Michael Allen's Blog: Michael Allen Online, page 22

Snake Gets Owned By A Mink, A Cute Little Mink…

You should have seen it. It was the stuff that dreams are made of. The mink and the snake were toe to toe. An epic battle was about to go down.

As the two squared off, all eyes in the woods were on them. Who was going to come out the victor? Odds were on the snake.

The snake’s manager started going around the woods taking bets. He was so sure the snake was going to win that he was giving pretty good odds. But nothing was about to deter the mink. He has the right to live too. The thing is that this is the law of the jungle. You don’t just get the right to live. You have to fight for the right to live.

And then there was one…NBC

Nature can produce some pretty cold, harsh scenes. This is what separates us from animals and in some ways, that’s not a good thing. The laws of nature aren’t the same as those of humans, but they’re pretty clear in the wild. The Wild West was the last time we were even close to being more like The Wild.

If a fight occurred and two people drew their guns, it was a legal fight. The sheriff might take the guns into custody until the case was heard before a judge. But a gunman could easily walk away from killing a man in the middle of the streets with his pistol if he was able to say that they both drew, they were both armed, and they both were aware of what was about to go down.

Now, that’s not necessarily how nature works. It’s legal for a predator to sneak up on its prey and get it from behind, or from underneath, or from the sky. What I love most about nature is it has some weird outcomes though. Like a snake getting owned by a mink, you have to love the way nature works sometimes.

Harsh Realities of Nature

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Audra Mari Is Breaking Headlines Again

Celebrities like Audra Mari know how to stay in the headlines. But sometimes, they don’t even have to try. The world of news and media keeps their names alive with all the coverage they provide.

Audra Mari is a model who was crowned Miss World America in 2016. In 2014, she was crowned Miss North Dakota USA. In addition to being a Beauty Pageant Queen, she has posed for such magazines as H&M and Ocean Drive.

But these days, she finds herself in the spotlight because of her relationship with Josh Duhamel. He was also a model, but he might be known better for his starring role in Las Vegas as well as some movies like the Transformers series, Safe Haven, and When in Rome among his 58 acting credits. A bit of trivia for you, he also comes from North Dakota, which seems to me like a very strong coincidence.

If you don’t know who he is by now, maybe mentioning his marriage to Fergie will jar your memory. The two divorced on good terms and gave an announcement so nicely put, it made fans cry. That’s Josh Duhamel and he’s been dating Audra Mari now for about two years. But something has changed in their relationship lately.

But first, let’s go over some of their more riveting headlines over the last few years:

Josh And Audra went out on a date in May of 2019! That’s right. They went out on a date.

They were caught holding hands earlier this year. My WOW Factor is on an ultimate high now.

Hold your horses for this one. They took a walk with each other while they were smiling, side by side!

The news world has been watching them very closely and keeping us up to date on every smile, kiss, look, and movement they have made over the last two years. And that’s how it’s done, folks. Sometimes, celebrities don’t even have to do anything special to hit the headlines. All they have to do is live and the Paparazzi will take a plethora of pictures for the world to share while the wordsmiths like me churn headlines.

So, what has Audra Mari hitting the headlines these days? The two have decided to move forward with their relationship and get engaged. That’s actually worthy of a headline. If you’re a fan, you don’t need to know everything like when they go to the grocery store without makeup or when they get a speeding ticket. But when they get engaged is news worth knowing.

What gives guys like me hope is that they have a 21 year age difference. She’s 28 years old and he’s 49. If a beautiful model like her doesn’t care how old he is, then a guy like me has hope. All I have to do is become a famous actor and amass a net worth of about $18 million. Of course, I should hit the gym and my face is nowhere in the same league as his. So, all I need is a beautiful model who is willing to overlook all that. She’s out there. I know it.

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Lessons Learned About Life Through Tragedy

On the same day, two different tragedies occurred and the juxtaposition of those two opposite events rang of one accord. They both taught the same lesson in two contrastingly different ways. One very harshly points out that life goes on. The other promisingly demonstrates that life goes on.

