Cate Ellink's Blog, page 62

Sunday Story - late edition

Sorry, Sunday is almost over. I've been thinking of a post but hadn't managed any action until now. And you'd think with all my contemplation that I'd have something fabulous, wouldn't you? But alas.
I've been reading a lot lately but nothing has grabbed me. I haven't read anything so fabulous I have to share. Nor have I read anything truly terrible. And I guess that's a good representation of most books. There are millions upon billions of books in the world, and only a percentage become best sellers or timeless classics. Most fall into the mid-range of ordinary book. Some people will love them, some won't, but they aren't terrible.
I think when I'm writing I forget that. I want fabulous, and writing is such a difficult process that I can't see fabulous even if I fell over it. All I see is awful. So I need to think less, and just write. I have myself caught up in craft, emotion, marketability...when I need to just love my story and write. Worry about all that stuff later.
It's so easy to doubt myself and question my ability. It's so easy to listen to the negativity inside me, and the perfectionist who wants only the best right now this minute. I have to drown them out and write freely. Love the writing process and forget about the things that happen afterwards.
That's not easy for me to do...but I'm going to try to block out all noise, and write!

Phallic Friday - idiots, wankers and more

Dickheads are everywhere.

Before I start on this post, let me tell you that I'm no femme fatale. I do not fall into the attractive category at all. But sometimes, dickheads, idiots and wankers don't seem to notice. And I am a magnet for all nutcases!

As I've aged, I don't seem to have as many run-ins with men as I used to, which is quite a relief! But I was reminded the other day that I've had some classic encounters.

This story is a classic wanker story. I was at a friend's party - a BBQ in her backyard. I lived out of town and so I was also staying at her house before and after the party. I'm a bit of a sports nut and a rugby union test game was on late on the party night, which was fine because as the party wound down, I could put the TV on and watch the game (I think it was in England). I figured there'd be other people keen to watch too.

What I didn't figure on was being hit on by one of the watchers. And no one else watched the game but me.

He came into the room (it was my friend's boyfriend's brother) and was fairly drunk, with slurred words and swaying body. He plonked on the couch behind me, I was in a beanbag on the floor. Winter, so I had a blanket over me. I wasn't plastered. He started making verbal passes at me, which I ignored. Heck, I was watching the game!

Then there were sounds from behind me. Sounds that weren't something I associated with watching football. The slick sound of skin on skin, rubbing, stroking. I was watching the footy, thinking, "You are so perverted. He's not doing that. No way is he wanking as he talks dirty to you and you ignore him. No way."

But it followed the louder, faster pattern. I couldn't believe it.

At an ad or half time (can't quite remember now) I snuck a peek by turning my head just a little. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of a full on look. Oh, hell. Yep, he was wanking.

What to do? If I got up, would that encourage him more? By now most people are gone or passed out so no one is going to help me much. Or do I keep ignoring him and hope to heck he passes out, or something? I'd no idea what to do. Your Mum never teaches you what to do in these situations - well, mine didn't!!

Anyway, footy came back on and I decided it was more important than him, so I ignored him.

He didn't like that. He came around and stood between me and the TV and continued to wank. Bloody hell, he was ruining my footy! Yet, he seemed to think I should be impressed by his body/job/dick/whatever. I wasn't. It was a serious good game of union and I wanted to watch the game, not him.

He wouldn't give in. I pulled the blanket over my head, peeking through a rip in the fabric to watch just the edge of the TV screen, and ignored the wanker wanking. By about three-quarters of the way through, he gave up, or passed out or something. Thank God!

I got to watch the end of a very exciting game of union, with no cheering for fear of waking up someone for round 2!!

I've no idea why this guy thought he was irresistible. I've no idea why he thought me watching union was a sign I wanted his body, or to watch his body.

I just thank god, I got out of there without having to resort to violence, or worse.

And yeah, my friend and her boyfriend didn't stay together long after that. So I never had to see the wanker and his wiener again! :)

Wildlife Wednesday - bogeye

This is a Bogeye. He's not from the coast but from inland. I took this photo a few years ago when we lived in central western NSW.

A Bogeye is also called a Shingleback (pretty easy to see why!), and can also be called a stumpy-tail lizard, Boggi, sleepy lizard, bobtail lizard, two headed lizard, pine cone lizard (Australia's pretty obvious when it comes to lizard names, isn't it?).

Bogeye's are the bulkiest of the Blue Tongue Lizards (you can see the coastal one here). They always remain west of the Great Dividing Range (which is why they aren't on the coast).

