Cate Ellink's Blog, page 69

Sunday Story - amazing writers

This past week I volunteered for Auntie Duty. I have a 6 year old nephew and an almost 2 year old niece. Their dad was in hospital, so I went to help out their mum, so my Auntie duty wasn't solo.
I took up two stories to edit, my iPad to write, a notepad, two books and of course my iPad is full of ebooks. I didn't expect to do ALL of this, I like to have more than I need, just in case.
What did I manage? I wrote about 3 paragraphs and read a couple of pages. Yep, in a week. Then thankfully I caught the train home and spent those hours writing and reading and began to feel sane.
During this week, I had lots of time to wonder, how the hell do mothers write? RWAus is full of writing mums. Some of these writing Mums are published and prolific. How does that fit in to their life?
I could hardly string a sentence together when speaking, let alone writing! I'd start saying something and then there'd be some interruption - someone needed to speak, eat, drink, go to the toilet, the dog needed attention, or disciplining, or if the dog didn't the kids did, or their mother. It didn't stop until I fell into bed. Even my dreams stopped, interrupted by a sleep-talking nephew, or a coughing kid, a screaming one, one who turned and twisted in bed and beat me with his feet. Seriously, never do Auntie duty on a trundle bed no matter how much you love your nephew who begs and pleads for you to 'sleep over'.
So, I have returned to my quiet existence with a plan to be more productive, and enjoy my blessed silence. If mothers can write, and publish, then I don't have any excuse except my own slackness. Time to get organised and focus on output...until I find myself volunteering for Auntie Duty again!
If you're a mum who manages to write ... I take my hat off to you! You deserve a medal :)

Phallic Friday - Homo- & Hetero- sexual

I know the definitions of these... but I wonder if the sexual acts between people need to be categorised/highlighted/publicly discussed?

Some years ago I worked with a guy. He was really young, just out of school, when we met and I was about 10 or 12 years older. When I first met him, I thought he was gay. The more I got to know him, the more this firmed in my mind. But he didn't know my thoughts. Some years later, like 7 or 8, he sent me an email to say that he had found a partner and suggested I may need to be sitting before I read on :) He was so hesitant to tell his friends because he wasn't sure how any of us would react to his news. When I told him we'd all react fine, as it wasn't exactly news to any of us, he was stunned.

We met face-to-face not long after and he quizzed me about this. How did I know he was gay? What made the rest of us discuss our thoughts but never tell him? Why hadn't we told him when he'd been wrestling with finding himself?

I'd worked with a lot of gay people - men and women - and so I'd developed a kind of instinct about people's sexuality. It didn't bother me that they were gay. I always believe it's none of my business. But I did like to know that my picks were right, for my own peace of mind. (I think this is because when I was in my early 20s, I worked and played sport with a bunch of gay women and was shocked when I found out (about 2 years later!) that I was the only straight woman in the group. I was so naive. I promised myself I'd never be in that situation again. Not because I was uncomfortable, but because being oblivious to my friends made me feel like a useless friend).

I'd never told him my inkling, because I may not have been right. I have no desire to 'push' someone towards a particular way of life or way of loving. I have no desire to influence my friends' decisions about themselves.

In our discussions, I asked him if it really mattered? The 'gay' label... why did it matter? He found a partner when he was ready to find love. Who cared what gender the partner was, or how they had sex. The important thing was that he found a partner.

And this started me thinking about the whole "naming" thing. Why do we need to single out homosexuals? We're classifying people because of their sexual preferences, no other reason. Yet, we don't have "Missionary-style-sexuals", "oral-sexuals", "anal-sexuals", "selfish-sexuals", "giving-sexuals", "fantasy-sexuals". Why not? Why do we classify same sex as different to all the other sexual acts? It's something that makes me curious.

We don't need to know how any of the heterosexuals have sex, yet by giving the homosexuals a 'tag', we make their sexual preferences known to everyone.