One day, a helicopter pilot woke up and had a cup of coffee. He had a flight that day and he was looking forward to it. The sad news about it was, that was going to be his last flight. In St. John the Baptist Parish, Lousiana, there is a highway that crosses Lake Pontchartrain and that’s where it happened. Flying above the Bonne Carré Spillway Bridge on the St. John Parish and St. Charles line, he was forced to put his helicopter down on I-10 eastbound at milepost 211.

The pilot lost his life and that is always a terrible tragedy. But sadly, the world is forced to keep moving forward. Some people do it without hesitation and some people move on with regret that they can’t take more time to properly acknowledge the tragedy they just witnessed. It’s a sad fact, but life does go on.

On that same very day, a man about six hundred miles away walked back into his house after tornadoes had just left a trail of devastation through his state and five others, the death toll still climbing. He looked around at what the tornadoes had done to his house. Debris was all over the place. Walls were knocked down. He didn’t even have a roof.

But, he did find something in the corner to ease his pain. He found his old piano still standing. Beaten by the storm, it wasn’t the perfect pitch. But perfect to his ears, he sat down and began to play.

Jordan Baize may have lost his home, but his family was safe. That’s all that mattered to him at the time. He could move on knowing that stuff can be replaced, but the lives of the people he cared about can’t. It wasn’t the end of the world. So, there was his piano and it was calling his name. The song he played?

“There’s Something About That Name” by Gloria Gaither and Willam J. Gaither…

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‘Airplane Repo’ Hits All The Reality Funny Bones

Reality TV has pushed its limits about as far as it can go. Viewers have definitely caught all the fakery that goes on in making those shows. Airplane Repo is no different even though I actually like the show based on its premise.

Airplane Repo is not just about repossessing airplanes. In its introduction, it boasts of these unique bounty hunters repossessing yachts as well. Can you imagine the One Percenters in this world defaulting on their payments? Next time you’re a few weeks behind on your car payment and feeling really bad about yourself, just think about the millionaires who don’t have the money to make their payments for whatever reason. Living beyond their means? Trying to look good to all their friends while driving themselves further into the hole? Who knows!

In walk Ken Cage, Danny Thompson, Kevin Lacey, Mike Kennedy, and Heather Sterzick from earlier episodes. They take a lot of risks to get those planes out of hangars and into the air. Can you imagine? With as much security that’s in those airfields and all the steps a pilot has to take to get legally in the air, it’s a wonder anyone can do it at all. But, they do. And now imagine them trying to repo a yacht…with people on it! I can’t wait to see that. But so far, it’s just been about the planes.

The thing is that the drama is already written into this type of reality show. I mean, it’s about plane repo. That’s exciting enough. They don’t need writers to add to it. But, they do. They make everything so dramatic, it gets hilarious.

“Ken Cage has found his aircraft. But it’s going to take some time for him to get it into the air. First, he has to open the door and then, you wouldn’t believe what he has to do next! That’s right, he has to climb inside…”

“Not only did Mike Kennedy steal a plane back for his client, but it appears he also stole a wedding cake. Some bride is going to be really upset if her day is ruined. Now, Mike has to rush to save the day. After getting the wedding cake to the married couple just in time, he is once again off beyond the horizon for his Twenty-Five thousand dollar payday…”

And that’s just one of the aspects of the show that gets my Laugher going. What I really find interesting is how they get all those shots. Of course, they have camera guys with them and they make it known that they’re there. So, that’s not the problem.

The problem starts with some of those shots…

Did they put a guy on the wing or take the time to attach a camera out there?

Do they have a camera conveniently sitting on the dash?

Do they have other planes traveling around with them to get those flying shots?

And what do they do with the vehicles that they take to the airfields to get the planes in the first place? They drive up and park. Then, they fly the plane away…thousands of miles. I call staged. Some of this reality footage isn’t very real at all. What I think is, they drive up and get their footage on the ground. Then, they take the plane for a flight for the camera guys. When they’re finished, they land the plane and drive back home to see how the editors put all the staged material together.