They're not fast moving lizards. My dog, Ellie, had a thing for them. She could hunt them out anywhere (they must have a distinct scent). She would delicately pick them up around their middle and bring them in to me (like a cat gifting you a mouse). I've no idea why she did it, but they were mighty cranky by the time they arrived at my feet. Ellie would look at me like she was the best dog in the world, and the Bogeye would be hissing and spitting, mouth wide open, trying to scare me. They have a really pink mouth whith a huge ribbony blue tongue, which they point and poke at you. As you try to pick them up, they try to spin and whirl and they can give a nasty bite. Lucky for me, they're slow moving!

The Australian Museum site has some info, including this:

Shingleback Lizards live alone for most of the year, but between September and November reunite as monogmous pairs. Shinglebacks in western New South Wales are often seen crossing roads in pairs, the male following the female. The same pairs may re-form in the mating season over several years.

Female Shinglebacks give birth three to five months after mating, between December and April.
The embryos develop in the female's oviduct with the help of a placenta, which is as well-developed as that of many mammals. At birth, the young eat the placental membranes, and within a few days shed their skin for the first time. The young are ready to look after themselves straight after birth, and disperse within a few days.

The Shingleback has usually only two or three young that measure up to 220 mm in total length and weigh as much as 200 g.

Sunday Story - brave new world

I wrote this on Monday :
So, I'm setting off on a new adventure - a non-romantic adventure. I'm going to try my hand at erotica, in the novel form. I've had this idea kicking around in my head for 5 years but I haven't been able to resolve it. This week, things aligned inside my brain. I'm being brave and making the move to erotica. It may not be permanent, but for this story, Past Lives, it will be.

Past Lives is a story that I've written and rewritten, taken to workshops and revamped, cursed and sworn over. I have about 100 files in this folder with various starts, restarts, scenes, plans, ideas and bits and pieces. I haven't been able to make it work because in my mind, it doesn't have a happy ending. I'm not 100% sure what the ending is (because I don't write if I know the end) all I know is that it will end 'up in the air' in some way - because that's how I see life.

I kept wanting this to be a romance, because it's about love in its deepest, purest form, but I couldn't make it work.

A whole heap of things have been happening in my brain, but on the weekend I read the news article about Rebekah Brooks and the News of the World scandal thing. I was a bit horrified that her marriage and sex life got called into the case, and wondered if that would happen if she was male... but when those thoughts disappeared, I realised, it's another woman, married, but with an affair on the side.

The other week I posted (here) about wanting to write about a woman having a clandestine affair, and what I chicken I was about it.

Well, chicken no more.

Maybe the world is ready for my story. Maybe I can be brave and tell it.

I'm going to write my Past Lives story. I'm going to write it how I envisage it. I'm not going to worry about romance, or happy endings. I'm going to write the book I see in my mind - affairs, sexless marriages, women being bad, men being awful, lots of sex, lots of confusion, actually, who knows what it is because all I've got are a 100 random snippets to pull together or discard!

So, I'm off on the next journey in this writing world. Wish me luck - I think I'm going to need it!

(And just so you know, I'm writing this to be accountable. I've fart-arsed around for a couple of weeks now trying to work out which story to work on next! At least now I have a plan, and it's in writing)

And today it's Saturday, and I'm struggling. I can;t work out how old my heroine is, if she is married or not. Nothing's working!!!!! I have another 3K of probably wasted scene.

But I'll keep trying to make this work...

might just duck off to another half-done manuscript while my brain works on this one.

Bloody hell. Some days this is hard!

Phallic Friday - vibe plus

http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cf... thought we needed some more sex toys, so I went on a bit of a net hunt. The UK Cosmopolitan magazine herded me to this website called Lovehoney, to find this item. Can you guess what it is/does?

It's a luxury vibrator.

It has clitoral and G-spot action, and is small enough that you can use it while your partner is inside you, and he also benefits!

How's that for marketing!? A his 'n' hers!

It's a We-Vibe toy, and comes in purple, red and blue, so you can get your favourite colour, or his favourite colour!

No more jealousy over you using a vibe... he can use it with you :)

I'm slow, because it was the 2010 Sex Toy of the year for Couples. But if you want any more information, go to the website under the image and have your mind blown away with instructions, care tips, videos and results of personal testing :)

Oh, and there's a dedicated website in Australia for We-Vibes - http://wevibes.com.au - and there's a version 4 (above is only version 2). Gosh, how did I get so far behind?
Thrill by We-Vibe
Oh, hold on, there's an even better one. Thrill by We-Vibe. This one is waterproof, lasts for up to 2 hours of play, and a control handle and quiet vibrations.

Know what? I might need to buy a new sex toy with each book sale. Now, that would be a fun experience. Then I could put the sex toy into the next book, and then is it tax deductible? Oh, I think I'm onto something here!

Enjoy your Phallic Friday!

Wildlife Wednesday - cicadas and kids

Cicadas are the sound of summer, and as summer finishes up, I thought I'd pop these photos here, even though I already did a cicada post (here).