I'm not fond of 'tags' and 'groupings' or whatever else it's called. I think we're all individuals, and we're part of a large grouping called the human race. I think it's about time lines became blurry and tags became obsolete. But maybe I'm just happy living in grey, with no black and white.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on the topic. I'm up for a good dicussion :)

Wildlife Wednesday - Black Cockatoos

We stayed in a little town called Calingiri (which reminded me of Jenn J McLeod's Calingarry Crossing in her book, House For All Seasons) where we had the caravan park all to ourselves - a great spot!

Anyway, I could hear Black Cockatoos. I know what they sound like because we get them at home sometimes.

Next morning we went for a drive so Mr E could show me a couple of things he'd seen during his morning walk (while I slept - I need much more beauty sleep than he!). We came across a tree with a heap of Yellow-tail Black Cockatoos and then a house with them in the garden. The home owners had bird seed out in the front yard and there were heaps of the cockatoos there.

At home, I hear them and I can see them in the trees but they never give me a good photos. These ones seemed to pose nicely for me! So, all the way from WA, yellow-tailed black cockatoos.


OH NO... hold everything...

Pizzey (my bird book, that I just checked) tells me that they're different.

In WA it's the White-tailed Black Cockatoo and the female has yellow on the tail. So, I do have a different bird. But gee... they are so similar to the ones here. And that's my excuse...and I'm sticking to it!

Sunday Story - Winning the Boss's Heart

I read a gorgeous book through the week, that's written by another writing friend. I think you need a good sense of humour to read this book because it's quirky.

Winning The Boss's Heart by Hayson Manning

This is the story of Billie, who has dreams of going to cooking school, but needs money after nursing her dying ex-husband, and Mason, a grief-stricken man who's shut down everything but work.

Mason employs Billie and immediately calls her "forty-two" because he has no time for remembering names when his assistants don't stay long. Billie, not one to take this easily, begins calling him a range of odd male names which are never the same, and never his own.

This should be an incredibly sad story about two grief-stricken people coming to terms with their loss and trying to move on in life... and it is... except Billie's incredible way of looking at life, and her amazing sense of humour, just kept making me chortle.

I wish I'd marked all the bits that were incredible, but this one stuck in my mind. Billie is trying on fancy clothes for a night out (dress, underwear, bags, shoes, etc) and she's struggling because she's not one for fancy dressing plus she's not so happy with her body. She gets a fab dress, and her friend goes to get her shoes that match the colour of the fab dress and look amazing, except they're stilettos. She takes them, and then wonders how on earth you walk with Eiffel towers for heels. And that image made me laugh (actually, almost fell out of bed trying to be quiet)! I'm useless in anything higher than a thong, and so this Eiffel tower heel image was so right - huge, pointy, sometimes intensely decorated - and I've no idea how girls walk in them!

So... if you want a fun read, with a wonderful dog involved in teh romance, then this is a great one. Light-hearted with a deeper sentiment below the story, but thankfully, one I avoided needing the tissues!

Phallic Friday - vaginoplasty

I've mention a few times on this blog about my horror at this - plastic surgery for vagina, labia, etc.

I was reading an article in last Sunday's newspaper about this topic and how the number of surgeries were increasing. It also mentioned a surgeon putting together a collection of photographs to show the range of vaginas around. I was cringing.

And then...

The surgeon said that the majority of surgeries she did were not for cosmetic purposes of looking better, but because sometimes the inner labia extend beyond the outer labia, which can cause chaffing, rubbing, and injury to the area.

This made me feel much more relieved. She was an Aussie surgeon and I think located in Melbourne. Of course I can't find the article online and the papers have gone out in recycling already (wrong week to want to keep it!). But still, when I go to Google the terms to find the article, I still get a zillion quotes for surgery in the adverts, plus places to have it done are highly ranked, plus lots of articles for 'designer vagina', which doesn't make my horror rest much at all!

Anyway, I think I'll let this issue rest for now. Sorry I keep bringing it up, but it keeps shocking me and I need to get on my soapbox and shout!

What makes you jump on your soapbox?

Wildlife Wednesday - Humback Whales

Three Whales in Sync! (calf on left)I went on a trip to see a Whale Shark when we were at Exmouth. And before you get excited - the whale sharks didn't show. But Humpbacks did!!

When we started out and saw the first lot of humpback whales, one of the guys running the cruise said it was Humpback Highway and we'd be sick of them when we finished the trip. I wasn't sick of them, but it was a highway. I have never seen so many! And so close!

