Michael Allen's Blog: Michael Allen Online, page 18

September 21, 2022

The Murder That Inspired ‘Jennifer’s Body’

In the summer of 1995, a sleepy town of fewer than 20,000 residents was about to wake up. Arroyo Grande, California sits on the water just above Santa Barbara. With peace and tranquility all around them, what this small town didn’t know was that something horrific was about to happen that would go on to inspire the making of Jennifer’s Body.

Elyse Pahler would be considered your average teenager who was enjoying the summer between her freshman and sophomore years in high school. Described as “a truly wonderful person who was loving, vibrant, enthusiastic, encouraging and gentle,” Elyse was getting into most things other kids her age were doing. One of those was experimenting with drugs.

Joseph Fiorella, Jacob Delashmutt, and Royce Casey were about her age when they invited Elyse to Nipomo Mesa, only a quarter mile from her house. It’s a wooded area where kids could hang out and do a little partying away from the watchful eyes of their parents. They said they had drugs, which would allure any teenager trying to have a little summer fun.

Her body was found in March of the following year. The autopsy determined that she was strangled and stabbed. But neither of those things killed her. She died due to the loss of blood, which means she was there for some time unable to move until she finally passed away.

jennifer's body

Her murder might not have ever been solved if it weren’t for one person who went through a change of life. Becoming Christian after the murder, Royce Casey confessed and led the police to the spot where her body remained. She was badly decomposed having weathered the winter and now the sun of a new year was beating heavily down on her.

One of the most disturbing revelations of her case is that the killers would visit her dead body from time to time to have sex with her. Why? That leads to another particularly disturbing revelation.

jennifer's body

The three young men who took Elyse’s life were Satan worshippers. Their motivation for killing her was to offer her as a sacrifice so that their favorite metal band, Hatred, would enjoy great success.

It was Casey himself who described Elyse as “a truly wonderful person who was loving, vibrant, enthusiastic, encouraging and gentle,” as I reported earlier. He went from worshipping Satan to giving his life to Christ and for that, I bet Fiorella and Delashmutt wanted to put him at the top of their list of next victims.

The three were sentenced to 25 and 26 years to life in prison, of which Fiorella and Delashmutt are still serving. It appears Casey became a model citizen in prison and is even working toward earning a specialized bachelor’s degree in psychology and sociology. A degree he most likely will be able to use outside of prison since he has been granted parole. In his hearing, he stated he wanted to become a substance abuse counselor.

During the hearing, a deeply remorseful Royce Casey gave us greater insight into what happened that night. Surrounded by three kids who were on a merciless mission to kill her, she cried out in pain for her mom and she even prayed for deliverance. He remembers the terror on her face as she fought for her life, but was unable to break free and run away to safety. Leaving her there, after being sexually assaulted and stabbed multiple times, she died a slow death as her blood poured out of her wounds.

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LED Halloween Mask That Changes Faces!!!

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Jennifer’s Body

Starring Megan Fox, Jennifer’s Body is described as a dark comedy horror. But how does the story of a possessed high school student be inspired by the real-life case of a murdered high school student?

In the story, Megan Fox is taken into the woods by an indie rock band known as Low Shoulder. They intended to sacrifice her to Satan so that their band would go on to have fortune and fame. That’s the one part that ties this whole thing together. But it doesn’t quite go the same way in the movie as it did for Elyse Pahler in real life.

As we enter into the Halloween season, I will be bringing you more stories just like this one. It’s one of my favorite times of year and horror is one of my favorite subjects. So, stretch your wings and get into the Halloween spirit. If you haven’t watched it yet, you can enjoy the funny, yet scary story of Jennifer’s Body on Amazon Prime!

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Published on September 21, 2022 02:36

September 17, 2022

Deep Fried Insanity While Trying To Lose Weight

The world’s going crazy with deep fried foods. I don’t know if the infatuation comes from the state fairs bringing in their food trucks with everything deep fried from butter to Coke or if it’s from jonesing at home with all the latest deep frying gadgets.

