Sherry Ellis's Blog, page 114

Outdoor Pet Shop

By now, you all know my kids have this thing for collecting animals. They have so many of them, that they decided to open a pet shop. This pet shop is located in the woods behind our house. They have two tanks set up. One has two frogs and 3 tadpoles. The other has a painted turtle (new acquisition). They also made a coral for a box turtle (the same one that my dog tortured the other day. "Mama," my son said. "We're going to sell these things." I looked at him funny. "How could you do that? These are wild animals, and they should be put back in their natural habitat." "But somebody wants to buy the painted turtle for forty bucks." "You're not selling the turtle for any amount of money!" "But, Mom!" "No buts." On second thought, maybe I should show them the garter snake I discovered living in my strawberry patch. It might be nice to get rid of that thing! (And the northern water snake that lives nearby!)

Broken Treasure

My son came running into the house quite distraught. "Mama, my favorite dish is broken!" "What?" I said. I looked at a fragment he held in his hand. It was split in two. "But that's not even a whole dish. Where did you get it?" "I dug it out of the creek," he said. "It's the very first thing I ever found there. It's my special treasure. Can you glue it?" I took the dish piece from him and examined it. "All right. Let me get some super glue." I super glued that thing together so that it was as good as new. (Sort of.) "There you go, big guy," I said, handing him the dish. You should have seen him grinning from ear to ear. Mama saved the day!

The Contraption

My son loves to come up with unusual creations. Today's was rather interesting. He found a long stick, a rope, and some sort of metal ring thing that was about 18 inches in diameter. He tied the rope to the stick, then attached that to the ring. "What the heck is that?" I asked. "You'll see." A few minutes later, his buddy came by. "Here, hold this," my son said, giving him the stick end. My son put himself in the center of the ring. "I'm a horse," he announced. The two boys ran around the yard. The buddy was the driver, and my son was the horse. After a while, they got tired of that game. The buddy decided to turn it into a fishing pole. He cast the line and caught some imaginary fish. Soon, they dropped that thing and headed off to do whatever boys do. Enter the dog. He got a hold of that contraption in his big mouth and started swinging the stick around. He thrashed this way and that. It was scary. "Oh, I get it Schultz. You think it's a weapon of mass destruction!" Only Schultz would come up with such a thing!

Dirty Present

"Woman," my husband said. "I got you a present." "Cool," I said. "What?" "You'll see." A little while later, a dump truck arrived in our driveway. It had a nice pile of steaming mulch to deliver. The driver dumped that thing and took off. Nice. "There you go, woman," my husband said. "Now get mulching!" Ugh. Yeah. That's the nicest thing anyone has ever gotten me. Thanks a lot, honey!

Food Medusa

Yesterday, I was rummaging through the refrigerator to find something to make for dinner. That's when I spotted some tuna steaks. I pulled those things out and started to find a pan. Just then my husband came in the kitchen. "Woman!" he bellowed. "Stay away from the tuna!" "Why?" I asked. "Because you'll destroy them!" "Will not!" I said, getting defensive. "Will, too!" he said. "Don't even look at them. They'll turn to stone!" "What are you talking about?" "You're the food medusa. And you're not going to kill these expensive tuna steaks!" Apparently he was referring to the time I baked the Easter ham with the wrapper still on it. (And the last time I overcooked his fancy filets.) All right. Fine. I'll leave the darn tuna steaks alone. But he's not getting one teeny tiny piece of the chocolate cake I'm baking!

Turtle Muncher

The dog was at it again today.  This time our wayward German Shepherd decided to terrorize a box turtle.  He found one in our yard that apparently had not seen the "Beware of the Dog" sign.  That bad doggy was prancing around with a turtle in his mouth, drooling all over it.

"Schultz!"  I bellowed.  "Drop it!"

He dropped it - right onto the cement patio.  Clunk!

"Schultz, get out of here," I said.  He walked off a little distance and parked his furry bottom on the ground.

I took a look at the turtle.  It was the same one my kids had terrorized last year.  Aside from a new scratch mark on his shell, the turtle looked okay.

"Listen, turtle," I said.  "You really need to think about relocating.  It's going to be another rough summer for you if you don't."

