and can stand up and speak up for themselves. For example, a teacher or parent that consistently tells a student exactly what to do for their homework and hobbies instead of encouraging them to understand why they are doing those things may lose respect from their student/child. Additionally, students can identify when friends are talking to them without respect and know when to pull away from a relationship. By practicing self-awareness, the student/child can open up a dialogue about how to improve their behaviors, rather than just being told what to do by an adult figure.
Self-awareness (both internal and external) can be a beneficial tool for conflict resolution, which can often occur in a school setting. Conflict arises due to misunderstandings, miscommunication, or emotional outbursts, and self-awareness can help students navigate through charged situations and take a step back before escalating arguments any further. A self-aware student can realize that verbal conflict, for instance, a friend creating gossip about them or ignoring them, is better solved with an open and honest dialogue with that person after taking a break from the relationship. Self-awareness is a powerful tool for understanding one’s and others’ roles in conflict and can help resolve disputes.
Strong self-awareness also leads to better decision-making that aligns with the student’s inner thoughts and desires. For example, they can better understand which hobbies and activities they like to do. In addition to spending time doing what they want, students can also make better choices about their academic and personal responsibilities. Self-aware students can develop healthy habits by realizing what works for them and doesn’t. Teachers can help guide students by helping them along the way, assisting them in choosing which assignments and tests to prioritize, and balancing extracurricular activities with their current workload. By practicing decision-making skills, students can improve their self-awareness and become more independent and responsible.
Long-Term Benefits and Need for Self-Awareness
If students learn to become more self-aware early on in life, they can find success in their academic, professional, and personal goals3. Some key benefits for self-aware students include:
Setting reasonable expectations about what they want to accomplishAbility to adopt a positive growth mindsetStronger self-regulation skillsSelf-awareness lets us think critically about goals we want to achieve and set reasonable expectations around those goals. If we can meet our goals and expectations, we feel good and accomplish what we set out to do (for example, we set a goal to get all our homework in on time for the month, and we hit that goal and feel great about it). On the other hand, when students set reasonable expectations, they are more likely to feel only minor disappointment and stress when they fail to follow through on their intentions. Say a student practices self-reflection and realizes they want to be more timely as a step to improve their grades. The student aims to turn in their homework one day early to hold themselves accountable. If they follow this goal, they create healthy habits that improve their performance.
If they miss the mark due to outside factors, they can use self-awareness to determine whether these expectations were reasonable or not. They can critically ask themselves:
“What kept me from turning in my assignment early?”
The student can then distinguish why they failed to achieve this goal — perhaps due to external factors like a family emergency, or maybe they did not allocate enough time and energy to their homework that week. By using self-awareness, they take a potentially negative situation where they failed their goals and turn it into a positive, growth-centered learning experience!
Pairing this self-awareness with optimism and confidence can lead students to develop a strong growth mindset. A growth mindset empowers students to learn from their mistakes and always strive to improve their skills and abilities. For example, a student with a growth mindset can objectively evaluate how they are strong at written skills but weak with verbal communication. With proper guidance, they can determine these strengths and weaknesses and get the help they need to translate their writing skills to conversations with their peers. In turn, these improved skills increase confidence in group settings where communication is critical, leading others to perceive the student as intelligent and friendly. A growth mindset can apply to academic performance, social skills, interpersonal relationships, athletics, and future career success, so fostering this way of thinking early and often can significantly benefit students1-5.
Self-awareness can also help students practice self-regulation. As they become more aware of their feelings, they can improve their emotional intelligence and take action steps to reverse negative thinking cycles. Poor self (or emotional) regulation leads to negative emotions, which consequently lead, in a notorious feedback loop, to more poor self (or emotional) regulation. A student with poor self-regulation may perform poorly on a test, get into a cycle of stress where they sleep poorly and can’t study well, perform worse on their next test, then lash out at their peers in frustration. Instead of cycling out of control with their emotions and behaviors, a student who practices self-awareness could instead find the positives of performing poorly on a test and use it as an opportunity to grow and learn from their previous studying mistakes. By practicing self-awareness students can remain more positive, students can better practice self-regulation and empower themselves not to be controlled by negative emotions.
How can Teachers Benefit From Self-Awareness
Self-awareness can also help adults and teachers live happier, more fulfilling life.The more we practice, the better we can:
Hold ourselves accountable to be good role models to studentsSet personal and professional goals, as well as plan and carry out the ways to achieve themMake better decisions about how to use our time and balance our time as we desire between teaching and our personal livesDeal with stress and emotionally charged situations in a more calm and measured way, practicing mindfulness as we do soTry to keep an open mind, challenging our ideas of how to teach and live life to keep a positive attitude and a growth mindsetTeachers can always improve their self-awareness skills — they can practice inward reflection by setting aside times of the day to be with their thoughts, they can learn to express their emotions and desires to others better, and they can work on taking criticism and feedback from students and parents with an open mind. By embracing and practicing self-awareness, teachers can become excellent role models for other educators and their students.
