Cate Ellink's Blog, page 66

Phallic Friday - Experimental Marriage and other words

I have this gem of a book called, The Wordsworth Dictionary of Sex, which often is used for checking a strange word that pops into my mind when writing! I thought I'd pick some random words to share with you today.

Experimental marriage - an arrangement in which a man and a woman agree, verbally or in writing, to live together to test their compatibility and to determine if they should enter into a formal marriage. Seven-year experimental marriages were common in 10th Century England, and marriages of 1 year were permitted in Scotland before the Reformation. More recently they have been permitted in rural Latin America to determine the ability of the couple to produce children.

I wonder how many continue through to the formal marriage?

Peg House - a slang term for a homosexual brothel. The name derives from such establishments in southeast Asia where between clients, prostitutes sat on pegs to keep their anuses suitably distended.

Tribadism - a lesbian practice in which one partner lies on top of the other and simulates coitus by rubbing the genitals together. The partner who plays the 'male' role usually has an especially large clitoris and is called a tribade (Greek tribein, 'to rub')

Zipper Ring - an intrauterine contraceptive device made of coils of nylon thread. Its claimed advantage is that it can be inserted without prior mechanical dilation of the cervix.

Bone Queen - an American homosexual slang term for a person who is extremely fond of performing fellatio.

Dugs - an archaic term for the female breasts

Can't imagine why that term went out of fashion!!

Do you have any good words to share?

Wildlife Wednesday - Turtle

Spot the turtle!Can you see the turtle in my picture? The shell has speckles on it and it's about the middle of the photo. This was taken on our WA trip, at Exmouth. It looked much better in real life - the water was murky though, which has caused the blurriness.

I used a turtle in my scuba diving story (Deep Diving) and I said that the turtle slowly poked its head out at them. When I was editing/rewriting, I looked at that and scratched my head. I've seen a few turtles in the water but I hadn't actually seen them poke their head out at me. So I did a Google hunt and found that they don't have the ability to retract their head or limbs! I'd messed up my land turtles and sea turtles in my writing flurry.

It's those silly little things that can make or break a book for me. If an author gets something wrong that I notice, then I begin to question the book. I worry that I have these types of mistakes because my brain doesn't fact-check when it writes. It only switches on to analytical mode when editing (and it's sooooo mean then - but it's not infallable).

I love seeing turles underwater. The first time I took Mr E snorkelling, I shot off after a turtle all excited, only to realise he was nowhere near as excited or interested. In fact, without his contacts, he could hardly see! I've made lots of modifications to my snorkelling-with-Mr-E routines since but turtles still bring me the biggest buzz of excitement.

Are you a turtle fan? A snorkelling or diving enthusiast?

Sunday Story - Growing up vs the Peter Pan complex

You know how Peter Pan never grew up... I'm having the same issues myself. I'm hoping I'll ditch them after tonight when the Rugby League World Cup final is done and I can ditch my obsession (I'm sure you're all hoping for the same!) but I'm a bit worried. Let me explain...



