Cate Ellink's Blog, page 72

Phallic Friday - monogamy or not?

I remember as a child, raised in a Catholic upbringing complete with all the strict rules, I discovered what a 'virgin' was (as in the Virgin Mary. I heard so much about her but never knew what this virgin part meant) and was horrified we venerated someone who'd never had sex. I wish I knew what horrified me so much about it...but I was a bit of an animal nut, so it was probably that I knew sex was a 'natural' part of animals' life and so I thought it should be the same for humans. Although, that may be my adult mind justifying a child's feelings that were completely different.

I was determined from that day not to die a virgin. It's something I didn't share with my parents, mind you :) But getting over that Catholic guilt thing wasn't so easy either. I was torn between wanting to do the "right thing" and wanting to do what I felt was right for me.

This seems to be a continuing dilemma in my life. I also did not want to get married. I felt marriage was a male inspired state, to keep women under their control.

So with these strong thoughts, monogamy was not something I aspired to either. I studied environmental biology and animal biology fascinated me. In the animal kingdom there are examples of monogamy (eg swans), polygamy (eg hyenas), and no pairing up at all. I think this should be the same in humans, and I wanted to be in the no pairing up category. I have no maternal desires, and I carry some not pleasant genes, so children were never going to be a part of my life. I had no need for monogamy.

Of course, life always has its laugh at me, and I met a man who is ultra-conservative, firmly believes in marriage and wanted to marry me. I tried to dissuade him. I tried to express my horror. In the end I compromised, and joined society's norm of being married.

I'm not convinced about monogamy, still, but I made a commitment. However, with my writing, I struggle to write a story where my characters end up in a Happy Ever After, because deep down I don't believe it's possible. Yet I've seen it. My parents had a HEA, both sets of my grandparents did. My hubby's parents are still together. I've seen it in action...I should believe it. I should understand it. I should be able to write it. I can't. The best I can do, is a Happy For Now ending.

Do you believe in monogamy? And Happy Ever Afters? Do you think we should mate for life?

Wildlife Wednesday - Egret

I think this is the Little Egret, but it could also be the Cattle Egret. I'm leaning towards Little Egret because they're most often seen singly, and the Cattle Egret usually stick in a bunch.

And once again, I snuck out of my backyard on to the river, but it's close!

Breeding occurs in colonies with other waterbirds. A scanty nest of sticks is built over water. Both sexes incubate the eggs. Before fledging, the young birds are able to climb around or roost in branches near the nest.

The Little Egret feeds on a wide variety of invertebrates, as well as fish and amphibians. The Little Egret hunts in shallow water by shuffling a foot to stir up aquatic prey, which it then takes in a lightning-fast movement. It also chases small fish with its wings raised.

If it's the Cattle Egret though, they eat: grasshoppers, especially during breeding season, but eats many other invertebrates. It also eats frogs, cane toads, lizards and some small mammals. Its sharp bill is used in a lunging and stabbing manner. It often feeds by following large animals such as cattle, grabbing insects and worms that they disturb with their feet. They also will sit on cattle to look out for insects.

Cattle Egret pairs are monogamous for the breeding season, and they breed in colonies, usually with other waterbirds. Their shallow platform nests are made in wetland areas in trees and bushes, usually as high up as possible. Both parents build the nest and incubate the eggs, with one brood per season being raised.

If you want more information, I found some here at the Birds in Backyards website.

Sunday Story

Last Sunday I talked about Critique Partners. This week I want to talk about something similar, but more.

RWA is an organisation like no other I've been in. The support from this group is phenomenal. No question is silly. Everything is answered with as much detail as you can handle, and then some! No one is better than anyone else. Everyone is kind, helpful, considerate and overly giving. Sure, there are a couple of bad eggs, but surprisingly few.

RWA is a mixture of writers at varying stages. When I joined I was a complete novice. Five years later, I still feel the same way about the organisation as I did then. It matters not where you are on your writing journey, you fit in... even if you think you don't.

This is an example of what I mean. I've had the incredible experience of published authors assisting my writing (not one, a few can you believe!?). Each time, it's pushed my writing forward in a huge leap. It's often been when I've stalled. I can't find how to make my writing better, yet I'm not winning, not getting picked up. Then along comes this miracle, someone experienced and knowledgeable, who critiques my work, and shows me about a million ways to improve.

Sometimes it comes through an anonymous contest judge. A mentor in a program (like 5DI, or IWS). An idea that's built upon. A random email. I've never expected it. It kind of falls in my lap through some good fortune, for which I will be forever grateful.

If I wasn't in RWA, and probably if I wasn't an active member, this would never have happened. It's the most incredible experience.

So, if you're writing on your own. Stalled. Or unsure where to go. Join RWA. Get involved. Meet people. Chat. Ask questions. Be interested. You just never know what might fall in your lap.