Anyone trying to lose weight is beat. How can we stay focused when a fried Oreo is within our reach? It’s literally in our nature to eat it. That’s how we got the way we did in the first place.

There is no arguing deep frying foods is the way to go. I’ve watched full turkeys get cooked in less than an hour. That’s microwave type magic. No more putting a turkey in the oven at night and waiting until the next day for it to be thoroughly cooked inside and out. Deep fried turkey is juicy and mouth-watering when it comes out about an hour later.

That’s the upside.

What’s the downside? Deep frying is extremely fun to do, which means more applications are being invented as we speak, and it has my clogged veins written all over it. It’s no big deal. I’ll start my diet tomorrow.

Of course, I have always enjoyed some deep fried mushrooms, cheese sticks, shrimp, and regular foods that only normal people would think of dropping in a fryer full of lard. Those are the things I had grown to love and expect from a deep fryer. But then, people just started going nuts.

Deep Fried Cheesecakedeep fried

Knowing that cheesecake exists in this world gives me a warm feeling that some part of humanity understands me. But deep fried cheesecake is on a whole other level. I have never had it before but I know I have to have a bite someday. A bite will lead to two and that will lead to all of them, but who’s squabbling over the fine details?

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Deep Fried Mayodeep fried

I am not lying. There is a thing called Deep Fried Mayo and I don’t know who eats it. I love mayonnaise but not a big gulp of it like it’s some kind of dessert.

I first heard about it watching an episode of Tosh.0 when Daniel Tosh cracked a joke about Mayo Balls. I laughed because I thought it was something disgusting he made up. Well, I was wrong. They exist and people shove them in their faces like they’re eating donut holes.

Deep Frying Cokedeep fried

Now you’re probably thinking, “No, Mike. They don’t do that. Do they?”

I’m sorry to say, but yes they do. Some genius found a way to get the Coke inside an edible ball of deep fried breading. Science?

I don’t know what you call that, but the chef went above and beyond. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. I’m going to have to give them a try and reserve my judgment until I do. But I would say that’s taking deep fried as far as you can take it.

Now, someone will prove me wrong.

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Published on September 17, 2022 04:49

September 14, 2022

The Handmaid’s Tale Returns With Hilarious Twist

As the fifth season of The Handmaid’s Tale begins, I’d like to take a moment to look back on a part of the previous season I felt especially gratifying. It makes my day when Fred Waterford thinks he’s going to Geneva, but there are different plans for him.

When they handcuff him and put him in the back of a van, he yells that he’s a man and he has rights. I wanted to be there in that moment and yell back that he was responsible for stripping June of hers and what about all the other handmaids?

Then they have him in the forest and he starts pleading with her, “I have a son.” I wanted to ask him, “What about her daughter?”

I’m sure you get where I’m going with all this. But before I move on, shows don’t normally give us the satisfaction of revenge. They make us go through all the frustration and hardship, the struggle and the pain, then they get the guy and roll credits. Shows over. Next.

The Handmaid’s Tale seems to be going there and it feels good to see something happen to someone for a change.

handmaids tale

And now let’s talk about Season 5 Episodes 1 and 2 – Stop reading here if you haven’t watched yet.

Was I the only one laughing when June, played by the remarkable Elisabeth Moss, tried to turn herself in at Toronto? She spills it all out and gets it off her chest to find out that the crime didn’t happen in Canada’s territory, so she was free to go. The look on her face is priceless.

She’s trying to get punished for her crimes and Canada doesn’t care. There’s nothing they can nor want to do.

When the police officer tells her about the crime she did commit, sending Waterford’s finger in the mail, she can pay the fine in the lobby on the way out. I’m sorry. I laughed.

handmaids tale

She walks out of the Toronto Police station in shock and wonder. She walks up to Luke who is always understanding and then she says, “I have to pay a fine online.” It was hilarious to me. If you didn’t laugh, we are not the same.

When the news is broken to Serena that June will be charged with no crimes, the look of shock on her face is incredulous. When she asks Mark if he knows what June is capable of, all I can hear is the hypocrisy. It keeps coming up over and over. These people hold themselves blameless while committing heinous acts and expect others to be held accountable for what they do in return.