Some years ago, an in-law fell in love, which isn't too strange but he was in his 70s and so was his new love. It was an uncomfortable courtship for those of us watching. It was like a teenage romance with lots of giggling, hand holding, kissing and other public displays of affection.
I struggled to understand how love didn't mature and how they still acted like teenagers at such an advanced age. I talked to my dad about this, and he wisely pointed out that the last time they both fell in love, they were teenagers (they'd both lost their long-term partner only in recent years). So this way of loving was all they knew and you revert to what you know.
It sounded like a sane reason and I bought it even if I didn't understand it.
Moving right along.
In my early teenage years I was totally infatuated by Peter Sterling, a football player. Every article on him, I collected. I bought magazines he was in. I saw every game I could. I wrote tortured poetry. I'd take my sister (younger than me and cute) to collect autographs, or I'd just stare at him, because I was so captivated. I wanted to know him, be near him, be his. But he was a superstar and I, a nobody. He was mid twenties and I a teen. I loved from afar. I never met him and then he was injured and retired. I had a friend who gave him my tortured poetry, which almost made me die of embarrassment, and I received an autograph and note which I treasured for years (and probably still have).
Cue thirty years.
I'm no longer a lusting teenager. I'm married. I've been around a bit and know a lot more about life and love. I've had lots more infatuations with superstars that came and went but none like that one with Sterlo (oh, and now he commentates on TV and yes, my heart still flutters!).
In 2012 something happened. I watched Cooper Cronk play the grand final. I'd seen him play before on television and also in previous grand finals, live. Nothing about his play made a huge impact on me until this game.
Maybe it's because I was writing and thinking about stories that I thought more, I don't know. I just know something happened during that game. I was infatuated by how he played. Infatuated by his legs, his hands, his passing, his direction of the play. I wondered how you'd meet someone like that...and I invented a story, Deep Diving.
To flesh out my hero in my story, I began to hunt around on the Internet for information on Cooper Cronk. I merged the information I found with my imagination to create my hero. In doing so, I lost the ability to separate fact and fiction and somehow I took myself back to my teenage obsession. Except this time with Cooper Cronk (poor man).
In the last thirty years there has become so much more fodder available for a 'stalker' like me. There's Google, but also twitter, Facebook, Instagram, tumblr, et cetera, et cetera. And not just information on him, by him and about him. You can 'stalk' teammates and you might get the tiniest sliver of information about him.
And yes, I do know that if I started really young (probably when I was lusting after my previous footy guy) I could be his mother. I know I'm too old to do this. But oh my god, the world is teaching me a lesson... I've  reverted to my teenage self.
Just the other night when I was up until 4am to watch a football game he was in. He scored a try sliding flat on his stomach...just like Peter Sterling in the 1986 Kangaroo team.
Cooper Cronk has merged with Peter Sterling in my head. And since I still have feelings for Sterlo so long later, I wonder if in my 70s I'm going to do this again. Oh lord, I don't think I can handle that! Creepy enough now. I'm creeping myself out.
But as my dad explained before, the last time I did this, I was a teenager and this is how I knew how to fall in love/lust/whatever this obsession is.
And to Peter Sterling and Cooper Cronk, I'm sorry to have dragged you into my strange, strange world.
Does anyone else have these kind of ridiculous obsessions? Please?! :)

Phallic Friday - sex survey results

Last Sunday's newspaper had an interesting article, which I found online here. I've no idea why I can't find the link in the Australian paper that I read but it's almost word for word this article anyway.

There were some interesting results from this survey - and I noticed different online papers have taken a different slant on reporting it, which is fascinating and makes me wonder why they'd skew the article to a particular sex survey result - is it that they think their readers would be more interested in one result than another? But that's a whole other topic (and since I'm late writing this, won't be discussed here!).

The survey occurs once every decade and had a sample size of 15 000 British people. Key results are:

For people aged between 16 and 44, in the 1999/2001 survey they were averaging sex 6.3 times a month. Now, it's 4.9 times per month. There was some discussion about this being attributed to busier lives, taking work home, even having tablets and phones in bed (!) but also to the availability of porn on the Internet.

The average age for losing your virginity is also declining. For those people under the age of 25 currently, the average age for starting sex was 16. Those in the 65-74 year age group, lost their virginity at 19. In Australia, you're only just legally able to have sex at 16... in another ten years, will this figure decline? Are we, as a society, facing these sexual challenges and teaching our youth about sex in a rational, factual, un-embarrassed manner?

For women under the age of 44 years, the average number of partners was 7.7. For men this was 11.7. Another interesting statistic which to me still indicates the double standard we have in society for it to be more acceptable for men to 'sleep around' than for women. But I am glad this figure is coming closer together. That shows some changes in society.

Oh, if you click through from that article to the attitudes article, it's great. Only 3% of people refused to answer questions about their sex life, but 20% of people refuse to discuss their income. Wow - does this mean we're becoming more open about sex? (or in Britain anyway)

With changing attitudes, adultery is becoming less accepted, and one night stands becoming more accepted.

One of the doctors commenting on the article said that it was interesting that women are having sex younger, but having children later in life, which means there is a need for birth control for a longer period of time in a woman's life than ever before. Lucky there are options for this now days.

A scary statistic is that 1 in 10 women and 1 in 70 men say they have been forced to have sex against their will, and few of these people reported the crime.

I love seeing these type of articles in the mainstream newspapers. I think a good discussion about sex is always healthy! How about you? Do you like juicy discussions full of facts?

Wildlife Wednesday - fish in WA

ButterflyfishSnorkelling in Western Australia, near Exmouth at Turquoise Bay, and at Coral Bay south of Exmouth, we came across some rather colourful fish.

Where I live, we mostly get cold-water-loving fish, but here are more of the warm-water-loving fish, or reef fish.

Butterfly fish would have to be my favourite of the reef fish. This bright yellow one is (I think) Bennett's butterflyfish. My hesitation is that my book says they're rare and they are difficult to get a good photo because they employ devious tactics to hide. I just snapped this, so maybe I have the wrong species, but it's definitely a beautiful butterfly fish.