Phallic Friday - circumcision

To cut or not to cut? This is a huge medical question and I'm not going to get into the debate. I just want to ask about it, from a story writing perspective - is it important?

Because of changing medical decisions about circumcision, there are age brackets of men who are, or who aren't, with a few bucking the trend. In my age group, most men are circumcised. To meet an uncut man is unusual.

I've been thinking about this in stories. Most don't mention the penis status, yet I think it's a missed detail. It's also something we as a society often don't talk about.

I have a couple of funny stories about this topic.

I worked with a lady who emigrated to Australia from a European country where men were generally uncircumcised. She got a job as a nurse's aid in a hospital and was asked to wash a male patient. When she got to his penis, he was circumcised and she had never seen a circumcised penis before. She went to get her superior, thinking the man had some awful injury. She told me she had never been so embarrassed in her life.

Another story. I shared an office with 2 guys. We were pretty open and discussed all manner of things. They were both married with kids and treated me like their kid sister. A show started on TV called "Sex" where all manner of topics were addressed. We used to discuss the show the next day. There had been a segment about circumcision and we were discussing it (we're scientists, so it was quite a medical-type discussion of the pros and cons). During the discussion, one of the fellows said, "Well, what exactly is it?" We were speechless. Then I said, "Maybe you two should go to the mens room and sort this out." But the other guy bolted, guffawing loudly. I was left to explain what circumcision was - and all I could be thankful for was that this guy had daughters!! (I don't know if he was pulling my leg or not, but I think not. He was a farm boy, but incredibly naive and shy.)

So, in my mind, discussing and describing the penis is important. I also think the same about women's vaginas, especially when I look at the statistics about vaginoplasties - it's horrific. I'll make a start on penis description... and try to have a mixture of circumcised and uncircumcised heroes. One day I may have words enough to describe women too!

Is body part description important to you? Is cut or uncut important?

Wildlife Wednesday - wren

I snuck down to the beach for this photo even though I have wrens in my backyard. The ones in my backyard are camera shy, whereas at the beach they're quite happy to pose!

This is a female superb blue wren (well, I'm pretty sure it is, there's a tiny niggle that it's not, only because I didn't see any males down there, but the males are in my yard so maybe they don't like the beach and cameras!).

Here's a bit of info about them.
They live as a family group.Only the mother sits on the eggs. The others in the group feed and protect the nestlings once hatched, leaving the mother to lay up to three broods per season.Wrens have relatively weak powers of flight but long legs, so they spend most of their time on the ground or in shrubs, going in a series of hops as they gather food.They forage in groups - that way, insects disturbed by one bird may fall victim to another.Nest building is done entirely by the female in 3-4 days, using spiders' webs, fine twigs and grass then lined with wool, feathers or animal hair.

Sunday Story - crit partners

I belong to Romance Writers of Australia (RWA or RWAus to distinguish it from RWAmerica) and when I joined, there was a Critique Partner Scheme. You filled in a survey to see what level you were at, what you considered your strengths and weaknesses to be, and how much work you wanted to swap. Then "Dexter" (if you're old enough to remember the TV show "Perfect Match") aka Rachel, linked you up with a fellow member (or a member from RWNZ) of a similar standard but with different strengths to you.

When I join things, I get involved. I immerse myself completely. Needless to say, I was in. I received 4 crit partners (CP) in fairly quick succession. The idea is that you see who matches and nicely discard those who don't and keep those who do. I was discarded by 1, but I kept the remaining 3 people. I can't discard people. They come into your life for a reason.

Since then, I've collected people I've met through RWA. I have a bunch of friends and we all swap work and critique each others' stories. It's a way to push yourself forwards. Although we all started at about the same level, we learn differently, do different courses, attend different conference sessions, read different books, grow and change at different paces. So as well as pushing yourself forwards, your CP also pulls you forward. As they learn something, they teach it to you by finding it in your work and suggesting how to fix it, or adding what's missing.

If you're a writer, it's fairly much a solo experience. When you have CPs, although the writing is solo, you have people there with you. People who can brainstorm ideas. People who can fix spelling and grammar. People who find plot holes you missed (even if they're 10 ft wide!). People who notice when a character does something uncharacteristic. People who notice when you use the same phrasing, word, expression.

I could not live without my collection of CPs. They're my cheer squad, my supporters, my fail safes, and my friends. Thanks for being there CPs.

Phallic Friday - vibes

Are vibrators part and parcel of your every day life?

I'm writing a sex romp story, where the people meet on holidays. I almost wrote a scene with a vibrator, then I thought - would I take a vibe on holidays with me? My answer is no. It's only a fortnight holiday, surely you can do without a vibe for that long. But is that a fair assumption?