I know that this whole show is a comment. It’s a comment on something that is disgusting and intolerable that actually does exist. This setting in the show does not. But what it comments on does.

I see the subjugation of women, not just the handmaids themselves, but also the wives of the commanders.

I see the fake lines that are supposed to be said in certain exchanges. As long as everyone sticks to the script, life in Gilead runs smoothly.

I see the comment on religion, and Christianity more specifically. This is the way the church is viewed by some people, whether they have been mistreated within the institution itself or their lives have been affected by it regardless that they don’t belong to it.

It’s a strong statement and deserving of reflection. The same kind of reflection these characters in The Handmaid’s Tale should be engaging when they are spouting their hypocrisies. When Serena, played by Yvonne Strahovski, is condemning June’s actions or when Fred, played by Joseph Fiennes, is screaming that he has rights, those are the times they could really use a mirror so that they can see themselves.

But in a much deeper sense, it shows how twisted the world has become. A trader gets a hero’s funeral. The lies are what people believe. The truth becomes hard to comprehend. And the world keeps spinning just as it always has no matter how much you try to bring justice into it.

handmaids taleWatch The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu

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Published on September 14, 2022 23:00

September 12, 2022

Drew Barrymore Getting Mad Love In The Rain

Influencers in viral video land wrack their brains trying to come up with the next best thing. They bang their heads against the wall to figure out what’s going to get tens of views and a like or two. But Drew Barrymore did it so easily.

Over 4.5 million fans fell in love with the video she made of her playing in the rain. That’s it. That’s as simple as it gets.

The greatest part of the video is her genuine happiness. She is enjoying the rain as it falls on her face, getting her clothes entirely wet. And it doesn’t matter to her because it’s about the experience, not what comes after. What? She has to throw her clothes in the dryer. Big deal.

Drew Barrymore Getting Drencheddrew barrymore

Influencers would die for a 4.5 million heart payday. But they try too hard. They plan their videos and redo them to make them perfect. Hours are spent on one video just so they can be at their absolute best. They pump out video after video and beg people to like, subscribe, and share. But they just don’t get how easy it can be when they’re not trying so hard.

Drew Barrymore gets it. Go out into the rain!

Darting from the grocery store to their car in the rain, it makes most people wet and miserable. Getting out of the car and sprinting into work, they curse having to be out in the dreaded gloom. Grey skies don’t normally bring a smile to anyone’s face.

But Drew reminds us to simply enjoy it. You go swimming. I’m sure you take a shower. You drink the stuff and it’s only water. It’s not anything you haven’t been through before. I promise you won’t melt. Go enjoy it. You really can’t put it off another day.

Now I’m jealous. I can’t wait until the next rainy day!

@drewbarrymore

♬ original sound – Drew Barrymore

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Published on September 12, 2022 08:47

September 9, 2022

The Great Chili Debate: Beans Or No

Have you ever been in the middle of the great chili debate? One cook is adamant that it doesn’t call for beans while others are saying that it does. I don’t know why people get so heated over the matter, but here’s my take on it. Take it or leave it.

The original Texas recipe didn’t call for beans. I think the Texans consider themselves the authority on the favorite fall dish and if they say it doesn’t call for beans, then they don’t think it should have beans. That’s just how it is with them.

From Google:chili

So then in Texas, chili cook offs don’t allow beans. They have their reasons too. It’s not just about the original recipe. There is more to it than that. It’s about how dominant the taste of beans can be.

Texas Chili Cook off Rulesbeans

But chili didn’t originate from Texas. It originated in Mexico. After doing some light research, I was able to determine that Mexico’s recipes all call for beans.

The Origin of Chilibeans

There are Mexican recipes, Mexican-inspired recipes, and off-the-wall recipes I’ve never heard of, but I’m thinking I just might have to try. I’m sure they’re all great. And no one’s trying to call them something different just because they have different ingredients.