How to Learn More — Self-Awareness, Social and Emotional Learning, and DignityOur team at Cultures of Dignity is experienced in identifying teachable self-awareness moments and creating lesson plans based on dignity and social and emotional learning. Follow our free newsletter for the latest on these educational topics, and check out our blog for more deep dives on teachable moments for your students. We would love to hear from you about your self-awareness experiences and see how we can work together to achieve your goals!
Works CitedCASEL. (2008, January). Social and Emotional Learning (SEL) and Student Benefits: | Education in Crisis and Conflict Network. http://www.eccnetwork.net/resources/social-emotional-learning-sel-and-student-benefitsCASEL. (2021). What Does the Research Say? CASEL.
https://casel.org/fundamentals-of-sel/what-does-the-research-say/Eurich, T. (2018). What Self-Awareness Really Is (and How to Cultivate It). 9.Nilson, L. B. (2013). Creating Self-Regulated Learners: Strategies to Strengthen Students’ Self-Awareness and Learning Skills. Stylus Publishing, LLC.Thierry, K. L., Bryant, H. L., Nobles, S. S., & Norris, K. S. (2016). Two-Year Impact of a Mindfulness-Based Program on Preschoolers’ Self-Regulation and Academic Performance. Early Education and Development, 27(6), 805–821.
https://doi.org/10.1080/10409289.2016.1141616
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August 19, 2022
Self-Regulation and Controlling Emotions
Self-regulation, also known as emotional regulation, is the process of consciously managing how we feel about certain emotions, thoughts, events, experiences or behaviors. In other words, self-regulation allows us to practice emotional intelligence and allows us to not let our feelings overwhelm us.
For example, practicing self-regulation can help us stop and pause when we are upset at a friend or family member, and not say something heated that we may not mean in the moment. Self-regulation can also include the practices of self-reflection, and meditation, and allows us to understand the reason behind negative emotional states like anxiety or anger.
Those that are well-versed in self-regulation are good at finding places to take a break from work, physical activity, and emotionally charged conversations in order to preserve their control over how they feel. Strong emotional regulation typically leads to better health outcomes and better academic performance, so it is critical for educators to provide students with guidance in these skills early and often4.
Conversely, low self-regulation (or poor self-regulation) can lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as fighting with friends, self-harm, or use of substances as a coping mechanism for negative emotions and thoughts. These types of behaviors typically provide immediate emotional relief but cause widespread harm in the long term, and can be hard habits to reverse. Navigating self-regulation can be challenging, so teachers and trusted adults should be prepared with a set of tools to help students work through their feelings and thoughts.
How Dignity and Social and Emotional Learning Help with Self-Regulation
Using a framework of Dignity, teachers can implement lesson plans and teachable moments to guide students through self-regulation techniques and skills. Additionally, self and emotional regulations are core components of a strong SEL program, and these processes take time to learn as a young person. Teachers that are familiar with Social and Emotional Learning can apply concepts like self-awareness, conflict resolution, and improved relationship-building to further improve students’ self-regulation. Through practice and consistency, students can improve their self-regulation and stabilize their moods, improve their academic performance, and maintain better relationships4. To best implement these strategies, it’s important to understand how our emotions affect us.
How do Emotions and Thoughts Affect Us?
As we experience emotions and feelings, our bodies react accordingly. For example, when we are happy we may either feel body sensations like excitement and energy, or relaxation of our muscles and a reduction in overall stress. On the other hand, when we experience negative emotions, such as extreme stress, we may lose our appetite and suffer from headaches, and when we experience anxiety we may tense up our muscles, and our breath becomes shallower and faster in anticipation of the perceived danger (which may be more mental in nature such as the threat of failure, not being “good enough”, or negative peer pressure). Physical feelings of our emotions can contribute to emotional outbursts or negative feelings. In other words, our bodies respond to poorly regulated emotions negatively, which, in turn, contributes to worsening our emotional states.
Younger students are particularly vulnerable to overwhelming emotions and outbursts, partially due to how their brains work and develop. Children and teenagers typically do not have a fully developed prefrontal cortex, a brain area that contributes to self-regulation by providing the ability to exercise cognitive control2. Cognitive control is a set of abilities that humans have to think and direct behavior toward actions that are specific and relevant to a given situation2. For example, we respond differently and appropriately when we are criticized by a teacher as compared to a peer, the latter will be more formal and respectful, while the former may not be. Since young people’s prefrontal cortex is not fully developed they are susceptible to poor cognitive control. If the prefrontal cortex is not engaged fully as children develop, they can have worse overall cognitive control abilities as they age and poor self-regulation2. Worse self-regulation can lead to poorer academic performance, inability to form good relationships, and mental health issues such as depression or anxiety1,3,4.