LeatherjacketThe leatherjacket is an interesting fish. When I was a kid I could catch these without trying, as an adult I rarely catch them. And when I was a kid, fishing in NSW, they were never this beautiful. This could be the horseshoe leatherjacket (but I don;t have a photo of its side, which I need) also called the Variable Leatherjacket.

Parrotfish or Wrasse are beautifully coloured too. After Googling, I think this is the Green-cheeked parrotfish. Whatever it is, the blue hues were amazing.

And this yellow and orange fish also defies my skills at finding out who it is...but gorgeous none-the-less.



Green-cheeked Parrotfish Unknown

Sunday Story - Deep Diving (again)

Last week I said I'd sent out my latest story to my fab team of crit partners and beta readers. I sort of stagger it so someone reads chapter by chapter, then the reader who gives the best 'story' crit gets it first to give me overall tips, which I fix, then it goes to the next, who gives great 'line edits', which I fix. Then to other crit partners and beta readers. It's taken a while to perfect my system but I love it now!!

Oh, I should tell you a bit about the story, hey? (first attempt at a blurb - which I'm useless at writing!)

Samantha Caine, newly retired triathlete, meets Cooper Sterling, rugby league player,on Lord Howe Island when they're paired up as dive buddies. After enjoying each other's company all day, Cooper asks her to be more than dive buddies...but Sam doesn't want to be just a notch in his bedpost, or goalpost, she wants to be remembered. So begins their ten-day holiday fling. Two tough competitors each trying to win and never repeating a sex act.

I think some of the early feedback is worth sharing, because it made me laugh.

I lost Samantha’s conflict.  You dangle two things and then don’t deal with them.   Two photo comp scenes could actually be the one. The addition of aging parents thread / Coop's granddad seems unnecessary.Coop's charity/business – not sure what it actually is.  Not sure about this line – sounds too cocky and arrogant.  He’s adorable without being too good to be true – she’s strong and competitive without being awful with it. Ooooh, is 'deep diving' a metaphor for diving into a relationship? Letting someone in close. Goodness, this story's so hot my lady parts have spontaneously combusted.

So, it's worth going to the team to get the best story I possibly can. Writing is never a solo journey, not for me! It's about a bunch of people throwing in their bit and me making it all work. And I love the people who throw their bit in. I have a huge bunch and each seems to have a particular role.

Early on in this story, one of the team told me I always wrote wimpy girls and I should try to make this one tougher. Hard, yes, but true. I hope I met the challenge. I'm still waiting on the verdict!!


And here are the inspirations for my hero - my two favourite rugby league players. You can see from these pictures there's not a lot of similarity between them!! I told you it's their game that enthralled me :)
(But maybe if they had lots of shirtless images in the 80s, you might see more similarities!)
Cooper Cronk
Peter Sterling

Phallic Friday - triggers

I've been thinking about 'triggers' lately because I realise that I don't seem to have them.

By 'triggers' I mean a sensitivity to a topic that can make you react in a specific (often hostile or emotional) way. From the free dictionary, it's defined as "anything, as an act or event, that initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions."

In erotic writing, there seems to be many triggers (e.g. a particular sex act, rape, sexual violence, BDSM, a phrase) that people (readers) may/will react to. And maybe it's because erotic writing walks a fine line between being open, and opening up wounds for people.

There have been a couple of questions on Facebook about triggers, and I've read a few reviews that alerted people to triggers before they reviewed a story. And both of these things have made me realise, I don't have triggers.

In fact, I wasn't consciously aware that these things could cause a lot of angst and issue. Of course I knew that some topics may upset people. Of course I knew that people who had had bad experiences would not like to read about such experiences, especially if they were done incorrectly/lightly/not dealt with properly.

What I didn't understand was how it can affect someone's reading experience, their day/week, and their impression of you as a person. Which is rather naive of me. Incredibly naive really.

It was a while ago, but I was speaking to another erotic writer, and she made me think about my story from a reader's perspective. I was a bit stunned. I write my stories for me, what I want to read - that's the advice you get when you start writing. But as you develop, you need to think of your story from a readers' perspective...and for me, that's difficult.

I don't have triggers...well, none that I'm aware of. It gets me into trouble - a lot - in my life, not my writing (or not yet, anyhow). I'm a bit too clinical, interested in the 'why' and not so concerned about how someone feels. I've upset my sisters many times by not showing enough care, because I didn't understand how deeply a topic affected them. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I want to understand why they feel this way, why it's such an issue, why it bothers them. And, you know, people would much rather have sympathy than explain themselves - and I get that, I do. But I'm a writer and a scientist and I want to know the nitty gritty. I'm sorry, but that burning need to know overwhelms me at times, and I forget to be sympathetic and caring and loving.

