Phallic Friday - triggers

I've been thinking about 'triggers' lately because I realise that I don't seem to have them.

By 'triggers' I mean a sensitivity to a topic that can make you react in a specific (often hostile or emotional) way. From the free dictionary, it's defined as "anything, as an act or event, that initiates or precipitates a reaction or series of reactions."

In erotic writing, there seems to be many triggers (e.g. a particular sex act, rape, sexual violence, BDSM, a phrase) that people (readers) may/will react to. And maybe it's because erotic writing walks a fine line between being open, and opening up wounds for people.

There have been a couple of questions on Facebook about triggers, and I've read a few reviews that alerted people to triggers before they reviewed a story. And both of these things have made me realise, I don't have triggers.

In fact, I wasn't consciously aware that these things could cause a lot of angst and issue. Of course I knew that some topics may upset people. Of course I knew that people who had had bad experiences would not like to read about such experiences, especially if they were done incorrectly/lightly/not dealt with properly.

What I didn't understand was how it can affect someone's reading experience, their day/week, and their impression of you as a person. Which is rather naive of me. Incredibly naive really.

It was a while ago, but I was speaking to another erotic writer, and she made me think about my story from a reader's perspective. I was a bit stunned. I write my stories for me, what I want to read - that's the advice you get when you start writing. But as you develop, you need to think of your story from a readers' perspective...and for me, that's difficult.

I don't have triggers...well, none that I'm aware of. It gets me into trouble - a lot - in my life, not my writing (or not yet, anyhow). I'm a bit too clinical, interested in the 'why' and not so concerned about how someone feels. I've upset my sisters many times by not showing enough care, because I didn't understand how deeply a topic affected them. It's not that I don't care, it's just that I want to understand why they feel this way, why it's such an issue, why it bothers them. And, you know, people would much rather have sympathy than explain themselves - and I get that, I do. But I'm a writer and a scientist and I want to know the nitty gritty. I'm sorry, but that burning need to know overwhelms me at times, and I forget to be sympathetic and caring and loving.

So for all the people with triggers, I'm sorry if I don't handle something correctly. If you'd like to explain what I've done wrong, I'm more than happy to learn.