Rosalind Wiseman's Blog, page 28

Huffington Post Article // Parents & Bullying

What I always tell young people is that you’re going to have conflicts with people and there are going to be times when people abuse their power. Part of growing is navigating that and how to handle. Sometimes you’re going to want to handle it on your own and other times you’re going to need an adult to be involved. The reason I’m saying this is at times parents are involved way too much. If you rush in and get involved you’re not empowering your child to go through the messy experience because if you go in there and freak out your child is way less likely to go to their parents again

Read more on how to talk about bullying on Huffington Post.

 

Mom and Dad Are Fighting: Guest Podcast

I spoke on Slate’s podcast, Mom and Dad Are Fighting about what has changed in girl world since the first edition of Queen Bees and Wannabes. Give it a listen here!

Response to Kim K and Swift Feud Article

Recently, I shared my thoughts here on Kim K and Taylor Swift’s last conflict over whether Kanye asked Swift’s permission to talk about her in the song “Famous”.  A former student editor, Maureen Lei, responded to me with some very important points I want to share. Her comments not only bring up another aspect of the complexity of girl world, but her response adds to the greater and important conversation on the intersections of race, feminism, gender, stereotypes, and image.

This is her thoughtful response:

“I read your article, and I wanted to pass along some feedback. I’m afraid you’re underplaying the role that race plays in this “feud” and in Taylor Swift’s career in general. To be fair, Kim K is not perfect in that light either — her and her sisters’ appropriation of black culture for their own profit is highly problematic as well. That said, Taylor Swift and her career represent a toxic brand of white feminism that purports to lift up “women”, which is an act of erasure with regards to the lived experiences of women of color. Personally, I read cultural erasure as a violent behavior.

I’m sure you can agree that white women and women of color in America (and around the world) experience their gender very, very differently, so to talk about women as a monolithic group is dangerous and inaccurate. Unfortunately, that’s what Taylor Swift does, and there are young girls who look up to her. When Nicki Minaj pointed out racial tension surrounding the VMAs, Taylor Swift made it about gender. Why? Because she does not understand that women of color are oppressed in ways that she is not, and because she likes to play the victim. When she accepts awards, she addresses “all the young girls”, without understanding the multidimensionality of the lived experiences of girls who do not share her skin tone. When Kanye West put out a song that they had spoken about prior to its release, she threw a hissy fit for reasons that I still don’t understand. If it was because of the word “bitch”, I really think she needs to calm down. It’s rap music, and that word means different things inside and outside of rap culture. While it’s certainly tinged with misogynistic tendencies, it’s not her culture to critique. I also don’t think she would have been as offended (if she was really offended to begin with), if she had an inkling of an understanding of black culture and rap music.

Very Smart Brothas published an op-ed on this. The most poignant line for me was at the end: “In 2016, Darth Susans get people fired. In 1916, Darth Susans got people lynched.”

I’m not saying that what Kim K did was nice, or that I’m even a fan of hers. That said, I don’t think what she did in this situation was wrong. In my view, if Kanye were the one to put those videos out, which was the only way to even try to clear his name, he would have been the angry and vindictive black guy bullying the nice white girl. I think the decision to have Kim put them out was a calculated PR move that goes beyond girls being mean to each other. Rather, I think it was a move to clear Kanye’s name, taking into account the very real racial angles of the situation. I don’t think that laying low and letting Taylor Swift say whatever she wanted was the move — Kanye would have been crucified as the mean black guy bullying the nice white girl in that situation too. The media already paints him as crazy and unhinged, and he can’t afford to be a “thug” too.

I also have a secondary conspiracy theory that Kimye and Taylor are in cahoots with each other and this is all a publicity stunt — ha!”

Please feel free to share your thoughts so we  can keep these important conversations going!

QB3 Introduction

Introduction

In middle school our group got really close, but we had one friend who was really bad. She would pick one of us to be her BFF. Even in third grade it was a big deal. She needed someone to be with her all the time. She’d force the picked girl to have matching backpacks and shoes. We didn’t handle the situation well. We took out our anger and said mean things about her. She doesn’t go to school with us now because she left. I asked myself why she was my friend when she made me so miserable. The moments we had were so great but I knew it was so destructive.

—Holly, fourteen

I just went through my daughter’s texts and want to throw up. I couldn’t believe the language she was using about herself and the other kids in her class.

