Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 69
November 25, 2013
Ear Assault
Here's a little news before I begin my story about something you might want to do if you're an author:Milo James Fowler is hosting a Freebies special – Tis More Blessed. “If you have a book/eBook/short story/collection you'd like to give away or raffle off on Friday December 6th, Friday the 13th, Friday the 20th, or Friday the 27th, just enter your name and the date(s) of your giveaway under Link Title.”
I'll be giving away copies of my books on each of the Fridays, so be sure to stop by at my place, and all the other author's places for a chance to win books.
And now for the story:
I was driving my kids around town today. We had several stops, which meant they had to spend a lot of time in the car. To break the monotony, they decided it would be great fun to belt out songs that were on the radio.
I grimaced. "Kids, that's insulting to my ears! Can you be a little quieter and less scratchy?"
"No, Mama," my son said. "I'm going to be the best singer in the world! I need to practice."
"Yeah, mom. We're rock stars!" my daughter chimed in.
They shouted the lyrics at the top of their lungs.
"Could you at least sing in tune?" I implored, wishing I had a pair of headphones to block out the cacophony.
"We are in tune," said my son.
"Okay. Maybe it's the music selection. How about you sing something like Beethoven's ninth symphony?"
I saw my daughter grimace in the rear view mirror. "No, Mom. That music makes my ears bleed!"
"Your ears?" I said. "What about mine?"
"Yeah. I think Beethoven's ninth would make your ears bleed, too!"
Oy gewalt!
November 24, 2013
Chubby Bunny Marshmallow Challenge
I was driving my daughter and her friend to school the other day, when her friend had this remark: "Mrs. Ellis, I did the Chubby Bunny Marshmallow challenge!"
"The what?" I asked.
"The Chubby Bunny Marshmallow challenge. You have to put a marshmallow in your mouth and say, 'chubby bunny.' You keep adding marshmallows until you can't do it any more."
"Seriously?" I couldn't believe people would do something so stupid.
"Mom, I want to try," my daughter said.
"Forget it. I don't need any of my kids choking on marshmallows!"
She was very disappointed.
So ladies and gentlemen, in case you're curious, here is a fine example of the Chubby Bunny Marshmallow challenge:
(By the way, my daughter's friend only managed to stuff in two marshmallows.)
"The what?" I asked.
"The Chubby Bunny Marshmallow challenge. You have to put a marshmallow in your mouth and say, 'chubby bunny.' You keep adding marshmallows until you can't do it any more."
"Seriously?" I couldn't believe people would do something so stupid.
"Mom, I want to try," my daughter said.
"Forget it. I don't need any of my kids choking on marshmallows!"
She was very disappointed.
So ladies and gentlemen, in case you're curious, here is a fine example of the Chubby Bunny Marshmallow challenge:
(By the way, my daughter's friend only managed to stuff in two marshmallows.)
November 22, 2013
Mac and Cheese - Bubba Style
My boy, Bubba, came home from school, absolutely starving. Unfortunately, I was on an important phone call, and couldn't really stop to cook. I boiled a pot of water and dumped some macaroni noodles in while I was on the phone.
"Mama, the noodles are ready," he said as the kitchen timer went off.
I had enough time to turn the timer off, but then I had to shuffle through paperwork to give some information to the person I was talking to.
Apparently, Bubba couldn't wait. He took over operations and made the mac and cheese his way.
When I got off the phone, I looked in the pot. "Bubba, what's this?" Powdered cheese was floating on the surface of the water, while the noodles were clumped on the bottom of the pot.
"Mac and cheese. I'm hungry, Mama. I couldn't wait."
"Okay, Bubba, this isn't exactly how you make mac and cheese. You're supposed to drain the noodles first, and then add milk and butter."
Bubba shrugged. "Just fix it, Mama. You know how."
Right.
I drained the noodles, attempted to mix them with the remaining powdered cheese, added a little butter, and dumped it on a plate. "There you go, Bubba."