Mexican Recipeschili

Regions throughout the world are free to adopt their own versions of chili. Just like pizza, cheese steaks, soup, stews, and cakes, chefs have the right to create their recipes and call their dishes whatever they want. There are so many things a cook can do with this dish and here are just a few options.

Google Recipeschili

Can you imagine the historical scene where you have several cowboys on horseback traveling across Texas in the late 1800s? They stop for the night and start a fire. Then, one breaks out a pot and starts throwing down some chili. He reaches in his saddlebag and pulls out a can of kidney beans to add to the mix.

That’s when Cody Foxtail jumps up from the tree he was resting against in full protest, “No. No. No. No. No. You don’t put beans in chili! You don’t know that? The recipe doesn’t call for it!”

For some reason, I can’t see that happening either.

All I’m saying is what you do in the privacy of your own kitchen is up to you. If you’re cooking chili for a cook off in Georgia, use beans if the rules allow it. If you’re taking some to a party in Virginia, add beans if you want. If you are in Wyoming throwing down on a camping trip, use beans or don’t use beans.

Let Texas do what Texas does and you do you. Capisce?

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Published on September 09, 2022 21:03

September 6, 2022

‘Good Bones: Risky Business’ Gets Heated

good bones

Good Bones: Risky Business promised to be a different show from the original Good Bones, and It delivered on that promise. I think I would be firing someone about now and we’re not even to the second episode yet.

I liked the idea of Mina Starsiak Hawk taking on a huge project, something that was special to her. Having been a fan of Good Bones, I didn’t look into the show description or anything before it aired. I just put it on at 9 pm and immediately saw a few things that were different.

The first thing was her mother Karen Laine wasn’t anywhere to be found. Mina is the sole star and even with everyone else who is on the show, she is the only one to get credit on IMDB. This actually might be an omen to what happened during the season, because the first episode got my blood boiling and now I’ll get to that part.

First of all, the budget was a real issue from the start. This wasn’t one of those games home improvement shows play when they complain about the budget and there really isn’t a budget issue at all. Mina walks us through the estimate of the Sanders House renovations in the Indianapolis neighborhood of Fountain Square going from $500K to $600K, a property she already is reported to have purchased for $1.2 million. She didn’t even have all the money at first for renovations, so she discussed it with her chief of staff and they find a way through the sale of a property, shifting other money around.

Then, she has a meeting with the contractors who have the plans and they calculate their actual quote. That ends up being way more than she expected, by about a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. She’s up against it already and that’s before more issues get invited into the scenario.

When some by-the-book site superintendent named Thomas is asked to help with the demo in the front of the property, he yells to her that it isn’t on the demo plan. When she disagrees with him, he insists with an attitude like, “No, it’s not ma’am.”

He’s treating her like she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She walked the job through with the contractors and stated her intentions very clearly. As she was discussing the project with the contractors in their office, the plans are there and everyone can see them. She knows what they are and Thomas is arguing with her like she doesn’t. She’s able to work this issue out with the General Contractor, the guy Thomas answers to.

But we haven’t seen the last of Thomas yet. When Mina takes a look at windows being newly installed, she knows something’s wrong. Thomas again insists that the windows are right as Mina is explaining to him how it’s supposed to be. In the plans, it’s a set of doors that open up to a balcony. It’s NOT windows.

Finally, Thomas relents. He explains that the plans were changed somewhere in the process and it comes down to who signed off on them. While she’s trying to call the contractor, she gets his inbox and it’s full.

Episode 2 promises to get to the bottom of those issues. But this Thomas fellow needs to be put in his place. Mina is the boss and she knows what she wants. She’s kind of the one with the show after all. Why is he always insisting that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about before he looks into it? If it were me, he’d be gone.

Watch A Promo With Mina Before It Aired

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Published on September 06, 2022 21:57

August 29, 2022

Wardrobe Malfunction VMAs 2022

Wardrobe Malfunction has become quite the term, hasn’t it? If anything is going to go viral, it’s a wardrobe malfunction from the Janet Jackson nip-slip to the latest at the VMAs 2022.