—Todd

My parents are ridiculously controlling. They investigate the background of every friend. I feel like I’m trapped, and when I talk to them they don’t listen. I’m fourteen but mature for my age. I’m really responsible and always get good grades. How can I talk to them? Everything feels like a power struggle. They’re dictator parents, combined with helicopter parents, and they’re super judgmental. HELP! I can’t talk about any of my problems with them.

—Faith, sixteen

Here we go again. It’s time for me to update this book for the second time. I always said I’d have to update Queen Bees & Wannabes every five years. What I didn’t realize is how fast that time would pass. The baby I rocked to sleep so I could write Queen Bees the first time is now six foot three, and his younger brother is taller than I am. But in spite of all of these changes in my life, one thing has been a constant—helping girls, parents, and any adults who care about girls navigate the messy terrain of “Girl World.”

If you’re parenting or working with girls today, chances are you know about this Queen Bee/Mean Girl stuff already. “Queen Bees” and “Mean Girls” are a part of our language. You can buy “Queen Bee” and “Mean Girl” T‑shirts, backpacks, and pencil cases, as if being one is something girls should aspire to.

But “girl” issues, of course, have been around forever. You may have had a few of your own when you were young, or you could be dealing with them now as an adult. So why do I need to keep updating this book? Because even though it’s true that some things never change—best friends will grow apart, people will be jealous, and betrayals will happen—we need to put these evergreen feelings and experiences in the context of what girls are going through right now. And having said that, each girl is different. Some girls tell at least one parent everything, and some vow that they will never tell a parent or any other adult anything—and they don’t think they need to anyway because they have everything under control. Some girls are obsessed with horses, others with popularity and friendship drama, and others really don’t care. Some girls fit into the common idea we have of what girls look like, and some don’t. Some girls are boy crazy, some are attracted to girls, some question who they are attracted to, and some are questioning if they’re attracted to people at all.

Girls are awesome, brilliant, funny, and inspiring. They are also frustrating, stubborn, messy, and sometimes scary. They will, just like all of us, get into situations that are overwhelming and not know whom to turn to for help. They will get into conflicts with one another. They will experience people refusing to tell them why they’re mad, and they’ll do it, too. They will feel frustrated and confused when someone dismisses them with “Just kidding!” or “Why are you overreacting?!”

No matter how many parenting books you read or seminars you go to, you can’t protect girls from experiencing conflicts and problems with other people. But you can contribute to an environment and a culture for girls that empowers them to articulate their feelings in positive ways. You can educate her about how the culture we live in makes it hard to develop an authentic identity and critical thinking skills but very easy to be a mindless consumer of superficial ideas and desires. You can get a better handle on your own reactions so you can be a thoughtful adult and the source of guidance she needs. You can be a credible, trusted adult. Even if you feel discouraged or disconnected from the girl you are reading this for, or have come to this book as a last resort, always remember it’s never too late to help or repair your relationship with your daughter or any girl you care about.

The first time your daughter tells you that her best friend stopped talking to her and got all the other girls to stop talking to her, too, you may be somewhat upset. You may hate that girl. You may feel that you and your daughter just got recruited into a group that you want no part of but can’t leave. If you can relate to what I’ve just written, please know that so many parents have also had this experience. You aren’t alone, and neither is your daughter.

But you still need to know what to say and do—beyond wanting to yell at that horrible child. You also need to know what to do when you pick your daughter up the next day at school and she’s arm in arm with that evil girl like nothing ever happened. What do you do when your daughter begs you to let this kid come over, ignoring your “Are you kidding me? I hate this girl and you should, too!” expression, because the last thing you want to do is let this girl come over to your house so she can be mean to your daughter all over again.

Most people believe a girl’s task is to get through it, grow up, and put those experiences behind her. But your daughter’s relationships with other girls have deep and far-­‐reaching implications beyond her teen years. Her experiences and the thought and behavior patterns she develops as a result fundamentally shape her self-­‐identity and relationships. That’s why your daughter’s friendships are a double-­‐edged sword. These friendships can be the key to surviving adolescence. Many girls develop into amazing women precisely because they have the support and care of a few good friends.