But then, there’s funny of a different kind…

In Season 1 Episode 2 “Spies In The Night,” Ken Cage and Danny Thompson have a slick one pulled on them. To get paid the full amount, they have to find the logbooks and return those with the plane to the client. They find the logs in an outside storage bin and they are about to get paid. But the owner shows up and starts yelling about calling the cops and security, even though he knows he’s wrong.

What he does though is steal the logbooks back. They were in the front seat of Ken’s truck. It’s that easy for the owner to distract Ken and Danny who go to the owner’s house only to find out he’s not there. What he did was steal his own plane back after Ken and Danny left the airfield to track him down.

Can you imagine a millionaire with a mansion being that cheap? They’re out there. That just goes to show you that just because the guy has money doesn’t mean he won’t do you dirty.

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Does A Real Superhero Exist? This Footage Suggests So…

I have been fascinated with superhero movies, comic books, and everything else since I was a wee little boy. I even had superhero underoos that made me feel like Superman. Remember those?

I’d put them on and try to fly around the house. I went outside and acted like I was beating up villains and saving the pretty girl. But, that was when I was a kid…

I grew up eventually. It took longer than normal. Some might even say I’m not quite there yet. Others might say I’ll never get there. But, enough about my family.

These days, I’m fascinated with superhero movies for a totally different reason. As a writer, I love watching the graphics. I’ve seen it evolve over the years from UFOs being held up in the air with a string that you could clearly see and you knew what it was to software that makes a flying man look like he’s really flying.

At first, it seemed like only the big production studios had that software. But eventually, I started to see some amazing graphics in videos that were made by a kid in high school. Some of them are as young as elementary doing more than I could ever imagine with a camera and a laptop. These are some amazing kids.

That’s why I’m questioning some of the footage in this video. It’s awesome. It looks great. If it is real, I’m amazed and if it’s not, I’m equally amazed. Because if it’s not real, it is flawless. The work of a genius and either way, I have nothing negative to say about it. I’ve either been duped or I have to rethink all of my life’s decisions because if people like this are really out there, I want to know how they’re doing what they’re doing.

How do I get these powers?

Humans With Superpowers Doing Superhero Things

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A Sucker Punch Like This Is Nothing But How Punks Fight

This tough talk girl became famous, but for the wrong reason. She’s a punk who thinks she can fight and decided she was just going to punch a kid for no reason. That in itself would be wrong. But, this kid is mentally disabled and she knew it.

The thing is that Tayla Aubrey-lee Griffiths knows she did wrong. But trying to do damage control, she admits to more than just being a punk. She has no clue how much her flying mouth is dropping out of it and that’s how it goes. If you don’t think before you act, you have a whole lot of explaining to do. When you go through this world mindlessly, you’ll look stupid every step of the way. That’s exactly what Tayla looks like, stupid as stupid can be.

Before you see the video, I want to show you how stupid Tayla is because that part is the only funny thing about it. First of all, she starts talking about how it was all blown out of proportion. But, let her tell you herself…

So, Dean and her talked about it. It’s alright with them. Does she mean the disabled kid she hit? They talked about it and it’s alright with him? Okay! And he was threatening her – remember that part!

This is what he looked like after she hit him. The blood just coming. You can see in the video that she’s pretty proud of herself. She walks away looking at her hands with that impressed look on her face. But, wait a minute! Check this out…

Did you read that? She says at first that he was threatening her. Then, she says that he asked her to punch him. So, which is it? Was her life threatened or was she simply obliging a request of his?

Either way, it doesn’t matter. She’s a punk and she gets the punk award for being a stupid punk. It looks to me like she wanted to punch him and she hit him twice, like it was a real fight. Then, she walked away like someone who thinks they’re big and just did something special! What a low life!

Make sure you SHARE this with your friends on FACEBOOK and make what’s her face real famous!