So for all the people with triggers, I'm sorry if I don't handle something correctly. If you'd like to explain what I've done wrong, I'm more than happy to learn.

Wildlife Wednesday - sea snakes

On our trip to Exmouth, Western Australia, we went out on a trip to see whale sharks (which we didn't see) but one of the things we did see was a sea snake.

These photos really don't do it justice. The sea snake was maybe 8 foot long, and round enough that it spilled out of a guy's hand when he went to pick it up. It's a seriously large snake. I thought sea snakes were small - the ones I've seen have been - but this would have rivalled any diamond python lazing around eating rats from your roof!

Sea snakes feed on fish, darting out to catch them with open mouths. They swallow fish whole, similarly to how land snakes feed.

Sea snakes have highly toxic venom but are not terribly aggressive, and have short fangs (~1.5mm) so they are unlikely to deliver a large dose of venom to a human.

They have a paddle-shaped tail to aid with swimming. Sea snakes often bask in the sunlight on the surface, which is what this snake was doing. They usually remain underwater for 20-30 mins, but can remain at depth for a few hours.

Fertilised eggs are retained inside the mothers' oviduct until they are fully developed. .The young are born alive at sea and are independent from birth (except for one species).

Okay, now I've been looking up info, it says they get to 1m in length.... but I'm sure this snake was much longer than 1m!! Although, maybe I'm deluded.

Sunday Story - Deep Diving

My latest story has been in the hands of my crit partners. Way back in January, I thought this story was 20K and finished. I sent it to my crit partners, who came back with some interesting news. They thought this was two stories and I'd messed it up by making it one. They were right. So back to the drawing board for me.

I now have one part of the two stories complete. I muffed the ending a few weeks ago and went back to sort that out. Hopefully I've done a better job this time.

It's hard to tell how your own work is going. At times you love it, at times you loathe it. Sometimes you want to chuck it away. Sometimes you want the world to read it and love it like you do. It's a crazy process. So by the end, I have no idea how it is. I need my crit partners to let me know. If they don't, then I'd be lost. I'd be just writing for myself and letting no one see.

And I don't want them blowing smoke. I want brutal honesty. I want to know when something doesn't work. I want to know when something's not quite right. I want to know if my hero sounds like a wanker, or my heroine is a whiny bitch. I need to know if my ending sucks, if there's enough conflict, if my sex scene is pathetic. And it's awesome to know if they like something, laughed at something, or needed a fan.

Finding people who are honest, whose decisions you trust, who you know give sound advice, isn't easy. There are a lot of people who'll tell you how great you are, but never what's wrong. Others don't know what's wrong. Some don't 'get' your style. But never give up the search. They right crit partners are out there for you. Same as the right readers are out there too.

So, Deep Diving is closer to going somewhere. After my trusty crit partners give me their approval. Their opinion is worth it's weight in gold.

Phallic Friday - a milestone

Today marks my 250th post! I can't believe I've rabbited in that much. When I started blogging, I didn't even think I could do it. I thought I had nothing to say. I'm so slow at taking up technology/new things. I'm still struggling on Twitter and Facebook, but at least now I'm starting to enjoy Twitter. That's a start.

Now it appears the world has gone off blogging - just when I was getting the hang of it. But I like it. I like having to think of topics and formulate some thoughts. It's challenging but fun. And I even take photos on trips away, specifically to fill my Wednesday Wildlife posts.

Since we're talking about milestones, and it's Friday, I think I need to talk about sexual milestones. Losing your virginity is a sexual milestone. As is first kiss, and all those other firsts. But then the milestones stop. Once you've done something the first time, you don't think about it as an achievement again.

Should we celebrate sexual milestones? And if so, what other milestones are there?

I had a friend who had a "to do" list of the men she'd like to have sex with - nationality and occupation. You could celebrate significant numbers crossed off your list. If you have one, that is :)

If you're in a committed relationship, you celebrate number of years together, but maybe we need to tally and celebrate number of sex acts or something. It reminds me of the story someone told me about jelly beans. Before you get married, you fill a jar with jelly beans for each time you have sex. After marriage, you take one out each time you have sex. He reckoned you wouldn't empty the jar. You could turn that into a celebration, if you emptied the jar.

I'm kind of stuck for any other sexual milestones. And those I've come up with aren't really worthy of a celebration. Maybe that's why we don't have sexual milestones to celebrate!

Do you have sexual milestone celebration ideas?