Maneskin got on stage to the screaming welcome of the roaring crowd. Damiano David came out in assless chaps and no shirt. But his nipples aren’t what we’re talking about. MTV felt his bare ass and nipples were okay for viewers to see.

But Victoria De Angelis didn’t get the same respect. Of course, hers seemed to be an accident or maybe she was coached into it backstage to get some hype up for the band.

vmas 2022

You can see the bassist showing a little more than she planned. For that, the cameras cut away. MTV showed empty seats for about 40 seconds until Victoria got her wardrobe back in check. The thing is, she doesn’t have a problem with nudity at all.

vmas 2022

At Lollapalooza, Victoria was fine playing with her breasts out while fans were all around her. This isn’t a problem for her. But it appears to be a problem for MTV, a cable network that is allowed to show nudity if it wants by the way.

MTV is sending out mixed signals. Their messaging isn’t quite on point.


We see you, @thisismaneskin! 🍑 #VMAs pic.twitter.com/hx3eb1PXUP

— MTV NEWS (@MTVNEWS) August 29, 2022

The MTV News Twitter account posts a video supporting Damiano David’s attire choice. Dave’s ass hanging out the back of his chaps is fine, but let Victoria show a little nipple and everyone loses their minds. One tweeter called them out on it too!


I mean, Nicky can simulate masturbating on stage, but Victoria de Maneskin can't show a covered nipple? seriously VMAS????#VMAs #supermodel #maneskin pic.twitter.com/SjWzklazvL

— Mimiano (@amestarboom) August 29, 2022

And they’re right. Nicky can gyrate with her hand on her crotch like she’s getting off on stage and that’s okay. Look at those guys with all their nip-slips! But that’s okay.

vmas 2022

MTV, you’re still confused. Get with the times. You’re not run by your grandpa who thought women belonged in the kitchen making sandwiches. Quit acting like a little nip-slip on the VMAs 2022 corrupted your audience and took their virginity away.

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Published on August 29, 2022 02:26

August 25, 2022

Phishing And Notorious Scams Throughout History

Scam artists use a lot of energy coming up with their scams, even ones as ridiculous as phishing. They have to work through all the intricate parts of it if it’s a good scam. Sometimes, they have to buy equipment and software if it’s on a big scale. Sometimes, they have to lease office space if it’s on a much larger scale.

What a world it would be if they put all that thought and energy into something legitimate. They’ve already proven that they have all the skills. At least, they’d have something to be proud of at the end of the day rather than taking advantage of people and ruining their lives. But there will always be scam artists among us and these are some of the most historical.

Jerome Jacobson

Jerome Jacobson was a police officer in Florida but an injury kept him from continuing as an officer of the law. He went on to get a securities job and that led him to become responsible for the McDonald’s Monopoly game pieces.

He had access to pieces that were worth up to a million dollars. With all that power, he decided to give pieces to family and friends where he would split the money when they cashed them.

Soon he had a whole network of people he was in business with and he netted over $24 million. When this scam caught up to him, he was sentenced to 15 years in prison and ordered to pay $12.5 million in restitution. The others who were caught in his scam were given probation and ordered to pay back their winnings from out of their pockets.

Jerome JacobsonVictor Lustig

Victor Lustig was a master con man who actually sold the Eiffel Tower twice. Another con he used to run was selling a money box to businessmen. He convinced them that it would duplicate money if they put money in it. With a sleight of hand, he was able to convince them, and they bought it. He even got himself out of an arrest by showing it to a Texas sheriff who bought one from him.

But the Eiffel Tower story is amazing. He was able to convince executives of scrap metal companies, “Because of engineering faults, costly repairs, and political problems I cannot discuss, the tearing down of the Eiffel Tower has become mandatory.” Bids came rolling in and he became rich.

Would this be considered early day phishing?

His crimes eventually caught up to him and he ended up dying in Alcatraz.

phishingSylvia Browne

I’m not going to spend too much time on Sylvia Browne because I knew she was fake when she was alive and what she was doing was just plain wrong. She claimed to be a psychic and she took advantage of parents who had missing children. She would charge them a huge fee for a consultation, and then she would tell them some of the most horrendous things. She told a few parents that their child was dead and in one case, she told the parents their daughter had been kidnapped into human trafficking and taken to Japan.

