Cate Ellink's Blog, page 63

Phallic Friday - gay footy player?

I'm supposed to be launching the Ninjas...but I have to post this instead.

So...Naughty Ninjas launch today!! WooooHooooo!!

If you'd like to win an $80 Amazon Gift Card, sign up to the newsletter today. Just visit the Naughty Ninja website here. Down the bottom of the main page is a subscribe to the newsletter button. Click it...it will be worthwhile!! :)


Now, to my Phallic Friday thoughts...

I just read this news article (you can read it here) about a college football player in the US who is openly gay (he's 24) and wants to play in the NFL. There's uproar! Apparently having an openly gay man playing football will upset the locker room, the team, the fans, etc etc etc.

Oh My!

I thought America had a much more tolerant attitude to homosexuals than Australia - largely because of the acceptance of gay marriage and the acceptance of high profile gay people. But wow. This is making me re-think my views on America.

It's always confused me that erotica is fine in some parts of the US and under the carpet in other parts. That sometimes our Aussie covers are deemed too risque for the US market. That sometimes our book titles are too confronting. And yet... America is supposed to be the home of democracy and choice.

Yet, with this story comes a whole heap of other sides.

It's not that much different to here - so long as it's not in my backyard, it's okay! I hate that attitude.

It's got to be okay with individuals on a one-on-one level first before it's okay in the big wide world.

Until people can be comfortable with other people, acceptance on a societal level will never happen. And that's sad.

When I was just out of school, I had a job where I worked (and spent a lot of time out of work at sport and social events) with a lot of gay women. Being young and naive, I didn't know they were gay for a very long time. And when I first found out, I freaked (not in front of them - but at home by myself). I knew a lot of gay men and I was totally okay with the homosexual thing. But when it's women, and you could be the target of their 'crazy lust', it puts a whole different spin on things. And I did take a while to work out for myself that if they hadn't in their 'crazy lust', had their wicked way with my naive, innocent self...then they were unlikely to push themselves on me when I knew they were gay. My knowledge, or lack of it, made no difference in the scheme of things. So after a few days of soul-searching, I realised I was being an idiot. They were my friends, gay or straight. It made no difference.

Since then I've lived in country towns with gay couples in the town. I know there's a superficial level of acceptance but sometimes there's fear of the unknown too. People make snide jokes, people worry about being 'corrupted', people talk behind their backs. It's not quite as acceptable as we like to pretend.

I think we have to make personal changes before anything will change. Each person need to look at their thoughts, examine facts, rationalise their way of thinking and see if they're right or if they need to change their attitude.

Will there ever be equality? What are your thoughts?

Wildlife Wednesday - bug

I saw this guy on the bathroom floor the other night. I only noticed it because of the massively long antennae. Huge, aren't they?

So... I thought it would be easy to identify (why do I always think that?).

I did a Google search and there are photos like this on US websites were someone says they're cricket nymphs. But... I can't find an Aussie picture of a reputable website to make me feel happy with that definition.

In the back of my mind is something telling me that the massively long antennae are a key feature... but blowed if I can remember what of!

And I'm not sure those legs look like jumping legs. Wish I took better photos - but it was 1 am or something!

But it's not a termite (phew!), or a cockroach, so it must be something like a cricket or grasshopper or something like that, surely.

I'm getting some more pictures of things I know :) It's demoralising not to know what it is!

Sunday Story - a new way to promo and stuff

I have to confess to loathing promo - of me, of my books, of anything really. I can sometimes tolerate doing a plug for others but compared to some people, I make a little bleat to their screaming cacophony. I don't do cacophonies anytime - oh, except cicadas! So I've struggled with promo.

www.naughtyninjas.netBut no more!

A revolution is coming!

On Valentine's Day (of course! It's the day for all things romance), I will be a part of a new way to promo - by having a laugh, by being funny or silly, by sharing humour or snark.

A shared blog, with social media links (like a Facebook page, and Twitter contests and things).

My biggest hope is that we'll generate some interest in ourselves, which may trickle down to a few people reading my stories.

But aside from the hope for readers, I want to enjoy social media. I want to be able to hang out with friends, laugh together, and pretend we live close enough to be cakking ourselves over lunch or coffee. I want to create a pseudo-world inside my computer screen :)

And the best thing is that you know most of the people - or you are most of the people! LOL

Two of my most frequent commenters will be with me in the craziness - Lily Malone and Rhyll Biest. So you know it's going to be fun.

Be ready for the big launch on Feb 14th!

Phallic Friday - merkins

Today's topic is the merkin - the pubic hair wig, originally used by prostitutes who had shaved their gentalia, or for prostitutes who wanted a point of difference and used a different colour pubic hair.

And for interest, my Wordsworth Dictionary of Sex tells me that from the 16th to 18th century the word was used to describe a woman's natural pubic hair, and to describe the female genitals themselves. Hmm... wonder how that changed.