He tasted them. "Hmmm," he said. "Not bad, but I think it needs a little salt and pepper."
"Coming right up," I said.
I handed him the seasonings, which he sprinkled over the top. Then he tasted it. "Perfect, Mama. See. I know how to cook mac and cheese!"
"Mama, the noodles are ready," he said as the kitchen timer went off.
I had enough time to turn the timer off, but then I had to shuffle through paperwork to give some information to the person I was talking to.
Apparently, Bubba couldn't wait. He took over operations and made the mac and cheese his way.
When I got off the phone, I looked in the pot. "Bubba, what's this?" Powdered cheese was floating on the surface of the water, while the noodles were clumped on the bottom of the pot.
"Mac and cheese. I'm hungry, Mama. I couldn't wait."
"Okay, Bubba, this isn't exactly how you make mac and cheese. You're supposed to drain the noodles first, and then add milk and butter."
Bubba shrugged. "Just fix it, Mama. You know how."
Right.
I drained the noodles, attempted to mix them with the remaining powdered cheese, added a little butter, and dumped it on a plate. "There you go, Bubba."
He tasted them. "Hmmm," he said. "Not bad, but I think it needs a little salt and pepper."
"Coming right up," I said.
I handed him the seasonings, which he sprinkled over the top. Then he tasted it. "Perfect, Mama. See. I know how to cook mac and cheese!"
November 21, 2013
The Reading Fort
I think my nine-year-old son has an obsession with pillows. He insisted on having a huge pile of them stacked up around him before he started reading his book.
"Bubba," I said. "There's no way you're going to be able to read with all those pillows practically covering up your head!"
"I can read, Mama," he assured me.
I looked at the kid. I could barely see him, and I wasn't convinced that he was actually reading in there. "Bubba, please read out loud so I know you're doing what you're supposed to be doing."
He started reading. It seemed he actually was reading the words on the pages. Fifteen minutes later, he was done. He dug himself out of the pillow pile and plopped the book on the table.
"Was it really necessary to make a pillow fort like that?" I asked.
"Yeah, you never know when one of the monsters might jump out of the book and come looking for you!"
"Bubba," I said. "There's no way you're going to be able to read with all those pillows practically covering up your head!"
"I can read, Mama," he assured me.
I looked at the kid. I could barely see him, and I wasn't convinced that he was actually reading in there. "Bubba, please read out loud so I know you're doing what you're supposed to be doing."
He started reading. It seemed he actually was reading the words on the pages. Fifteen minutes later, he was done. He dug himself out of the pillow pile and plopped the book on the table.
"Was it really necessary to make a pillow fort like that?" I asked.
"Yeah, you never know when one of the monsters might jump out of the book and come looking for you!"
November 19, 2013
The Wild Deer Chase
We have quite a few deer living in the woods behind our house. They make an appearance every morning. Usually, it's rather uneventful. They eat their leaves and retreat into the forest. Not this morning. This morning it was massive chaos, because this morning, our crazy German Shepherd, Schultz, decided it would be a lot of fun to chase the deer.
I took him out at six o'clock in the morning, when it was still dark, to do his business. Unbeknownst to me, the entire herd was grazing in my backyard. Schultz spotted them immediately. There was no way I could hold the hundred pound beast back.
He charged. I heard the deer scatter. He chased them into the woods. And out.
"Schultz!" I bellowed as two deer ran past me.
Schultz was in hot pursuit of another one. The deer came toward me and quickly swerved when she spotted me.
"Schultz, come!"
Fortunately, the beast is a well-trained creature. He skidded to a stop. The deer ran off to who-only-knows where, and Schultz followed me into the house, with a big doggy grin and his tongue nearly dragging on the ground.
Crazy dog!
I took him out at six o'clock in the morning, when it was still dark, to do his business. Unbeknownst to me, the entire herd was grazing in my backyard. Schultz spotted them immediately. There was no way I could hold the hundred pound beast back.