When I was a kid, cicadas were everywhere. Not just the noise. I collected them too - shells and live. But as an adult I hadn't seen too many, which concerned me. Had I lost my inner child?

So a couple of times I've gone on my walk to the beach and made sure I thought about my inner kid (I had to do this when I was by myself, Mr E and my inner kid aren't real good together! He thinks I'll hurt myself, should act my age, etc :) )

So, I walked off the track, peered underneath things, poked around a bit, looked at about chest-waist height. And what did I find? The cicadas and the shells that I'd been missing as an adult! Phew :)

It's a bit scary that I've lost my inner child and have to consciously drag it back. When did that happen? I've always thought about being Peter Pan - and damn, I'm not!

But I can be. I can consciously decide to allow that kid out and she's there, getting all cobwebby as she climbs under branches to get a better photo of a cicada shell. She's there, bending up under branches and leaves to check out tree trunks to find live cicadas. But she's collecting photos now, not live animals and shells, and maybe that's a better thing! I'm sure the cicadas are happier :)

So, as summer comes to a close, and the cicadas quieten down, autumn appears, leaves turn, nights cool, and I'll wait to see what fun my inner kid can have in autumn!

Sunday Story - Women's Fantasies

Rachel Kramer Bussel has a submission call for Best Bondage Erotica, Female Fantasy Erotica and Sex Toy Erotica. You can find them here. The first two close 1 March, the Sex Toys is 1 April.

I like writing for her anthologies for lots of reasons, like:
my first publication was in one of Rachel's anthologies (Gotta Have It: 69 stories of sudden sex)she's easy to work with - polite, always keeps you in the loop, when she says a date she sticks to it, her contracts are easy to understand, she's a great editor and always has a huge mix of stories in her anthologies.they're short, which I find fun as well as challengingthere's a range of interesting topics/themes each yearit gives your name exposure to people who may not have read your work beforeit gives you exposure to other authors who are always interestingsome big name authors have stories in these anthologiesthe submission process is professional, yet easy to navigate
She hasn't always accepted my stories, even after she accepted my first one. And that's good. It tells me that she makes choices based on individual stories and anthologies, not author names.

She also accepts new authors, and makes a point of including new authors into the anthologies. That's great. It opens a door. When you might think you're getting nowhere in your writing career, an acceptance like this can give you hope and help you continue your journey.

And short stories allows you to try something new, something different, and see how it goes. You can write in a different format, use an unusual topic, write with more emotion or less emotion. It's short, so you aren't taking a lot of time trying something that may not work.

I submitted a story for Female Fantasies. It's erotica because there was no happy ending. It's raw and not very feel-good. It's different.

And it came to me as I was driving to the markets the other week. Sitting in a line of traffic at roadworks, this women started talking to me, telling me her story. If I could have pulled off the road then and there I would have but the roadworks made that impossible. She stuck with me though. She told me her story and haunted my mind until I could scribble. Then I got home and that night her voice poured out.

When this happens, I don't know if I have a story. It sort of paralyses my mind. I get stuck in the, 'where did she come from?' and the, 'is she telling me the truth?' questions. So these stories get sent out to my cut-throat critics who I know will tell me if it's shit. Because I'm scared at this point. I'm scared because I can't tell if it's good or not. So I have to rely on someone else, or a couple of someone elses.

They came back saying it was good. So I worked more on it. Made a story. And submitted. Only time will tell how my story, and my cut-throat critics, went this time! But at least my female visitor has left my mind. She told me her tale and went away. I like that. I like that a lot.

Phallic Friday - Ben Wa Balls

Ben Wa Balls are another strange sexual pleasure item I thought I'd share today. They are weighted balls, about the size of a large marble, which are inserted vaginally.

They have lots of other names too, according to Wikipedia, they include - Ben Wa balls, also known as Burmese bells, Benoît balls, Orgasm balls, "rin-no-tama", Venus balls or Geisha balls. More info is on Wikipedia, here.
Ben Wa Balls can be used to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles. After inserting the balls, they press down on the vaginal opening, and you need to have strong pelvic floor muscles to hold them in for long periods of time. I've read that you can vacuum and do other housework while holding the Ben Wa Balls inside, so you don't actively concentrate on them, leaving the muscles to work, while doing other jobs. How handy!

Ben Wa Balls can be used to practice vaginal wall contractions. You are supposed to be able to move two Ben Wa Balls around inside you, which makes for strong walls for partner satisfaction!
They can also be used as something to enhance the sexual experience, and to tease making a long drawn out tease to orgasm.
Many years ago I tried these but they were much better in my imagination than in practice - although maybe I needed more practice at them! I don't know.