In the case of human trafficking, it turned out to be untrue because the child’s body was found in America and had been buried. Sylvia did eventually catch charges for what she was doing and was slapped with community service. Despite being proven to be a fraud, people still believed in her and bought her books so that she could live out her happy life on real dollars earned from her lies and deception.

Anna Sorokin

Anna Sorokin made herself infamous by acting as an heiress of a European tycoon. She was befriended by very influential socialites and people in the art industry. Her exploits became the subject of the Netflix series Inventing Anna in which her role was played by Julia Garner.

She was so influential and charming that she was able to write her own ticket at one time, staying in hotel rooms and working toward building an empire. She almost had the funds, but it all caught up to her and she was found guilty of attempted grand larceny, larceny in the second degree, and theft of services. She was sentenced to prison. She didn’t stay long and was released. But now she’s being detained by ICE and awaiting deportation.

However, her fame didn’t stop there. She has been the subject of documentaries, books, and articles. In fact, Paris Hilton had Anna on her podcast This is Paris.

Anna SorokinCharles Ponzi

You might think Bernie Madoff belongs on this list. But he just ran a modern-day Ponzi Scheme which is named after Charles Ponzi who struggled through life when he was young and migrated to America to chase the American dream. After working at a bank that went belly up, he invented his own Securities Exchange Company that earned its money buying postal coupons from weak economic countries and of course, selling them in strong economic countries.

His scheme began as he started attracting investors. He would take their money and put it straight in his pocket. Then, he would pay older investors back their money with new investor funds. At one time, it was reported that he had a net worth of $8.5 million. It eventually caught up to him and he did time in prison before being deported back to Italy. But his name lives on forever with every new scam artist who gives the Ponzi Scheme a try.

Phishing schemes don’t have anything on this guy!

phishingElizabeth Holmes

Elizabeth Holmes in my book is one of the sickest people on the planet. When your scam involves giving people who have serious health issues a promise that you don’t plan on delivering, you have reached a whole new level of scum.

Theranos is the company she founded where she claimed that she could provide an on-the-spot medical diagnosis from a single drop of blood from a patient using her rapid blood-testing machine. Investments poured in the billions and she was highlighted in the biggest magazines that carried her story. But it was all a hoax. The machine didn’t work and anyone working for her who questioned it was fired.

Wall Street Journal reporter John Carreyrou broke the story about her, “I think she absolutely has sociopathic tendencies. One of those tendencies is pathological lying.”

She has been found guilty on four counts of defrauding investors and faces up to 20 years in prison. Sentencing is set for October 17, 2022.

Elizabeth Holmes

To pick up on a statement I made earlier. Phishing is a ridiculous scam. An email that shows up in your inbox might look like it’s from a legitimate company. If you click on a link, you might think you’re on a legitimate page. But if you pay attention to details, you won’t caught up in a phishing scam.

Look at the sender’s email. I’d be willing to bet that the domain is not the same as the “legitimate” company. That’s a red flag. If you click the link, I bet it doesn’t take you to the company’s official domain. That’s another red flag. The best practice is to google the company and contact them directly. Then, ask them if the email that you received is legitimate. Don’t take any action by clicking links through the phishing email itself.

Stay safe!

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Published on August 25, 2022 05:26

August 23, 2022

‘Saints Row’ Inspires New Reality Game Show

Gamers are always looking for the next great thing. What makes a great game is how real it is. “Innocent Bystander” is a new reality show soon to hit the air on Big Reality TV inspired by the video game “Saints Row”.

Imagine walking down the street and the next thing you know, you’re caught up in a crime spree. Immediately, roommates you didn’t know you had run up to you and start calling you “Boss.” That’s when you learn you’re the leader of a gang and there’s a rival gang coming after you.