He charged. I heard the deer scatter. He chased them into the woods. And out.
"Schultz!" I bellowed as two deer ran past me.
Schultz was in hot pursuit of another one. The deer came toward me and quickly swerved when she spotted me.
"Schultz, come!"
Fortunately, the beast is a well-trained creature. He skidded to a stop. The deer ran off to who-only-knows where, and Schultz followed me into the house, with a big doggy grin and his tongue nearly dragging on the ground.
Crazy dog!
November 18, 2013
Anchorman Bubba
My family and I went to the CNN studios in Atlanta for a grand tour of the place. It was pretty interesting. My nine-year-old son, Bubba, thought the cameras were really cool. So when the tour guide asked for a volunteer to come up and be an anchorman, my son raised his hand right away. And of course, because he's a cute kid, he got picked.
He marched up and parked himself at the big desk. The tour guide operated the teleprompter while the cameras rolled. He read his script like a real professional. Then came the end - the part where the anchorman gives his name.
Bubba, with a huge grin on his face, said, "This has been, Insert Name Here, reporting for CNN news."
Everybody cracked up. It was so funny!
So ladies and gentlemen, in about twenty years, if you're watching CNN news and you see a young man reporting as, Insert Name Here, you'll know it's my boy.
He marched up and parked himself at the big desk. The tour guide operated the teleprompter while the cameras rolled. He read his script like a real professional. Then came the end - the part where the anchorman gives his name.
Bubba, with a huge grin on his face, said, "This has been, Insert Name Here, reporting for CNN news."
Everybody cracked up. It was so funny!
So ladies and gentlemen, in about twenty years, if you're watching CNN news and you see a young man reporting as, Insert Name Here, you'll know it's my boy.
November 17, 2013
Playing Chess with Bubba
"Mama," my nine-year-old son asked. "Will you play chess with me?"
I didn't realize the kid knew how to play chess. "Okay," I said. "One game."
We got out the chess board and set up the pieces. Surprisingly, he remembered what I had taught him a long time ago. He was doing pretty well. After about a half hour, I was getting tired of the game. I also had a ton of things to do, so I decided to make a bold move and see what happened. I moved my queen all the way up the board and parked her right next to his king. "Check," I said.
I wondered if he would knock her off with his king. He didn't. He took his bishop and knocked off my rook.
"Check mate," I said on my next move, capturing his king and winning the game.
"That's not fair!" Bubba complained.
"What do you mean, it's not fair?" I said. "You could've gotten my queen!"
"You didn't tell me I could get the queen. I thought I had to get the rook. Redo!"
"No redo, Bubba. Mama rules. And that's that!"
I didn't realize the kid knew how to play chess. "Okay," I said. "One game."
We got out the chess board and set up the pieces. Surprisingly, he remembered what I had taught him a long time ago. He was doing pretty well. After about a half hour, I was getting tired of the game. I also had a ton of things to do, so I decided to make a bold move and see what happened. I moved my queen all the way up the board and parked her right next to his king. "Check," I said.
I wondered if he would knock her off with his king. He didn't. He took his bishop and knocked off my rook.
"Check mate," I said on my next move, capturing his king and winning the game.
"That's not fair!" Bubba complained.
"What do you mean, it's not fair?" I said. "You could've gotten my queen!"
"You didn't tell me I could get the queen. I thought I had to get the rook. Redo!"
"No redo, Bubba. Mama rules. And that's that!"
November 15, 2013
Cry Baby
I was sitting at my computer, doing my thing (whatever that is), when I heard a baby crying. On and on the baby went. Clearly, he was quite upset. After ten minutes of listening to this, I wondered why the baby was still outside and why he was still crying. What's up with this, and where's the Mom? I thought.
I got up to investigate.
I went to the back door. That's when I saw the baby. He was on my deck, wailing away.
What? you ask.