But I wouldn’t be writing this book and you wouldn’t be reading it if that’s all there was to girls’ friendships. Girls’ friendships are often intense, confusing, frustrating, and humiliating; the joy and security of “best friendships” can be shattered by devastating breakups and betrayals. Beyond the pain in the moment, girls can develop patterns of behavior and expectations for future relationships that stop them from becoming competent and confident women. They can learn to look and say “I’m fine” when they aren’t. They can swallow their feelings because they don’t want to be accused of being overly dramatic or needing attention. They can apologize when they haven’t done anything wrong to placate someone they perceive has more power. They can focus on maintaining impossible standards of beauty and appearance and hate themselves for not being able to keep up—or judge other women in this rigged competition that no one wins.

All of this doesn’t mean that girls’ friendships are destined to be terrible. It just means they’re complicated and need to be taken seriously. My job is to give you my best suggestions for what kind of guidance to give her and how that information should be presented to her. The goal is for her to develop critical thinking skills, manage her emotions, and integrate her feelings with her thoughts . . . and for you to strengthen your relationship with her through the process. I know, that’s a huge goal. It’s not going to be an overnight process, but it’s not an overnight process for anyone.

There’s no way I could write this edition of Queen Bees without addressing how technology and the media continue to expand their influence on your daughter’s social life for better and worse, and how these issues impact younger girls.

On the technology front, I’m not going to waste your time telling you things you already know. We all get that technology is integrated into every aspect of our lives. Learning about what to do about it is our goal. I’m also going to challenge some of the most common advice girls hear from adults, and help you to get girls to tell you how and why they use the kinds of technology they do. I’ll explain what you can learn from your daughter’s social media style. I’ll also tell you what I’ve learned about gaming and girls.

However, I’m not going to ask you to stalk your daughter online. I’m not going to tell you to get monitoring software, because I strongly believe that building a solid relationship with your daughter is more effective than any spying device in helping her behave responsibly online. As soon as a child interacts with technology in any way—including the games she plays when she’s a little girl—we must explicitly tie her use of this incredibly powerful tool to her development of ethics, an authentic self-­‐ identity, and a voice within a powerful public space.

There is a chapter dedicated to the topic of younger Mean Girls, and their issues are integrated throughout. There’s never been an age limit on being mean. You can be five or fifty-­‐five or ninety-­‐five. In addition, we have to consider how girls starting puberty earlier may affect their social development and their friendships. I don’t know about you, but I now regularly see girls in elementary school who have the bodies of young women.

But we can’t freak out about any of this. If we do, we’re going to seriously freak out our girls. We are going to educate ourselves, keep an open mind, and deal. I’ve also seriously revamped the communication chapters of the book. In writing my boys’ book Masterminds and Wingmen, I got great feedback from boys about why their parents’ attempts to talk to them so often backfire and what parents can do and say to communicate effectively. For this edition, I’ve worked with girls to find out what parents should say and do to open up the lines of communication. Sometimes it’s as simple as driving away from the school before asking how her day was.

Before I go any further, let me reassure you that I can help you even if you often feel helpless or as if you are at war with your daughter. This book will let you into her world. To start, it’s perfectly natural if she:

Repeatedly makes the same mistakes with her relationships
Believes that there’s no possible way you could understand what she’s going through
Is absolutely certain that telling you her problems will only make her life worse
Convinces herself she’s totally in control of her life even when the facts say maybe not
Lies and sneaks around behind your back
Denies she lied and snuck behind your back—even in the face of undeniable evidence

On the other hand, it’s natural that you:

Worry that you won’t be able to provide the advice she needs when she’s been rejected or betrayed . . . or get her to listen to you and actually follow your advice.
Feel rejected and angry when she rolls her eyes at everything you say
Wonder whose child this is anyway, as this person in front of you couldn’t possibly be your sweet, wonderful daughter
Feel confused and defeated when conversations end in fights
Feel misunderstood when she acts like you’re intruding and prying when you ask about what’s going on in her life
Are really worried about the influence of her friends and feel powerless to stop her hanging out with them
Worry about how she can grow up surrounded by toxic messages in the media that are constantly trying to mess with her mind and make her feel insecure.

There’s another issue that complicates everything. In the words of one mom who wrote me:

When I was a senior in high school, my best friend since third grade dumped me and had our entire clique turn their back on me. I was devastated. I found more friends, but the experience left me very insecure in my relationships—something that haunts me to this day (I’m thirty-­‐six). The anger and betrayal I felt at the time has never fully left me, despite my fervent desire to leave it behind. In short, she is the person that I would run out of the grocery store to avoid. The most difficult aspect of all this is that I am trying very hard to “check” this baggage as I witness MY daughter’s blossoming best friendship . . . and my deeply wired desire to protect her.