I forget exactly how I came to know of the merkin, but it was definitely discussed in our office at work one day in the mid 1990s. Maybe it was through the TV show Sex, which was on at the time. It seemed to stimulate a lot of topics of conversation in our office. Our office sat at the bottom of stairs, as the last office before the doors outside, so you can imagine it was a hive of activity - and not all of it was work! Everyone stopped by to have a chat. I shared the office with two guys, one who was very chatty and one who could be when you got him warmed up. So it was a fun workplace - probably the best office I've ever had.

We had all manner of odd discussions. And I can't remember most of them, I just remember the hilarity of it. And the merkin was the brunt of many many many jokes.

Anyway, the merkin has resurfaced in my life. Not because I need one, but because I've joined with a bunch of Naughty writers who think they're Ninjas, and they've been talking about merkins. It's one of the jokes. And the other day one of them mentioned gold plated merkins as a prize for getting in our articles.

It stuck in my head - gold plated merkins - classic!

So, I went to the movies the other day with Mr E, and we had some time before the show (because we actually managed a sit down proper lunch in a cafe, not my favoured long lunch, but still an improve on the hastily scoffed pies he last treated me to). Spotlight is just across the road. I was thinking of gold plated merkins.

I was browsing the wool - which is often more synthetic than wool these days, which makes my skin crawl, but that's another rant. In the "wool" I found this gold stuff, and the gold and black. I got the giggles.

What do you reckon? Merkin material?

If you need some inspiration for merkins, just do a Google search for merkin images and be astounded by the variety!

Wildlife Wednesday - bugs in Qld

We went to Qld for Christmas and each time I've been to Queensland I'm impressed by the bugs that they have up there. They're bigger and brighter than we have here in NSW. I don't think it's my imagination...I'm pretty sure it's true. It's something I don't consciously think about and then when I'm there, I'm blown away all over again.
I think they further north you go in Australia, the more interesting the bugs. I remember being in the Daintree and they had cockroaches that wouldn't leave much space when you sat them in the palm of your hand. Truly a large cockroach!
I think colour also is more intense the further north you go. Colours here for beetles and bugs are brown or black. Once you go north, they become more iridescent and intense. Look at the colour of butterflies in North Queensland...they're truly stunning.
This Longicorn Beetle (I think) in the photo is not the greatest example of colour...but he was a descent size (close to an inch). We don't have many beetles that size. And this is just taken with my digital pocket camera, nothing fancy. 
I did a bit of a google search to see if there's been research looking at gradients of insect size or colour...and you know, I couldn't find anything. Now that would be a fun project, wouldn't it? Travelling Australia catching bugs to see if you could detect size and colour gradients between north and south and/or east and west. Imagine the fun! Oh, but the stats should be a nightmare.
Better get back to writing :)

Sunday Story - a little kink

Some good news today, well for me - I have a new story!

Rachel Kramer Bussel puts out a heap of fantastic anthologies of erotic writing. I've been lucky enough to have been chosen for her latest release (I think July it will be out).

My kinky tale is called "Control" and it's a scene from a submissive's point of view.

These stories are all short, really short, and I like the concentrated focus of short short stories (less than 1200 words). And with 69 in a book, surely there's a little taste of something for everyone?!?

I was a part of another 69 stories, Gotta Have It: 69 Stories of Sudden Sex, which Rachel Kramer Bussel also edited. It's now been made into an audio book with the sexy narration by Rose Caraway. You can hear five examples here and find out more about that book here.

The Big Book of Submission is available for pre-order on Amazon, and it's up on Goodreads. I'll let you know when it's out.

But if you're after another Big Book, try The Big Book of Orgasm (69 sexy stories), which is on Amazon here, but available elsewhere too. I don't have a sexy story - I'm only Sudden and Kinky! :)

Phallic Friday - sexless marriage

I read an article (again) that's here if you want to read it... but, it's creating stories in my head!

This article is about a woman who blogged about her marriage (wonder how her hubby and kids took that?). She says she recognised that there was no huge sex drive between herself and her partner, but went through with the marriage anyway because he had all the other traits she was looking for.

She's claiming that sex has dwindled to less than 10 episodes a year, which by some definition means she has a sexless marriage. She says she has not had an affair or looked for sex outside the marriage, but if she ever did, she would say the difference between their libidos would be the reason. It's an interesting article... but leaves so much open and makes me think of a thousand million questions and scenarios and stories.


I've been thinking for ages that I should write a story about this exact topic - a woman in a sexless marriage who has a clandestine affair on the side. But it's not romance! And that's been stopping me.

But it is erotica. It is something topical, if the news website can post such an article, and I think it could make an awesome story.

And what's stopping me?

You know, the biggest thing is ME! I'm a chicken at heart. I'm working my way over it (like by doing this blog!)... but still, I fluff my feathers and buk-buk-buk (does that sound like a chook?) around daily! One day I know I'll have courage but so far, I'm the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz.

Enough cliches? I'm procrastinating...when this book is calling to me to write it!!

Would you read it?

Wildlife Wednesday - Straw-necked Ibis

If you live in Sydney, you're probably well aware of these birds! The Straw-necked Ibis has become the new seagull or pigeon - they're everywhere!! When I grew up in Sydney, you rarely saw them, now they stalk you in every park!