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The Good Ol’ Hail Mary Alive And Well In Kutztown, PA

The Hail Mary does it again…

“There I was, behind by four in the final seconds of the game. The play almost fell apart, but…”

Doesn’t that sound like a story that a quarterback or a wide receiver will be talking about for the rest of his life?

“Hey Tyson, tell that story again how you won against Kutztown in the final seconds of the Quarterfinals!”

And it deserves it. It’s a great story that ends beautifully. The Hail Mary has gotten more teams out of last-second trouble than any other play. Of course, Mahomes can pull them out of his derriere on the run. And Brady can throw a bullet right into a receiver’s hands from 50 yards away.

Put the young GOAT and the legendary GOAT aside for a second and let’s talk football. The Hail Mary wouldn’t exist and wouldn’t keep being played if it didn’t work from time to time. It’s the last hope. Throw the ball with hope and pray it comes down in your guy’s hands. That’s the best you can do and it’s the last resort.

The Shepherd Magical Hail Mary

And that’s how it’s done, folks! You throw it with all you have. Receivers collect at the same spot in the endzone and jump for the ball. Fight for it. Kick and scream if you have to, but come down with it. That’s the objective.

“Hail Mary” is so popular in football that it has become a word for other things. Whenever someone is up against the impossible with little time left, it’s Hail Mary time. Give it all you have and come down with the win!

It’s a good life lesson too! It means, you can always win. Even when you think the game is over and you have to do the impossible to turn it around, the Hail Mary teaches you that you can do that.

Kutztown, Pa: Shepherd – 30 vs Kutztown – 28

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Weird Photos That Have A Little Something Extra

Most of the time, photos are innocent enough. You get what you see and you move on. But the magic of the camera has a great way of producing weird photos that have so much more in them than you originally thought.

She Finally Got The Hair Flip Right, BUT

She probably worked all day at getting the perfect hair flip. Do you know how hard it is? One comedian gave it a try to show us it’s a very difficult move that only the most talented models have a knack for getting it right. Hers was a flop and it was hilarious.

That’s why I feel for this girl. She might have given it about 200 tries before getting it right. She kept doing it until she got it and then, that’s when everything went wrong. If you look in the background, you’ll see that there are two ladies digging deep into their butts and they are in the middle of her shot.

They’re Having A Bang Of A Time

This is innocent enough. A lady with her daughter and the beautiful water behind them. It’s a nice vacation picture that will go on the wall and they will cherish those memories forever.

That is until you look into the background and you see a family loading a cannon with a kid. At the top of the list of weird photos comes the family who wanted to shoot their kid into the water. Actually, I don’t know what they were planning but I’m not sure it’s a good idea. How do you explain that to the fire department when they arrive to pull a suffocating kid out of a cannon because he got stuck? It sounded like a good idea at the time?

Coach!

This looks like a healthy team of players. Everyone’s all smiles as they take their team photo. That’s when you notice it. What’s the coach doing with his hand?

Subliminal Messaging

Superman. Eragon. X-Men: The Last Stand. All three movies playing at the same theater at the same time. It might be hard to pick which one you want to watch or you can just watch them all. But don’t stand there looking at the display for too long. It’s trying to tell you something. S.E. X.

A Perfect Picture…

She said, “Let’s take a picture. I’ll just get up on this table and I’ll pose like this.”

He said, “Sounds good. I got the camera and you just tell me when you’re ready.”

It was after they took the shot that they noticed something a little spicy going on the background across the street.

Who Has What?

You don’t get it right away. You think it’s just a bee doing its thing in a flower. But then, you look a little closer and you find a spider. It has a hold of the bee in the age-old struggle of nature versus nature. Sometimes, you’re the one getting fed. Sometimes, you’re the meal.

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Funny Dancing Videos That Flip The Script

A genius with video software can make anything out of anything. Have you ever wondered how they get a giraffe to jump up on another giraffe’s neck? They don’t. They do some dancing with graphic software and voila, it looks like a giraffe jumped up on another giraffe’s neck.