—Ellen

If you’re a mom reading this, it’s important to remember that your experiences as a girl are both your greatest gift and biggest liability as your daughter navigates her own friendships. They’re a gift because they enable you to empathize. They’re a liability if your past makes you so anxious or reactionary that you can’t separate your experiences from hers.

DADS

This book isn’t only for moms. Whether you’re worried that you won’t be able to hang out with your daughter in the same way once she enters puberty, or if you’re the dad who emails me knowing all the seventh-­‐grade girl drama in her class, you—like almost all dads—want to be emotionally engaged with your children and do best by your daughter.

If you read only one paragraph in this book, make it this: Never forget or dismiss that your perspective can help your daughter. Just because you were never a girl, don’t know what a menstrual cramp feels like, and have never liked talking for hours about other people’s lives doesn’t mean you’re clueless or useless. I know lots of dads feel rejected and pushed aside when their little girl suddenly dismisses them with “You just wouldn’t understand.” But in reality, this is an opportunity for you to become a genuinely cool dad. I don’t mean you let her get away with stuff, side with her against her other parent, or drive her wherever she wants. I’m talking about the dad who patiently waits around until she wants to talk—and then listens without being judgmental, who isn’t afraid to look foolish or show his emotions, who shares the “boy perspective,” who holds her accountable when necessary, and who’s able to communicate his concerns without coming across as controlling and dogmatic.

Even if you’re dying to warn your daughter off every boy who walks through your door, remember that if you come across as the crazy, control-­‐freak, doesn’t-­‐have-­‐a-­‐clue father, she’ll stop talking to you. Your job is to show her that relationships with men (of any degree) should be based on mutual respect and care.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT, YOUR DAUGHTER STILL WANTS YOU IN HER LIFE

Your daughter craves privacy, and your very presence feels like an intrusion. You feel you have so much to offer her. After all, you’ve been through the changes she’s experiencing, and you think your advice will help. Although this privacy war is natural, it creates a big problem. Girls often see you as intrusive and prying, which equals bad; her peers are involved and understanding, which equals good. When I ask girls privately what they need most from their parents, they tell me they want their parents to be proud of them. You may be really worried that she’s shutting herself up in her room all day or look at her in the middle of an argument when she’s screaming that she hates you and think there’s no way you can get through to her, but you can and will if you learn to see the world through her eyes.

Parents don’t realize that their children look up to them. When I know that deep in my mother and father’s hearts they really don’t agree with what I’m doing, that really hurts.

—Eve, twelve

I know I should listen to my parents, even if they’re wrong.

—Abby, sixteen

Reprinted from QUEEN BEES AND WANNABES: HELPING YOUR DAUGHTER SURVIVE CLIQUES, GOSSIP, BOYS, AND THE NEW REALITIES OF GIRL WORLD Copyright © 2002, 2009, 2016 by Rosalind Wiseman. Published by Harmony Books, an imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC.

One Thing // Guest Post

The following blog was written by our 15 year-old intern, Anne.

As a little girl, I paged through books and watched movies featuring princesses, jocks, tomboys, nerds, and popular girls. I assumed that when I grew up, I would somehow magically become the type of person I was destined to be. I wondered which category I would fall into. Would I be more like Cinderella or Mulan? Would I be known for being smart or being strong? I was sure that I would eventually find my one thing.  

I assumed that choosing which type of person to be was a normal part of growing up. In school, I noticed types of people around me as well as the characters in books and TV shows. I observed different combinations of character traits that went together to create one type of person or another. I wondered if I should be one of the athletic girls and wear a ponytail and running shorts or raise my hand in class more and become known as one of the smart girls.

Should I be known for my sense of style or my sense of humor?

I pictured personalities in neat categories, not unlike bins of different fruits in the store, available for me to peruse and choose which one I liked. By middle school, I was regularly trying on different guises, modelling myself after this character or that person.

I took this approach to finding myself because I am a deeply methodical person. I enjoy organizing my closet and color coding my notes for fun. I wanted self-exploration to be a process that I could approach with a similar system, sampling prospective personality types until I found a fit. So maybe it’s just me; maybe I felt this pressure solely because of my systematic tendencies.