The shot that had the most of a body!There were calves and adults. They came quite close to the boat. They'd just appear.

Humpbacks playingOne even came for a snorkel with us. Of course I was so mesmerised I didn't take a photo. But this is the story - we all got in to the water and were following the guide, I was towards the back because it was like a scrum up close. Then there was a lot of noise from the boat. When I looked up they were pointing and yelling. I looked ahead of the group and saw the arch of a whale as it cruised past. The girls at the lead got a few photos but the water was kind of murky. If I swam fast (instead of remain still in awe) I might have felt the water move as it cruised past. Of course I was just stuck there, camera on my wrist, taking no photos and not moving. A seriously silly thing to do!! Imagine what I'd have been like with a whale shark!!

Oh, and yes, I do live on the south coast of NSW where the whales do cruise past twice a year...but there was something magical about being up north where they play and birth and stick around. Plus if you can't see whale sharks...whales are the next best thing!

A few Humpback facts:

Australian humpbacks migrate to warmer waters by heading north between June and August.

They head back south between September and November.

While they're up north (or heading north), they give birth to their young.

They grow to a length of about 16 metres and weight of 40 tonnes.

They have exceedingly long pectoral fins (I think one of the guys on the snorkelling tour said they had the largest pectoral fin:body ratio - but I can't find that info anywhere)

The Australian Marine Mammal Centre coordinates Australian marine mammal research, which includes sightings and rescues of whales. 

Looking for a brand

I keep hearing authors have to have a brand, some kind of marketing plan, a social media presence, etc etc.To me the list seems endless. And I like writing stories... I'm not so fussed on all the rest.

But I went to a talk at the RWAus conference by an agent who represents 'big name' authors. She said something that struck me, "You should plan your career, not just come across it by accident."

My whole life is an accident.

My plans go up in smoke.

But maybe I need to do some of these things. Or at least try!

So... a brand... what on earth is my brand?

I've been thinking pretty hard about this over the last month and it's scaring me. I have no idea and the ones I have are wrong, just wrong.

What do I like to chat about on here? I thought looking at it like this would help.

Wednesday is wildlife. Friday is sex. Sundays are stories. Animal sex stories. Ah, not a good brand!

I tried it with some alliteration - fauna, fucking, fables. Didn't make it any better!

Erotic romance with nature...? Ah, still not working!

Yep... branding myself is not one of my strong points!

When I set up my blog, I wrote "Erotic writing, wicked thoughts" and I might have to stick with that. Not that it's entirely descriptive but it's better than anything else I can come up with!!

Are you good at branding or marketing? Do you have any tips or hints for me? Or are you laughing too much? :)

Sunday Story

Continuing on from Friday's post with the following questions: Why do I write? and Why do I write
romance?

Reading has been a pleasure for as long as I can remember. Making up stories is the same. My parents always read to us, and my Dad always made up stories for us. My Mum spoke of her father making up stories for her. When I was seven I wrote a story that I think I still have a copy of somewhere in my 'treasures'. I don't know why I kept it, except that it's always been something special. I certainly haven't kept most of my writing.

Throughout my life there have been a few memorable pieces of writing - sometimes not for the best reasons! I had a stint writing poetry, lots and lots of ballads. Some were dedicated and sent to my favourite football team (okay, I was young!). One went to my favourite player - and when I say went, it did actually land in his hands because a friend of mine (although I did question the friendship after I found out! LOL) read it to him and then gave it to him. Thank goodness I only heard this second hand. I would have died of embarrassment!! I entered contests. I wrote short stories, racy things, letters to the editor (and other important people).

I don't think I've ever stopped but I became more focused on writing for work and less for pleasure. And what I did for pleasure was only for my eyes, or select friends. Did time get scarce? I think that although I scribbled on occasion, my writing lessened.

And then I had a few years where my life took dramatic flicks, twists and turns.

After that, I wrote to sort my head out. I couldn't get the muddle out any other way. In doing this, I opened up to my creativity again.