For example, anxiety at about an upcoming test can lead to extreme stress, leading to elevated heart rate and blood pressure and worsened sleep. These effects of stress can compound over time — as the student gets less sleep and feels physically worse, they lose focus when studying and completing assignments, which leads to performing poorly on the very test that they were stressed about! Instead of worrying the appropriate amount and being motivated to study in a consistent and thorough manner, the student instead may perform poorly on the test and engage in self-deprecating negative behaviors (e.g., worthlessness). These thoughts then trigger another negative cycle of emotions, and these emotions can lead to subdued behavior towards others, or emotional outbursts of frustration towards others. For example, the student may become quiet with their friends during lunch and between classes as they ruminate on their poor performance, or may become angry and start a verbal or physical fight with friends or their parents due to frustration stemming from their negative emotions. Essentially, poor self (or emotional) regulation leads to negative emotions, which consequently leads to more poor self (or emotional) regulation.
In addition to negative feelings and outbursts, low self-regulation can lead to unhealthy, impulsive behaviors in students. An inability to manage impulses can lead to students making poor decisions about their mental, physical and social health. In extreme cases, this can lead to substance abuse or self-harm as a way to distract oneself from the turmoil of emotional cycles in their head. Although unregulated emotions and feelings can negatively impact the lives of students, teachers can demonstrate and reinforce a positive relationship with emotions through the lens of Dignity and social and emotional learning where students feel empowered and able to control their outward behaviors and inward thoughts around their feelings.
Self-Regulation Examples and Activities
Using a base of Dignity and Social and Emotional Learning, we can deepen our own and our students’ understandings of what it means to be practiced in self-regulation. School days are full of teachable moments to reinforce positive thoughts, behaviors, and emotional states that contribute to developing self-regulation. By having clear action steps for identifying, understanding, and managing emotions, students can increase their agency and power over how they feel.
Below are some specific examples and actions that we can take to implement these ideas and strategies:
Expressing Feelings
There are many societal and generational pressures to not show emotions outwardly that come from our parents, peers, and pop culture. Holding in emotions with no outlet can lead to negative thinking cycles that can increase depression and anxiety. Not expressing emotions properly can also negatively impact relationships with friends, classmates, teachers and family.
Teachers can help students by creating a safe space in the classroom to share feelings with one another and make sure that each student is treated with Dignity. Whether it’s setting up specific times and group activities to share feelings with one another, or finding teachable moments for social emotional learning throughout the day, teachers can facilitate healthy emotional sharing habits (e.g., encourage students to discuss and share their feelings after an argument). If students do not feel comfortable sharing with a group, teachers can be trusted listeners to talk to. Teachers may also be trusted supporters in helping students come up with a plan to talk about their feelings with their parents or other adults. By creating a safe space, teachers actively encourage expressing feelings, allowing students to increase their awareness around self-regulation.
Putting a Name to EmotionsOne effective Social Emotional Learning tactic for students to understand and overcome their own emotions is putting a name to what they are feeling. Once students can assign names to their emotions, feelings become easier to recognize, manage and control. Naming emotions helps the student understand why they are feeling the way that they are. For example, a student who is sad may be able to understand that they are missing their parents who are out of town, and that sadness is causing them to act withdrawn and unengaged. This connection can allow them to understand the “why” behind their behaviors, and allow them to express their feelings while moving past them.
To practice naming emotions, teachers can facilitate a few different exercises. Students can brainstorm a long list of different emotions, and then see which ones match with the way that they are currently feeling. Teachers can also ask students how they are feeling privately, set up a time where all students can verbally check in with themselves or others, or set up a private space in the classroom where students can write down their current feelings. When students consistently practice these activities, they develop self-awareness and habits that provide lasting improvements to self-regulation and overall mental health.
Writing About EmotionsAfter students develop their ability to name emotions, they can practice writing about them in more detail. Writing about emotions in the context of a situation or story can also be an outlet to let the emotion go, which can be a great relief compared to holding emotions in.
When it comes to writing down emotions, teachers can again set aside dedicated time to group or individual activities, that can be as simple as a 20 minute daily check-in to write about feelings. A group activity could look like a worksheet that has a story with a plot where the main character goes through situations that would cause them to feel a certain way, and students would identify what emotions the character could be feeling and why.
Another great use of emotional writing is in literacy or language lessons. Encouraging students to use the words that they have collectively or individually brainstormed in their every day assignments can help apply Social and Emotional Learning to a multitude of situations, and improve the depth and detail of their writing abilities. Students will better be able to understand the motives of characters in stories, the point of view of others, and most importantly, will better understand how they interpret the words that they assign to emotions and feelings, all leading to better self-regulation.