Of course, we already know this from the movies. They have some whacked-out stuff. They have cars being driven out of buildings and people flying with no wings. It’s all crazy stuff and all it takes is some genius who knows how to run a computer with all the software it can hold.

But this trend that we’re looking at today is a little different. There is some skill though. They find a video with people dancing. They find a totally different song for the video and they make it match. It’s phenomenal. It’s also very funny stuff.

Here are three of my favorites:

Goth Dance Party

How they got the music to match the rhythm of their dancing, I don’t know. But this video is better than the original. It’s more entertaining. That’s for sure. It’s a very energetic dance style that appears to actually have moves. It’s not just thrown together like they’re making it all up on the spot. I’m actually really impressed.

This Dancing Is A Bit More Serious Here

This one begins really seriously. It’s like they’re having a meeting and they are about to address something very important. But then, they start dancing. It’s actually pretty good. But the change of music brings this one home. That’s when it becomes outrageous.

For A Change Of Pace, How About Rave Dancing

And now for something totally random. These raveres had no idea they would one day become an internet sensation. Their dancing was honest and it doesn’t get any better than that. But along comes someone, always someone. They have a sense of humor and the whole thing is about to change.

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Offbeat Christmas Gift Ideas To Break Free From The Norm

Christmas gift ideas normally come from listening to someone and hearing them when they say what they want. They could say it in July or they could drop a hint in September. Catching those hints and getting those Christmas gifts, we get to play hero for a day.

But there are always those people in our lives who are hard to get. They have everything. They don’t drop hints. When they do talk about wanting something, it’s most likely something we can’t get them. How do you buy someone something that hasn’t even been invented yet?

That’s part of the dilemma we’re going to solve today. Another one is for the people who are tired of the same boring gifts. In the list of gifts for men is a tie, that he’ll never wear. In the list of women is perfume, a big no-no if you know any women. They will all tell you not to buy them perfume UNLESS it was one of those hints they dropped. In that case, you better make sure you get it right and get her EXACTLY what she said.

To get away from the boring and make this year a little more exciting, here are some great Christmas gift ideas that will be memorable for years to come…

Voice Activated LED Face Mask

If they’re going to make people wear a mask in certain places, have fun with it. It’s a Voice-Activated LED Face Mask so it lights up when you speak. There are different settings so you can really have a good time with it. It takes a small lithium battery and it comes with that so you can take it out of the package and you’re ready to go.

MyPupSocks

For the dog lover, MyPupSocks fall perfectly under personalized gifts. Take a picture of their dog and give them a pair of socks with the dog’s face all over them. Of course, you can put any face on the socks. Put your own face on there if you want. It really doesn’t have to be a dog’s face at all.

Let’s Take MyPupSocks To Another Level

In the gifts for men category comes another product from the MyPupSocks brand. You can put your face on his underwear. This isn’t the only design. There are plenty to choose from if you’d like your man to wear your face everywhere his sensitive area goes.

Of Course There’s One For Women As Well

You can go with the multi-face underwear design like the one seen here or there are other designs to go with. Of course, this design is the tame one. The other designs get rather naughty and I think you’ll love the selection.

Anal Chocolates

Yes! These actually exist. If you know someone with a great sense of humor, give them some Milk Chocolate Edible Anus. They are made of pure milk chocolate. So, that’s a plus and the recipient can think about that while they’re biting into the life-size sculpture of an anus.

Coffee, Or Whiskey…Whatever!

Of course, this offbeat list of Christmas gift ideas wouldn’t be complete without an idea of my own. Coffee cups have always been a great secret for the office or home. Sometimes, people just need a little nip of something to get them through the rest of the day. Rather than pour a tall drink in a tall glass to project to the world what you’re actually drinking, the coffee cup serves the purpose of disguising what’s in there. Of course, my coffee cup does make it clear that it’s okay to drink coffee in it as well.

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