A friend challenged me to write a book. And this is how I ended up in romance. She suggested a Mills and Boon would be easiest because it was short, we had a start and a finish and I just had to fill in the middle. You know what? It sounded so simple.

I hadn't read a Mills and Boon in at least ten years when I started. Romance wasn't a genre I knew, much less read. I think the only books I associated with romance were Mills and Boon. My... how I've changed! How my knowledge has grown!

Romance is in almost every single book in every genre, in some form. It's a universal theme. It's something that makes life interesting. It's fascinating, intriguing and completely weird (in a good way!).

I should know a fair bit about romance because my maternal grandparents were nicknamed 'the newlyweds' when they were in a nursing home towards the end of their lives. My paternal grandparents were not demonstrative in their love but I knew they loved each other. My parents were not like newlyweds in their affections but they showed affection and I knew they loved one another. I've listened to countless friends with broken hearts, or in the early jittery stages of romance. I should know about romance.

But like I said on Friday, I missed something somewhere in my life. I'm not terribly romantic (actually I'm hopeless). I don't even think to do romantic things. I don't easily remember dates or events. I'm missing the romance gene!

I probably write romance for the same reason I write sex - to understand what I missed out on naturally knowing!

Has it helped me? So far I think I'm only doing the sex part, as I don't think my stories are terribly romantic. I'm only starting on the learning, ask me in a few more years!!

How about you, are you a romantic?

Phallic Friday - why write sex?

I've just been listening to the ABC Radio National podcast of the Brisbane Writers Festival, in particular the panel with Helene Young, Amy Andrews and Sarah Wendell (which is about 75% of the way through the program below).

Here’s a link to the audio of the hour long discussion.
http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/weekendarts/antony-funnell—romance-fiction/4915208

While listening I started thinking about why I write, why romance, and why sex? Since it's Friday, I'll just answer the "Why Sex?" question and look at the others on Sunday.

Why do I write about sex?

I write to understand things, primarily. The theme I find most prevalent in everything I write is - self discovery. So that's something I'm passionate about and something I'm endeavouring to understand. How do you discover who you are? And when you do discover it, how much do you hold tight to it and how much sways with your environment (i.e. the pressures of your life be they family, friends, work, circumstances, etc)? And how much influence does environment have on your sense of self?

A large part of self discovery is sexuality.

I grew up in a conservative, Catholic family with four girls. I went to all girl schools after I was 11 years old. I played sport in all girl teams. I belonged to all girl activities, like Girl Guides. I was an adventurous tomboy compared with my sisters. We had adult male family and friends. I knew boys from church and when I was 17, I joined the church youth group which was mixed.

In those 6 years between the ages of 11 and 17, things changed in the world of boys and girls and I think I largely missed it (probably had my nose in a book!). At 11, the boys and girls played together at my school and it was highly competitive. At 17, I still thought that's what happened and I slipped into it fairly easily. But there weren't any girls playing by the same rules I was. I was still competing with boys and thinking it was an even ground. It didn't take me too long to realise they had huger body bulk and strength to me - I only had to get hurt a few times to work that out. What took me a lot longer to work out is that there wasn't an equal playing field. We weren't playing the same games. Girls were out to snare guys...I just wasn't sure what you did with them when you caught them.

I was pretty useless at the sex game and the flirting. I don't think I worked it out for a long time... actually, I've never worked it out. And that's why I write sex. I'm trying to work out what makes a girl and a guy 'click'. What makes sex fun? What makes the intensity? What keeps you going back for more after rejections? Why is an act that's so awkward, so intensely fascinating? Why is sex with one person so much different to sex with another? What's the chemistry that 'makes' it happen? What did I miss in those 6 years?

I think that's why I write sex...because I just don't 'get' it.

Wildlife Wednesday - butterfly tree

In Exmouth, we took a stroll to the beach that took us through some scrub. There was this scraggly looking tree that seemed to shimmer. I took a photo (but of course it doesn't look as shimmery as it appeared, so you'll have to believe me how shimmery it was :) ) and when we drew closer it was hundreds of butterflies all on the tree.

I've never seen anything like it and I don't know what type of butterflies they are, but it was magnificent.


And although I've looked in my books and online, I still can't find out what they are.