There are similar balls (but with a flared end) designed to be used anally, which can also be used by men.

Of course, these things aren't for everyone.

Have you had pleasure from Ben Wa Balls?

Wildlife Wednesday - dead thing (with pics)

I know I was going to do things I knew from now on... but that was before this washed up on our beach. It's too incredible not to share with you. Well, I hope you don't mind blubbery mess photos.

So, on Tuesday, Mr E comes home from his morning (think dark of morning, not when the sun shines - a time I know nothing about except for when I'm reading a good book and get carried away and haven't yet slept!) walk and says, "When the tide goes out, you have to see this whale on the beach." We had a whale washed up on our beach a few years back, so I was imagining that sort of thing (a whole whale that was identifiable).

We go down to the beach later in the day at a reasonable hour when the tide is no longer covering the whale. And this is what I see!

"Is it a whale?" I ask, while covering my nose and then pinching it tight because the stench is horrendous.

I can't talk or breathe any more, so I shoot some pics, thinking that I'll identify the mess when I get home and my eyes aren't watering from the awful awful smell. And yes, there was a man fishing, in the zone of the smell - he must have had dead olfactory senses!

I look at these photos and I've no idea what it is. I guess it has to be some type of whale because it's big (maybe 3 m long or so), and that bone sticking up is huge (maybe close to 60 cm across). But I'm guessing with measurements here because I had to run from the smell! But look at how many footprints it takes for us to walk past it - it would have to be 3 or 4 m long.

So... a couple of days later (I forget what happened but I didn't get there the next day - must have gone out or something), I went down to take another look and get some more photos...and there wasn't much left!

We've had a lot of beach erosion lately due to changes in our beach last June (when the old river mouth opened due to flooding). So our dunes are ripped right back to half what they were. And the old river mouth is filling back up, so there is some sand deposition...but I didn't think there was enough sand being tossed back on short to cover this up!

There weren't any tracks from machinery, although they may have been washed away, but if machinery did it, why did they leave the bone?

My Dad said crabs would have picked it clean this quickly! Wow! Just wow! I've seen hardly any crabs at our beach, but I guess they could have all come for a feast - it certainly would have been worth their while! And there are birds. Fish may have helped too at high tide.

It's pretty impressive that the ocean can get rid of big secrets so quickly, isn't it?

If we hadn't gone down that first day, I would have thought Mr E was hallucinating in the early morning shadows!


If you're a carcase expert and you know what my mystery creature is, please feel free to share :)


Oh... more to add to this. Today (14th Feb), maybe 10 days after the mystery, a non-mystery washed up on the beach. So I went and took some photos and looked at the size. Today's dead fur seal, which you can read about here, was about one third of the size of the mystery carcase. So although I was a bit hesitant about the size of the mystery, today I'm very confident that it was BIG and whale size.

I stuck a footprint near the seal (not too near, this one stank too!) so you can get an idea of the size. And then I dug out some photos from the last whale that washed up, and I remember the size of that one didn't seem too huge, until you were right near it. It was startling for me to realise how big our beach was, and that there could be 100s of whales out there and you'd never know.

Sunday Story - music and mood

Photo from: http://inxs.com/band/I used to listen to a lot of music - different things for different moods. Music was a constant presence in my world. And then I got Ross River Fever and now I have sensitivities to things like noise. ARGH! Which means music! So now music is for when I feel good and am doing something that requires no concentration, like housework. Music isn't a huge part of my life anymore (I don't often do housework!!) and often I don't notice it.

But last Sunday night we had shown INXS Never Tear Us Apart, a telemovie about the band (okay, so I watched it today, Saturday, because I had to watch Torah Bright at the Olympics, and if not her, it would have been Rake, but it was up there!).

INXS were one of my bands in my teenage years. Lord! Michael Hutchence could move like sin and sing like sex, as he grooved his way into almost every female teenage heart in Australia. He was a rock god. I remember Mum not being terribly happy about INXS on Count Down, or my attempts at gyrating around the lounge room. So I wasn't allowed to own an INXS album. My friend taped hers for me (The Swing and Shabooh Shoobah). They were hidden from my Mum for my night time indulgences, quietly played on my tape recorder while I feel asleep.

Watching INXS on TV brought back all those memories. My teenage frustrated lust for an unobtainable sexy rock god. My confusion at my mother's reactions. My total worship of the band. My heartfelt thanks to my friend for the tapes. Oh, the music. The sex. The way that man moved. It all filled me with every bit of teenage angst and want and need.

There's something about music that can flick my mood or take me back to a single point in time. It's magical.

I sometimes wish I could write to music. Imagine writing a raunchy sex scene with Michael Hutchence whispering just to me, through my earbuds. Oh, the joy of that :)

Did you watch INXS? Do you have a favourite band?