I, however, have a feeling that I am not alone in this misconception. A variety of outside influences contribute to the idea that we should choose to be a certain type of person or be known for one certain thing. Characters in books and movies, because they are often written to be simple and serve a purpose in a story, can make us believe that real people are equally as simple. Sometimes, we see people around us that seem to exhibit one dominant trait and therefore fit neatly into one stereotype. When we are young, adults in our life may encourage us to be a certain type of person because certain traits are considered more successful than others. Maybe we want to control how other people think and talk about us by accentuating one version of ourselves. Perhaps it seems easier to label ourselves as one thing so that we feel as though we know exactly who we are.

I have found that I am far too complicated to be limited to being just one thing. I am not a book character. My personality does not fit into clean categories, but is a complicated mixture of genetics, self expression, experiences, and outside influences. My mission to be one thing was futile because my personality will always be a growing, changing combination of many parts, some satisfying different stereotypes and some too messy to label.

If I could offer advice to other young people facing similar conundrums, I would encourage them to come to peace with the fact that figuring out who you’re going to be will always be hard because labels don’t fit anyone perfectly.

We Have to Stop Hiding Behind Our Kids

While we wonder if last week’s sequence of shootings are a turning point in some way for our country, well-intentioned voices are asking how we talk to our children about what happened in Baton Rouge, St. Paul, and Dallas.

It is the same after every violent tragedy we collectively experience.

But is it possible that we focus on our children because we don’t want to focus on ourselves? I think so. Our fear can be overwhelming. It can feel like the world is descending into chaos and there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

We don’t want to deal with our own feelings so we focus on our children’s. We worry about how they will process the violence, rage, sadness, and injustice without thinking about how we are processing those very same feelings. But the irony is we won’t be able to provide the wisdom and a sense of safety our children desperately need unless we reflect for ourselves first.

 

When you become a parent that way of thinking should be a requirement, not an option.

That means we have to ask ourselves questions we want to avoid—except if you’re Black because than these questions never leave your mind. You carry them around with you like a thousand pound weight. But for those of us who don’t we need to ask ourselves:

What do we think of some police killing these black men?
What do we feel when we watch those videos?
What is our experience with racism?
How do we feel when someone becomes so enraged at those events, has access to weapons and targets white police officers?  

 

Whatever our opinion, have we educated ourselves about the various responses that we (and inevitably our children) are seeing in the media?

 

How can we process what we see and hear in the media and conversations swirling around us in an appropriate and educated way? Or, will we be controlled by our first and, not usually our most informed, reactions. Under this category I would place the following topics:

Black Lives Matter vs. All Lives Matter
Why some people believe that if only everyone “just followed the rules” they won’t get into trouble
People, usually politicians, who blame and attack others to increase our fear, mistrust, and hatred

And, do we know another adult we can talk to about these issues before we talk to our children? Because we need support as we figure these questions out.

Our children want our emotional honesty. They want to look at us and believe we are doing something to make the world a better place, a safer place, a more fair and just place. We don’t have to have all the answers to everything to do that. We can admit our feelings but then give them reason to hope.

What’s the best way for us to give them hope? They have to see us in action making the world better. And I’m not talking about going to their games or volunteering at school. They need to see us doing something that address the injustices in our own communities. They need to see us having the courage to face people who disagree with us, treat them with dignity, while not backing down from what we believe in. And if we haven’t done it before, it means we take this opportunity to do it now. Now.

Grown Ass Man

I have a 15 year-old man-child living in my house. He’s 6’3’,’ 215 pounds and he has actually referred to himself more than once as a “grown ass man.” We don’t agree. I think he’s confused about what it means to be a “grown ass man.” So on behalf of parents who are living with these delusional man-children, here are the basic things a grown ass man can do:

 

Make your own hair cut appointment
Do your own laundry
Sew a button
Make your own breakfast
Remember to take out the trash on trash day
Unload the dishwasher when you see it’s clean
Draw a direct line in your mind between speaking out against injustice and your definition of being a man.
Know that tank tops are not formal wear
Take feedback from other people as a gift, not an insult
Raise yourself up without putting others down
Read…a book, an article, the instructions, a map
Love a particular sport, learn important lessons from it, but don’t let it define you
Pick your dirty socks up from the living room floor
Adjust the volume and type of music in consideration of those around you
Use two arms when you hug someone
Realize that reeking of super smelly deodorants is not awesome for the people around you and doesn’t make you a bad ass

 

And…when you do these things there’s no need to tell anyone you’ve done them.

 

It’s a long road to manhood. And the world is filled with false images of what that looks like. Don’t be so willing to claim that title until you’re ready to do the real work because we need all the grown ass men we can get.