They're nomadic birds, related to Spoonbills, who I think are magnificent birds (these ones not so much!).

They feed on invertebrates like grasshoppers and locusts, but also small frogs, reptiles and mammals. Plus I've seen them scavenge like seagulls and pigeons, even though the books say they do not!

One day driving back down the coast from Sydney, we were at the intersection of some busy road (I'm not good with names, but this water tower should give it away if you need to know!) and the Hume Highway. And an Ibis was up on this light pole, stretched out across the road. Another alighted next to it. Then proceeded to feed the first one! Yep, mother feeding bub, over busy intersection. Lucky there was a red light so I could grab my camera and take photos (and lucky Mr E is used to this and just winds down the window and patiently waits to drive on and get me away from whatever has caught my eye!).

I think you could find a better place to raise a chick! I'm not maternal, but really?!? :)

Sunday Story - My Writing Process

Mel Teshco roped me into another Blog Chain, this one links in with Sunday Story, so here it is.
I met Mel Teshco in person at the first RWA conference I attended, but I cyber-knew her because she worked on the Hearts Talk (newsletter) team. Mel's room happened to be a room number that I'd used in a story, so I was a bit freaked to meet her and her crit partner - but I could not have met two nicer people.
Mel writes all sorts of stories, mostly paranormal sexy ones, but also deeply moving emotional stories, and an inspirational one that I loved (Believe, read about it here). She has new ones in the pipeline that will keep you reading all night!! If you want to know more about her, visit her website (http://www.melteshco.com/) and read some of her books.
Last Sunday Mel talked about her writing process on her blog (here). Today, you get an insight into my writing process (if that’s what you’d call it!)

1. What am I working on now?I hate this question. You get to see how scatty I am!
I have three projects I’m working on at the moment, because I get bored with just one!i) a short story about a girl who can’t give blowjobs and needs help from a friend.ii) a story that touches on fetishes and BDSM with a heroine who thought she knew lotsiii) a story about a marine scientist on a short-term research project who falls for the wrong guy.
2. How does my work differ from others of its genre?In short, I have no idea. 
But the longer answer: If I think hard about it, I think I might bring a lot more ‘place’ into my stories, with the settings and jobs often being important. I write in the first person, although I'm not unique there, only in the minority. I write Aussie stories because I’ve not been anywhere else long enough to know another place (and because I love the countryside here). Sometimes my science brain takes over.
3. Why do I write what I do?I want to understand life and decisions and relationships.  Sex and intimacy fascinates me. 
Sometimes I like to push myself, push my boundaries, push society's boundaries. There's a little bit of a rebel in me, who wants to write these stories because society tries to stop frank discussions about sex and intimacy and relationships.
I like asking questions, like - What makes people end up together? How do you get so hot for one guy/girl and not another? How can you trust a person with so much of yourself? How do you fit romance, intimacy, sex, relationships, someone else into your life that’s busy with your plans? 
That’s what makes me write these types of stories.
4. How does my writing process work?Well, ummm… it's not really a process, more a compulsion. So in between everything else I do, I squeeze in writing. I have to write to keep the people inside quiet. Once I write their story, they leave me alone (except for Cooper, who is still around but I like him a lot!). I've always written, if only just for myself. It's only recently that I started to share what I write.
I don’t have a fixed plan. I work for myself and work can be a mountain or sparse. When it’s sparse I write lots; when it’s a mountain, hardly at all. Sometimes I get a day to myself and it’s joy of joys – I write and write and write. I scribble while Mr E watches TV when he requests my presence beside him (haven’t worked out why he likes that yet). I wake in the night scribbling random thoughts. I read a lot and I think this writing bug developed from that.
It’s a rather ad hoc process and I’d like it more refined but it works for me. I'm not terribly refined, or organised!
I'm not one for chains, so this is going to stop with me...unless you'd like to carry it on :)

Phallic Friday - sex questions

Australia Day blog hop is here.

I read an article on the news website this week answering 5 sex questions. You can find it here.

The 5 questions were:
How often do 'regular' couples have sex?How long should sex last?How big is an average penis?Does the g-spot really exist?What do I do if my partner is experiencing sexual dysfunction?
An interesting mix of question.

Some of the answers would have to be, "how long is a piece of string?", as I was often told! There is no answer to some of these questions - and that's reflected in the answers given in the article (which is refreshing!). I guess it's why these questions are asked over and over and over again.

If you have sex 3 or 4 times a day, you want to know you're normal. If you have sex once a year, you want to know you're normal.

If sex lasts for 2 minutes, or 2 hours, you want to know you're normal.

If your/your partner's penis is 2 cm or 20 cm, you want to know you/they are normal.

Why do people want normality (although, I'm not going there today!)? Or are they just searching to see that they're 'doing it right'?

And this is where romance books are great. There is such a range of 'normals' given - erotic for the sexually active, sweet for the not so sexually active. So much 'normal' - oh, except maybe penis size... that's always on the larger size, and as a general rule, the hotter the story, the more humongous the penis!

Anyway, those are my random musings after reading this article.