I've read plenty of stories with vibes in handbags, luggage, taken into the wilderness, etc etc. But I don't usually carry a handbag. My luggage struggles to meet limits without adding in sex toys. If I was going on a wilderness trip, vibrators would be the last thing I'd think of. I'd be packing that space with first aid, or food, or an extra jumper or socks!!

Sex toys are a part of my life, but they aren't all of my life. They're for special occasions, a bit of extra fun, a quickie when there's no one around, something to add some spice when needed. Maybe that's odd. Maybe I'm odd.

In TV shows or movies, and often when vibes are described, they're small, "like a silver bullet" (although I imagine a very large bullet here), they'd fit into your hand to hide. And maybe that's where I'm on the wrong track. Maybe I need to think small vibe, not the big whoopers with clit teasers and heavy duty motion. But seriously, what fun do you have with a small vibe? Is it that much different to a finger? Fingers are portable, take no extra space, work pretty well. Or have we moved into sex that's not messy, that's cool and small and compact, leaving nothing a tissue can't clean?

Since I'm writing this sex romp, and as I wouldn't take a vibe on holidays, I didn't write the scene with one. But I keep thinking that I might have this wrong...

If you wrote the scene, would you have included a vibe?

Wildlife Wednesday - another mystery bug

I like bugs...but as for knowing what they are, I have no idea. This bug I found when I was fishing on the river with my Dad. I've no idea what he is but he's interesting. He would have been about 2 cm long - so pretty small - and his orange head was quite bright. The wings looked like the finest tissue paper. For something so tiny, they are remarkably put together. So much detail, so many tiny articulated joints, such beauty.

Do you know what my bug is?

Avon Romance Tasty Summer Reads Blog Hop

Lily Malone tagged me for this blog hop - even though it's winter here, I thought I should do it! It began with the Avon authors and you can read the start here if you want to (it could be a good way to collect some recipes!).

What's this all about?
Well, as I understand it, these blog hops are linked back to each other, so it's designed as a way to build up traffic to your website, make people aware of your books, and to generate a following. This blog hop has a recipe included, so it's giving something back to the people who follow the hops.

I'm supposed to tag 5 people to continue this, but I'm not a fan of these chain-letter-things. However, if you'd like to be tagged, please let me know and I'll amend this to include you :)

My Work In Progress
This is nameless at the moment but it's a fun sex romp, set on Lord Howe Island, with two sporty people - a retired Olympic triathlete, Samantha, and a rugby league player, Cooper. I didn't want to go for a huge angsty conflict novel, I wanted a fun story with lots of sex. I'm halfway through writing/editing it. I'll let you know when it's ready to see the world.

Five Tasty Questions
1. When writing are you a snacker? If so, sweet or salty?
I don't snack while writing or I'd no longer fit in my house! I do drink tea, by the bucketful!

2. Are you an outliner or someone who flies by the seat of their pants? Are they real pants or jammies?
Seat of my pants. If I plan, then I get bored and the story is done in my head and is never written. So I have to zoom off into the unknown, write like fury, and then spends months fixing it up! I'm a tracksuit person when I'm writing.

3. When cooking or baking, do you follow the recipe exactly or wing it? 
I wing it. Even if a recipe book is open, I'm a bit slap-dash about it. I like to experiment too. I like having some taste ideas in my head then mixing flavours to get it. I'm more success than failure, thank goodness!

4. What is next for you after this book?
After this book, I have one about fellatio to finish. Then I have one on fetishes that's started but is still fermenting in my mind.

5. Last Question...on a level of one being slightly naughty to ten being whoo whoo steamy, where does your book land?
10 - I like whoo whoo steamy!

RECIPE for Banana and Mashmallow
This is a great summer dessert.

You need: 
3 bananas
8 oz mashmallows (I use a whole pack and doesn't matter if they're coloured or not)
1/4 cup lemon juice
1/2 cup walnuts
1/4 cup orange juice
1 cup whipped cream 9or thickened cream)

What to do:
Chop up walnuts.
Quarter all the mashmallows (I use a knife dipped in hot water - but it's messy!)
Chop bananas into slices. 
Mix all the ingredients together.
Refrigerate.

You have to eat this within 2 days or the bananas go brown - but it's not usually a problem! It may not look pretty but it's a taste sensation - and a family recipe, I didn't wing it :)
  

Sunday Story - The Story Guy

Ooooohhhhh.... this book is gorgeous - sensual, unusual, well written and heart warming (and heart wrenching).

Mary Ann Rivers writes blog posts with the Wonkomance girls and without fail, they are thoughtful, sensual and well-written. They're the type of blog posts that make mine look hastily thrown together with little thought put into them. Her posts make me want to do more, achieve more, think more... she makes me want to be a better person.

And so does her book.

If you want to treat yourself, then this is a great investment. I might even re-read it - it's just so beautiful.