 

Grown Ass Men

I have a 15 year-old man-child living in my house. He’s 6’3’,’ 215 pounds and he has actually referred to himself more than once as a “grown ass man.” We don’t agree. I think he’s confused about what it means to be a “grown ass man.”

 

Here are basic things a grown ass man should be able to do:

 

Make your own hair cut appointment
Do your own laundry
Sew a button
Make your own breakfast
Remember to take out the trash on trash day
Unload the dishwasher when you see it’s clean
Know that tank tops are not formal wear
Take feedback from other people as a gift, not an insult
Raise yourself up without putting others down
Read…a book, an article, the instructions, a map
Love a particular sport, learn important lessons from it, but don’t let it define you
Pick your dirty socks from the living room floor
Adjust the volume and type of music in consideration of those around you
Use two arms when you hug someone
Realize that reeking of super smelly deodorants is not awesome for the people around you and doesn’t make you a bad ass

 

And…when you do these things there’s no need to tell anyone you’ve done them.

 

It’s a long road to manhood. Don’t be so willing to claim that title until you’re ready to do the work.

 

Top Tips from Queen Bees & Wannabes, 3rd edition

These tips come directly out of the 3rd edition of Queen Bees & Wannabes.

Some girls seem to tell their parents everything. Some girls don’t. Always remember that a girl can tell you a lot of details about what’s going on her life and still be selective about what she tells you.


So it’s important to relax. You don’t have to know everything about your daughter, her friends, the conflicts she’s getting into, and every single thing she’s receiving or posting online to have a good relationship with her and give her the guidance she needs.


When you pick up your daughter from school, don’t ask her a ton of questions to get her talking and don’t get mad if she answers “Fine” and “Nothing” to your well-meaning inquiries. Just like you, she needs to decompress from her day.


Don’t jump to conclusions. If your daughter tells you kids are teasing her, here’s a suggestion of what you can say: “I’m sorry, and assumptions, can you tell me a little more specifically about what’s happening, so I have a better idea of what you’re dealing with?”


Girls don’t tell their parents about a problem because they think the parent will magically fix the problem. Girls tell their parents about a problem because they want to be comforted and listened to.


Girls in general are starting puberty at earlier ages and this impacts their friendships. So no matter when your daughter “starts,” it’s important to talk to her around the age of nine about how going through puberty will affect how she and her friends interact with each other.


Your daughters’ selfies tell you a lot about the image she is trying to project to the world. Does she have a signature pose that she uses in all her selfies? Does she take multiple pictures so she can choose the “perfect” one? The image she chooses to present to the world tells you all you need to know about how she wants the world to see her.

Think about what photos YOU have posted of yourself online. Are you trying to show the world that your life (and your kids) are perfect? If you asked your daughter, what would she say you’re conveying in those photos?




Don’t stalk your daughter’s online activities – a solid relationship is far more effective than spying software in helping her behave responsibly online.

If you want your kids to sign and abide by a Technology Contract you can’t just download one from the internet. A good technology contract is created in partnership with everyone in the family and that means that everyone in the family (not just the kids) follows its rules. At what age does your daughter need to get a cell phone? If she rides public transportation or a school bus, she needs one for safety, or to document anything crazy that went down. But that doesn’t mean she needs the fanciest smart phone and if she cracks the screen or goes over her data plan, she needs to pay for it.

Dear Past, Thank you for all the lessons, Dear future, I am now ready.

Dear Past, Thank you for all the lessons, Dear future, I am now ready.

In the past, I had always wanted to be popular to hang around with the cool kids. I had always tried to do different things to impress them. From trying to impress them with knowledge, which most of the time worked, to eating the fastest, which also worked. Despite all of this, I never succeeded; due to people always bullied me. Most of the time, people joined in, because the bullying were cool. Another thing that brought me down was my petite knowledge of sports. I tried getting into sports at one point, but it just wasn’t my thing. I am more a sitting down kind of guy, usually studying and working and occasionally watching a movie show or playing a video game. Because of the kind of person I was, I did not have many friends like me, and because of this, most people did not say anything about the bullying. Sometimes at home, I would cry by myself silently, and I was usually a little bit depressed. The past has shown me that I shouldn’t try to be popular or cool, I should just be myself. In middle school, I decided to be myself, and now I have a multitude of kind friends and teachers who encourage my studying and small personal projects. Ever since middle school I have been a happier and hardworking person.