In addition to writing words to describe emotions, it can be helpful to encourage students to draw what their feelings might look like. This could include the use of colors and shapes, or the students drawing out a situation that commonly goes along with a particular emotion. Incorporating writing and drawing exercises into the day can help students define their emotions, and in turn, make them easier to manage, improving their self-regulation abilities.
Using Self-Regulation to Solve Conflict
Conflicts that arise during the school day offer a dynamic teachable moment for learning self-regulation strategies. Examples include excluding a student from his or her group of friends (social exclusion), threatening to stop talking to a friend as a form of hurtfulness and manipulation (the ”silent treatment”), or causing a verbal argument or physical fight by aggravating another student. These situations can be heated and emotionally charged, often arising from negative emotions. When we can take a second to pause and think about what the conflict is about and how we can better communicate, we are both practicing self-regulation and learning how to deal with conflict. We recommend using SEAL for conflict resolution:
Stop – Ask the students involved to pause before dealing with the conflict — make sure the environment is a safe place where the two or more sides will be heard by each other.Explain what the exact situation is that’s making you upset. Help students with their self-reflection and communication skills in order to clearly address the specific conflict.Acknowledge what you did and own up.Lock In (or Lock Out) and take a break from the relationship after the Conflict Resolution. Let the words exchanged between the two or more parties in the conflict set in and gently pull away from friendships that aren’t healthy in the moment.Using SEAL, students can become more self-aware of how their emotions can create and exacerbate conflict. Teachers can use SEAL to help students learn regulated and measured responses in the face of conflict, increasing their self-regulation abilities and empowering them to have control over their own emotions.
Goal and Expectation Settings and Healthy HabitsTeachers can help students develop healthy habits to deal with stress without being overwhelmed by negative physical and mental side-effects. For example, students that set reasonable expectations about academic performance will have an easier time reaching their goals and not being disappointed with the results of a particular grade. By setting a goal ahead of time and working towards meeting that goal, a student can break down what needs to be done into smaller, manageable action steps throughout the day, week, month or term. This results in effective stress management and stops the cycle of anxiety and stress that can arise from a project deadline or test.
Additionally, setting reasonable expectations can soften the impact of a disappointing event, like a poor score on a test, not making an athletic team, or missing out on a friend’s birthday party due to a family emergency. Softening this emotional impact makes it easier to control any emotions and negative thoughts associated with the disappointment, and allows students to engage their self-regulation skills without spiraling into an emotional outburst.
How can Teachers Benefit from Self-Regulation?
Teachers practicing self-regulation can benefit from improved mental health, and provide an example for students to look up to in the classroom. For example, learning to “check your baggage” before a lesson is an example of consciously regulating your feelings and not letting them affect others negatively. Sharing your feelings with fellow teachers and administrators, your friends, and your loved ones can put you in a better spot to focus on teaching and guiding your students. Taking a second to pause and collect your thoughts if a class session gets out of control can also ensure that your outward communication with your students is not impacted by your internal emotional state, especially if it is negative (e.g., frustration or anger). Teachers who practice self-regulation can be role models for students while improving their own health outcomes, freeing up time and energy for what matters the most to them.
How to Stay in the Loop — Dignity, Social Emotional Learning, and Self-RegulationThe team at Cultures of Dignity are experts on Dignity, Social Emotional Learning, and self-regulation and are happy to help you with your journey to improve your skillsets in these critical emotional and self regulation areas. Follow our free newsletter for the latest on these educational topics, and check out our blog for more deep dives on teachable moments and lesson plans for your students. Reach out to us at any time to learn more about what we do and how we can work with you to meet your goals as an educator!
Works CitedKitsantas, A., Winsler, A., & Huie, F. (2008). Self-Regulation and Ability Predictors
of Academic Success During College: A Predictive Validity Study. Journal of Advanced Academics, 20(1), 42–68. https://doi.org/10.4219/jaa-2008-867Luna, B. (2009). DEVELOPMENTAL CHANGES IN COGNITIVE CONTROL
THROUGH ADOLESCENCE. Advances in Child Development and Behavior, 37, 233–278.McClelland, M. M., & Cameron, C. E. (2011). Self-regulation and academic
achievement in elementary school children. New Directions for Child and Adolescent Development, 2011(133), 29–44. https://doi.org/10.1002/cd.302Thierry, K. L., Bryant, H. L., Nobles, S. S., & Norris, K. S. (2016). Two-Year Impact of
a Mindfulness-Based Program on Preschoolers’ Self-Regulation and Academic Performance. Early Education and Development, 27(6), 805–821. https://doi.org/10.1080/10409289.2016.1141616
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