The difference between this game and “Saints Row” is this isn’t a video game at all. It’s a reality game show with cameras stationed everywhere following your every move while live broadcasting for the viewers at home. They watch as you plan a heist, stock up on weapons, and turn your home into a headquarters where your hardcore posse hangs.

saints rowThis Is Satire

To conduct a gang war, you need money. So, you are going to have to move a lot of cash within a few short hours. The thing is you belong to a gang! So, normal protocol dictates that you do some blow and get some girls up in your crib.

But the party can’t go all day long. You have to pull the crew back and go stack up them Benjamins. In the biggest heist you’ve ever pulled off in your life, you and your posse leave headquarters and head for the place where you know there’s an obscene amount of money.

As you rush the local liquor store in monkey masks, you pull your guns and scare everyone down to the floor. Grabbing all the money you can fit in your bag along with a ton of liquor, you split the scene to find out that the popo is coming.

saints rowTotal Fiction

Now, you’re in a high-speed chase with cops coming after you. You’re whipping your whip through town and taking turns like a champ, another skill you didn’t know you had. You weave in and out of traffic, and then you take it to the highway. And remember, you could have taken this game any way you wanted. But you’ve made these decisions, and here you are getting chased onto the highway.

A dozen police cars are on your rear and they are trying to maneuver around you. While one gets your attention on the right, another passes you on your left and hits you in a Pit Maneuver. You spin so fast that the car flips and you roll to a stop upside down.

The police pull your body out of the car and arrest you on the spot. They charge you with everything from robbery to reckless endangerment and speeding. You share a cell that night with a group of drunk and disorderly inmates.

saints rowNot True At All

Five years later, you get out of prison and you get invited to the Reunion Show where you find out other contestants have gone on to win millions and are Instafamous. But they’re amazed by your story of prison life and the interesting inmates you met along the way. Of course, you sue and you’re offered a six-digit deal to design a new brand of prison attire. Thank “Saints Row” for inspiring a game that took your life away and then tried to give it back.

You’ll never be involved in a game more realistic than that. Available to you are all the features life has to offer and there is no cheating. There isn’t any possibility anyone can cheat at this game because your actions either come with good or bad consequences. Gamers are already lining up to find out how they can play.

Not a bit of this is true. There is no such game. This has been a joke, and only a joke. If this had been real, you would have been given instructions on where to seek therapy and how to decompress from this experience. Again, this has only been a joke.

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Published on August 23, 2022 16:37

August 21, 2022

Annoying Habits People Do In Public

habits

Annoying people can be the worst. I know. I normally am that person. For he is me. But, I’m talking about really obnoxious people who don’t seem to know how annoying their habits are.

I have literally been at a party and a friend of mine from across the room texted me. Come talk to me, bro! If you have something to say, I’ll meet you halfway across the room. I’ll even come all the way over there if you need me. We’re at a party! No texting from across the room is allowed.

But that’s nothing when you consider how many times we’re around other people and they all have their faces in the phone. How ridiculous is it that you crave social attention so much that Facebook and Instagram have become your savior and yet, you have people all around you? Socialize with them. They’re right there.

But that only scratches the surface. Sometimes, people on planes can go beyond annoying. If you’re sitting behind me, don’t put your bare foot on my armrest. To the person sitting beside me, don’t lean over me to look out the window. And definitely don’t fall asleep and put your head on my shoulder. I don’t even know you. Our relationship isn’t quite there yet.

But one of the most annoying things to me is when I’m talking and someone interrupts me to relate to the most insignificant part of what I’m trying to say. First of all, I wasn’t finished yet and I hadn’t gotten to my point. But more importantly, that’s not what I’m talking about. It’s not even close. It’s a mini bullet point at best to a much bigger theme if you’d just give it some time.

Anyway, those are just a few habits that get on my nerves. You might relate. You might not. But, what you’re about to see is totally relatable.

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Published on August 21, 2022 03:20

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Michael  Allen
Michael Allen is the author of the newly released Joker Joker Deuce, a psychological thriller about a deranged internet stalker who uses apps to find anyone he wants at any time, his victims have no i ...more
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