‘Saints Row’ Inspires New Reality Game Show

Gamers are always looking for the next great thing. What makes a great game is how real it is. “Innocent Bystander” is a new reality show soon to hit the air on Big Reality TV inspired by the video game “Saints Row”.

Imagine walking down the street and the next thing you know, you’re caught up in a crime spree. Immediately, roommates you didn’t know you had run up to you and start calling you “Boss.” That’s when you learn you’re the leader of a gang and there’s a rival gang coming after you.

The difference between this game and “Saints Row” is this isn’t a video game at all. It’s a reality game show with cameras stationed everywhere following your every move while live broadcasting for the viewers at home. They watch as you plan a heist, stock up on weapons, and turn your home into a headquarters where your hardcore posse hangs.

This Is Satire

To conduct a gang war, you need money. So, you are going to have to move a lot of cash within a few short hours. The thing is you belong to a gang! So, normal protocol dictates that you do some blow and get some girls up in your crib.

But the party can’t go all day long. You have to pull the crew back and go stack up them Benjamins. In the biggest heist you’ve ever pulled off in your life, you and your posse leave headquarters and head for the place where you know there’s an obscene amount of money.

As you rush the local liquor store in monkey masks, you pull your guns and scare everyone down to the floor. Grabbing all the money you can fit in your bag along with a ton of liquor, you split the scene to find out that the popo is coming.

Total Fiction

Now, you’re in a high-speed chase with cops coming after you. You’re whipping your whip through town and taking turns like a champ, another skill you didn’t know you had. You weave in and out of traffic, and then you take it to the highway. And remember, you could have taken this game any way you wanted. But you’ve made these decisions, and here you are getting chased onto the highway.

A dozen police cars are on your rear and they are trying to maneuver around you. While one gets your attention on the right, another passes you on your left and hits you in a Pit Maneuver. You spin so fast that the car flips and you roll to a stop upside down.

The police pull your body out of the car and arrest you on the spot. They charge you with everything from robbery to reckless endangerment and speeding. You share a cell that night with a group of drunk and disorderly inmates.

Not True At All

Five years later, you get out of prison and you get invited to the Reunion Show where you find out other contestants have gone on to win millions and are Instafamous. But they’re amazed by your story of prison life and the interesting inmates you met along the way. Of course, you sue and you’re offered a six-digit deal to design a new brand of prison attire. Thank “Saints Row” for inspiring a game that took your life away and then tried to give it back.

You’ll never be involved in a game more realistic than that. Available to you are all the features life has to offer and there is no cheating. There isn’t any possibility anyone can cheat at this game because your actions either come with good or bad consequences. Gamers are already lining up to find out how they can play.

Not a bit of this is true. There is no such game. This has been a joke, and only a joke. If this had been real, you would have been given instructions on where to seek therapy and how to decompress from this experience. Again, this has only been a joke.

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