Yes. The "baby" was none other than our cat, Bootsy. Another tom cat had come up on the deck (Bootsy's territory) and parked himself there. Bootsy was not happy! It took me a minute to get over the shock that my cat sounded exactly like a human baby. But then I got into mom mode and chased off the intruder.
The baby stopped crying, curled himself in a little ball, and resumed his nap.
Another Mama job well-done!
I got up to investigate.
I went to the back door. That's when I saw the baby. He was on my deck, wailing away.
What? you ask.
Yes. The "baby" was none other than our cat, Bootsy. Another tom cat had come up on the deck (Bootsy's territory) and parked himself there. Bootsy was not happy! It took me a minute to get over the shock that my cat sounded exactly like a human baby. But then I got into mom mode and chased off the intruder.
The baby stopped crying, curled himself in a little ball, and resumed his nap.
Another Mama job well-done!
November 14, 2013
A Win-Win Situation
When my nine-year-old son does his homework, I have to sit next to him, supervising. If I don't, his mind has a tendency to wander, and the work doesn't get done. Last night I sat next to him at the kitchen table. But instead of doing his homework, he was goofing around, looking out the window and humming songs.
"Bubba. You need to focus, or you're never going to finish!" I said.
"Maybe I'll focus if you stop watching me," he answered.
"Fine. I have lots of work to do, anyway," I said getting up. "Go ahead and work on this yourself."
"But Mama, you have to stay."
"Why do I have to stay?" I asked.
"Because your presence helps me focus. Just don't watch me."
Okay.
So I closed my eyes and took a little nap at the kitchen table while he did his homework. Not a bad deal - I get some rest, and he gets his work done!
"Bubba. You need to focus, or you're never going to finish!" I said.
"Maybe I'll focus if you stop watching me," he answered.
"Fine. I have lots of work to do, anyway," I said getting up. "Go ahead and work on this yourself."
"But Mama, you have to stay."
"Why do I have to stay?" I asked.
"Because your presence helps me focus. Just don't watch me."
Okay.
So I closed my eyes and took a little nap at the kitchen table while he did his homework. Not a bad deal - I get some rest, and he gets his work done!
November 12, 2013
Schultz vs. Sponge Bob Square Pants
Schultz, our hundred pound German Shepherd, had a romp with the oh-so-famous cartoon character, Sponge Bob Square Pants. And it didn't go so well for the sponge guy. Let me tell you about it.
My kids inflated a Sponge Bob Square Pants punching balloon - a huge yellow thing with Sponge Bob's trademark smiling face and buck teeth. They proceeded to punch the heck out of it. Schultz heard the commotion and came in to investigate. Of course he wanted a piece of the action.
He jumped on that thing, causing the kids to release it and run away. It was all Schultz's after that! He chased it with his mouth wide open, ready to sink his fangs into Sponge Bob if he caught him. Sponge Bob ran for his life, bouncing against tables and walls. This went on for almost ten minutes. Finally, Schultz cornered the big yellow thing. He pounced and took a bite out of Sponge Bob's eyeball.
Let's just say after that, SpongeBob was no more. And Schultz, after recovering from a minor heart attack, decided that large yellow punching balloons were not exactly the best toys to play with!
My kids inflated a Sponge Bob Square Pants punching balloon - a huge yellow thing with Sponge Bob's trademark smiling face and buck teeth. They proceeded to punch the heck out of it. Schultz heard the commotion and came in to investigate. Of course he wanted a piece of the action.
He jumped on that thing, causing the kids to release it and run away. It was all Schultz's after that! He chased it with his mouth wide open, ready to sink his fangs into Sponge Bob if he caught him. Sponge Bob ran for his life, bouncing against tables and walls. This went on for almost ten minutes. Finally, Schultz cornered the big yellow thing. He pounced and took a bite out of Sponge Bob's eyeball.
Let's just say after that, SpongeBob was no more. And Schultz, after recovering from a minor heart attack, decided that large yellow punching balloons were not exactly the best toys to play with!