I don't know if he was listening or not.  I took that thing out of our fenced yard and put him in the woods.  "Okay, buddy," I said.  "You're on your own.  Next time read the sign!"   

Snake Bite

I knew that one day, someone was going to get bit by one of the creatures my kids and the neighborhood kids catch.  Fortunately it wasn't me, or my kids.

"Mama!" My daughter came running in the house.  "Bubba's friend got bit by a snake!  I think it was a copperhead!"

Uh oh.  Copperheads are poisoness, so that was not good news.

I ran out to investigate. 

"We have it under the box," my son yelled.

Heck with the snake.  I wanted to know how the kid was.  "Where's your buddy?" I asked.  "Is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's fine."

Hmmm.  Okay.  I figured I should take a look at this snake and see if it was a bad one.  I flipped over the box with a long stick.  There it was, all coiled up, and looking mighty unhappy.  But it was black.  Copperheads are copper.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

"All right, kids.  This is a northern water snake.  Not a copperhead.  Leave it alone.  AND QUIT PLAYING WITH SNAKES!"

Oy!  I think I just got another gray hair!

Splashing in the Bathtub

Last night I told my seven-year-old son to go take a bath.  He was filthy.  As usual.  He went upstairs and took his bath.  When he emmerged, he looked clean and shiney.  He was also in his pajamas.  Okay.  Nothing unusual.  Except he was grinning from ear to ear.  That usually means trouble.

"What did you do?"  I asked.  No use beating around the bush.

He giggled.  "I took a bath with my clothes on."

"What?" I said.  I couldn't believe it.  "Why in the world would you jump in the bathtub with all of your clothes on?"

"I was hot."

Huh?

"Plus my clothes needed to be washed, too."

Oh.

I looked at my goofy son.  "Couldn't you have at least taken your socks off?"

"No.  They were dirty, too."

I went in the bathroom.  On the floor was a sopping wet sweatshirt, a sopping wet pair of jeans, a sopping wet pair of underpants, and  a pair of sopping wet socks.  I picked that dripping wet stuff up and hauled it down to the washing machine for a proper wash.

I tell you, I never know what that kid is going to think of next!

Doggy Quirks

Here's a little something I thought I'd share about my big old German Shepherd (who's not so old).  He's weird!

Let me tell you, he's got some pretty odd quirks.  First of all, he loves  light reflections.  He can stand for hours in a pounce position, staring at one.  When he finds one that moves, he attacks!  It's utterly ridiculous to watch.

He also loves munching ice cubes.  That dog can be sound asleep, and if I go anywhere near the freezer by the ice cube maker, he goes on full alert and charges.  Then he stands there and waits for ice to fall out.  He's very disappointed when it doesn't!

He also has a habit of stepping on  feet.  I don't much like when that hundred pound beast steps on mine.  Especially when I'm playing the violin.  This happens frequently.

One of the newest happened today.  He was outside sitting in the middle of my flower garden (another one of his quirks) when he heard some fire truck sirens.  That goof ball stuck his nose in the air and started howling along.  He didn't stop until the sirens were gone.

I think he needs to go see a doggy psychologist.  What do you think?

  

Tissue Paper Squares

Last week, I went to my son's school to help out in the classroom.  I never know what the teacher is going to have me do.  I usually get an odd assortment of things. 

"Let me see," said the teacher.  Then she pulled out a stack of tissue paper sheets.  And sissors. 

Uh oh.

"Can you please cut these into strips and then make squares with them? Just dump them in this basket when you're done.  Thanks!"

She sent me out in the hall to work on this project.

Yeah, cutting tissue paper into strips, and then cutting them again to make squares is just so much fun!

As I cut, I wondered what on earth the teacher would be doing with these things.  Confetti?  Rainbow hodge podge?  I figured it would be something to do with making a big mess. 

An hour and a half later, I turned in my basket of tissue paper squares.  Glad to be done, I went back home and didn't think about it anymore.

Today, my son came home from school.  And guess what he had?  A small milk carton, cut in half and filled with dirt.  And on that milk carton was glued....tissue paper squares!

"What's this?" I asked.

"A sunflower," my son replied.  "Happy Earth Day!"